SEOR NOTHING GOES TO THE PROM

A Cautionary Tale for our Modern Times.

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By Jaime Z. Cruz

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Jaime Cruz culturedanimal@hotmail.com www.jaimecruz.net

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CHARACTERS JAVI, a Guatemalan High School student. STORMY, a popular blonde whos never truly smiled. CLAY, a pretty cool basketball player in the high school team.

ADISON, Marcies on and off boyfriend with mud-stained cowboy boots.

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WYATT, Stormys troublemaking, misguided brother.

MARCIE, Stormys ladder-climbing, pot-smoking confidante.

THE MOUNTAIN TOWN OF IDLEWIND, WYOMING THE PRESENT

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VOICES

THE COUNSELOR AN OFFICER

STUDENT VOICES SETTING

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SEOR NOTHING GOES TO THE PROM 1

Javi sits on a chair at the counselors office, flustered. He looks out to the audience. We hear the counselors voice. JAVI They call me Seor Nothing. Nada. Nothing. Zip. They think of me like that. They think of me that way. COUNSELOR Have you heard Wyatt and his friends say this? Or is it someone else? I heard them, yes. Five minutes ago.

COUNSELOR Javier? Id like you to take a moment to breathe. Step back from the situation a moment. I am breathing okay. JAVI

COUNSELOR Do me a favor and forget about those darn boys for a moment. Those boys will be dealt with accordingly.

They think I am Mexican. You arent? What is your ethnic I am from Guatemala. Oh okay. Very good.

JAVI Sir. Please. How is this fair? Yo soy un Im a visitor! I am not here to fight, so why am I in your office?

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JAVI

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JAVI JAVI

COUNSELOR

COUNSELOR

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2 COUSELOR Javier. First and foremost, let me assure you this predicament is not what we are looking for either. You can bet your patooty this is not the message Americans want you to take with you back home. That boy who said those vile comments is in the wrong. So please keep in mind what you heard from his lips is not what will come out of everyone around here. Is that understood? Yes. JAVI

COUNSELOR Now on behalf of Idlewind High and our culturally welcoming school district, please accept our most sincere apologies. Really. Okay. I do accept. JAVI

COUNSELOR Now lets get you to the nurses office. Looks like youre dripping on my carpet.

WYATT Suspended. SUSPENDED?! For what? I ask you Stormy, for what? For joking around? For playing too rough with the little immigrant? STORMY You bashed his head against the locker. Im surprised they didnt arrest you.

Still a minor. Have you forgotten? Not for long.

WYATT That damn berry picker. I told him. I told him and everyone else I was just playing around! STORMY Youre starting to believe your own slander? I was just playing around. WYATT

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Javi checks holds his palm to his bleeding forehead.

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Wyatt babbles on like a politician at a fundraiser. Hes been at it for a while.

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WYATT STORMY

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3 STORMY

Whatd mom say?

WYATT She aint a fan of violence. You know. And let me guess: Dad chuckled. STORMY BOTH

STORMY Im curious about your version of the events. What kind of intrigue and sabotage you threw in your favor. WYATT The storys just fine. The way it happened. STORMY You mean the way you thought it happened. He was being disrespectful.

Somebody told me otherwise.

WYATT So I might have called him a beaner once or twice, I dont know! STORMY Oh my goodness, how did I know the ending of the story before you began? WYATT He said America was full of illiterates and some crazy things in Spanish! STORMY Was this before or after you called him a bean burrito? Might have been after? Enjoy your vacation. Gotta run. WYATT STORMY

WYATT Where you off to? Its your turn to feed Angie. STORMY Im meeting Marcie at the movies. You do it. Dads going to throw a fit. WYATT

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WYATT STORMY

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4 STORMY Just go worship the ground he walks on a little more, Wyatt. That oughta do it. WYATT Hes trying to teach you something, you know. STORMY Thats what real school is for, Im tired of backward learning. Why are you such a bitch? WYATT

STORMY Havent you noticed? I come from a family of dogs. She exits.

MARCIE What would your dear old Mom and Dad say if they caught you smoking Colorados finest? STORMY Id say theyre wishing they could move as far away from the state line as possible. MARCIE Its not so much your Mom that worries me, its the Father Im worried about. He might come after me if he finds his little girl smoking some of my devil weed.

I doubt he has room to talk. But hes a righteous man, is he not?

STORMY Or so he pretends to be. Ive seen him hide a sin or two. MARCIE You caught him cheating? Drinking? Huffing glue? STORMY Lets just say hes happier now that he found Jesus. MARCIE It must be exhausting to put up an act every day. To make your friends and neighbors believe youre on a path of righteousness and happiness!

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At the movie theater parking lot. In Marcies car.

