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the breakup diaries
By Maya O. Calica
How’s your BQ(Breakup Quotient)?
Do you have the saavy to survive a breakup –Or are you doomed to stay depressed long after your man says “adios”?1.The love of your life says the dreaded three words: “This isn’t working.”You…a)Ask “Whatever it is, I’ll fix it. I’ll do anything for you.”b)Say, without looking up from your plate. “Call the waiter to replace it,sweetie.”c)Get up, crumple your napkins into a ball and say in your loudest voice, “Iknew it! It’s because I wouldn’t have sex with you, isn’t it? Isn’t it?”2.When you hear the word “burn”, what comes to mind?a.Your lovey-dovey photos with your ex. You so want to torch them!b.Calories. You’ve done your ice cream mourning, and are ready to move on– t0 the treadmill at your gym. Get to it.c.His house. You text him “it’s too bad I know where you live…”3.You’re depressed and feel the need to put something in your mouth. Youautomatically reach for…a.A stick of Marlboro Lights or a box of goldilocks brownies.b.Reduced-fat peanut butter on whole wheat bread and a glass of non-fatmilk. Yum!c.A shotgun.4.Your concept of your relationship is best exemplified by the film:a.Sliding Doors – we have choices, and each one has a consequence, goodor bad.b.Snow White and the Seven Dwarves – love is a fairytale with lots of littleextras and you as the star.c.Romeo and Juliet – if you can’t have him, no one else can.5.You’re itching to do something – anything – to change your look. You:a.Go to your hairdresser, the one who’s trimmed your hair since you were15, and ask for a trim.b.Tie your hair in an updo – you don’t need to change anything.c.Go to the most avant-garde hairdresser on the face of Manila, and askhim to give you a haircut you’ll never forget.
Result Key
Mostly A’s: Broken, not Beaten
 You’ve checked in a t Heartbreak Hotel, with no intention of leaving your room untilyou’ve squeezed every angsty tear from your eyes. You wear your heart on yoursleeve, and give your painful emotions room to run free. While it may be hard to
 
find something good in your situation, give yourself a pat on the back for cryingaway your stress. You’ll love a longer healthier life- and will recover sooner!
Mostly B’s: Too Cool for Comfort
If you think skipping the mourning part of the breakup is just a waste of time, parkyour positive thoughts in your gym bag for now. It’s OK to cry and say you feelawful. Denying your sadness may let that repressed emotion bubble up to thesurface when you least expect it. And unless you find schizophrenia cute, bring outthe tissue and sib your face puffy.
Mostly C’s: Dangerously Deranged
Sit down before you hurt yourself – or anyone else, for that matter. Breaking up isnever easy when love was involved. But hating your ex- or putting a contact out onhis life – won’t get you anywhere…except behind prison bars.
1
February 1, (past midnight, my room)Has anybody seen my self-esteem?I think I may have tossed her out on her nice, decent, well-mannered ass inthe trashcan, together with the empty bottle of Gato Negro Merlot I swallowed tothe last drop last night. A girl can do that – lose things when she’s had a little toomuch to drink. And I don’t drink. Well, OK, but only when the occasion calls for it.Like New Year’s Eve, or at the annual barkada out-of-town thingie in Tagaytay/Baguio,Tali Beach which legitimizes drunken bonding.Or now that Itos, the guy I’ve been thinking about/breathing for every wakinghour of this past year, has told me, “This isn’t working.” Like our relationship wasthe windup toy that came with his Happy Meal – the hopping hamburger he was soaliw with in the beginning. When it suddenly refused to walk/jump, he didn’t want itanymore.It was an occasion that literally begged for inebriation, if you ask me. Medicalscience has confirmed that alcohol is indeed a great anesthetic. And boy, I so don’tneed to feel this pain right now. Bottoms up, then.Don’t worry: I’m pretty sure the million and one soiled, balled-up wads of tissue that got in the trash can ahead of my self-esteem cushioned her fall.Otherwise, I would have heard her scream or painfully simper the least.But then again, my self-esteem has always been the polite one.Always doing the right thing. Covering her mouth when she coughed. Saying“I’m sorry” when she inadvertently stepped on someone’s toes or interceptedsomebody’s cab in the taxi line at Glorietta.Blurting out “excuse me” after she coughed – even if she was the only personin the room.Forgiving her super busy boyfriend if he didn’t call when he said he would.Like those nights itos insisted on inuman with the boys/ dinner with hisfamily/basketball with his officemates instead of seeing a chick flick/trying out thisnew kebab place/watching a new VCD of an old film like Singing in the Rain with hisgirlfriend. Each time he was unfortunately supposed to be somewhere else, my self-esteem sagged just a bit only to recover and chirpily answer, “That’s OK,babe”.
 
