The Maternity Maze

A One Act Play

Written by Patricia Hackett

July 2004 Edited Version

for
Montgomery Playhouse’s
2004 One Act Play Festival

This play is dedicated to my daughter Robin, who was conceived after two
operations, four IUI’s and two IVF’s; and also to Heather Bruce Thiermann,
my cyber-friend and cycle-buddy, who lost her life giving birth to her miracle
daughter Tara, in January 1996. Heather, I know you are in heaven, serving
as a guardian angel and watching over all of our lost babies.
 The Maternity Maze

A One Act Play, in Seven Scenes

Scene 1: In Cyber-Space Present Day – Week 1

Scene 2: In Cyber-Space One Week Later – Week 2
Scene 3: In Cyber-Space One Week Later – Week 3
Scene 4: In Cyber-Space Fourteen Weeks Later – Week 17
Scene 5: In Cyber-Space One Week Later – Week 18
Scene 6: In Cyber-Space One Week Later – Week 19
Scene 7: In a Park in DC Fifty-four Weeks Later – Week 72

Cast: In Order of Appearance:

Eileen: Joey Schaljo

Anne: Jill Pargament

Miriam: Kryss Lacovaro

Norrie: Karen Winokur

Chris: Veronica Johnston

Kathy: Erika Claire

Directed by Patricia Hackett

Performed at the Gaithersburg Arts Barn
July 31 and August 6, 2004

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Scene 1: Week One

Stage is black. Lights come up to blues with background music.

The 6 women come out on stage, one at a time and take their
places during the following narration.

A narrator’s voice (female) states the following:

“Infertility is the inability to conceive a child after one year of

unprotected sexual intercourse. Couples unable to sustain a
pregnancy through to a live birth are also considered infertile.
Infertility strikes 1 in every 6 couples in America, and its causes are
countless.

Although infertility is a couple’s diagnosis, it is often the women who

feel most of the pain and burden of this condition. These women find
support in many forms. In the last decade, many women are using the
internet in order to find support they need”.

Eileen: (The first few sentences of this monologue will be

prerecorded using Eileen’s voice. Eileen will
continue with the rest of the monologue giving a
transition from thoughts to words. In addition, she
will pretend to type the first couple of sentences).
Hey guys… Bill would kill me if he knew I telling you this,
but who cares. Two days ago, Bill went to the clinic to
deposit a sperm sample. This was the test to see if his
operation was successful or not. Well, we just got the
results and his sperm count went down instead of up! My
first thought was to sue the urologist, but then Bill tells me
what he did. GET THIS - He took his sample jar and
proceeded to do his thing. Afterwards, he looked at his
sample and decided there wasn’t enough. So he whips it
out again, and puts an extra wallop on top! I asked him,
“did you ever stop to think that your second sample was
nothing but semen and no sperm? All you did was dilute
the first sample in half!" So he has to go back and do it
again. What do you guys think, should I go and supervise?

Anne: LOL Eileen...you’re a riot, or I should say, Bill is! I’m

starting my FINAL IVF cycle tomorrow. OK, OK, I know I
said that the last cycle was my final one, but Kevin and I
are serious this time. Wish me luck.

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Miriam: Here goes another cycle for me down the drain...The nurse
called today and I am definitely NOT pregnant. After I
finished crying, I had to call Tom, then my mother, then
Tom’s mother and then my sister. Next time, I'm not telling
anyone but you guys when I am doing a treatment.

Norrie: Oh, Miriam, hugs to you girl. We’ve all been there before,
and most likely we’ll be there again. As the elder of the
group, believe me when I say that it doesn’t get easier, it
only gets harder. Actually, the hardest part is after you
achieve success and get pregnant and six weeks later, the
bleeding starts and doesn’t stop. After going through four
miscarriages, I have learned the hard way. When I was
pregnant with Sara, I waited until I was 4 ½ months along
before I told anyone. I don’t think I fully believed it myself
until she was born and was declared healthy.

Chris: Help guys!!! I’m scared. I’m supposed to go in tomorrow

morning for my artificial insemination and I think I just
ovulated. I’m so mad! At dinner tonight I felt that ache in
my side, so I know I ovulated! Have we just wasted this
cycle?

Norrie: Chris, your timing is perfect. Inseminations need to be

done within 24 hours of when you ovulate.

Kathy: Wow . . . I’ve just spent an hour reading a bunch of past

messages you all wrote, and I’m so glad I found you. I’m
new to infertility and I didn’t know where to turn. My
husband and I have been trying to have kids for 3 years.
My doctor kept telling me I am young, so keep trying. Last
month, I found out I have blocked tubes. At least I now
know what the problem is, but I don’t know what to do
next. Can anyone help me?

Anne: Kathy, welcome to the Maze! It’s a club nobody wants to

join, and everyone wants desperately to leave. I'm Anne,
and I’ve been in treatment for 5 years. I have been
through those same tests, and the doctors can’t find
anything wrong with my husband or me. The hardest part
of unexplained infertility is that I have hope every month.
Even if I'm not doing a treatment, I think that maybe
regular old-fashioned sex will do it, but no luck yet.

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Miriam: Hi Kathy, I’m Miriam. My doctor suspects an incompatibility
between my husband’s sperm and my eggs, though we
don't know why. I’ve been married for 8 years and except
for the first couple of months, I've been trying to get
pregnant the entire time!

Kathy: Why is this message board called the Maze?

Eileen: Hi Kathy, I’m Eileen - I’m married to Bill who is, or

hopefully was, practically sterile. We call it the Maze
because every treatment path we take looks sort of like
the last one. You turn a corner, and you think you are at
the end, but instead you run into a wall you’ve never hit
before. Sometimes, you take the same path over and over
again, thinking you’ll have a new result, but you always
seem to get that wall. Some say, if you keep at it, you will
eventually find your way out.

