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The New Age Religion

The New Age Religion

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Published by Murali Chemuturi
This is a satire on the focus on money and focus in the world. It is portrayed as the new religion
This is a satire on the focus on money and focus in the world. It is portrayed as the new religion

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Published by: Murali Chemuturi on Mar 07, 2013
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03/07/2013

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The new age religion
Murali ChemuturiAt the end of the Second World War, all the politicians or their representatives met inGeneva, Switzerland and discussed a very important aspect to achieve the world peace.The proceedings were not recorded on any document for the fear that anything recordedon a document would be leaked to some snooping journo and will be flashed on the frontpage of the newspaper to be picked up later by the syndicates. Everyone in the meetingwas sworn to secrecy. As it happens, all the participants in that meeting have alreadydied. It was revealed to me when one of the Indian diplomats when he was close to hisdeath. As India was under British rule at that time, he was serving in the British civilservice and that was how he came to know of it being the secretary of the top cat thatattended the meeting.In that meeting they devised a new religion. It was all done in a hush-hush manner,surreptitiously. It was led by the USA. The then Secretary of State was vested with theresponsibility of spreading it. He devised a plan, which was popularly referred to as theMarshall Plan. It was a smashing success! It was then extended to Asia through Japan,South Korea, Singapore and Philippines. For some years, Russia fiercely resisted it andprevented its spread. But ultimately, God created a loyal devotee in that country too andthe resistance was whittled down with the assistance from Him. The Islamic countriesoffered resistance but now it is reduced to just two countries, Iran and Afghanistan. Therest of the world has fallen in line.That how the Pax Americana lasted 67 years, the longest in known history! It is stillgoing strong!
 Now, I will not keep you in suspense any longer. The name of the religion is “EconomicDevelopment”. It has a trinity of gods, namely, money, b
eauty and power. One nice thingabout this religion is that the trinity work complementing each other. They do not work inwater-tight compartments. If you pleased one god, he will assist you in acquiring theother two.Another nicer aspect of this religion is that there is no book to follow or swear by. Youare free to act in any way you like. There are no guilt-
causing rules like, ‘do not lie’, ‘donot steal’ and so on. There are not even Ten Commandments or even five
commandments. There is only one command, acquire the trinity of the gods and keepthem safe with you.All methods and means are very fair and acceptable in your quest to acquire the gods.Telling lies, stealing, murder, cheating, or you name it, it is permissible. Become theCEO of a large corporation or bank, draw large salary and bonus, but run the companyinto ground making paupers of the stockholders - it is alright. You are not punished. YOuwill not be consigned to hell. You will be in heaven while on earth itself enjoying themoney you have earned by using your powerful intellect. You opened a bank or a savings
 
and loan company or a mutual fund and used the pious Ponzi scheme, no issue, You areon the right path.You rig the elections, by bribing the voters, or rigging the voting machines or stalling thedue process by using the courts of law, perfect! You are a devotee dear to the trinity.Then rule the proletariat making them sweat and steal their hard earned money throughunreasonably high taxes and stash it at a place that is not accessible to general public,well you are a high priest of the religion.If you have money, you can buy votes and acquire power; you can use power toblackmail the business people and acquire money; and you can hire a plastic surgeon andreconstruct your body so that it would be beautiful or you can use any number of beautyaids that are advertised day in and day out on the billboards, television, newspapers,magazines and inside movie theatres.If you have beauty, use it well, become a super model, a movie actor and if possible sleepyour way to money. Both males and females are eligible for this and have proved that it ispossible.If you have power, use it to blackmail the business people and acquire money; use itlobby in the corridors of power for payment to foreign countries or businesses; or simplysteal from the treasury by over-invoicing for public works including healthcare provisionto old and the infants. You see, nothing is prohibited.Who propagate this religion? This gospel is spread by the evangelists of the religion and
they are called as “Marketers” or “Advertisers”. In this spread, the high and mighty of the
religion, namely, the politicians, movie actors, super models, studio owners, TVchannels, anchors, and role models of the society. They market anything and everythingunder the sun with only one caveat - it should not immediately be proven that themarketed product is bad in any manner. A drug that works in the case of just twentypercent is also OK to be marketed as long as you print an unreadable warning on thepacket. Why, you can sell even water by ensuring that the tapped water or from any watersource (rivers, wells, ponds, and lakes) is contaminated!There is no limit to the amount of the trinity you can acquire. If it happens that yourhouse is filled and overflowing, the trinity has arranged for safe havens so that you canstash your money, which can grant the other two to you any time, there.You know, one good thing about this new religion, you can pass on physically, yourhard-earned trinity to your offspring even while you are alive. You need not fear thatthere is uncertainty in passing on your goodwill to your descendants.Now how is its adaptation in the world?

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