Afterall, I patiently assumed he was being in his proverbial “cave”, wanting to be hisprimal lonely self.And boy, my self-esteem was quite the bouncy kind.She always had the right things to say to a friend who had failed miserably –whether that friend had lost a parent, a job, a boyfriend. My self-esteem had thatproactive go-go manner of Stephen “Seven Spiritual Laws” Chopra. Or, God forbid,that sappy Bo “You can Have a Beautiful Lie” Sanchez.In shot, she was disgustingly perfect.And all it took for her self-esteem to shrink from its former size XL to adiminutive, breath-constricting size XXS were three words: “This isn’t working.”Want to curl up and cry myself to sleep – again. See previous entry forreason.(previous entry) January 31, 5:41 a.m.Am giddy in manner of a 10-year-old on the morning of her birthday. Exceptthat it’s not my birthday today.It’s my anniversary! Not month-sary, but anniversary as in one year of coupled bliss with Carlitos Ongpauco!Slipped on my black slacks, cardigan and Nike sneaks just in time for 6:15mass. Thanksgiving time, you know. Have a bit more time to muse about the joys of couplehood.Except for Dixie – pseudo-boyfriend-slash-pen pal in second year high school– Itos is my first real relationship. I mean, hello, Dixie and I exchanged nothing butletters and shy glances the few times we actually met.But Itos and I, well, we’ve exchanged…so much more. In fact, he has beentopic of conversation with just about anyone who was willing to listen. Can’t help it –am stricken with a terminal case of Itos mentionitis. With Mom, during our monthlyoverseas calls. With Giselle – best bud and requisite beautiful friend – who’s veryimpressed with our love affair to date. (The fact that G hasn’t been with the sameguy for more than six months puts my 364-day love affair with Itos on level withhistorical biggies like Edas Dos, the legalization of annulment in the Philippines andthe invention of the low-riser thong.) With Raj – male best friend fascinated by darkside – who suspects Itos really a vampire in lawyer’s clothing.Same day, 9:04 a.m.Subjected Father Lito to Itos mentionitis at confessional this a.m.“Bless me Father for I have sinned,” I croaked.“Yes, my child,” Father Lito replied from behind the webbed window. “Whatare your sins?”I paused – was hoping voice would sound unrecognizable to Father, who isprobably on to me and the “sins” I regularly ‘fess up to him month after month. Butgiven slight distortion in my audio at six a.m., was pretty sure he couldn’t tell it wasme, Monica Tanseco, guilty of the following transgressions, namely:“I’ve had impure thoughts about my boyfriend, Father…”“Go on, my child…”“…and I’ve engaged in deep kissing with him a couple of times…”“Go on..”“…and I’ve allowed him to , uhm, sort of touch me…below my neck,Father…”“Good priest let out a heavy sigh.
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Luwi Mariano

will there be any way for me to download the full book online? i lost my copy and i really love the book.

reply11 / 02 / 2011
pointlessutopia47

Good piece on love handles. To help out I'll add a Free Fat Burning Food List- http://mcnewsletters.com/articles/fre...

reply01 / 16 / 2010
angelaurice

hi i dunno if you've already heard the news or not, but to all Maya O. Calica fans out there I've got great news! She wrote a new book entitled "Undercover Taitai" published by marshall cavendish in singapore..How i wish I can get a copy ..

reply09 / 12 / 2009
osanosh

hi! i soo love this book! pwedeng ipang-tapat kay sophie kinsella.. i've lost my copy years ago =( naghahanap ako ng e-book kasi wala na akong makita sa bookstore eh..

reply03 / 09 / 2009
angelaurice

Hi!!:) i have good news for you. I saw someone posting an online ad to sell her copy of break-up diaries..maybe you're interested? :) check out this site http://www.sulit.com.ph/index.php/vie...

02 / 13 / 2010
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