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Saidah McKissick Ms.Caruso ENGL 1102 09.04.

2013
- Uploaded as a .odt, but needed a .doc (Because I had to change it, the format of the citations changed.) -- No research pre-writing Change the date format and also put in the page number.

Memo: As geography major, this topic is nothing strange to me. There are disparities in obesity among different socioeconomic statuses but what which people are actually the overweight ones? Is this happening only in America? No, it's happening in Asia, Middle and Latin America, Africa and the Middle East, as well as Europe. I think it's important for people to know why this is happening and to whom. My audience is mostly anyone that does not have any knowledge of why socioeconomics plays a very large role in obesity; not only in the United States but as well as countries abroad. I think that my main target are unsuspecting students because they are more likely not to know anything about socioeconomics.I intend to use a blog, such as one on the popular blogging site Tumblr. Tumblr is notorious for spreading information that people did not know and informing the uninformed opening t heir eyes to the world around them.
http://www.foodproductdesign.com/news/2011/11/disparities-in-obesity-affectedbysocioeconomic.aspx

Wang, Y., and X. Chen. "Socioeconomic Status May Explain Racial Disparities in Diet, Exercise, and Weight." Socioeconomic Status May Explain Racial

Disparities in Diet, Exercise, and Weight. Elsevier, 28 Nov. 2011. Web. 13 Mar. 2013.

Obesity: No Longer A FirstWorld Problem http://theweightofitall.tumblr.com/

Have you ever wondered why people, not only in the United States, are so overweight? Now, has it ever occurred to you that their socioeconomic status plays a part in it. Now, what if I said that the amount of money they have is the only reason why their waistlines are expanding year by year. For those out there that think that overweight people are a first world problem you are wrong and, in my opinion, will continue to be wrong.Consider taking out this excess wording. Being overweight is more of a problem in more developed countries, but in less developed countries some people are continuously becoming considerably overweight. Think about the late North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il and his son Kim Jong-Un. Their country, of almost twenty-five million people, is full of underweight and poor citizens, but these men are definitely on the heftier side. The Kims have a lot of wealth so they should be smaller since they have access to more healthy foods and better healthcare.

Right? Not really. Does more wealth lead to more excess? In my opinion and research, not so much in certain cases. In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control (CDC), did research that showed that men with higher incomes tend to be more overweight than men with less income. Inversely, higher income women are less likely to be obese than low income women, but most obese women are not low income. There is significant trend between obesity and education among men. Among women, however, there is a trend, those with college degrees are less likely to be obese compared with less educated women.
This seems to be quite a jump from the previous paragraph. How might you close out the previous paragraph so you can more seamlessly transition into this new idea?

Let's think globally again. In China, more and more children are becoming overweight because parents are spoiling their children since there is a one-child policy in place. So, the parents spend their wealth on their children, no matter what their socioeconomic status is, but it is a bit more prevalent among wealthier Chinese. In urban China, the obesity rate for children went from 12.5% to 20% in less than ten years, but in rural China, projected that 1 in 4 children are obese.(World Trends) Moving on a little to the west, there is the country of India. We all should know about India and their caste system. It's quite obvious who the more overweight people are India. For diabetes and cardiovascular diseases, India is one of the capitals . According to the World Health Organization (WHO), globally, there are more than one billion overweight adults, at least three-hundred million of them clinically obese. Due to economic growth, most of this shift is occurring. People with greater wealth means that bicycles are abandoned for motorbikes and cars, and work in the fields is swapped for sitting at a desk. In rich countries, the share of the population that gets insufficient exercise is more than twice as

high as in poor ones.(Big Picture )

This paragraph covers a great deal of ideas, but also moves very quickly. Try

breaking up the paragraph to further demonstrate your ideas by leading into them and leading out of them.

How about the fact that there are more obese people in the world than there are undernourished. The United Nations (UN) has come up with five strategies to try and combat the amount of obesity and the undernourishment in the world. They suggest taxing unhealthy products regulating foods high in saturated fats, salt, and sugar, cracking down on junk food advertising overhauling misguided agricultural subsidies that make certain ingredients cheaper than others and finally supporting local food production so that consumers have access to healthy, fresh, and nutritious foods.(Rice,Obesity of Hunger) So what is this telling us? We can not make people forcibly change their habits. It is going to be hard to change a societies problem. We all have the will power to change our habits in order to be healthier, but do we really want to? It's our money and we can spend it however we'd like and on whatever we'd like. Right?

Saidah, Although it is evident that you are invested in this conversation, you dont seem to expand very much upon your ideas. As you work to revise, I would suggest that you work to divide up your examples, statistics, and other sources so you can more thoroughly cover your ideas. You go very quickly through these sources, when you could engage the conversation more thoroughly. Also, be sure that you are working to look critically at your writing and that you are trying new ways to convey your ideas more succinctly. Your introduction hasnt changed very much since you first wrote it, and by experimenting with word choice and phrasing, you can strengthen your ideas a great deal. Im looking forward to seeing what youll work on for your portfolio! -Ms. C

Works Cited

Bruno, Debra. "Health & Science." Washington Post. N.p., 31 Dec. 2012. Web. 07 Apr. 2013.

"Adult Obesity Facts." Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 13 Aug. 2012. Web. 13 Mar. 2013.

"The BIg Picture." Economist.com. N.p., 15 Dec. 21012. Web. 10 Apr. 2013. "Obesity and Overweight." WHO. World Health Organization, 25 Mar. 2013. Web. 25 Mar. 2013.

Pang, Li. "Obesity Is a Growing Concern in China." - China.org.cn. N.p., 14 Sept. 2012. Web. 07 Apr. 2013.

Rice, JIm. "Obesity in a World of Hunger." Sojo.net. Sojourners, May 2012. Web. 10 Apr. 2013. Unnikrishnan, Ambika Gopalkrishnan, Sanjay Kalra, and M. K. Garg. "REFERENCES." National Center for Biotechnology Information . July 0005. Web. 07 Apr.

U.S. National Library of Medicine, 02 2013.

Wang, Y., and X. Chen. "Socioeconomic Status May Explain Racial Disparities in Diet,

Exercise, and Weight." Socioeconomic Status May Explain Racial Disparities in Diet, Exercise, and Weight. Elsevier, 28 Nov. 2011. Web. 13 Mar. 2013.

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