In Memoriam

TERRY ALANE HAYES

1966

―

2009

erry was born in redheaded glory on State Fair Day, October 10, 1966, in Garland, youngest of threechildren of a larger-than-life construction worker and a lively-minded homemaker whose long illness andearly death of cancer, when Terry was 11, would leave a lasting void and a lifelong fear."I always knew I'd have cancer," Terry recalled. "Even as a teen-ager I knew it,and I knew I wouldn't be able to do anything about it, I wouldn't even be able to gosee a doctor about it, I'd just somehow find out one day, and then I'd commitsuicide. I had it all planned out."Other enduring predilections - cats and (to a lesser extent) other animals, pink objects, food and fat, music - revealed themselves as Terry grew into chunky child-and young-adulthood in a small frame house she shared with her father and her bigbrother, Steve. Her older sister, Beverly, was soon out of the house but always cameback for visits to the State Fair, a sisterly fall tradition of corn dogs, cotton candy,smelly animals, American Gothic people, and Midway rides. Terry did fine at Park Crest Elementary, Sam Houston Middle School, and Garland High, where she sang inthe choir, but except for a few semesters at Eastfield Community College, the rest of her education came fromwide reading and a wide-open mind.Music and food shaped a good part of her adult life. While working her way up to manager at SoundWarehouse/Blockbuster/Wherehouse stores in Dallas and Houston, she amassed an eclectic CD collection androcked out at concerts by Journey, AC/DC, Adam Ant, the Stray Cats, Sting, the Police, John Cougar Mellencamp, the Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Prince, Bruce Springsteen, Foreigner, Steve Earle, John Prine, and(yes!) Barry Manilow. Her tastes ranged from Beethoven to Judas Priest, with a special place for Texas musicians(Joe Ely, the Fabulous Thunderbirds, Ray Wylie Hubbard, Nanci Griffith, Eric Taylor, George Strait, The F-ing LeRoiBrothers) and the Kerrville Folk Festival. Her cool party mixes were popular, though for her money, there was littlethat beat

A Charlie Brown Christmas

and

Carol of the Bells

.Her daily battle with and against food turned to triumph when,at 314.8 pounds in her late 30s, she transformed her eating habitsand gradually lost 154 pounds, freeing pretty eyes, strawberry-blond hair, and a diva-glamorous smile from an oppressiveinherited burden.n 2002, she worked a part-time gig taking high-school footballscores into a position as Sports Department administrativeassistant at the Houston Chronicle, where her organizational skills,bright ideas and follow-through, bottomless candy basket,decorative touch, and quick-cutting humor won her the first JesseAward for best editorial support person (2004), as well as friends-to-the-end on every floor.Colleagues who admired her organization and people skills at work might have been surprised at thebarely controlled chaos of her private life and a hair-trigger temperament that rarely feigned interest andnever suffered fools gladly. (One of the surprises of her illness, she said, was the realization that so many peopleliked her, "because I've always been such a bitch.")

Her patience she reserved mostly for cats. She could talk for hours about the personality traits and habitsand idiosyncrasies of Fifi, Kiki, Snowball, Velvet, Fuzz, Mouse, Jason(ita), Priscilla, Cleo, Little Girl, Margot,Gregory, Newt, Ralph, Sasha, and other cats in her life, with an occasional dog thrown in. (Nik, Bev'sexceptional white German shepherd, over time managed to earn the status of honorary cat.) Not surprisingly,she requested that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to In-Sync Exotics Wildlife Rescue and EducationCenter in Wylie (insyncexotics.com,www.insyncexotics.com).eedless suffering (of human beings, too) angered her; she had the empathies, though not the patience,for social justice. She was a vegetarian, a slow and picky eater who took joy in discovering, selecting,rearranging, and discussing favorite meat substitutes. Her tireless curiosity made her a natural traveler; havingwaited too long to get going, she packed marathons into her last years, approaching New York, San Francisco,London, Washington D.C., Paris, Minneapolis/St. Paul, and the Gulf of Mexicowith Excel-spreadsheet itineraries and a determination that humbledhealthier companions. New Orleans with her sister was a favorite, hotchocolate and beignets at Café du Monde their first stop.Blessed all her life with the maddening willfulness of the youngest child,she never found a man who quite met all her standards, and she never mastered either time or money. By the same token, money never masteredher. She could be as generous with others as she was with herself, on deeper-in-debt shopping sprees for shoes, clothes, jewelry, and small, pleasing - oftenpink - items. One of her real gifts was for gift-giving, a process in which her pleasure in finding just the right object, just the right funny card, and just theright gift bag was as great, if not as important, as the eventual recipient's.One secret to her many friendships, aside from a lovely little laugh at the end of her sentences, was the giftof her attention, which she gave freely. JFK, Elvis, and Nazis were long-term obsessions, but the river of her interest ran wide and deep, encompassing (besides music) epic and horror movies (

The Godfather

The Omen

The English Patient

), television (

CSI

- Las Vegas only!,

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Top Chef

The Sopranos

ProjectRunway

The Biggest Loser

The Closer

Dragon's Den

, endless makeover shows on HG-TV, Jon Stewart andStephen Colbert, the steadfast comforts of

Law & Order

), radio (

A Prairie Home Companion

This American Life

Car Talk

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

), books (David Sedaris, Joyce Carol Oates, Anne Rice), serial killers, therodeo, churches and cemeteries, quiet enjoyment of sun and ocean, and Dia de los Muertos.She loved holidays, especially the ghoulish trappings of Halloween and the comforting traditions ofChristmas (carols, vegetarian meatballs in sour cream, tofurkeys, deviled eggs, chips and dips, melt-awaycookies, and a perfectly decorated tree).n appreciative

and deadly judge of character and style, she was lessconscious of her own gifts. Her ability to write something that peoplewould want to read and respond to came as a late-in-life surprise, after shestarted her CancerDiva blog(http://blogs.chron.com/cancerdiva). It never occurred to her that she might be good with kids, though Jake, Spencer,Kathleen, Maya, Lucas, Abby, Itzi, Ellie, Grace, and Collette liked her for treating them like real people, with interests she didn't just pretend to share.Her good eye and creativity were handicapped by a paralyzingperfectionism, though with encouragement she took a leading role inmaking the Buffalo Bug and Shep the German Shepherd Dog art cars,surviving chaotic all-night work sessions and a fire to drive in the Art Car Parade, a traditional family holiday.