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Deadbeat

Deadbeat

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Published by Annie Reifsnyder
PSL 18 Deadbeat.
PSL 18 Deadbeat.

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Published by: Annie Reifsnyder on Feb 28, 2013
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07/22/2013

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 THE DEADBEAT
Entire Sector Wiped Out
 A
 ! 
members of SED/ICT ki 
 ! 
ed in tragic, but avoidable, acciden
t
OUIDAH
-
Since the beginning they knew they were
hot shit
 but it only snowballed as timecontinued. The SED/ICT volunteers have yet to letanyone forget that nobody intheir program has ET
-
ed andthat their APCD is the sexiestBeninese man on Earth.Moments before the beginning of their Early COS successionthe group a final blowout. Asusual, those not in SED/ICTfelt left out and turned in early. A couple of EA volunteersnearly with it enough to be inSED/ICT, the last ones to leavethe party alive, said the crowd was full of energy but nobody talked about anything besideshow great SED is, was, and ever will be. Investigators assumethe SEDocentrism made headsbigger and bigger resulting ineach brain bursting.
It
s like when someone vomits, otherssmell it and start heaving.
Thistime though, as the coroner hasconfirmed the domino effectcan be attributed to thepressure increase associated with an immediate soar in socialstatus. For example when Ms.McCollom
s head exploded Ms.Miner realized she
d moved up,by default, in the ranks of coolness. Mr. Dali, boyfriendof Miner, benefited as well, coolby association. Neither wereequipped to deal with theimmediate soar in social statusand in turn their brainsexploded. This tragedy has, surprisingly ,not been met with an outpourof support from the othersectors, nor even Peace CorpsHeadquarters.
I wish I couldsay they 
d be missed, but,frankly, after they released theSED
|
BEAT.. Well, let
s just say if this hadn
t happened I mighthave taken matters into my ownhands,
said Natalie Newman. The Medical Unit has issued a  warning to all PSL
-
19 SED/ICT volunteers against a possibleripple effect, and has advisedthem to not gather in groups of more than three lest tragedy strike again.
EDITION PSL VOLUME 18
PAGE 1
 
NEWS BRIEFS
Carpenter turned Carpenter
After mixed success in her website creation firm, TheresaCarpenter, has broken new groundin Benin today. In order tosupplement her income, she has become the nation’s first femalecarpenter. “My name had nothingto do with it: the money is goodand I get to create.” Whether she’s building tables of wood or creatingtables in HTML we wish her well:Peace out girl scout!
PC Equipment Vandalized
After a lethal computer virusnamed Pimp Daddy wiped their USB
clefs
clean, Sue and Katdecided to seek revenge on some poor, yet deserving soul.Beckoned by the ‘toner low’indication on the printer, theyabducted the unfortunate victim, jumping on zems touting ‘dieu tevoit’ Let’s hope Dieu didn’t seetheir next actions, as they headedto the bush, throwing the poor guyto the ground and pummeling himtill he was no longer…Fortunately,a kind soul located the PCreference number on the side andreturned the printer to Peace Corps,who restored it to its rightful placein the third floor computer lounge.
Trouble at Le Chevalier
According to US Weekly, thisweek’s party girl, Erin Crysler, bitch-slapped Lindsey Lohan at LeChevalier for trying to cover of her rendition of ‘Georgia’. Tensionswere mounting throughout theevening at Le Chevalier, WestAfrica’s premier nightclub, but thetwo feuding divas appeared civil asthey danced among separateentourages. It wasn’t until Lohan’s beau of the moment, OrlandoBloom, spied Miss Crysler andreportedly said “mmm, slice me off a piece of that…’, Lohan jumpedonstage to tear the microphone outof her rival’s hand. Miss Lohan iscurrently hospitalized and will beattending rehabilitation. On theother hand, Miss Crysler had onlyone comment: ‘It was a shitshow…but bitch had it comin’toher!’
Lan
dmark PCPP Funded
Pahou volunteer, GarrettHyzer, opened the firstMcDonald’s in Benin today as aresult of a groundbreaking PCPP.Titled “Education Center for Entrepreneurs / Nutrition Center /Youth Recreation Area”, the project was funded in record time.The opening ceremony wasaccompanied by a women’sgroupement who honored the firstchicken McNuggets with a finerendition of the Beninese chickendance. This McDonalds franchiseis completely staffed and supplied by local women and uses onlyrenewable or recyclable byproducts like banana leaf wrappers, tree bark, and tires. It isrumored that his plump, redtomatoes are grown in the finesthuman excrement available.Garrett sees growth potential for his franchise, and is threatening totake over Cotonou, even asCotonou takes over Pahou. Watchout Steers!
Improving Health ThroughDrinking
 Noticing the declining healthand eyesight of many of their Adjaland neighbors, Brandy andCortney, have been leading, untilnow, secret operation in bootlegged sodabi—we didn’tthink it was possible either, butapparently, you can even bootleghomemade brew. They have beenutilizing the expertise of Kantosfor the past two years to develop aunique blend of Sodabi, moringa powder and a secret ingredientrumored to be the charred remainsof Amanda’s dog. (Poor little guy)The duo has created a blend that isrobust in flavor and is guaranteedimprove the health you and your children.
Volunteer Forms ONG
After losing yet another  beloved furry friend (see
 Improving Health Through Drinking 
), Amanda has chartered anew NGO with her artisancolleagues called: “The society of wreaking havoc and civildisobedience on all individualswho seek to kidnap, maim,dismember, quarter, disembowel,decapitate, de-hair, disgorge,dissect, or otherwise maim four-legged friends for purposes other than lucrative scientificexperiment, oh we’re against‘haters’too.” (
S.W.H.C.D.A.I.W.S.K.M.D.Q.D.D.D.D.D.O.M.F.F.P.O.L.S.E.O.W.A.H.T.
) They meet daily ateight, ten, two, and six at theyellow bar to discuss their strategyand to booze up. She welcomesnewcomers but kindly requests thatyou leave all monkeys at home.
EDITION PSL VOLUME 18
PAGE 2
 
