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Chapter One
I hate doing speeches. I hate doing speeches more thanI hate being the skinniest guy on the baseball team. Justbecause my name is Addison, everyone thinks I shouldbe smart or something. Maybe they’re conusing mewith Edison, the inventor o the light bulb. Maybe they think that my yellow hair sends some sort o weirdVitamin C energy to my brain. I don’t know.My name may be smart, but I’m sure not. Not atschool stu, anyway. I could be, my teacher tells me, i I would “apply” mysel. Apply mysel to what? It soundslike I need a giant tube o glue.“Now, Addison,” I can hear her say, “i only youwould apply yoursel, you’d grasp ractions in no timeat all.”
 
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Now I can think o a lot o things I’d like to grasp,like maybe the controller or my new video game orthe reel o my old fshing pole, but ractions aren’t onthe list. Besides, who would want to be an expert onractions anyway? They’re useless except or the oddsaying like
I’m halfway done my ice cream
or
If I had half a brain, I’d be able to come up with a topic for myspeech
.That’s what I was thinking about on Saturday morning. I I had hal a brain, I’d be able to come upwith some incredible idea that would stun all the otherkids in my grade ive class, I thought. Heck, I’d evensettle or a quarter o a brain. It’s not that I don’t havemuch o a brain. It’s just that I choose not to waste my brain on school stu. Personally, I think I’ve got morecommon sense than anybody I know, except or theguy at the gas station where I buy my worms. He’s gotto be pretty smart to make people pay or those slimy creatures. I’d probably make a great worm seller.I I could think o a really great topic, I might beable to just make up the speech right while I was sayingit. No sense wasting energy, I told mysel as I brushedmy teeth. Let me get that straight. I wasn’t really brushing them, just giving them a quick scrape and
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