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Peer Review Comments

Peer Review Comments

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Published by Mitchell J Stokes

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Published by: Mitchell J Stokes on Dec 05, 2012
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Peer Review CommentsMitchell Stokes
Comments on Ashley King's EIP:Edited By: Mitchell StokesHey! Good Job! Overall, I feel like you got your major points across which is the mostimportant part of this assignment, so kudos. From a writing standpoint, it is obvious that you know therules of writing and how to write. I feel like you struggled the most with the MLA format of the in-textcitations. Some things to consider: If you direct quote, you need a citation. If you paraphrase, you needa citation. If you need a citation, it should look like this → (Authors last name page #) → (Stokes 88)So I would go back and check all of those and see what you can do.I'm going to suggest to you a different approach to writing the paragraph. It is the way that Iwas taught in high school and I think it works great, feel free to use it or not! It is basically how tostructure each of your paragraphs.1.Assertion – This is where you make a statement about what the paragraph is going totalk about.2.Evidence – This is where find a piece of evidence from one of your sources that backsup your assertions and helps you prove whatever point you are trying to make.3.Analysis/Commentary – This is where you take that evidence and write a sentence or two about how it proves your assertion and is helpful to your paper.4.Evidence – This is optional but if you have more evidence you can put it here to further  prove your point5.Analysis/Commentary – Contingent upon whether or not you use a secondary piece oevidence6.Transition – Tie in the paragraph you just wrote with the one that you are going to writenext, leads to hierarchical thinking and a logical progression of ideas.
I hope my comments help, and feel free to let me know if you have any questions about what Iwrote!Comments on Sadie Sutton's EIP:Edited by Mitchell Stokes:Sadie, great job! I really enjoyed reading your paper and learning about the truth behindunderage drinking. Being someone who abstains from alcohol myself, I really resonated with the paper that you wrote and feel that you have a great chance at connecting with people who do drink illegally. Ithought that telling how underage drinking has affected you personally was what really elevated your  project to the next level.There was nothing in your paper that I wanted to change drastically, just a few grammar issueshere and there. Mostly, I just highlighted/made comments about what I thought needed to be changed.Watch those contractions! While they are fun, they should not be used in formal writing assignments(or so I was taught in high school). There really was not anything else that I was majorly concernedwith, except for your in-text citations. I double checked the MLA guide so that I knew what I wassaying, and you must provide a page number for each in-text citation. Here are some of the rules:2.If you direct quote → (Authors last name page #) → (Stokes 10)3.If you paraphrase w/o talking about the author(s) → see above4.If you say “Mitchell Stokes did a blah blah...” → (page #)I am pretty sure that those are the only ones that pertain to your paper. The last thing about citationsthat I have to say is that you should not end with a citation (again, what I was taught in high school).Basically, it is like throwing about a piece of evidence for the reader to think about, and then notfollowing up on it. If you add some writing, even 1 or 2 sentences, after the evidence that you are providing, it will enhance the validity of the evidence and the comprehension of what the evidencemeans for the reader.

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