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I believe that people should not kill each other. Killing, no matter what form ittakes, shows a failure of society to address the needs of the killer.This is not to condone the forgiveness and release of murderers because they didhave a choice. Nor is it to say that soldiers should not fulfill their militaryobligations to their country. Society did not give the murderer the skills heneeded to cope within the environment of life problems he faced. In the case ofwar, the political leaders did not address the concerns that had with each other(in most cases) and find a non-violent compromise.We humans have basic needs. These needs are well known to psychologists andtherapists who deal with people after they have broken or run amuck. They are alsowell known to many parents who have raised their children by addressing theseneeds at the proper times.They are not known to everyone. Many people have trouble coping with the stressorsand problems of their lives because they don’t know what their needs are, thusthey have no idea how these could be fulfilled. They live their lives feelingunfulfilled, dissatisfied, unhappy. Or they turn to power over others as analternative to need satisfaction. Or drugs to relieve their anxiety.One basic human need that not enough people know about is our need for physicaltouch by others. Some of us have relationships where touch is common, of a lovingnature and frequent. Some fulfill that need with pets. Those whose need for touchis not met become bullies, powerful leaders, wealthy business people, recluses oreven celibate clergy who hold some power over their followers.Another basic need is the skills to make a friend. As a sociologist I have askedmany people what strategies they would use to make new friends if they moved to anew community where they knew no one. Many people could not give an answer. Theysimply didn’t know what they would do. Yet virtually everyone acknowledges thatfriendship is an important part of life.Associated skills that people need are the ability to make good conversation. Somepeople have no idea what to talk about that will interest others. Some talk withlittle care about whether others want to listen or not. Good talkers are notnecessarily good listeners. Good listeners are often too polite to tell uncaringtalkers that they have nothing worthwhile to say that they want to listen to.In a social species like humans, communication stands as a key skill set. Thosewith good communication skills have a much better chance to achieve what they wantand to find satisfaction with their lives than those who don’t.Every culture in today’s world has a strong and common belief that killing iswrong. That makes it similar to a basic need because we all feel the need forphysical safety. Yet we do not teach that killing is wrong or give examples ofalternatives to fighting to every child so that every one can learn that violenceis wrong. Most, yes, but not all.It would be a rare school indeed that aggressively addressed directly the need toavoid violence and taught the skills needed to work around potential conflicts.Similarly, it is rare to find a school curriculum that includes ways to addressthe basic human needs for touch, how to make friends or skills associated withsocial occasions.This is simple. If we don’t address the basic needs of our people they will haveproblems. Those problems cannot be solved by collecting and spending more taxmoney. Prisons, psychiatric hospitals and rehab clinics treat broken people while
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02 / 18 / 2011This doucment made it onto the Rising List!
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