me, grabbing my feet dragging me into this lake of eternal fire. In despair, I screamed out "Jesus! SaveMe!!!" ….And suddenly I was gone. I stood in the purest white light that I have ever beheld. I wassurrounded by such peace and love. At that moment, I understood how real my salvation was…..and Iwoke up."I have never forgotten that dream. Nothing has ever felt as real as that….I still wonder if it was adream, or a vision from God. Regardless, it changed my heart. I no longer thought of my salvation as just something that I did just so I could spend eternity in Heaven, but as something I did to NOT spendeternity in Hell. I chose Christ, and I was spared. I would love to say that I stayed strong and went onto a life of ministry. But it was not the case. I began dating at 15, and a few years later I lost my purity.I began drinking and going to clubs regularly at 18, and when I was 19, I became involved in an impurerelationship with a married couple. At the age of 20, I was broken. I woke up on the side of the roadone morning after a night at the clubs, and realized I had hit rock bottom. As I drove home, I prayed toGod and begged him for guidance. I prayed that he would send me a sign that he was still with me. I prayed he would provide a way….Less than an hour later I got a call from my best friend in ..Florida. I hadn't seen her in almost 3 years.She told me that a friend of hers was sending me a plane ticket so I could come to Florida. He didn'teven know me! I took it as a sign, and went for 2 weeks. Those were 2 of the best weeks of my life! Iwas surrounded by Christians, going to church on Sundays, young adult group on Tuesdays, andspending every other minute of my time with young adults from the Church! And I met Jeremy. Jeremywas the man who had bought me the ticket. When the 2 weeks was almost through, everyone was sosorry to see me go. I had become a part of the family! And so, I decided to pack up my life and move toJacksonville, FL. I flew home, quit my jobs, and 2 weeks later Jeremy flew up to Rhode Island to drive back to Florida with me. 24 hours in a car, and you really get to know someone! I knew within daysthat this was the man that God had chosen to be my husband. We became inseparable, but never dated.Then in December of '98, he met another woman. After their second date he was driving home andstarted thinking about a future with this woman. He realized that if he pursued her, that our relationshipwould change. He suddenly realized that he was in Love with me! He got home, called my Dad andasked for my hand in Marriage. He proposed that New Years Eve. I was shocked, but overjoyed! Wewere married 6 months later. It was the most amazing spirit filled wedding I have ever seen…..Everything was perfect.And then, everything started to change.After about a year of marriage, my husband shared with me his struggle with sexual issues. Hefrequently visited swinger websites, and was intrigued by the lifestyle. In an effort to put him at ease, Ishared my experiences with him. He was surprised and intrigued. He wanted to go visit the couple frommy teens, and foolishly I agreed. While visiting, we went to a strip club where I did amateur night. Iwon $500 and opened the door to the future. We were months late on our mortgage, and the bills kept piling up. Jeremy felt like the only way to get out of this hole was for me to take a job at a strip club 2hours away from our home, just a couple nights a week. A couple turned into 4 or 5, and soon he had toquit his job just to have the time to drive me and pick me up. Then one day while searching the internetfor opportunities, he came across an ad for performers in an adult film in Tampa, Florida. He said itwas our only hope. In the eyes of God and my family, and anyone else, he said took responsibility asmy husband and the leader of our family for my actions. I allowed him to make the decision, consumedhalf a bottle of Captain Morgan, and performed in my first Adult Film. I cried my heart out. I wanted todie, but I tried to keep it inside to spare Jeremy the guilt. Unfortunately, one just wasn't enough. And so
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