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Samantha Dilday_Article for Submission

Samantha Dilday_Article for Submission

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Published by Samantha Dilday
McSweenys
McSweenys

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Published by: Samantha Dilday on Apr 19, 2013
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Dilday 1Samantha DildayWriting for PublicationMarch 12, 2013 s.dilday618@knights.ucf.edu
 Article
 – 
Call for Submission
 Article Word Count: 851
 Rhetorical AnalysisSubject:
 This article takes a sarcastic, intelligent approach to the dreaded but all too common scenario of menwho hit on their servers in restaurants. This article was written in response to a call for submission by
McSweeney's Internet Tendency and fits into the site's “Open Letters to People or Entities Who areUnlikely to Respond” section. The p
ublication as a whole is funny and smart. This column in particular relies on heavy sarcasm and intelligence.
Audience:
 The main audience of McSweeney's includes educated men and women between the ages of 25 and 40who have a sarcastic sense of humor and like to see others make light of both heavy and commonplacetopics. My article's target audience will include waitresses working their way through college, as wellas woman who have already graduated from college and have worked as a waitress at some pointduring their lives. Most women who have been waitresses will be able to relate to this article.
Occasion:
 I've been a waitress for 5 years and have had to put up with a lot of rude customers and the occasionalsprinkle of sexual harassment. It made my job unbearable at times, and I'm happy to say I've finallymoved on and am working at a job where I'm not harassed daily.
Purpose:
 
 
Dilday 2Thousands of men hit on their waitresses (probably everyday) when they go out to eat, and most of those waitresses have no choice but to grin and bear it. Because of this, I've decided to give those poor,hardworking waitresses a voice. In the process, maybe some of the gentlemen to whom I am addressingthis letter will realize the error of their ways and take a different approach if they want to get to knowtheir server better. On a less driven, but pointed note, many people have worked in the service industryat some point in their lives and I think they'll get a chuckle out of it.
An Open Letter to the Kind Gentlemen Who Hit on Waitresses in Sports Bars
 Dear Kind Gentlemen,As a five-year veteran waitress, I've stood patiently at the end of hundreds of tables listening toall your clever and blush-worthy flirtations. I think this experience will allow me to offer a fresh
 
Dilday 3 perspective for you
 — 
a few pointers, if you will.Let me just start off by saying that you always made my shifts about, well, a billion times moreexciting. Clearly I can't speak for all waitresses, but I think a lot of them would agree with me when Isay that I can't think of a better way to spend my Friday night than standing awkwardly in front of youas you give me the once over while uttering uncomfortable and, at best, cheesy pick up lines. I'mhonestly trying to think of a better alternative, but good golly if I'm drawing a blank.I suppose this is because there's just such a variety of kind gentlemen, such as yourself, thatthere's never a dull or predictable moment. I'd like to take a moment to pay homage to all of those kindand entertaining gentlemen, who boldly bridge the waitress-customer divide with a flair that is
unforgettable to say the least. Firstly, there are the “I plan to speak whatever's on my mind,” fellows.
You know who you are. And you're some of my favorites.I'll never forget a particularly flattering and completely socially acceptably comment from one
older gentlemen who gazed deeply into my … chest and asked whether or not I would mind if he
dreamed about me that night. I can honestly say it was enough to send shivers down my spine. You canscarcely duplicate that kind of romance.Then there are the other species of male patrons who always sweep me off my feet. There are
the kind gentlemen of the more “mature” variety who often try to woo their servers. Nothing
makes agirl feel more young and beautiful than when a man old enough to be her father's father makes a pass ather. Just a handful of years back, this would have been considered pedophilia, but come on.We're past that now.To all of you matured gentlemen, don't worry what anyone else says. Wine gets better with age,and clearly so do you. Other waitresses may think that your pick up lines are overused. False. I knowthat chances are you invented those pick up lines.Oh! So, you fainted and hit your head when you saw me? And now you need my number for 

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