Trifles for a massacre
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He is wicked, he will not go to Paradise,he who dies without having settled all of his accounts – Almanach des Bons-Enfants
The world is full of people who call themselves refined but are not, I declare, the leastlittle bit refined. I, your servant, fully believe that I myself am refined. So it is! Genuinelyrefined. I was reluctant to admit it until recently…I resisted… And then one day I gave in…Too bad!… I am all the same a little embarrassed by my refinement… What is one going tosay? Pretend? Insinuate?A valid man of refinement, refined in terms of rectitude, of dress, of social station,ordinarily must write at least as do M. Gide, M. Vanderem, M. Benda, M. Duhamel, Mme.Colette, Mme. Fémina, Mme. Valéry, the “French Theater”…to delight innuance…Mallarmé, Bergson, Alain…to ass-ream the adjective…to Goncourtize
…shit! toass-ream a gnat, to wax hysterical over Insignificance, to babble-on while dressed in royalpurple, to pose for the gallery, to crow into the microphones… To reveal my “favoriterecords”…my conference projects…I would be able, I myself would easily be able to become a veritable stylist, a “relevant”academic. It’s a matter of effort, over the course of months…maybe years… It would beaccomplished…as the Spanish proverb goes: “A great deal of Vaseline, and even morepatience, the elephant ass-ream the ant.”Yet all the same I am too well-traveled, too advanced, too jaded along the ill-advisedroute of natural refinement…to turn back now, after a hard career as “a hard man amongsthard men”! and then proceed to apply for the examination in doily-making! It is not possible!And therein lies tragedy. How I was bound-up with emotion…through my own refinement?Here are the facts, the circumstances…I recently poured my heart out to a little buddy of mine, a worthy young doctor in myown specialty, to wit, one Léo Gutman, whose tastes are extremely vivacious, pronounced,virulent, I would even say absolutely despotic, when he talks to me about dancers… I askedhim his opinion… What was going to become of me? me, with a family to support! I confidedeverything about my all-consuming passion to him…
Refers derogatorily to the Prix Goncourt.