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Vince's Peer Review

Vince's Peer Review

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Published by Conor Chambers

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Published by: Conor Chambers on Apr 22, 2013
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Chambers 1
Conor ChambersMs. CarusoEnglish 1102March 20, 2013CAP Letter Memo: This letter is written to deans of different universities to try to get them to sidewith my cause of banning food eating competitions on their campuses. Hopefully the
introduction will grab the reader’s attention and want them to continue reading until the end.
Asthe letter is being read, the reader should try to make connections, for example if they haveexperienced a time where they partook in a food eating competition and they felt sick afterwards.In addition, before reading this, they should understand how dangerous food eating competitionscan be, as proven with deaths caused by them.Article responded to: Protesting Nathan's Hot Dog Eating ContestURL: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/comfort-cravings/201007/protesting-nathans-hot-dog-eating-contest Dear Sir or Madam,A 23 year old Taiwan student died participating in a steamed-bun eating contest(partysugar). Jennifer Strange participated in a water drinking contest and died from water intoxication (Saltzman). Both of these examples are food eating competitions that have led tohorrible deaths. I beg you not to allow food competitions at your university to protect the livesof your students. They are dangerous, and I fear that if you allow food eating competitions atyour campus, your student participants would overeat and possibly die. At the least, this would promote and increase obesity. With your help we can lower the popularity of food eatingcontests and save lives
Comment [V1]:
I would replace this with
“convince” because when you read to try to get to
it was a little confusing the first time.
Comment [V2]:
I might add a sentence in abouthow exactly the food competitions can harmsomeone physically (physical damage to organsmaybe?, etc.) (how does it kill people)
Chambers 2
Chen was participa
ting in his school’s annual food eating competition. The 23 year old
Taiwan student started choking while eating a steamed bun. Little did he know that the foodeating contest he was apart of would be the last thing he ever did. This death could have been prevented if his school outlawed food eating competitions (Wang).Is a Nintendo Wii so amazing that one should risk their life to obtain one? Jennifer Strange took this risk on a radio station and entered a water drinking/ urine holding contest called
“Hold Your Wee for a Wii”. Unfortunately, she lost the contest, but even more unfortunate she
died the next day from haven drink too much water. This fatal process is known as water intoxication. Competitive eaters train by drinking large quantities of water, and each time thisoccurs there is a chance that water intoxication could happen. Without food eating competitions,no one would have to drink large amounts of water and threaten their lives just to win a Wii(Saltzman).Although food eating compe
titor deaths are rare, they can happen, especially if you’re a
nonprofessional trying dumb new things in school. I remember a few years ago my sister and I
were having a food eating competition in Cici’s Pizza. The competition was to see who could
eat the most pizza. I won, but we both felt like losers after gorging our stomachs with pizza.Outside, right before getting into the car and going home, my sister vomited all of her supper outdue to the sickness she felt from eating too much. Luckily she survived and everything was fine,unlike Chen choking and vomiting to death.Major League Eating has been trying to get competitive eating into the Olympics.Thankfully they have continually been denied, but if it were to get accepted, then students mightaspire to become a competitive eater in the Olympics (Albers). A few students might make it to become professional competitive eaters, but most of the student participants would risk their 
Chambers 3
lives shoveling food down their throats in hopes of expanding their bellies. In the case that the
students don’t die and their stomachs don’t burst, they will most likely become obese and have
unhealthy eating habits for the rest of their lives.We as schools, we as a nation, and we as individuals need to protect the lives of studentsand make sure food eating competitions will not take place in schools. Please fight against theidea of food eating competitions being approved as an Olympic sport, and please restrict schoolsfrom having any type of food eating competitions whether big or small. With your help, lives
will be saved and obesity won’t rise.
 Sincerely yours,Conor Chambers
Comment [V3]:
Maybe you could add insomething about how the world as a whole willcontinue to become more obese, just a suggestion.
Comment [V4]:
Overall I think your paper isgreat man. It is to the point and VERY informative. Ilike it the way it is and I would not change muchabout it.

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