NEWS BRIEFS
CONT.
 )
Ground Breaking Operation to bePerformed in Cotonou
Curtis Roberts hasannounced that he isactually a heterosexual woman trapped in a  gay man
s body. Hehas scheduled a sex change operation atthe CNHU
-
Cotonou, wherehighly capablephysicians willperform the
rst sex change in West Africa.
I would actually preferthat Dr. Lomo perform thesurgery,
said Curtis.
But theCNHU sta 
ff 
seemed very con
dent,and told me they had done it
million times
.
If successful, Curtina will looklike a cross between Angelina Jolieand Michael Jackson, and will berelocating to China to pursue his
-
er
-
 her lifelong dream of becoming a Chinese opera diva, accompanied by her Nigerian boyfriend, Houmoulou.
Peace Corps Benin AnnouncesNew Shuttle
Even after working with PeaceCorps to organize taxi drivers forCotonou, Meredith Michaud wasstill not satis
ed with thetransportation situation after
-
hours.In large part thanks to her e
ff 
ortsPeace Corps recently announced a new shuttle schedule that included a nightly Cotonou route.
 This putsthe Safe Ride Home buses we had incollege to shame
beamed Meredith.Not only will Peace Corps pick youup and drop you o
ff 
, it will also stockthe Land Cruisers with
 AmericanFlag 
bottles of alcohol.
PCRegulation 13,33R states all alcoholconsumed in US Government vehicles must be domestically produced
 )
The Land Cruisers, intheir new mode, will also featurespinning hub caps, ground e
ff 
ectsand loud dance music with strobelights.
Finishing School Opens
 After evaluating the speci
cneeds of his community, Charles hasdeveloped a business planthat is bene
cial for all.He has decided to give something back to theindividuals who have given him somuch pleasureandful
llment.Utilizing hissouthern charms,Charles hasrecently opened theReeves Finishing School forYoung Women. Young womenbetween the ages of 14 and 18 arepersonally selected by Charles totrain at this state of the art facility incourses ranging from conversationskills to proper walking and sitting techniques for a 
lady 
as well assome more
practical
and
hands
-
on
 pursuits. Though some questionshave arisen about what sort of charms Charles is focusing on, wehave been assured that his intentionsare chastely honest.
New Peace Corps Equipmentto be Issued
 
Shayne Doyle recently revealedher plans to develop and market a new type of bicycle seat, one that isconstructed of environmentally 
-
friendly materials, is more e
cientand
is designed to protect andpreserve the hyper
-
sensitive punani
.When asked what motivated her todevelop such a seat, Shayne declineda response, but sources say that a personal and traumatic experiencemay have led her on this venture.Her business strategy is simple: sheplans to use her new beau as bait tolure white women to trade shows where she will unveil the new  gelatinous mold seat, patented as the
punani protector
. Thebreakthrough seat will be available ina variety of colors and iscustomizable to
t the special needsof every client. Add
-
on features,such as massaging 
nger
-
like nubsfor those extra 
-
long bike rides areavailable to increase the overallbene
ts. The
punani protector
willbe available in stores nationwide and will be distributed to all femalePeace Corps volunteers worldwide inorder to avoid,
any unfortunateevents,
though we are unsure whatthose may be.
Volunteer Promotes Village
Seeing that her village was noteven on the map, Erin Sillin haslaunched a new plan to draw visitorsand national attention to Ago…something. After much debate and a few under
-
the
-
table bribes, Erinconvinced the mayor and otherauthorities to change the town nameto mirror one of her more successfulprojects, and thus Ago
-
 whoosey 
-
 whatsit will henceforth be known asPooville. The town plans to build a new goudron to increase access tothe village, which will feature state
-
of 
-
the art latrines or poo
-
places. After arriving in Pooville, visitorscan visit the Pooblic gardens, shop atPoo Poo Palace Mall, or while away the afternoon at the
rst amusementpark in Benin, Poo Land. Disney may have a run for their money, ascompetition will surely spike oncechildren throw o
ff 
their stupidmouse ears and
ock to see the PooPoo Pony. A range of souvenirsincluding shot glasses, hats,signature perfumes, recipes andreplica li
l nuggets will be available,so that everyone can take Poovilleback home with them.
EDITION PSL VOLUME 18
PAGE 3

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