Norrie: Kathy, let me give you a quick overview of a couple of

common procedures you have probably heard about.
Artificial insemination is where a washed and concentrated
sperm sample gets inserted into your uterus using a
catheter. Hopefully, the sperm swim into your tubes, find
and fertilize a waiting egg.

IVF, or "In Vitro Fertilization", is the official name for test

tube babies, although I don’t know why they call it that,
since conception takes place in a petri dish. Using a
special syringe, the doctor removes eggs from your ovaries
after you take hormone injections for a couple of weeks.
They put your eggs with your husband’s sperm sample and
if the eggs fertilize, they insert them into your uterus,
where hopefully they will stick and grow. By the way, my
name is Norrie. I have a daughter, 5 years old, who was
conceived by IVF.

Kathy: Thanks for all the lessons. How do you all manage to learn
everything and stay sane in the process?

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Eileen: Who said anything about being sane? Trust me, you need
to be a little crazy in order to survive. Sometimes you
scream, but most of the time you just cry. And you end up
playing the same game. Try, then wait, then cry…Try then
wait, then cry. I have found that if you laugh instead of
cry, it helps keep you sane.

Chris: This maze also keeps you broke! Hi Kathy, my name is

Chris. My husband and I had to take out a second
mortgage on our home because of all the money we are
spending.

Kathy: So what do you all tell people when they ask, “When are
you going to have kids?” I’m so sick of hearing that,
because I think it might never happen.

Eileen: Don't worry, I’ve got all the answers for when you get
those stupid questions. Here goes:

Question #1: When are you two going to start a family?

Answer: But my husband and I are a family!

Question #2: How long have you been trying?

Answer: Well, we’ve been practicing ever since we first
saw each other naked!

Question #3: Are you pregnant?

Answer: I was going to ask you the same question!

Try those answers. At least they won’t make the mistake

of asking you that again!

Chris: I hate it when friends say “are you sure you are doing it
right?” I mean how stupid do they think we are?

Norrie: Or, I get the comment “Oh you are so lucky to have only
one child. My two kids are driving me crazy"!

Miriam: Here’s a good one: “Have you tried adoption? Lots of

people get pregnant right after they adopt babies.” As if
adoption is no more complicated or expensive than going
to the pound and picking up a stray kitten.

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Chris: Kathy, this will be a very emotional time in your life. You
will find the most special thing about this group is how
brave each of us are, and despite what we are going
through, we can still find a sense of humor and be there
for each other. What has been so scary for me is that I
have discovered parts of myself I don’t like. It’s made me
bitter; more cynical, more pessimistic. My beliefs about
fairness, and my ability to control and shape my life have
been challenged. It has made everything seem so
precarious, and it is hard for me to believe things will turn
out ok. I am so angry that infertility has taken something
away from me, a part of me that can never be restored.
Here I can laugh about things that make me cry and cry
about things that make me scream. I treasure this place.
(Blackout w/ music)

Scene 2: Week Two

Eileen: Yippieeeeee! The results are in. Bill is my macho man

again! We’ve got swimmers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I just have
to keep him out of the hot tub, keep lying when I tell him
how cute he looks in those boxer shorts, get him to
completely give up bike riding, and I think we might be
able to get pregnant! Why is this so complicated?

Norrie: Eileen, great news! Now what are you going to do?

Eileen: We will go the artificial insemination route. Now that Bill is

a pro at giving specimens, we might as well. It kills me, 3
years ago, when we started timing sex, Bill couldn’t do it.
He couldn’t handle performing on demand, so I would have
to lie about when I was ovulating, and sort of trick him into
it, at just the right time. Now, after all this testing, he can
drop his pants anywhere, whip it out and deliver!

Kathy: I have an appointment with the specialist in 10 days. I

guess I should take Steve so he can learn about all this
stuff.

Eileen: Oh, Kathy, before your appointment, make sure you go out
and buy a pair of boxer shorts with big red hearts on them.

Kathy: Why, will they be doing an exam on Steve as well?

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Eileen: No, the boxers are for you to wear.

Others: (ad lib) Eileen, you are a crazy… Don’t be such a

superstitious fool…Not again!

Kathy: What are you guys talking about?

Miriam: Eileen has this theory that the reason we are not getting
pregnant is…

Eileen: Whoa, don’t blow it, let me see if my batting average is

still 100%. Kathy, think about the last time you had a
pelvic exam. Describe what you did after the nurse put
you in the exam room, but before the doctor came in.

Kathy: I got undressed, put the gown on and sat on the table.

Eileen: What did you do with your underwear?

Kathy: (not wanting to admit it) Um, I typically fold them up

and stick them in the pocket of my pants.

Eileen: And why do you hide them?

Kathy: Well, I don’t want the doctor to see my underwear!

Eileen: Bingo! See, I told you guys! I am still 100%.

Others: (Ad lib) What luck! She did it again…only Eileen….

Kathy: But wait, I still don’t understand where the heart covered
boxer shorts come in.

Eileen: Think about it Kathy, you are about to spread you legs and
allow a stranger to look at a part of your body that
hopefully, only a few people have ever seen. Yet you don’t
want the doctor to see your underwear??? Doesn’t this
sound foolish?

Kathy: (laughing) Yeah, I guess it does seem a little silly.

Eileen: But, so far, my scientific survey has shown that 100% of

all infertile women hide their underwear while only 50% of

03/26/09
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 mothers do. But simply leaving your underwear out in the
open may not be enough to counterbalance all the physical
problems we have. So my theory is that we get boxer
shorts with red hearts and leave them out, ON TOP of our
clothes, and be proud! If you can get your doctor to notice
them and make a comment, more power to you.

Chris: Norrie, I have to ask you something. When you got

pregnant with Sara, did you know, or suspect you were
pregnant before you took a pregnancy test?

Norrie: Sure, I had signs. Plus, each time I miscarried, I knew I

was pregnant before a test confirmed it.

