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A Fool and His Money

A Fool and His Money

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Published by: jabethe on Dec 05, 2012
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Fool and His Money, A
Project Gutenberg's A Fool and His Money, by George Barr McCutcheon #16 in our series by George BarrMcCutcheonCopyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the copyright laws for your country beforedownloading or redistributing this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook.This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it.Do not change or edit the header without written permission.Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the eBook and Project Gutenberg at thebottom of this file. Included is important information about your specific rights and restrictions in how the filemay be used. You can also find out about how to make a donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to getinvolved.
**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**
**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971*******These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!*****Title: A Fool and His MoneyAuthor: George Barr McCutcheonRelease Date: August, 2004 [EBook #6325] [Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] [This filewas first posted on November 26, 2002]Edition: 10Language: EnglishCharacter set encoding: ASCII*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A FOOL AND HIS MONEY ***Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.A FOOL AND HIS MONEYBYGEORGE BARR McCUTCHEONCONTENTS
Fool and His Money, A1
 
CHAPTER
I. I MAKE NO EFFORT TO DEFEND MYSELFII. I DEFEND MY PROPERTYIII. I CONVERSE WITH A MYSTERYIV. I BECOME AN ANCESTORV. I MEET THE FOE AND FALLVI. I DISCUSS MATRIMONYVII. I RECEIVE VISITORSVIII. I RESORT TO DIPLOMACYIX. I AM INVITED OUT TO DINNERX. I AGREE TO MEET THE ENEMYXI. I AM INVITED TO LEND MONEYXII. I AM INFORMED THAT I AM IN LOVEXIII. I VISIT AND AM VISITEDXIV. I AM FORCED INTO BEING A HEROXV. I TRAVERSE THE NIGHTXVI. I INDULGE IN PLAIN LANGUAGEXVII. I SEE TO THE BOTTOM OF THINGSXVIII. I SPEED THE PARTING GUESTXIX. I BURN A FEW BRIDGESXX. I CHANGE GARDEN SPOTSXXI. SHE PROPOSESILLUSTRATIONSIn the aperture stood my amazing neighbour ... FrontispieceI found myself staring as if stupefied at the white figure of a woman who stood in the topmost balcony.I sat bolt upright and yelled: "Get out!"
CHAPTER2
 
We faced each other across the bowl of rosesUp to that moment I had wondered whether I could do it with my left hand
CHAPTER I
I MAKE NO EFFORT TO DEFEND MYSELFI am quite sure it was my Uncle Rilas who said that I was a fool. If memory serves me well he relievedhimself of that conviction in the presence of my mother--whose brother he was--at a time when I was leastcompetent to acknowledge
his
wisdom and most arrogant in asserting my own. I was a freshman in college: afact--or condition, perhaps,--which should serve as an excuse for both of us. I possessed another uncle,incidentally, and while I am now convinced that he must have felt as Uncle Rilas did about it, he was one of those who suffer in silence. The nearest he ever got to openly resenting me as a freshman was when headmitted, as if it were a crime, that he too had been in college and knew less when he came out than when heentered. Which was a mild way of putting it, I am sure, considering the fact that he remained there fortwenty-three years as a distinguished member of the faculty.I assume, therefore, that it was Uncle Rilas who orally convicted me, an assumption justified to some extentby putting two and two together after the poor old gentleman was laid away for his long sleep. He had beenvery emphatic in his belief that a fool and his money are soon parted. Up to the time of his death I had been inno way qualified to dispute this ancient theory. In theory, no doubt, I was the kind of fool he referred to, but inpractice I was quite an untried novice. It is very hard for even a fool to part with something he hasn't got.True, I parted with the little I had at college with noteworthy promptness about the middle of each term, butthat could hardly have been called a fair test for the adage. Not until Uncle Rilas died and left me all of hismoney was I able to demonstrate that only dead men and fools part with it. The distinction lies in the capacityfor enjoyment while the sensation lasts. Dead men part with it because they have to, fools because they wantto.In any event, Uncle Rilas did not leave me his money until my freshman days were far behind me, whereinlies the solace that he may have outgrown an opinion while I was going through the same process. Attwenty-three I confessed that
all
freshmen were insufferable, and immediately afterward took my degree andwent out into the world to convince it that seniors are by no means adolescent. Having successfully passed theage of reason, I too felt myself admirably qualified to look with scorn upon all creatures employed in thebusiness of getting an education. There were times when I wondered how on earth I could have stooped solow as to be a freshman. I still have the disquieting fear that my uncle did not modify his opinion of me until Iwas thoroughly over being a senior. You will note that I do not say he changed his opinion. Modify is theword.His original estimate of me, as a freshman, of course,--was uttered when I, at the age of eighteen, picked outmy walk in life, so to speak. After considering everything, I decided to be a literary man. A novelist or aplaywright, I hadn't much of a choice between the two, or perhaps a journalist. Being a journalist, of course,was preliminary; a sort of makeshift. At any rate, I was going to be a writer. My Uncle Rilas, a hard-headedcustomer who had read Scott as a boy and the Wall Street news as a man,--without being misled byeither,--was scornful. He said that I would outgrow it, there was some consolation in that. He even admittedthat when he was seventeen he wanted to be an actor. There you are, said he! I declared there was a greatdifference between being an actor and being a writer. Only handsome men can be actors, while I--well, bynature I was doomed to be nothing more engaging than a novelist, who doesn't have to spoil an illusion byshowing himself in public.
CHAPTER I3

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