First, we like eight-and-a-half-inch pages with 12-point Arial font. No
poetry on hand-made stationery, please. For us,fascicle-making sounds
like preschoolers with a vocabulary enjoying craft time.

Almost all of your writing is about death. Could you lighten up? Sly
humor in which intransigent clinging to hope is deftly exposed is the
preferred motif. A little fake irony, too, would make your work more
accessible. Don\u2019t look so hurt. A decent critique is worth all Midas\u2019s gold.

No offense, but the constant use of bumble bees and flower tropes made
us wonder if we had stumbled onto a Laura Ashley encomium. You need
to write at least five poems in which reinforced concrete makes a debut
into your work. \u201cNobody knows this little Rose\u201d could be improved by
adding \u201c...until it ismicrowaved.\u201d Think plastics and reusable packaging.
Never shy away from angst.

Some great lines too. \u201cGrief is a mouse\u201d is descriptive. But then you say \u201cGrief is a Thief.\u201d Sticking with anthropomorphic images, grief becomes a \u201cJuggler\u201d then a \u201cGourmand.\u201d Grief should go back to being something four-legged. Tryhamster.

Your self-esteem needs a boost. Have you thought about therapy, Em? A
Good shrink could help you turn lines like \u201cThis dirty - little - Heart Is
freely Mine\u201d into something provocative like \u201cMy splendid Heart is Not

Emily, the main problem in your work is your thoughts are too personal while not being hardened by life\u2019s struggles. No one lives a life like this; it\u2019s too insulated. Do you leave the house? Do you have sex? (There\u2019s a big poetry slam downtown this week; we think you should come. We\u2019ll help you buy new threads, butyou must do something with your hair!)

A thorny black tattoo on your midriff and piercings might send the right
message and solve some of your otherwise thorny presentation
problems. A belly-button ring, refusing to use phrases like \u201cA Light exists
in Spring\u201d might congeal your extreme makeover into the insouciance of
Modernity. Just a thought.

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Oh, and Registration says you haven\u2019t paid the second half of your
tuition. We accepted you into the scholarship out of generosity. Don\u2019t test
us! You say \u201cThere is a finished feeling Experienced at Graves,\u201d but we
can furnish that for you at the Main Office or in the morning when you
don\u2019t finish yourWriting Pages. Keep writing! Remember, we\u2019ll all be
remembered in our own way and mostly for our refusals of innocence.

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I'm not sure "romp", as the lovely Emily has put it, quite encompasses the piece-- the wit is a little dry, and the needle is a little sharp, for it to fit comfortably in that skin-- but it is fun stuff indeed, as well as nicely crafted. It's a nice idea nicely executed--much better than the average Yinzer could come up with.