Chris: How did you know?

Norrie: This sounds funny, but I always know I’m pregnant about
one week after conception. My fingernails got strong.

Anne: My sister would always get sick at the smell of coffee.

Chris: Did you feel anything, you know, in the uterus area?

Norrie: No, I can’t say I did, or if I did I don’t remember. Why?

Chris: Well, I definitely feel something this time. It’s only been 8
days since the insemination, but I feel different. This
morning, I couldn’t stand the thought of breakfast.

Kathy: When is your pregnancy test, Chris?

Chris: Wednesday - 6 days and counting. The wait is going to kill

me!

Kathy: I’m so excited for you! Just think, you might already have
a baby growing inside you. I can’t wait till I start my
treatments. I know the chances of conceiving are slim with
IVF, but they’ve got to be better than now. I’m praying for
you Chris, and I’m keeping a positive outlook for all of the
rest of us.

Chris: Thank you Kathy, I’ll take all the help I can get. Well girls,
it’s getting late, and its time to sign off. I’ll email everyone

03/26/09
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 as soon as I know something. Everyone have a great
week!
(Blackout w/ music)

Scene 3: Week Three

All but
Chris: (Singing) …HAPPY FUTURE BIRTHDAY TO CHRIS’S AND
BARRY’S BABY, HAPPY FUTURE BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!

Chris: Thanks guys! I have never been serenaded over the

computer before. This is so great. I am so excited I can
hardly type!

Norrie: So, mom, how did you find out, and who have you told?

Chris: Well, I got the news at 3:00 PM yesterday. I made Barry

answer the phone. When I saw him start to cry, I knew it
was good news. Barry never cries at bad news, even when
his mom died.

We just sat there and hugged each other for about an

hour, then started calling people. He called his sister and
his dad, and I called my four sisters and my parents. Then
I sent you all emails. About 150 people know!

Eileen: Well kiddo, it couldn’t happen to a nicer person. Wait a

minute, yes it could, it could’ve happened to me!

Anne: Well, I am doing this last cycle, and then I am giving up. If
it doesn’t work this time, I will have to change my life
goals. And working for an insurance company doesn’t
quite qualify.

Eileen: I told Bill that if we quit treatments, I was going to raise

homeless dogs and cats. And since he hates animals, Bill
is more than willing to continue until I’m 50 years old!

Kathy: How come none of you talk about adopting?

Miriam: Been there, tried that. You want to talk about pain? Try
shelling out $17,000 to a 20-year old pregnant college kid,
so she can get good medical care and stay in school.

03/26/09
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 Then, after the baby is born, and you have held him in
your arms, smelled him, kissed him, and even given him a
name, the college kid changes her mind, drops out of
school and takes the baby with her.

Chris: Kathy, don’t let that sway you. Not all adoptions turn out
bad. In fact, Barry and I have been registered with an
agency that does all the emotional work for you. It takes
longer but it doesn’t have as many horror stories.

Miriam: I think it’s terrible what we have to do to prove how good

we would be as parents, and other people who don’t want
children end up having them and mistreating them.

Norrie: Miriam, Miriam, boy are we in a foul mood tonight. What

gives?

Miriam: Tom wants me to give up all treatments for one year. He

says it has changed me. He’s right. But you know what
pisses me off? That it hasn’t changed him.

Eileen: Face it, men see things differently than women. Think
about it, do you think you would ever see Clint Eastwood
talking to his poker buddies and confiding in them that he
couldn’t make his wife pregnant?

Miriam: What kills me about Tom is that he has an uncanny ability

to NOT think about things he doesn’t want to. He can turn
it off, like a switch.

Anne: Kevin and I had this great talk about 2 years ago. He felt I
was letting my life revolve around infertility and the
treatments, and he was right. But I can never get away
from infertility. My body is refusing to do something it was
meant to do. I accused him of only going through all this
to make me happy. And I was right. Sure, he wants kids,
but he can be happy without them as well.

Norrie: Gary definitely says I think about this too much. What is
too much? Despite his hard talk, I know he desperately
wants more kids. I remember my first miscarriage, he
cried harder and longer than I did.

03/26/09
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Miriam: Well, I’m not sure what to do. Tom doesn’t want to
continue and part of me agrees with him. Each month that
I see a negative pregnancy test, it rips my heart out. I try
not to dream about holding a baby in my arms. Because
after having that dream for so many years, I can't feel it
any more. Each month, a part of my hope has faded away.
After 8 years of this struggle, I just don't have much hope
left.

Chris: Hey guys, at the risk of hurting feelings, I need to bring

something up. Now that I am pregnant, I probably won’t
be joining you every week for our chat sessions. It’s that,
well, it is time to move on. I love you all. I hope you
understand.

Norrie: Totally. Chris we love you too, and we are very happy for
you. Please email us to keep us informed.

Chris: You bet. Take care everyone, and I hope to visit with all of
you in the mother's chat sessions next time!

Others: (Ad lib) Bye Chris, take care, good luck.... (Chris exits)

Miriam: Ok, is anyone else surprised at how fast she dumped us?

Eileen: Not me, who would ever want to be part of this group if
you didn’t have to?

Anne: I agree Miriam, I thought she would hang out for a few
more weeks, then miss a session or two and sort of
gradually fade away.

Norrie: We all handle things in different ways. I’m sure Chris

needed a clean break. And I don’t think we should judge
her, since we haven’t been in her shoes.

Kathy: That is very true. Norrie, I have a personal question for

you. Is your desire for having another child the same as
before you had Sara?

Norrie: Well, first let me preface this by saying this is MY opinion. I

have met many mothers who have one child that are
perfectly happy. But, the pain of infertility never leaves

03/26/09
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 you, no matter how successful you are. I didn’t get to
choose when to have children or how many, and will never
get the chance to decide to stop having children because I
want to. It’s as if someone else is making all the decisions
for me. What makes secondary infertility so hard is that I
am constantly being told to be thankful that I have a child.
Well guess what? I am thankful, but don’t tell me I am not
allowed to hurt because I can’t have any more.

