MEMO: 4

February 2009Advice and guidance to volunteers seeking topromote David in the blogosphere

Dear Friends of DavidIt has come to David’s notice that there could be more of an effort made by supporters of David to get David’smessage across and, of course, to promote David’s policies and defend David’s Shadow Cabinet.Therefore, David has graciously asked me to offer upsome advice so that when you leave comments on political blogs, you do so for maximum glorification of David and of David’s Fight to Free Us From the Yoke of Socialism.1.When commenting, don’t let on that you’ve been amember of David’s Party since Churchill. Pretendthat you’re in your twenties.2.Leave the impression that you are a recent convert toDavidism, or even better, a former Labour voter; this

David’s Party

will make any journalist reading your comment believe that David is appealing to unbelievers.3.Try to avoid referring to the recession in other countries, particularly America (we don’t want to addany credence to the Dark Lord’s regular statementsthat the economic crisis began there, do we?).4.It is important that every Wednesday, as soon as possible after PMQs – or before it, if you prefer – you criticise the Dark Lord for refusing to answer any of David’s questions. The more of you who makethis claim, the less transparent it will be that there is aDavid’s Party strategy afoot.5.Try to highlight, at every opportunity, anydisagreement between government ministers, even on policy or philosophical detail. Such disagreementsmust be described as “splits”, “rivalries”, disunity”,etc.6.Try to dismiss, at every opportunity, anydisagreement between David and Ken Clarke, evenon substantial policy or philosophical matters. Suchdisagreements must be described as “healthy debate”,“openness”, “normal blokes having a discussion,innit?”, etc7.If possible, stick to the “Labour inherited a golden

legacy” line. If an enemy comment points out thateven after the government’s stimulus package,national debt as a percentage of GDP is still less thanin May 1997, say that “every Labour governmentleaves office with higher unemployment than when itentered” and then scarper.8.Feel free to become very indignant on David’s behalf – furious, even – when any Labour blogger describesDavid as “Do-nothing”. Our party has a rich historyand proud record of doing nothing in the face of recessions. It is nothing to be ashamed of.9.It is well-known that the very apotheosis of Wildeanhumour in the political blogosphere is to spell Labour as “LieBore” or to equate the government withRobert Mugabe’s Zanu PF party (ie, Zanu-Labour).This not only incredibly clever and witty, but itreminds the public that, although we did bugger all tooppose apartheid, we now have a conscience when itcomes to southern African nations.10.Just a word of encouragement from David Himself:“Look, as I was just saying to an ordinary chap theother day in Woolies, it’s not on, is it, this recession?And we’ve got to get the message out, about globalwarming and puppies and such. And isn’t CarolVorder-thingy just so great?! Most importantly, did