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Differences Between You and Your Boss
When you take a long time, you're slow.When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.When you don't do it, you're lazy.When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.When doing something without being told, you're overstepping yourauthority.When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.When your boss does it, he's being firm.When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked
 
How to Interpret Employment Ads
"Competitive Salary"
 
-
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"Join Our Fast Paced Company"
 – We have no time to train you.
"Casual Work Atmosphere" -
We don't pay enough to expect that you willdress up.
"Must be Deadline Oriented" -
You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"Some Overtime Required" -
Some time each night, some time each weekend.
"Duties will Vary" -
 Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"Must have an Eye for Detail" -
We have no quality control.
"Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience" -
You will need to replace three people who just left.
"Problem Solving Skills a Must" -
You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven't heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is tofind out what is going on.
"Requires Team Leadership Skills" -
You will have the responsibilities of amanager without the pay or respect.
"Good Communication Skills" -
Management communicates poorly, so youhave to figure out what they want and do it.
 
Tips From Employees To Their Managers
* Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4pm and then bring it in to me. Thechallenge of a deadline is refreshing.* If its a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how I am doing. Thathelps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.* Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to becreative when someone asks where you are.* If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.* Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go oranything to do. I have no life beyond work.* If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.* If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. Iwas born to be whipped.* If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them untilthe job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.* Never introduce me to people you are with. I have no right to know anything. In thecorporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductionswill identify them.* Be nice to me only when the job I am doing for you could really change your life and sendyou straight to manager's hell.* Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any, and its nice to know someone is lessfortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus checkyou received for being such a good manager.* Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goal SHOULD have been. Give mea mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the moneyanyway.
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