Anne: Not me, one will definitely be enough. If I manage to pull

off a miracle and actually have a kid, I will be going to his
high school graduation as a senior citizen. So God - give
me one, and one child only please!

Eileen: Anne does this mean if you have twins, you will give me
one of your babies? Just name your price!

Anne: Let me tell you girls something, I’ve had so much timed
sex in the last few years that I think I could go a whole
year with no sexual contact at all. It’s all so mechanical to
me. I wonder if I will ever get the urge back again?

Kathy: Is there a Viagra for women? Maybe that would help.

Eileen: Viagra! Can you believe men are taking that drug? Even
though there are associated health risks, a guy is going to
risk his heart just to have a hard on. Is that crazy or
what? Women are too smart; they would never do
something like that.

Anne: You think women are smart? Well take a look around and
count this group out then. Look at what risks we are
taking, all in the name of motherhood. We have voluntarily
put ourselves into a false menopause, quadrupled the
amount of hormones raging through our bodies, hyper-
stimulated our ovaries, risked infection from giving
multiple injections into our hips and thighs, and subjected
ourselves to possible side effects like cancer, just for the
chance to get pregnant. No guaranties mind you. Just a
chance, with odds low enough no bookie would touch in a
million years. No, I don't think we are smart. Sometimes
optimistic, obsessive, desperate and unfortunately, often
plain crazy. But, I don't know what other choice we have.
And with each shuffle of the deck, it is a brand new game,

03/26/09
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 with the possibility of a new result. And that possibility, as
slim as it is, makes the risks seem unimportant. (Makes a
toast) So, here is a toast to all of us, and taking risks.
(Blackout w/ music)

Scene 4: Week 17

(The five women are back in their seats. Norrie is

obviously pregnant. Chris is absent.)

Eileen: So did you guys see the Miracle of Birth on the learning
channel? Was that cool or what? Did you notice the
sperm heads glowed? If they glow in the dark why don't
we see them when they exit our bodies? If you have sex
in the dark that is.

Norrie: They don’t glow in the dark Eileen, I think that was strictly
for filming purposes.

(Chris enters and walks to her area. She is obviously not

pregnant)

Eileen: Well that’s good, one less problem with Bill’s sperm.
Although I’m not sure the operation was the cure all it was
supposed to be. I go for my pregnancy test on Saturday
but I already know it is going to be negative.

Anne: Why are you so sure?

Eileen: Well, no period yet, but I have all the signs…I have a
pimple the size of a pea on my left nostril, and I can play
connect the zits on my back. My boobs would fall off if I
didn’t wear a bra. (stands up and acts this out) I can
see it now, I stand up too quickly, off falls my left breast
and I don’t see it and accidentally kick it under the couch.
Then, because Bill is out of town, I have to go ask a
neighbor to help me move the furniture to get it back. He
picks it up my boob, and it’s covered in dust bunnies when
he hands it back to me - what a mess!

Chris: (laughing) Eileen, you always could make me laugh….

(Unaware she was back: there is a big pause from

everyone)

03/26/09
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Miriam: Chris, you are back! (tentatively) How are you doing?

Chris: Not very good. (pause, starting to cry) I miscarried

three weeks ago, and I can’t seem to get over it.

Anne: Chris! I am so sorry for your loss.

Kathy: Oh Chris, do they know why?

Chris: No, and everyone kept saying it was God’s will, and that I
was obviously never meant to have him in the first place.
(angry) How does anyone know who is meant to be born?
Was Ted Bundy supposed to be born? Everyone says not
to worry and that I will have other babies. Well I don’t
want other babies, I want him! If I could just erase the
last 4 months of my life….

Norrie: Chris, you will never forget him. I know it is hard to

believe, but the sorrow of losing your baby will make you
stronger. But also remember, grieving isn’t being weak.
Just don’t feel guilty: laugh if you want to because it is
part of the healing process. I’m glad you are back because
the worst thing you can do is to try and bear this alone.

Chris: You guys are great. I was in the hospital for a couple of
days before I lost him, because I went into premature
labor. They tried to stop it because there was no chance he
would survive at only 15 weeks. We named him Timothy
Edward. Since he was under 20 weeks, the doctors didn't
consider him a stillborn, (sarcastically) he is only a
miscarriage. Barry and I buried him in my family’s plot. I
just had to share my thoughts with you guys. It’s so funny,
I have never met any of you in person but I feel as if you
are my best friends.

Miriam: We are best friends. It doesn't matter that we don’t

actually see each other.

Chris: Well, as glad as I am to have you in my life again, I am

sorry to see that everyone is still around. Tell me what
you are up too.

03/26/09
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Eileen: I had an insemination two weeks ago, but as I already
eloquently stated, I don’t think it worked.

Anne: I had my 3rd IVF procedure last week, so I have 8 days till
my pregnancy test, but this is definitely my last cycle!

Miriam: Well, Tom and I are still going at each other's throats so I
decided to try other unique options.

Chris: What about you Norrie, and Kathy?

Norrie: Oh you know me, same ole, same ole, but Kathy has some
good news.

Kathy: Yes! I am 9 weeks pregnant. Steve's and my first IVF did

the trick. I feel bad because it was so easy to get
pregnant.

Anne: Easy? You call getting stuck by needles over 200 times in
a three-month period easy? Lucky maybe, but not easy!
(Curious) Miriam, what is this other unique option you are
doing?

Miriam: Well, I’m not sure I should say anything…Ok, I’m dying to
tell someone. Can you guys keep a secret?

Others: (Ad lib) Of course! Have we ever broken one?

Miriam: OK, I will tell you guys because I know it can’t get back to
Tom. You know what Tom and I have is an incompatibility
between my body and his sperm. Do you guys know much
about this?

