• Embed Doc
  • Copy Link
  • Readcast
  • Collections
  • 1
    CommentGo Back
Download
 
© Rory Ridley-Duff, 2006 Publisher Manuscript
Chapter 1
 –
 
In the Beginning…….
Overview
The workplace is full of emotion, nearly all of it rooted in figuring out how to cope with the relationships needed to fulfil corporate and personalgoals. The two quotes below illustrate different types of emotion at work,each rooted in an aspect of life that is central to our existence.
“[The meetings] were chaos. We would stay there for hours, ironing out the issues,until we came to something…At times, the meetings would get so violent that people
almost went 
across the table at each other…people yelled. They waved their armsaround and pounded on tables. Faces would get red and veins bulged out.” 
 
1
 
The quote describes meetings between managers and technicians in oneof the most successful companies of moder
n times. As in other „great‟
companies, emotional displays and heated debate are a common andrecurring finding
–
something that contrasts sharply with the calm and
disciplined behaviour expected by leaders of less „successful‟
organisations. Why do company members sometimes get so emotionalabout the future of a company? Because company success and survivalgenerates the wealth that enables us to house, clothe and feed ourselves,our partners and our children.
 
“Hayley kept coming up and interrupting me from time to time. I’m sure she didn’t need to, she just liked to. She was wearing a lovely black top so I didn’t mind being
interrupted by her at all. We had lunch again, and again I felt - just like yesterday -that there was a bit of sexual banter go
ing on. At one point she said “Ben, are you flirting with me?” I said “Yes, just a bit”, then I said “I trust you’ll tell me to stop if you don’t like it”. She came straight over and stood very close to me, then giggled in
a girlish way. She started asking my feelings about children, did I want children in
the future? I also asked her. In my head I’m asking myself “what is going on here?” 
These are the kind of questions that you start to ask someone when you might have a
romantic relationship” 
2
 
Thi
s is Ben‟s reaction to Hayley‟s behaviour a few days after Hayley 
learnt that Ben had serious problems in his 6-year relationship. Theirflirty relationship changed into a close friendship. It was short-lived because someone at work accused Ben of behavi
ng in an “unprofessional” way. Why do people get so emotional about others‟ personal
relationships? Because we may have to compete for the best partners(both in business and in love) so that we can fulfil our life goals and enjoy the intimacy and pleasure that come from a close relationship.The dominant managerial discourse regarding emotions at work,however, is to be suspicious of them, ignore them, attempt to suppressthem, even get rid of them. The modern trend is to encourage
“professionalism” wit
h every breath, a euphemism for the suppression of emotion and avoidance of intimacy. The very nature of business, however,and particularly leadership, is to engage in a series of deliberate
 
2 Emotion, Seduction and Intimacy© Rory Ridley-Duff, 2006 Publisher Manuscript
interventions that impact on the emotions of employees, suppliers,customers, board members and investors to stimulate and sustain anetwork capable of achieving a variety of social and financial goals. Theissue, therefore, is not emotions, but
whose
emotions are legitimised.Researchers Jeff Hearn and Wendy Parkin commented nearly 20 years
ago that management books give the impression that “organisations, so
finely analysed, are inhabited by a breed of strange, asexual eunuch
figures…”
3
. This book not only accepts men and women as sexual, itargues that success in business is often linked to the same skills used tocreate and sustain sexual relationships. No area of our life is unaffected,and this book develops themes that inform management strategies forcoping with (and benefiting from) emotional life in the workplace.The journey I take
–
and advice that I present
–
is deeply personal. While there is a media image of business leaders and decision-makers ascool rational beings, this is an image removed from reality. No businessleader I have talked to, or worked with, refrains from using emotional
appeals as part of the leadership process. A leader without “strongpersonal opinions” is about as rare as a man or woman who thinks
Catherine Zeta Jones is physically ugly.Leaders are emotional and this is why others follow their lead. Changesin workplace policy and practice occur when emotions have been deeply affected by a situation or event and there is an emotional need forharmony and stability. Projects are adopted, business plans aredeveloped, in respon
se to someone‟s passionate desire to provide a
particular product or service. Their enthusiasm and commitment arefactors at least as important as any economic argument
–
without theirzeal the project will not succeed.So much time is spent trying to suppress feelings that we pay much toolittle attention to understanding them and using them intelligently. Theattempt to suppress feelings, and a failure to understand their roots, canlead to behaviours that others construe as bizarre, sometimes resulting inmisunderstanding, social division and conflict.This book exposes our emotions and their impacts on organisation behaviour. It examines aspects of working life that are poorly understood:the relationship between emotion and decision-making; the role and
impact of “fun”; both the enjoyment and discomfort of those engaging in
sexual behaviour; the impact of leaders on followers; the impact of followers on leaders; the complex process of sexual conflict.The boundaries are drawn widely, offering a perspective that emotionsare the product of people interacting with each other, not just attributes of personality. Emotions are central - the vital ingredients that propel us toact and make decisions that are meaningful. The experiences recountedillustrate how this happens, the consequences that occur, and themanagement strategies that can harness them effectively.
 A Perspective on Sexism
My wife, Caroline, is without doubt the funniest woman I have ever met,second only to Victoria Wood in my eyes. Back in the 1980s she treated
me to wonderful impressions of Margaret Thatcher‟s cookery class, in
 which she made pies out of Arthur Scargill and fed them to her cabinet
 
