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Postitive Partial Reinforcement

Postitive Partial Reinforcement

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Published by Lucia
Finally! The answer to the million dollar question: Why are we only attracted to people who are not attracted to us and vice versa?
Finally! The answer to the million dollar question: Why are we only attracted to people who are not attracted to us and vice versa?

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Categories:Types, Research
Published by: Lucia on Mar 03, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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05/10/2014

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Positive Partial Reinforcement
At one point or another, we’ve all wondered, “Why is it that the people I’minterested in are not interested in me? And the people I ignore keepcontacting me?” It would be statistically improbable, if not impossible, thatevery time you liked someone they didn’t feel the same and vice versa. Sowhat’s really going on here? Is this some sick joke from the Universe?I would like to introduce you to your new best friend when it comes tosolving this dilemma and that is: Positive Partial Reinforcement (PPR).This is a psychological term where the reward is not granted every time thedesired action is taken.The effectiveness of PPR is the cornerstone of Vegas. People stay at theslots or tables because they are only rewarded at random intervals. If theywere never rewarded, they would soon give up. If they were alwaysrewarded, they would eventually get bored and move on.In one experiment, a pigeongiven a random reward for pecking a buttonover a one minuteinterval, continued pecking for over 
three hours
withoutreward.You naturally do this with the person you’re not interested in – you see themor talk to them when it’s convenient for 
you
. You throw them a bone once ina while, but you don’t go out of your way for them. These are the peoplewho end up being crazy about you. You are witnessing the effects of PPR.However, the person you are interested in, you make yourself available for,talk to them for hours on the phone, return their texts immediately, etc.These are the people you always seem to have to work so hard to get!It’s the things you’re doing, your behavior, which determines the other  person’s interest level. So how can you apply PPR to the person you’re crazyabout? Follow these simple rules:
AVAILABILITY-
You can’t always be available. By always beingavailable, you diminish your value. It’s human nature to not appreciatesomething that’s always there. When you like someone, you of course want
 
to see them as much as possible, so you make yourself available – that’s thekiss of death! Do the opposite. This keeps him from being satiated andkeeps him wanting – and that’s where you want them.
BEHAVIOR – 
Think of how you behave when you’re not really intosomeone and behave that way with the person you
are
into. When you don’tcare, you take your time returning calls, texts and emails. Sometimes youeven ignore the texts and emails and don’t respond. You may even get upsetwith them if they text too much!
ATTITUDE – 
When you like someone, your attitude is: I
have
to have this person. When you’re not that interested, you naturally hang back and have await and see attitude. You think: We’ll see what happens; maybe they’llgrow on me. It’s this attitude and the above behavior that makes you mostattractive.One thing people mess up is that they think they have to mistreat the other  person. No!! While you want to practice limiting your availability, having await and see attitude and throwing doubt into the mix, you
must 
treat the person well. People like you because of how they
 feel 
when they are withyou. So compliment, appreciate and praise – just don’t seem too eager toseeing them.People find this hard to do – they think the other will be mad if they turnthem down or if they end the date early, whereas with the person they’re
not 
interested in, they couldn’t care less if they get mad.PPR is not an easy thing to do because you naturally want to see/talk to theone you like – it feels unnatural to avoid them, not see them and/or not talk to them every time they want to see or talk to you.One way to make it easier on yourself is to see other people. Don’t tell meyou can’t! If you want to improve your chances with the one you reallywant, then you absolutely
have
to do this.You can stop using PPR once the one you want has declared their love for you. However, you can always bring it back, if you sense they are starting totake you for granted!

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