Norrie: Yes, and it is complicated. It deals with anti-bodies and

immune disorders. Your doctor should be running specific
test for…

Miriam: (cutting her off) No, as Tom said, no more tests. So, if
we can’t effectively treat this disorder, then I thought I
would simply take one of the two of us out of the picture.

Eileen: Are you guys doing donor sperm or eggs?

03/26/09
16
Miriam: Neither. I thought of something easier and it has an extra
benefit, it’s fun! (pause) I’m having an affair with a guy
from work.

Others: (Ad lib) Are you kidding? Miriam! Are you crazy??

Miriam: Come on guys, you said it yourself lots of times, that you
would do anything to have a child. To be honest, it is so
exciting, even if I don’t get pregnant.

Eileen: So where do you guys do it?

Miriam: Everywhere! But most of the time we go to his place.

Once we did it in the file room! It’s such a rush!

Norrie: How about AIDS? Aren’t you worried about that?

Miriam: We both got tested before we did anything.

Anne: Miriam, I hate to sound judgmental, but don’t you see this
is not the way to fight infertility? Do you really think this
will work?

Miriam: Come on guys, lay off ok? It’s been so long since I have
had a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Kathy: Miriam is right, we don’t have to agree with her methods,

and if it makes you happy, then I can live with it.

Miriam: Thank you.

Eileen: Ok, so now that you know we don’t endorse it, tell us all!
Are you scared of getting caught?

Miriam: Well, not by Tom, but we sure have had some close calls at
work. But that adds to the excitement. My period is due
this weekend. But, I got to tell you girls, even if it doesn’t
work this cycle, I’m up for trying a lot more!

Anne: Well Miriam, I may not be politically correct, but good luck
to you and enjoy it while you can. I’m at the point where I
don’t care if I ever have sex again.

03/26/09
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Miriam: Well Anne, all you need to get a new lease on life is a
young lover.

Norrie: Now hold on a minute…let’s not corrupt everyone!

Eileen: I don’t need a new lover, I just need some new moves, and
fantasies! So, come on Miriam, tell us about one episode?

Miriam: Ok, I tell you what; next week, for anyone who shows up
in the chat room 15 minutes early, I’ll provide some details
on our most daring escapade.

Eileen: Sounds good to me! Who else is game?

Kathy: I'll be here. It sounds interesting, I think…

Anne: Me too.

Norrie: No offence Miriam, but I think I will take a rain check, but I
will join everyone at our normal time.

Eileen: Chris? Come on, you are going to come back next week
aren't you?

Chris: Yes, I'll be here. (pause) I need to keep busy. I need to

forget him, but I can't seem to, no matter what I do.
(starts to cry) I'm sorry, I just want to get over it.

Norrie: Chris, listen to me, it is ok not to get over it. I know what
it is like to not be able to look past the next hour, much
less the next day. I want to tell you this Chris, so you will
believe me when I say I wish I could hold you and tell you
the pain will go away. Unfortunately it won’t. Yes, it will
lessen but you will never forget this experience. And the
good news is that he will always be with you, in your
heart.

The one gift I can give you is my understanding. I wish it

could be more, something I could put in a fancy box with a
pretty ribbon. But unlike that kind of gift, my
understanding will never break, get lost or stolen. So, I am
offering a piece of myself to you Chris. Please know it is

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18
 strong and straight from my heart. Use it as much as you
can and know it will always be here for you.
(Blackout w/ music)

Scene 5: Week 18

(Five of the six women are at their chairs. Norrie is absent)

Miriam: So then he leaves me, blindfolded and handcuffed to the

supply shelf, with my blouse unbuttoned. About 2 minutes
later, I hear the door to the warehouse open. I say, “Peter,
is that you?” and there is no answer. Well I’m sweating
now, I figured someone has come in to get some supplies,
or files. So, I shut up, figuring maybe they won’t come
down this row.

Eileen: Mother of God, sweet Jesus, I would have died!

Miriam: Well I was dying! I was also trying to figure out how I was
going to explain my circumstances. Next thing I know, I
feel a hand on me. I freaked out and started to scream.
Then, another hand is put over my mouth so that I can't
scream. Next thing I know, I am being fondled. So, I am
thinking it is Peter, so I relax and begin to get into it. Ok,
this is where it gets freaky. I’m standing there, with a
hand over my mouth and another playing with my breast,
and the next thing I know, a third hand is going down my
underwear!

Others: (Ad lib) What? How can that be?

Miriam: Let me tell you, if you have never been blindfolded, I

highly recommend it. Not knowing who is doing what to
where freaks you out, but it is such a turn on!

Anne: So was it Peter?

Miriam: Well let me fast forward to the end. There I was, still
handcuffed, trying to keep my legs from totally collapsing
from under me, and I realize I’m alone again. I’m there
another minute and then Peter comes rushing back in,
apologizing, saying he was so sorry he took so long but his

03/26/09
19
 boss caught him in the hall and asked him to do
something.

Kathy: (Horrified) You mean that wasn’t him with you?

Miriam: Well, he claims it wasn’t but I think it really was. But the
fact that I don’t really know makes it so exciting.

Chris: But what about the extra hand? Was there more than one
person there?

(Norrie walks to her chair, very pregnant)

Miriam: I don’t know, but it felt like more than one person, and
since Peter swears he wasn’t even there at all, he isn’t
telling me.

Eileen: God, Miriam, you should write X-rated movies. That is

unreal!

Miriam: Tell me about it. This is the first month I haven’t cried
when I found out I wasn’t pregnant.

Norrie: Miriam, why don’t you just divorce Tom if you are unhappy
with him?

Others: (Ad lib) Hello Norrie, welcome.

Miriam: Listen Norrie, I know you don’t approve, but my

reproductive and sex life is my business, not yours.