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STORMY MARCIE

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5 STORMY Exhausting indeed. Thats why Im taking a u-turn. MARCIE Did you see Clay running track today? I hate him. But why? Hes too perfect for words. STORMY MARCIE STORMY

MARCIE Tis true. The boy has perfect genetics. STORMY But his parents are not that easy on the eyes.

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Really?

MARCIE

STORMY His Moms nothing to rave home about, but his Dad was definitely Prom King in his time... MARCIE Its laying it all on the line during basketball practice, thats a workout. STORMY Is he still taking Stacy Meyer to prom?

MARCIE I hope not. That train wreck better stay at home. Shes got a trailer to keep company.

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STORMY MARCIE STORMY Pause.

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He really can do better. He can do you. Eff off.

You think?

STORMY (CONTD)

6 MARCIE Ive seen you eye-ballin him. And Im pretty sure hes seen you eye-ballin him as well STORMY Hes great eye candy. Great prom material. Youd look good on his arm. Hed look good on mine, you mean. You should get on that. MARCIE STORMY MARCIE

STORMY Sounds like a great accessory for the big night. Ill have to get started on it. But its so hard to read him. Usually, guys are pretty easy to read, they either want you, or theyre too busy slapping each other around before basketball practice. Hes with Stacy.

STORMY Shes obviously not very good at keeping those legs closed. MARCIE Id be surprised if Stacy gave him any at all. What makes you say that?

MARCIE Stacys a virgin. And shes too afraid to give it up. Once again, please? STORMY

MARCIE You know its all an act with that girl. She thinks shes fooling everyone with this superwhore act when truth is, shes just letting everyone know shes an innocent little virgin. Thats your competition STORMY Huh. So you think they really like each other? MARCIE Like?! Im just trying to get you laid, sweetie. Whats all this like talk? Huh. STORMY

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MARCIE

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7 Pause. The weed is taking hold. MARCIE Are suspended people allowed to attend school functions? Dont you dare. Stormy please Dont you dare ask Wyatt! Why not? STORMY MARCIE STORMY MARCIE

STORMY Because youre beautiful and you can do so much better and hes white trash. MARCIE But youre related. Wouldnt that make you white trash too? STORMY Im hoping my adoption papers will surface any day now. MARCIE We gotta go, girlfriend. That generic romantic comedy were supposed to be watching ended three hours ago

ADISON Hey buddy. Hows it hanging? Mines gearing to the left. Its the comfort zone. Thought you should know.

ADISON (CONTD) I heard about Wyatt. What he did. Sucks man. That guys an idiot. He doesnt speak for all of us. America loves you. Thank you. I will read my book now. JAVI

ADISON So how do you say your name again?

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Javi reads a book at the library. Adison sits next to him.

Javi doesnt respond.

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8 JAVI

Javier.

ADISON So Ha! Like laughter Say it again. Vee. Like the letter V. One more time. Javier! JAVI ADISON JAVI A loud Shhh! from offstage.

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Sorry.

JAVI

ADISON Heir. Like heir to the throne, right? Ha Vee Heir! Am I right? Sure. JAVI

ADISON Listen I thought, since some people decided to be jerks to you I wanted to invite you to come hang out with some of us tonight. Stop reading books for a while and just, chill.

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JAVI ADISON JAVI ADISON JAVI

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Chill, like ice cream? Like getting together. Oh, like to spend time together. Yeah. You down? Yes.

ADISON Well be at the McDs at like seven. Then well go from there. Cool? Yes. Cool. See you then. JAVI He goes back to reading.

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Stormy does her hair. Wyatt enters. WYATT So word on the street is you want to bump uglies with Clay Hutchinson? STORMY Wyatt, shut your dirty mouth. Dont you have illegals to pester? Its Sunday. Arent you a good Christian boy? WYATT STORMY

WYATT Better Christian than most. I even read the bible. Only when youre in the toilet. That still counts.

STORMY You oughta be ashamed. Disrespecting the Holy Book like that WYATT So you wanna hook up with Clay? I can make it happen.

MARCIE Im gonna kill her. Absolutely gonna kill her. She goes for it and she will completely screw me over with Clay! Just like that. I mean, he wont say no to her. Its like he creams his pants every time Stormys around. Hes so pathetic ADISON True dat. And its a shame he doesnt want to bone you and all that MARCIE If you brought me here to make fun of my delicate situation, I best be leaving ADISON No no wait up. I have a surprise for you.

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STORMY WYATT

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At McDs, Marcie and Adison share a Mcflurry.

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10 MARCIE Really? You really want me to go to prom with you, dont you? ADISON Only if prom is code for something else. You wish. You prick. MARCIE

ADISON Youre wishing it toowasting away those feelings on the wrong prick. But any minute now hes going to walk through that door. Any minute Any second now MARCIE Whos he? Did you bring Clay? Did you tell him to meet us here? Jesus, why am I wearing this

Whats he doing here

ADISON Just follow along. Hey buddy! You made it.

