stolt077112

Nicole - Your paragraph statement is to the point. However, it might be more beneficial if you are more detailed. After the first sentence you could possibly add more details as to why the level of service is not satisfactory to your desires. Also you may want to consider the phrasing "my need and wants". Your complaint letter is detailed but may be enhanced if you can add or rearrangement of a couple more precise details. Among these details might be to rearrange where you mention how long you have been a customer. The way it is written now is passive, if you move it to the beginning of the sentence it might have a different impact. Also, as far as details are concerned, in the last paragraph you might want to change "by the end of the month" to something more specific "the end of Feb. 2009". Your last sentence in the second paragraph could also possibly re-worded to flow more smoothly. Lastly, you show a company loyalty as you both say you love the concept and express fears that you have about the company. Surly the person on the other end of this letter can relate to you.

uliatrus

Nicole- Your paragraph statement is short and to the point. However, your purpose is, I think, a bit too general. Muabe try to be more specific about what problem you have with Sirius satellite radio, so that you have an idea as to what you wll be writing later in the letter. Your complaint leter is detailed enough for the reader to understand why you are writing and what you would like to be done about the matter. " I have spent a lot of phone time with customer care, whom has not solved my desire to have a radio in my home." This sentense is a bit confusing in the sense that how can they solve your desire? I know what you mean by that, but I think it would be better to replace "solved" for something else. I like how you added that your love teh concept of commercial free radio. It softened the tone of your letter and I am sure would make the customer care want to help you. Also, when you said that Sirius is risking losing you as a customer, you added an extra reason as to why they should help you, which is effective. Adding the deadline (end of the month--Feb or Jan?) was also a good move.

tardy004

Nicole, Your letter was well-organized and got your point across efficiantly, howver there was one area of concern for me. I had to re-read the last sentence of the first paragraph a couple times. Once I read further in the letter it made sense, but you may want to search for ways to re-word it.