Norrie: Well, you seem to have made it our business.

Miriam: Now wait one minute. As I recall, you guys asked me what
options I was pursuing, and I also recall being asked to
provide the juicy details. Are you jealous Norrie or what?

Norrie: No Miriam, there is no jealousy here at all. I just don't

want to see our chat sessions start sounding like a Cosmo
article, “How to dump your man and still get a baby.”

Eileen: Whoa, you two. Let’s calm down, ok? Gee Norrie, I’ve

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20
 never seen you so hormonal. You sound like a pregnant
woman. (Pause) Oh sorry, that was very insensitive.

Norrie: Well, leave it to Eileen to figure me out. As a matter of

fact, I am pregnant.

Others: (Ad lib) Norrie, congrats! I can’t believe it. I knew there
was something different about you lately…”

Miriam: Norrie, that is great. I’m truly sorry if I offended you.

Norrie: I’m sorry too, Miriam. I am so blessed, having the luck to

produce two healthy babies.

Anne: Norrie, how far along are you?

Norrie: 6 months

Eileen: 6 months! You’ve been keeping this a secret for 6 months?

(As if she is angry) How could you? (Change of tone)
No seriously, how did you manage to keep it to yourself?

Norrie: I’m not sure. I know that with my history of miscarriage, I

wanted to get the amnio done before anyone knew. When
the results said she is perfect, I just couldn’t find the time
to tell you guys. There was always someone in the group
suffering too much or celebrating their good fortune. It
just didn’t feel like the right time. I’m sorry.

Chris: I can’t believe we are going to have 2 graduates. Is this

group going to be able to stay together?

Eileen: I think we can get lots of new members, especially men, if

we get Miriam to give us weekly updates on her activities!

Miriam: Very funny Eileen, but I think I will pass on that!

Kathy: Look at this group! Three pregnancies in the last 6 months

and two of the three are still with us. Those are pretty
good odds.

Chris: Depends on which person you are.

03/26/09
21
Kathy: Oh Chris, I'm sorry, but think about how hard it was to get
pregnant. Don’t you see that as a milestone, or do you
wish it had never happened?

Chris: Ask me next week, after I get some testing done.

(pause) There is a chance my uterus was damaged during
the miscarriage. I may never be pregnant again.

Norrie: Chris, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.

Anne: What will you do then?

Chris: Well, we are still in the adoption race, so we will put all our
efforts in that camp and hope for the best.

Eileen: That’s what I like! Another optimist! (Dancing and

chanting) Go girl, you go girl, Yeah!

Miriam: Someone shoot Eileen for me, ok? God, she’s getting on
my nerves.

Eileen: Excuuuuuuse me! Sounds like Miriam needs a little more

nooky!

Norrie: She’s already getting it more than the rest of us put

together!

Eileen: Yeah, but she’s an addict now. (Performing –

pretending to be hooked on drugs). Come on Peter,
just one more time. Please, you know I’m good for it.

Miriam: (Smiling) OK Eileen, very funny. I’ll take the contract off
your life if you give my sex life a break!

Anne: OK, since everyone is baring their souls, or in Miriam’s

case, her breasts…

Miriam: Everyone’s a comedian!

Anne: I’ll tell you all a secret. Four years ago, Kevin had an
affair, but he doesn’t know that I know.

Eileen: No way! How did you find out?

03/26/09
22
Anne: He started talking a lot about this woman he works with.
He was working with her on a few projects, so it wasn’t
unusual, but it seemed weird the way her name kept
coming up in conversation. One night, I had to go out of
town for business and I called home. By the way Kevin
was talking to me, I could tell someone was there with
him. When I asked him, he said it was Roy, his buddy
down the street. But I had my doubts.

Norrie: So what made you suspect he was seeing someone?

Anne: I give credit to my nosey neighbor. She called me a few

days after my trip. She didn’t know I had been out of
town. She asked who was visiting us the other night.
When I asked her what she meant, she mentioned she was
admiring the red BMW in the driveway the night I was
gone, and noticed it was still there the next morning.

Eileen: Wait a minute. This chick owns a BMW, which would stand
out like a sore thumb in my neighborhood, and they didn’t
park it in the garage?

Anne: I guess they didn’t think about that. Anyway, I still didn’t
know whose car it was, but I knew it wasn’t Roy’s. Then,
two months later, we went to Kevin’s company picnic, and
we got there the same time this woman did, and I saw her
get out of a red BMW.

Chris: What a snake! Did you smack her?

Anne: Actually, it was quite apparent she was avoiding him at the
picnic. He wasn’t trying to catch her eye or anything
either, so I think it was only a one night stand.

Norrie: Maybe nothing happened.

Anne: Since the car was still there in the morning, I think they
actually went through with it.

Kathy: So why did you never say anything?

Anne: Since it was obvious to me that his crush was over, I didn’t
know what it would accomplish. I think they did it, but

03/26/09
23
 maybe it didn’t live up to his or her expectations. Or
maybe the guilt was so bad, it wasn’t worth continuing. If
I felt it was still going on, I would definitely say something.
But besides that one event, Kevin and I have been OK, so I
forgave him.

Chris: Good for you Anne, you are a better person than I am.

Miriam: Hey, listen. About the affair thing with Peter, I want to
thank you all for not being too judgmental about me.

Kathy: Do you know how remarkable you all are? I am amazed at

what you have endured during your lives. I am so lucky,
and in some respects I feel guilty. I haven't lived through
one tenth of the experiences each of you have. Sometimes
I wonder if I am worthy enough to be your friend. But I do
know that I am thankful to each of you. For sharing your
experiences and exposing your souls. Each of you has
impacted my life in ways you can't imagine and thus you
will always be a part of me because each of you has helped
shape the mom I will become. So, I would like to offer
each of you my thanks from the bottom of my heart.
(Blackout w/ music)

Scene 6: Week 19

Anne: This hurts so much. I want a baby and find myself

fantasizing about our life with this baby. On the other
hand, am I fooling myself? Perhaps I am missing out on
moments that can never be replaced because of this all-
consuming passion and obsession to be pregnant and give
birth to a baby.

