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Family PromiseInvolving Children When Volunteering

“ Mommy, why don’t they have a home?”

Introduction

The Family Promise programseeks to help homeless families bycombining safe and comfortablesurroundings with the hospitality of volunteer hosts. Guests benefit frominteraction with compassionatevolunteers who, by their kind deeds,create a homelike atmosphere in their churches and synagogues.Some parents who volunteer choose to bring their children with themduring their hosting shifts. Volunteers’children make a positive contribution tothe program and are welcome, but parents are urged to consider the issuesaddressed in this brochure whendeciding about their children’s participation. Guidelines andsuggestions, based upon the experiencesof program volunteers and their children,are included.Children who come to the program should be there to enhance theexperience of the guests and their children. Volunteers’ children provide amuch needed service when they playwith and occupy guests’ children. Guestsare then free to attend to other responsibilities or take needed time off,while knowing that their children areenjoying themselves.

Families Helping Families

Many volunteers report thatcoming to Family Promise also benefitstheir children. “It gives our kids aconcrete sense of putting our values andour congregation’s values into practice,”comments on mother. Another parentexpresses similar sentiments: “Meetinghomeless people puts human faces onthe ‘issue’ of homelessness; it developschildren’s compassion and tempers their judgments.” It also directly challengesthe stereotypes children (and adults) mayhave about the homeless. A high schoolstudent remarks, “I expected somethingtotally different… Now I realize thatmost homeless people are trying reallyhard to make it.”Many parents who volunteer want their children to learn that helpingothers is a way of life. “The FamilyPromise Program gives our entire familya way to get involved, a place to teachour children that sharing with others is anatural and important part of our familylife.” It leads to the sense of “familieshelping families,” an integral part of the Network’s goals.Another advantage to children’s participation is the sense of “home” theycan create. “It makes the church or synagogue feel a lot homier, with kidsrunning around,” a coordinator comments. It can also establish acommon bond between hosts and guests.“Talking about your kids when they’reout there playing together really helps break the ice,” notes a new volunteer. “Itgives everyone a sense of community,showing we’re not so different fromeach other.”

Hosting With Children

While most families have goodexperiences hosting together, there mayalso be difficulties. Children canenhance the sense of “home” thatvolunteers try to bring to their churchesand synagogues, but too many childrenmay create so much noise and confusionthat the homelike atmosphere isundermined, especially if volunteers’children are not well disciplined or donot abide by the facility’s rules.Another issue concerns howvolunteers’ children affect guests.Sometimes children ask inappropriatequestions, such as “Why don’t you havea house?” or “What do you do with allyour things?” While most people areunderstanding of this, it is important for children to realize that what they say canhurt or embarrass others.Parents will also want to consider the effect of hosing on their children.Sometimes children, particularlyyounger ones, develop fears that theywill become homeless and may be afraidto return to the church or synagogue.While parents will want their children todevelop empathy and compassion for guests by focusing on their similarities,some children may need to concentrateon the differences between their own andguests’ families in order to feel securethat their family will not wind uphomeless also.To preclude problems, childrenwho accompany their parents to the program should be given someorientation to the Family Promise program. Parents should give their children age-appropriate information sothat 1) they will be unlikely to do or saythings that would be offensive or hurtfulto guest families; and 2) they willunderstand the program and the problemwell enough so that they will notdevelop unreasonable fears as a result of their participation.

Guidelines for Involving Children inthe Program

1.Thoughtfully consider whether or not your children shouldaccompany you to your volunteer shift. Do not bring them simply because no babysitter isavailable. Make decisions aboutchildren’s participation first andthen plan ahead.2.Contact the coordinator or personwho schedules your shift todetermine the number and agesof children (both guests andvolunteers” who will be present.To keep the noise and activitylevel within reasonable bounds,there should not be a largenumber of volunteer children atany one time. Having an entirereligious education class or other group of children come in at onceis not recommended, unless thereis a special activity requiring agroup. Avoid any situations inwhich guests may feel likethey’re “on parade.”3.Be conscious of the effect of your children on guests andguests’ children. Don’t let your child wear expensive clothes or the latest fashion fad. Don’t bringtoys or games to play with thatyou intend to take home withyou. On the other hand, a childmay want to give some of his or

her things away as gifts to guests’children. This should bemonitored so that 1) the childdoes not get carried away; and 2)guest children are not stigmatized by not being able to material giftsin return.4.Recognize that children will pick up on your cues in response tothe program. That is , if you arecomfortable and at ease, your children a re more likely to adapteasily. Parents should havereceived adequate training andfeel comfortable in their volunteer roles. If such is not thecase, parents should discuss their concerns with the coordinator or seek further training. Older adolescents may also beinterested in participating in the program volunteer training program.5.Be aware of your children’sresponse to the program. Talk things over, but do not insist ontheir participation if they areresistant.

Suggestions for Helping ChildrenUnderstand the Program

Less than 3 years old:

It is notrecommended that parents bring infantsor very young children to the program.They require constant attention and arenot able to engage in independent play.

3-5 years old:

Some children between ages three and five may beoutgoing enough to play with other children without constant supervision, but parent’s discretion is advised. If preschoolers do accompany their parentsto the program, parents may want to saysomething like, “We’re going to our (church/synagogue) to visit with somefamilies there.” (Of course, parents willwant to answer, as simply as possible,any questions that do come up.) Parentsmust be sure that children know how to behave properly and understand thefacility’s rules about what toys, games,and activities are available to them.

6-10 years old:

Six to ten year olds will probably have many questions:Why are they homeless? Who helps?Why doesn’t the bank lend them money?How do the kids go to school? Childrenof this age usually relate easily to other kids and will have fun playing together.Parents should prepare them by tellingthem, in simple terms, how the programhelps homeless families. Children shouldunderstand that families who stay in the program are special “guests” of their congregation and not “the homeless.”Children of this age can understand thatguests are living through a difficult timeand that they may be sensitive abouttheir situation. Teach children not ask theguests personal questions or to talk atlength about their own home and/or possessions. Tell children that you willdiscuss their questions, feelings andreactions at home, and make timeavailable to do so.

11-14 years old:

Preteens andyoung teens tend to be self-conscious;they may feel embarrassed and awkwardrelating to guests of the same age.However, they can make a wonderfulcontribution if their feelings andquestions are dealt with. They are oldenough to help with homework or organize activities for younger childrenand not too old to enjoy playing. Theymay also help with table setting andclearing, or Sunday setup and cleanup.

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