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CSI Real Life

CSI Real Life

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Published by: Arielle Jenna Davinger on Feb 10, 2013
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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CSI: REAL LIFEwritten byA.J. GrangerScrippedscripped.comREVISION 82February 10, 2013Copyright (c) 2012-2013A.J. GrangerAll Rights Reserved
INT. DINERWAITRESSCan I take your order?DETECTIVE CARSONYes. I would like the chickenbreast...HE REMOVES HIS SUNGLASSES.DETECTIVE CARSON...without the chicken.BEAT, THEN THE WAITRESS SLAPS HIM.FADE TO: CSI: REALITY.INT. GREENHOUSEDETECTIVE TAYLOROur victim was a herbologist whoworked with this toxic plant. Theplant fell apart, unleashing itspoisonous toxins. The victimsuffered from painful, and fatal,blisters.DETECTIVE CARSONWow. I wouldn't want to be amember of that...Blisterhood ofthe...Raveling Plants.DETECTIVE TAYLORDude, shut up. His wife, also aherbologist, could have poisonedhim. She was suspicious he wascheating on her, so she did a bitof investigating. Eventually shecaught him, with another man, ontape.DETECTIVE CARSONSounds like quite a... penis lietrap.DETECTIVE TAYLORWhat the hell is the matter withyou? Anyway, it gets worse,because the victim's penis hadbeen cut off with a butcher knife.
2.DETECTIVE CARSONTalk about a... little chop ofhorrors.DETECTIVE TAYLORAre you even a real detective?INT. MYRA CARSON'S LIVING ROOMMYRA CARSONDavid. I'm so glad you came. Ihave something to tell you.Myra wipes her eyes.MYRA CARSONI was going to tell you that Ryanand I were engaged, but he got hisscarf caught in between the subwaydoors on his way to work and itdragged him and...he's dead.DETECTIVE CARSONJust as he was starting to getthe...hang of his new job.MYRA CARSONWhat?DETECTIVE CARSONLooks like the subway conductorcould have used more... training.MYRA CARSONAre you making puns right now? Myfiancee is dead!EXT. FARMDETECTIVE TAYLORThis man was reported missing sixdays ago. He had been feuding witha rival farmer. He was found outhere, his genitals picked apart byroosters. Don't say anything,Carson.DETECTIVE CARSONHmm?DETECTIVE TAYLORI thought you were gonna make ajoke about roosters and cocks orsomething.

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