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Javi enters. She shuts up. MARCIE (CONTD)

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Hi. This is Marcie, you know her? Yes, from Geology class.

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ADISON JAVI Marcie fake grins. MARCIE ADISON

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Hey. Sit down bud. Relax.

JAVI So We do something now? Or what? ADISON Okay I gotta tell you bud. I sort of lied to you today at the library. About hanging out. I knew. Its okay JAVI

11 ADISON But no wait! I wanted to ask you to come here cause I had some information I couldnt exactly give you at the library. I cant exactly whisper this shit. What shit? JAVI

ADISON Bro. Hermano. And I dont mean that offensively. I have to be honest here I heard some news, that theres a girl in school right now, who wants you to ask her to prom. Awhat? JAVI

ADISON This girl likes you. And wants to go to prom with you! Prom? I dont know

ADISON But its crazy! Hold up! Cause this girl really digs you bro and shes dying just waiting for you to ask her.

Who is this girl?

ADISON Stormy Schaffer. You know Stormy (appalled) What are you doing?

ADISON I have to let him know, dont I? Dont I, Marcie? Proceed. Stormy Stormy. MARCIE ADISON JAVI

ADISON Isnt that right, Marcie? Stormy totally digs him. MARCIE Yeah, totally. The girl who sits with me in Geology? Oh. The other girl in the class? JAVI

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12 ADISON JAVI

Yeah man. She never looks to me.

ADISON Thats what American girls do when they like someone, because theyre shy. I thought it was the opposite. JAVI

ADISON Sometimes But mostly theyre shy and she likes you so much, she doesnt want to make it obvious. She wants you to make the first move. She talks about you 24/7. Help me out here Marcie. MARCIE Always. Im like her best friend and all I hear is this, Oh look at that brown kid, hes so cute! I wish I knew Spanish so I could tell him how I feel! and stuff.

Crazy huh? Way crazy. Yes it is.

I always think she didnt like me.

MARCIE Shes really good at that. She hides her feelings so she wont get hurt. ADISON So what were doing here is a surprise for her. We told her to meet here, tomorrow at seven.

Same time. Here.

ADISON Yes. So you two can have a surprise date! How does that sound? Good. Cool. Like you said. JAVI

ADISON Im honored to play matchmaker, get things started between you two. JAVI Are you sure this is Stormy? The one we are talking about?

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ADISON JAVI MARCIE JAVI

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13 ADISON JAVI ADISON MARCIE

Why would we lie to you? She is very beautiful. She sure is. Its officially unanimous, shes a ten!

ADISON So tomorrow at seven. Right back here. Got it? Yes. Have a question. Sure. JAVI ADISON JAVI ADISON He walks over to the counter. Mimes his order. Immediately they go into whispers MARCIE What the shit are you doing? This is insane! Doing Wyatt a favor? Wyatt? ADISON MARCIE

Can I get a McFlurry also? Of course.

ADISON This is his deal. I figured you might get a kick out of it since Stormy pisses you off all the time. MARCIE Why would Wyatt try to hook his sister up with the South American he turned into fajitas against the locker? ADISON I dont care. Maybe Stormy pissed him off. The Mexican pissed him off. Maybe Wyatts just on his period and wants to antagonize the poor kid.

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14 MARCIE

This is sick.

ADISON But it made you smile. You like being in on the joke. Youre sweet. Can I have my McFlurry back? Get your own! I bought that. MARCIE ADISON MARCIE ADISON Javi returns. JAVI

So what else does she say about me?

ADISON You going paintballin and you didnt invite me? Prick. WYATT Even better. Those dirty hippies are having one of those protests downtown. Something about the drilling up on mountain Me and Casey are gonna catch up with them. Found a great spot up on Hillside and Grand. Up on the Connor apartments? Theres a room with a view ADISON Didnt know your favorite pastime was watching peaceful protests. Give me that bag. WYATT Adison passes it and Wyatt straps the paintball container to the gun. Damn, thats a sweet gun. What the bean sprout say? ADISON WYATT

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Adison enters as Wyatt cleans his paintball gun. Gets his attire ready.

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15 ADISON WYATT

What? The beaner. Did he buy it?

ADISON Totally bought it. Fooled him so good I should have felt bad for him. So hell be there at seven? On the dot. WYATT ADISON

WYATT Hey what would happen if I paint your nuts green? ADISON I would advise against it. Dont you dare. Dont even consider it. As if you even had a pair.

