An Excerpt

by Helen Keeble

In which Our Heroine, Xanthe Jane Greene (unexpectedly undead vampire fangirl) makes some resolutions for her new unlife

As a vampire, I solemnly swear I will not:

1) Angst 2) Suck 3) Summon a dark goddess

4) Fall in love with a vampire hunter a) Or a werewolf b) Or anyone evil, no matter how hot. c) Or anyone of species not approved of by my vampire elders, because no one is worth that sort of stress 5) Accept any gifts, give any gifts, carry any messages, take part in any mysterious rituals, etc. etc.

Heres another one, said Mum, sticking a Post-It into the massive tome in her lap. Running backward while carrying a lit candle in one hand and a live tortoise in the other. Makes vampires flee in terror. Thanks, Mum. I didnt bother to look up from my laptop. Id given up making notes on any of her findings over an hour agoEastern European vampire folklore was turning out to be utterly cracktastic. Can I remind you that were looking for ways to stop

vampire hunters, not vampires? When Mum had said shed gone to work to get research materials, she wasnt kidding. Every surface in the living room was piled high with books. This was not unusual, but the familiar physics journals and academic monographs had vanished. In their place: Interview with a Vampire, Dracula, The Vampire in Romanian Legend, Vampire Nation. The Encyclopedia of the Undead, Love Bites, Fourteen Essays on Vampirism, Twilight, Undead and Unwed, Vampires of Stage and Screen, In Search of Dracula . . . everything from huge, leather-bound library reference volumes with cracked spines to shiny new paperbacks with luridly embossed covers. Mum must have checked out every book about vampirism from every library in a thirty-mile radius. I

wasnt quite sure what she was expecting to learn from texts like Marxism and the Vampire, but at least it was keeping her occupied.