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This is How You Die
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Machine of Death
, u u’ll . All ss b bks xls s .Ts s, “DROWNING BURNING FALLING FLYING,” s b G S-bl. I bk, ’ll b llus b Cl S MNl. W’ lsg s s ks k sus uM D g Kks, s lgs ugM 19, 2013!Ts l s ls u C Cs Abu–NC-l–SAlk ls. Ts s s s b l l,s, s l , s lg s bu- s g. F bu MD, s machineodeath.net.
The machine had been invenTed a few years ago:
a machine that could tell, rom just a sample o your blood, how you weregoing to die. It didn’t give you the date and it didn’t give you specifcs. It justspat out a sliver o paper upon which were printed, in careul block letters,the words “DROWNED” or “CANCER” or “OLD AGE” or “CHOKED ON A HAND-FUL OF POPCORN.” It let people know how they were going to die.And it was rustratingly vague in its predictions: dark, and seeminglydelighting in the ambiguities o language. “OLD AGE,” it turned out, couldmean either dying o natural causes or being shot by a bedridden man in abotched home invasion. The machine captured that old-world sense o ironyin death: you can know how it’s going to happen, but you’ll still be surprisedwhen it does.We tested it beore announcing it to the world, but testing tooktime—too much, since we had to wait or people to die. Ater our years hadgone by and three people had died as the machine predicted, we shipped itout the door. There were now machines in every doctor’s ofce and in boothsat the mall. You could pay someone or you could probably get it done or ree,but the result was the same no matter what machine you went to. They were,at least, consistent.