In the Beginning 3
(the wooden one in our dining room). In the 1990s, she invented Funny Mummy for our children, along with her friends Finny Mimmy,Fanny 
Manny, Chalky Charlie and Bernard (Chalky Charlie‟s monkey). To
live with such a person is a delight.More recently, not least because of her knowledge of the eventsunfolding in my work, she has turned her attention to satirising the stateof gender equality in the 21
st
Century:
From: Caroline Ridley-Duff To: Rory Ridley-Duff Sent: 17 
th
December 2005Re: Gender Study Th
e following is taken from Dr Darren Barrel’s latest best 
-selling book:
Why Men Get Stuffed at Christmas
Six things you never knew about Christmas:
 1.
 
 A staggering 1 in 8 men are injured each year in Christmas related accidentsranging from fairy light electrocutions to Santa-beard induced asthma attacks.
2.
 
80% of men claim to have been bullied by wives/partners into dressing up asFather Christmas at some time in their life. Many of the men resented beingmade to wear prickly beards but were too afraid to refuse. If they did, they wereaccused of having no Christmas spirit or letting their children down. Significantly,not a single man in the study has
ever 
 put pressure upon a woman to wear a falsebeard.
3.
 
95% of men claim to have been accosted at some time by a woman dressed in asexy Santa suit on a Christmas pub crawl or office party. Not one of these menreported it as sexual harassment. Yet 99.8% women admitted having brought a
law suit against a ‘randy git’ in a Father Christmas suit at least once in the
ir lifetime.
4.
 
Feminists see Father Christmas as a symbol of male power, a patriarchal figure incharge of the presents who controls Christmas. A new study, however, arguesthat Father Christmas shows the caring, child-focussed, compassionate, tender qualities of men, drawing attention to the time and energy they commit to providing for their children. One surprise finding was that men make this extra
effort because most women won’t tolerate them taking over childcare for more
than one day a year.
5.
 
It is a
myth that men don’t want to go near the kitchen when Christmas dinner is
being prepared. 92% of men said they have been hit over the head with a sherry 
bottle for trying to “sabotage” Christmas dinner or “take over” when they offered 
to help their wives
– 
5% had to be treated in hospital for injuries when the bottlesmashed. Not one of them reported this as domestic violence, but 52% said they 
got away with passing off their cuts and bruises to friends and family as a ‘sport’sinjury’.
6.
 
In one harrowing
story, a man’s attempt to help in the kitchen led to criminal 
charges being brought against him after his wife accused him of bestiality whenshe found him with his hand up a goose. If he had been a woman, would the police have taken such a charge serious
ly? The man’s hand was full of sage and 
onion stuffing at the time, but the police refused to accept his explanation that hewas performing a necessary culinary manoeuvre.
of 00

Leave a Comment

You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...
Rory Ridley-Duff (Dr)

HTML, PRINT and KINDLE VERSIONS OF THIS BOOK NOW AVAILABLE FROM LIBERTARY.COM - http://www.libertary.com/book/emotion...

reply12 / 05 / 2010
You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...