ADISON Why dont you go and ask Candace? Or Lexi or Becky or Lisa WYATT Whoa buddy, I dont need you naming off the names on your pride wall. What does that even mean? Means you get around. ADISON WYATT

ADISON If thats your way of saying Im wise beyond my years, Id say youre spot on. WYATT No I think I meant youre a big old whore. ADISON Im forever convinced you will never find a clever way to bring me down. WYATT Yeah I bet you think my fist needs a clever way giving you a black eye too. ADISON Dude, Im sure Candace will want to hang out with you that night. I heard she didnt even want to go to prom

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WYATT Pause.

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16 WYATT Damn it, I couldnt care less about the prom! I just cant wait to see that asshole lose his shit when Stormy breaks it to him. ADISON Thats an off-putting visual if you really listen closely to what youre saying What? I dont like your choice of words. WYATT ADISON

WYATT Stormys gonna be pissed at him! Hows that for word choice? ADISON So I take it shes not fond of the ethnic types? WYATT Well why should she? Shes been taught better than that. Daddy always said, You bring a spick to my doorstep, you better hope hes here to make a couple bucks mowing my lawn. Thats really what he said?

WYATT My daddy doesnt play around. Hell beat her ass. ADISON Runs in the family then. The cold hearts? How old is Tami? Sixteen WYATT ADISON

WYATT Sixteen, and say next year Tami, your sister decides to bring Pedro over for dinner? Shes a little girl. ADISON

WYATT Still a girl, same difference. You gotta keep an eye on the women in your family before they do something stupid. Stormy doesnt want to ruin her life. So heres to hoping shell pass the test. Wyatt raises a can of root beer, toasts.

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ADISON

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17 WYATT (CONTD) And itll be funny too, cause the wetback will be heartbroken to think he ever had a shot. Funny huh? ADISON Cause its someone elses pain. I get it. WYATT Dont get all mopey on me. If God wanted us to play nice with everyone else, he would have put us in the same playground. And he would have given everybody green cards. Pause. Wyatt cocks his paintball gun. WYATT (CONTD) Come on, lets go paint some hippies.

STORMY Oh Clay, youre so funny. Tell me about that time you tackled the theater kids in the bathroom, that story was hilarious

Oh. I dont want that.

JAVI Okay. This one is different. This one is oreo. STORMY Im actually meeting someone here soon, so Yes, I know. So Get a move on. A move on? What does that mean? It means shake a leg. JAVI STORMY JAVI STORMY

JAVI Ha, that sounds funny. I like you, now that I see you. Outside of the school

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At McDs, Stormy sits at a booth. Nervous. Giddy.

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Javi enters, holds two McFlurrys. STORMY (CONTD)

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18 He sits. What are you doing? STORMY

JAVI Tonight? Not a lot. I am here for you. Are you doing any plans? STORMY Yes, I was doing some plans until you gallantly bothered mecan you go now? JAVI But But the guy. Told me I should meet here. With you. Guy? Which guy? Your friend from Geology. Marcie? STORMY JAVI STORMY JAVI STORMY JAVI

No, the man. Friend. Adison.

The man with the boots.

STORMY That crapkicker. What was he thinking? He is your friend? Not my friend. He said you want to see me. What? That you like me. No? He said that? JAVI STORMY JAVI STORMY JAVI STORMY

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19 JAVI STORMY JAVI

He said that. That fucker. Stormy, listen. It is okay. Okay?

STORMY No its not okay for him to do this to me! Im going to murder him. Please dont. JAVI

STORMY Theyre here, arent they? Where are they? JAVI I know this is a big secret. The way you feel about me.

Excuse me?

JAVI You keep it a secret for so long, and you do not want me to know. I understand. But I am happy to know. Because I feel the same way for you too.

You shouldnt be here.

So can I ask you to go with me? What? Will you go with me? On a date?

I think I will take that McFlurry.

Great! Okay

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STORMY

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STORMY Shes about to leave. JAVI STORMY JAVI She looks out and spots Adison and Wyatt snickering. Turns back to Javi and sits down STORMY Javi, a little confused, but joyous. JAVI

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20 Our focus shifts to the two spying in the corner She took it. She took it. Why is she acting like such a tard? ADISON WYATT

ADISON Shouldnt she be flipping out right about now? Shut it. WYATT

ADISON Maybe shes not as racist as you after all WYATT She knows somethings up. She would have thrown that McFlurry in his face any other day Him and his Rico Suave face

STORMY If you miss abusing Pickles so much, you can have him back.

How was your date?

STORMY Hadnt had a McFlurry in a long time. WYATT Any new friends I should know about? STORMY As a matter of fact, you might know him.

WYATT Cut the crap Stormy! Why didnt you flip out on him like you were supposed to?! STORMY Why would I? He didnt give me a reason to

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They watch as Javi and Stormy stare at each other, little smiles exchanged.

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WYATT

In Stormys bedroom, Wyatt waits for his sister after her date. He tosses a stuffed animal against the wall. She enters.

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