MaryAnnaX

New twist on a forbidden theme. Like!

Carson89

topflight story

Nartan89

Writers group read aloud and discussed. Very well liked. We are doing study of your stories. This is excellent.

Devon Pitlor

Once again, I blush when I read your compliments. I will look up that program you mention. I do not think I have ever heard of it. I said on another response that Heidi is a dynamite critic. Your comments are also very penetrating. Yes, I do spend a lot of energy on details like the bubble gum. You figured me out on that one. I develop characters using precise details like that. I eagerly anticipate your finishing off the stories, but I don't think you really have to find a favorite. I like it that you "like" and "favorite" here on this board. Can't express my appreciation to you enough. Let's talk on PM soon. Devon

Searcher420

Devon, My third story this morning. I now have to quit and do some work. I liked this a lot. Again, it's your building of characters through details. Emily reminded me of an actual girl I once knew in school, strange as that might seem. She had a disease that caused her to shrink. But she didn't totally disappear like Emily did. Because I am in another type of writing, which I assume you know, I focus on small details. Here the dried bubble gum really caught my eye. It was genius of you to think of that. Also the My Little Pony thing. My daughter had one of those. Once again, your tone is very conversational and casual. Nice touch. I've noticed more than a few times that Heidi relates your stories to Twilight Zone episodes. I have to agree, but before the Twilight Zone there was another early TV program called One Step Beyond. There were episodes like yours in that. It might be something you can Google. I'm not saying you have borrowed any plots, just that One Step Beyond to me as a teenager was even more fascinating than later the Twilight Zone. As Heidi says (she always beats me with good comments) there is a tremendously good sense of foreshadowing here. I'm waiting to finish all your stories before I decide on a favorite. From pure writing skill this may be it.

Cheryl Adencher

Wow!! This one had me turning pages. Emily shrinks and disappears? Wow. One of your best so far. Applause.

Devon Pitlor

Wow, Kym. You really are getting around to my stories. Thanks for commenting and being a fan.

Kym Star

My second favorite of your stories!! Excellent character development. Strong plot. A trip into the supernatural.

Devon Pitlor

Thanks, Heidi. I know for sure that you are not an ass kisser. LOL. Your approval of this story means a lot to me. You caught onto the foreshadowing. I do plan to put certain stories together for further publication. About this story: Once again, I am trying to write outside of my true gender. I do not know if I got the "girl" parts right. That is always a challenge. The subject of trapped women always intrigues me. Angela was suddenly trapped in a thankless marriage and found a quick way out of it thanks to Emily's diary. We all should be so lucky!!

Smartblonde27

Devon, I am not an ass kisser. You know this. However it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to come up with any meaningful criticisms to give you that would demonstrate that fact. In fact it’s even becoming terribly difficult for me to have one absolute favorite when it comes to your stories. And finally, it is becoming painfully difficult for me to come up with any new adjectives to describe just how much I enjoy your work. The Diary was fantastic, I loved it. Excellent foreshadowing; and I adored Emily’s seemingly nonsensical and random musings, very clever. Another for the modernized Twilight zone series. Seriously Devon….you need to put many of these into a separate collection and see about getting them published. Heidi