Chris: After getting my results, I couldn't face anyone. Even

when I went to get the mail, I was terrified of getting one
more card announcing an addition to someone else's
family that would only reminded me of my own body’s
limitations.

Norrie: Anne and Chris, hugs to both of you. What a bad week! It
rarely happens that two of us are given bad news in the
same week.

03/26/09
24
Anne: You know, I never thought of myself as selfish, jealous or
downright crabby until I started going through all of this. I
swear to all of you I am not going to go through this
emotional roller coaster any more. I guess I have to face
the fact that I will never be a mom.

Eileen: Well, I firmly believe something will happen for all of us;
one way or another. I WILL be a mother. And YOU all will
too.

Chris: I believe things happen for a reason. But I don't believe I

have ever done anything bad enough to deserve this
punishment. Why has my body betrayed me? I can’t
believe I'm incapable of having a child. Barry doesn't know
how screwy I am right now. You guys have kept me from
going off the deep end.

Kathy: I don’t think things happen for a reason. Do you think God
controls us all to that extent? I certainly don't think he is
picking and choosing who does and does not get pregnant.
If that were the case, then drug addicts and teenagers
wouldn't get pregnant. I think it is all random, and he
watches us deal with each new hurdle life hands us. How
we handle the hurdles is what is important.

Chris: Well, I do not choose to feel this way so why do I? If I had

any choice I would choose happiness, even if I end up
childless. So how can I stop these feelings? I've tried
counselors and even a hypnotist. God, I sound so damn
selfish. I'm ashamed for feeling this way.

Eileen: Ok, let's try to keep things in perspective. I know that

today, because of what I have been through, I am more
compassionate to others with disabilities. When I see
someone with an obvious physical problem, I can now
imagine their pain and suffering. We all see stories of
people with amazing fortitude make the best of their
situation, and that is what I intend to do, pregnant or not!
Chris, you are still working the adoption angle, right?

Chris: Yes, but it seems so far away. If I can never be pregnant,

then I want a baby now.

Norrie: We all develop a selfish part of us at times. It is fueled by

03/26/09
25
 hormones that want us to be successful and cannot bear
anyone else's good news.

Miriam: Hey guys, don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not into
wallowing in self-pity or even lending a lot of support
tonight. I’m really sorry, but I’m going to sign off. I wanted
you to know where I am coming from, rather than just not
show up.

Norrie: Will you join us next week?

Miriam: I’m not sure. Let me take it a week at a time. Miriam

signing off. (She gets up and leaves the stage).

Anne: Oh wow, I feel bad, did I really wallow in self-pity?

Chris: How about me? I was worse than you were!

Eileen: Don’t worry about it! She probably just wanted to search
for an adult-sex chat instead.

Kathy: Eileen! She is in a different place than we are.

Norrie: Kathy is right. The focus of Miriam’s life is no longer trying

to get pregnant.

Anne: Well, she certainly isn’t depressed and angry anymore, so

that’s good. I wonder if she has come to terms with not
being a mother.

Eileen: Well, I hate to be the predictor of bad news, but if Peter

dumps her I bet she will be back in a flash.

Norrie: And if she comes back, we will welcome her with open
arms.

Kathy: You guys, I don’t even know what you all look like. Can
we email photos of each other or something?

Chris: Sure, but what we ought to do is get together somewhere

and meet for a weekend.

Eileen: Great idea, Chris! I'd love a road trip.

03/26/09
26
Anne: Let’s pick a date well in the future and start planning now.
We should pick a central place.

Norrie: How about if we do it in the DC area? With Miriam being

from Virginia and me from Maryland, there are two of us
taken care of right there.

Eileen: Do you think Miriam would come?

Norrie: We will invite her, whether she comes or not is up to her.

Chris: How about a year from now, in September? That should

give us plenty of time to plan.

Anne: Labor Day weekend. Ha, I love it! Maybe we will be lucky
and one of us will be pregnant then, and in labor!

Eileen: Ok, it is official. Labor Day in DC next year, the 6 of us, our
spouses, if they want to tag along, and all the kids. And by
this time next year, there will be a bunch of them born and
others on their way!

(Blackout w/ music. This scene change requires a set change,

thus will run longer than other scene changes)

Scene 7: Week 72

(Labor Day Weekend, the following year. Location is at a park

in Washington D.C. There is a park bench and a flower box.
Eileen is sitting on the bench. Norrie walks in.)

Norrie: Well, it must be Eileen, here early, just like me. You ever
notice we are always the first two online each week?

Eileen: Norrie, its great to see you! So, where are the girls and
Gary?

Norrie: Left them at home. So, I am ready to relax. How are you?

Eileen: (putting on her best smile) You know me, Ms. Positive.
Bill finally agreed to do IVF. I mean, how many
inseminations do we have to fail?

03/26/09
27
Norrie: You sure you are ok with this. Of the five of us…

Eileen: I’m the only one who doesn’t have a child or isn’t
expecting one. I know. Of course I am ok with this. I
wouldn’t miss meeting my best friends for the world.

(Chris comes running in, grabs them both in a big

bear hug, nearly knocking the two of them over in
the process)

Chris: Hello you guys! God it is great to see you.

Eileen: Whoa! Ever thought about playing pro football?

Chris: (talking a mile a minute) Ha, you must be Eileen! I

knew I would recognize you. And Norrie, you look just like
your picture! Hey, do you guys want to see a picture of
Michelle? We just got them in the mail last week. She is so
adorable. (Pulls photos out of her purse).

Norrie: Chris! Yes, let’s see her. When do you go to China to get
her?

Chris: In two weeks, as soon as the paperwork is done. I can’t

wait, I am so excited!

