IN. MICHAEL SCARN'S OFFICE -- DAYAGENT MICHAEL SCARN, ruggedly handsome without even trying,relaxes at his desk, feet up, reviewing a case file. His gunrests next to his FBI badge, which glints in the office'sbuzzing florescent light. Dressed in a suit, he's loosened histie and undone some of the buttons, revealing his hairy chest.The closed door flies open as CATHERINE ZETA-JONES bursts intothe office. Acting on instinct, Michael Scarn leans back in hischair and rams his feet forward, tipping his desk over onto thefloor. Michael catches his gun in midair, then crouches downbehind the overturned desk for cover.CATHERINE ZETA-JONES(covering face with folders)Don't shoot, it's me, CatherineZeta-Jones! I have some messages foryou!MICHAEL SCARNCatherine Zeta-Jones! Didn't I tell youto knock!?CATHERINE ZETA-JONESI'm so sorry! Maybe I can make it up toyou.Seductively, she inches nearer, stepping over the mess.CATHERINE ZETA-JONESThe first message is: I love you -that's from me. (she winks)MICHAEL SCARNNo, Catherine! I'm an FBI man, I mustnot love! It'll only get in the way ofmy objectives. Now what's the othermessage?CATHERINE ZETA-JONES(looking slightly downcast)The head of the FBI has requested yourpresence in the secret base. He says tomake sure you are not followed. Itregards your mortal enemy - (said in ahoarse whisper) Goldenface.
2.MICHAEL SCARNHave they found him!?CATHERINE ZETA-JONESI'm sorry, Agent Scarn, I've told youeverything I know.MICHAEL SCARNFine, I'll head out immediately. Oh, andCatherine? -He steps over to Catherine, grabs her around the waist, andpulls her in close.CATHERINE ZETA-JONES(Shocked, but aroused)..but I thought you must not love?MICHAEL SCARNThis ain't love, baby!He kisses her heard. She melts in his arms. After a few seconds,he lets go and quickly heads for the door, then turns backtowards her.MICHAEL SCARNAnd Catherine?CATHERINE ZETA-JONES(still a bit woozy)Yes, Agent Scarn?MICHAEL SCARNCall me Michael - and, uh, clean thisup.He exits the office, slamming the door behind him.OPENING CREDITS MONTAGE-- Michael walks quickly down a hallway.A low-level employee carrying a large stack of files blocks hispath, and is too slow to get out of the way. Michael pushes himdown, sending papers flying.He approaches a cluster of very attractive secretaries. Henotices them and slows his stride a bit, gives them a quick nodand a wink, then quickens his stride and heads down the hallway.The women all giggle and swoon.A man on a perpendicular hallway trips just ahead of MichaelScarn, spilling his coffee right in Michael's way. Withoutbatting an eye or taking his eyes of the end of the hall, hesidesteps the steaming liquid.
3.EXT. CITY STREET -- AFTERNOONMichael eyes trouble in the rear-view mirror. Four TERRORNINJASon sleek black deathcycles converge behind him.MICHAEL SCARNTerrorNinjas - time to boogey.Michael pulls a pair of high-fashion sunglasses from the visorabove him. Pressing a button on the dash, a state-of-the-artcomputer console is revealed featuring an LCD screen with anexact layout of the car.He touches the trunk on the screen. The car speaks to him, withCatherine Zeta-Jones' voice. The car, we will later learn, iscalled CAT.CATStereo initiated, Michael.The car's trunk pops open to reveal an elaborate stereo system.As the TerrorNinjas draw closer, the system emits anear-piercing tone, causing them to grasp their heads in obviouspain. Three of them lose control of their deathcycles and falloff. Their bikes crash with spectacular explosions.The remaining TerrorNinja regains composure and manages to pullout a small metal disc from a hidden pocket. Pressing a buttonon it, blades spring out from all sides. He hurls the throwingstar at the stereo, where it lodges itself. In a split-second,the star explodes, destroying the stereo and most of the backhalf of the car.MICHAEL SCARNGood thing this is just a lease.Michael pulls out a ferocious little gun and touches thesteering wheel on the LCD screen.CATAuto-pilot initiated, Michael.Michael pulls himself through the sunroof and fires the gun witha savage war cry. The TerrorNinja is struck three times in thechest and thrown from the bike, sending it swerving off theroad. Michael returns to his seat and touches the LCD screen.CATThreat eliminated. Well done, Michael.
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Screenplay - Michael Scarn- Threat Level Midnight
A screenplay loosely based off the dialogue of NBC's The Office, in which Michael Scott writes a screenplay starring himself. It is an unfinished script; please feel free to toss out suggestions.
Note: This is written from the perspective of Michael Scott.
Note: This is written from the perspective of Michael Scott.
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