Lesbian Zombies

Are Taking Over

The World

Book One:

Chapter One:

At the Church of Our Savior of Living People Only:

"Lesbian zombies are taking over the world!"

Reverend Tommy hollered. He was in alather.So was I but that's because Brigitte was sitting next to me and had her hand on myknee. Above my knee, actually. Her little, soft-skinned pink hand was resting right wheremy miniskirt would end if I’d worn my miniskirt to the Church of Our Savior of LivingPeople Only, but I didn't wear it there because Reverend Tommy wouldn't approve.He wouldn't approve of my thoughts, either, or of what Brigitte and I had beendoing just before we left for church in our church-y clothes: We'd been having sex, whichReverend Tommy disapproved of. Reverend Tommy disapproves of any sex, and he's notone of those preachers who say they disapprove of sex but then they're fucking the girls(or the boys) behind the curtains by the chapel; he was the real deal. Reverend Tommyhated only one thing more than sex, and that was zombies. And he hated only one thingmore than zombies, and that was lesbian zombies.That's what he was tearing on about, and it made me wish that Brigitte and I hadnot rushed to get there because if I'd known the

whole

sermon was going to be aboutnothing but how I'm supposed to be taking over the world, I would have skipped. But Idoubt Brigitte would have skipped. She's not like that. Even though she's a lesbian, she'svery religious. I don't know how she got mixed up with the Church of the Savior of Living People Only. I don't know how she got mixed up with me, either. She's going to be mighty confused when she finds out. If she finds out.What I am, I mean.2

And I don't want to let her find out. Not yet, anyway. Partly because I’m not evensure what I am. I know a little bit, maybe, but it’s been a lot to figure out over the lastfew days. And nights. Days that are days and nights that are like years.I can't resist her lips. That's what almost made us late for church. I took a look ather lips as she was putting lipstick on them, and couldn't resist. Without even strappingon my bra, I had to lean over behind her and turn her head to face me and started kissingher. I pushed my tongue into her mouth, forcing her lips apart so I could feel them oneither side of my tongue, soft and pliable and gently sucking on my tongue and she pushed her tongue into

mouth, so I tried to return the favor, but my lips are always alittle dry, probably (I think) as a result of being me and probably because I'm not veryladylike (except in public when Brigitte makes me be ladylike, like when I’m in churchand trying to be ladylike and not look like I’m remembering kissing Brigitte) and Iassociate wet, soft, moist lips with ladies. We kissed like that for a while, pressing our lips more and more firmly together until I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted those lipseverywhere else on me. I moved her mouth away from mine and stared into her eyes for afew moments and then lowered her head down to my breast. She took the hint, and shetook my nipple and she nuzzled it and sucked on it.

God

, her lips were so soft that Ialmost came right then and I cupped her hands in mine...So you can see why we were almost late. And here's Reverend Tommy, who'ssupposed to not be such a bad guy except he says I'm going to hell and he wants to killme and says I’m taking over the world, and I don't even know what all else, ranting andraving:

"These lesbian zombies walk among us. They dress like us, they talk like us, theylook like us..."

although technically, Reverend Tommy, I don't look like

you

, because youare a

man,

I wanted to say. Brigitte squeezed my thigh. I thought she did it inadvertently but she leaned over and said:"They don't look like him," in a whisper that tickled my ear and made me start to perspire. She was so much like me already! Could I make her

more like

me? Would shelike me more if she were more like me?3