(Kathy comes walking in and stands back a ways,

watching the three women talk)

Eileen: Oh really? I couldn’t tell. (Looking at the photos). Oh,

she is cute! How old is she now?

Chris: She is 6 months old, but still only 12 pounds.

Unfortunately, they don’t get much food. That is why I
want to get over there and bring her home as soon as
possible.

Norrie: (seeing Kathy watching them) Kathy, is that you?

Kathy: Yes, I didn’t want to interrupt (she walks over to them,

they all exchange hugs).

Eileen: No problem, just tackle us, we are used to it!

03/26/09
28
Chris: Kathy, you are pregnant again, right? And your little one is
only 7 months old? Boy, are you a fertility machine.

Kathy: Yeah, pretty ironic, isn’t it. We got right back into
treatment and it worked again. (Looking at Eileen) I feel
so bad.

Eileen: Would you cut the guilt routine? Don’t feel bad. It is great
that you are expecting again.

Norrie: So, who is missing? We haven’t seen Anne yet.

Chris: She was dragging her husband and the twins here from
New York, so she has an excuse for being late.

Kathy: How about Miriam? Did you ever hear from her, Eileen?

Eileen: Yes, and she got the information about this weekend, but
would not commit to anything.

Norrie: I too tried to convince her to come.

(Anne comes in, looking like a wreck)

Anne: I’m so sorry I’m late. How are you all?

(Every one hugs Anne, and she identifies each

person correctly as she hugs them)

Eileen: God, I can’t believe you got us all right!

Anne: Me either, I can’t tell my twins apart. It drives me crazy!

Kathy: But don’t you have one boy and one girl?

Anne: Yes, thank god, otherwise I would have definitely switched

them before now! But I am not the only one; I catch
Kevin opening up their diapers to figure out who is who!

Norrie: Well, our reservations are in 10 minutes, we probably

should head over to the restaurant.

Anne: Well, I’m famished. I can’t wait for a sit down meal,

03/26/09
29
 someone to serve me and no kids hollering in my ear!

Chris: Not me. I can’t wait to hear my daughter crying in my ear.

Kathy: It's funny how things change over time. Our desires from a
year ago are all memories. (she pauses, glances at
Eileen, realizing her comment was not appropriate
for Eileen)

Eileen: (trying to break the mood) Hey, why don’t you all get
going. I’ll join you in a few minutes. I’m going to stay here
and call home to Bill first.

Norrie: (sensing that Eileen wants to be alone) Ok women,

come on, let's go. I’ll show you the way.

(Arm in arm, the four women leave the stage, saying

“see you in a little bit Eileen”, etc. Eileen is sitting on
the bench staring out. A tear forms in her eye and
she starts to cry. Behind her, Miriam comes into the
park. She notices Eileen is crying, and decides to
come forward).

Miriam: So why didn’t you go with them?

Eileen: (Wiping the tears away, trying to hide the fact she
was crying). I thought I would wait for you, in case you
were late. See, good thing I did! (they hug).

Miriam: I’m sorry I haven’t kept in touch with everyone this past
year. (pause) Tom and I are getting a divorce, and Peter
is history. He has been for a while now. Boy, this past year
has really thrown a curve ball into my game plan.

Eileen: Wow, I am sorry to hear that. But how are you doing? I
mean, really doing, inside?

Miriam: Actually, pretty good, considering. It's funny, I sometimes

wonder who I am now. During my marriage, I was Tom's
wife, and it seemed everything I did revolved around him.
Now, my future is up in the air and that terrifies me. But it

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30
 is also very exciting. And I must say that chatting with
you, Eileen, must have rubbed off. I look at this transition
as something I needed to go through in order to grow as a
person and I feel pretty good about it. Do you know what I
mean?

Eileen: I have no idea what you mean, but I can tell you are
happier.

Miriam: (pauses and thinks about it) Yeah, I am. Except I know
I still want to be a mother, one of these days. (looks at
Eileen, hugs her again). So, are we the only true
members left?

Eileen: Yeah, it looks that way. (Wipes another tear from her
eye) Damn, I thought I could handle this. Why can’t I be
around my best friends and enjoy their company this
weekend?

Miriam: Because you deserve what they all have. Hell, you all
deserve it more than me, but no one more than you
Eileen.

Eileen: I don’t know. I guess I thought I could accept it with them.

And now, I don’t think I can.

Miriam: You don’t have to, you can go out with me and get drunk.

Eileen: What, you don't want to go to the dinner?

Miriam: No, It’s been too long… I just can’t.

Eileen: Miriam, we all love you and no one is judging you.

Miriam: I know, but they are all feeling pity for me, and that I can’t
handle.

Eileen: Yeah, I know the feeling. That is why I have to keep the
jokes flowing, so the pity doesn’t come out.

(They are sitting on the bench. There is silence for a moment)

Miriam: You know, changes happen. Those women were your best
friends, but that friendship has changed because of the

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31
 differences in your lives.

Eileen: You're right. And I guess I have to be ok with that, don’t I?

You know, I think I would like to spend this evening not
making any more jokes. I just want to cry, scream, vent,
and express some of the emotions I have been feeling, but
never shared. Maybe I should go back to my room and be
alone tonight.

Miriam: No way woman, tonight is my night to be Ms. Positive. We

are going out, this is my city and we are going to hit the
town. You can cry and scream all you want, but you are
doing it with me.

(Eileen turns to Miriam, starts crying and laughing at the same

time and hugs her)

Eileen: Thanks. You are just what the doctor ordered. Let’s forget
about our uteruses and our ovaries for tonight and have
fun.

Miriam: Sounds great. Do you want to go by the restaurant and tell

them you are not going to join them?

Eileen: Nah, they are already talking babies. They won’t even miss
me.

(Music starts as Miriam and Eileen walk off stage, lights fade
out)

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