Needless to say, by the time I was twelve years old, my sexual feelings hadbeen set as entirely homosexual. By the time I was twenty years old I had sleptaround with many other males, had a handful of boyfriends, and was heavilyaddicted to gay pornography. However, I was unhappy. The gay life of constantsex, blood tests, and fleeting relationships quickly became empty. Thefashionable gay culture soon seemed pathetic, bitchy, selfish, materialistic, andshallow.
Seeds of Change
Later on, two heterosexual guys befriended me. Their influence and theirfriendship soon led to me feeling more like 'one of the guys'. I started noticingsmall, although weak, heterosexual flashes. I decided to investigate the causesof homosexuality, and to see if others had experienced changes - no matterhow small - in their sexual feelings. I discovered the National Association forResearch and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) and People Can Change andsoon entered into therapy in March 2003. One year later, those smallheterosexual flashes have grown into strong sexual feelings, while myhomosexual attractions have weakened significantly. Men are no longermysteriously attractive things to me. They're just mirrors.
Why It Worked
I have been fortunate that the therapy has worked so well and so quickly forme. I believe this is because of my age, my studying of therapy books, the helpfrom others, my mentorship program, and the huge amounts of time and effortdedicated to my treatment. The therapy has not caused me any harmwhatsoever. On the contrary, my self-confidence has never been greater, I findit easier to make friends, feelings of guilt have disappeared, and my bouts of depression ended long ago.I look forward to the next year of therapy. Perhaps one day in the future I cansay that I'm entirely heterosexual.
My ex-gay diary begins
Hello and welcome. This is my first entry (and it's a bloody long one!). The development of my homosexuality was fairly typical. A distant father; aclose possessive mother; not being as "rough" around other boys; having noone kindle an interest for sports in me; my parents had an unhappy marriage; Ihad "good little boy" syndrome; I would have to sympathize with my motherwhen her needs were not met by my father; I was exposed to sex andpornography early in life; I had early sexual experiences; I felt "different"; I hadmore friends who were girls than boys; I suffered great depression and self-pityfor my situation; I had negative male role models whom I did not want toemulate; I was defensively-detached from all other males, scared of being hurtand rejected by them; I didn't feel like "one of the guys", but I oh-so-desperately wanted to be! You get the idea. I fell well within the typical developmental model for SSA(Same-Sex Attraction, i.e. homosexuality) as understood by Reparative