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Dzongsar on Love Relations...Q and A

Dzongsar on Love Relations...Q and A

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Published by Teong Hin Ooi
A talk in Singapore on 8 April 2012....(Transcribed from YouTube video “Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche on Love & Relationships, QUESTIONS & ANSWERS.
You can follow this in my facebook in the photo album of the same name.
A talk in Singapore on 8 April 2012....(Transcribed from YouTube video “Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche on Love & Relationships, QUESTIONS & ANSWERS.
You can follow this in my facebook in the photo album of the same name.

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Published by: Teong Hin Ooi on Mar 04, 2013
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02/11/2014

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Okay you can ask some questions now.
YouTube video: Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche on Love & Relationships
-
 Q&A section, 8 April 2012, Singapore.
 
To all the lonely ones
 – 
 see the Value and Merit of
Loneliness…it’s a good investment; it’s the Dawn of
Wisdom (Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche)
 
 
Question: Why people always feel loneliness? Is it because we are insecure or lack of sense of belonging and also we do not know who we are? And it follows with the second question: why do we need companions?
Why can’t we
live alone?
Rinpoche: Well, if we can live alone, that would be very good. This is what the yogis
are good at; that’s why they are free from all kinds of 
 baggage. Eh, well, the loneliness
 –
 this is kind of philosophical question for me actually. The loneliness is rooted, according to Buddhism, again to this insecurity that I was talking about.
When I say ‘insecurity’, I am talking about basically
- even though we say me, I am
David, I’m this, I’m that, even we have a name, a position, a job, a
 husband, wife, a
degree, mm, I don’t know, a flat, car, eh, I don’t know, mm, penthouse, all of these –
 
on going, there’s an on
-going insecurity which is we never, have never been proved one hundred per cent that we exist.  And actually all these like wrapping the skin, you know, cutting the wrist, getting a degree, and getting married; all of these is
actually we are doing this so that it’s
temporarily giving us some sense of existence. So this insecurity is actually; it can manifest as one because you know, you know. You know, I was talking to you earlier
 –
 
the flower that I see, you’ll never see. So we can never share real flower. We can
 just pretend that we are sharing. And that is so lonely. I can never share with you what I
am experiencing. It’s
, it
’s so lonely. What I’m experiencing, only I can do it.
That, that is; now if, if
you are a Buddhist, loneliness is ‘dawn of wisdom’.
 
You’re
supposed to invest on this loneliness. If you are lonely, you are feeling awkward with this samsaric life. You ca
n sense it is not working. You can kind of feel that it’s all a
little bit, what you call it, overpromising, you know, sort of. So you can feel this. So this feeling awkward, feeling not belonging to this
 –
 is actually a very important mental factor that a practitioner is supposed to invest. Dezhung Rinpoche said this, if I modify this a little bit; you know when we, when we were young, the whole of our value is going to the beach and build, you know, sandcastle. And we get excited about it. We just love that castle.
 After a while, when you’re around teenage
 age
, sandcastle doesn’t do the trick anymore. It’s then, I don’t know, fast cars, video games; but then when you are around middle age, that doesn’t work. Then it would be job, it would be, I don’
t know,
position, it would be colleagues, marriage, blah, blah, blah. Then when you’re around
 
ninety, that game doesn’t work anymore. Then you, I don’t
know what
; when you’re
around ninety, you begin to value things that you never, you overlook like salt shaker, table cloth and stuff like that. Then, so you have changed the toys but some of us
 –
 we can sort of fast forward this within few months. Okay, and then look at our lives
 –wow, it’s kind of, you know
like meaningless. So that awkwardness will make you lonely, and that loneliness, for the spiritual people, is very important. When a bodhisattva visits Buddha
 –
 
it’
s in the Prajnaparamita Sutra -
and the bodhisattva complains to the Buddha that “I feel so
sad. I feel so sad about this, this meaningless
life and all of that and it’s almost painful”. Then the Buddha said “You know, this is a noble wealth. You have so much merit, that’s why you are feeling sad about these things”. If you don’t have that merit, you’ll be distracted to all these gadgets and
 think this is life. By the time you reach to a point where you actually see
“Wait a minute. What
happened, all this ninety-five y
ears?” Then it’s too late. So for the spiritual person, it’s imp
ortant, okay, the next question, next question?
Transcribed from YouTube video: Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche on Love & Relationships - Q&A section, 8 April 2012, Singapore.
On those who have a different sexual orientation…
(Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche, Love & Relationship Q & A)
Question: I have been the victim of discrimination at work due to my sexual orientation. It reached a state where I handed my resignation. I did not disclose my orientation, sexual orientation. In hindsight, what could I have done better? Looking forward, should I disclose my orientation to employers from the start.
I seem to observe that people gossip or hint less when I’m more upfront.
 

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