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Memoirs of a fading leaf

Memoirs of a fading leaf

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Published by SkySailing
A journal account
A journal account

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Published by: SkySailing on Apr 30, 2013
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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05/01/2013

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Memoirs of a fadingleaf
A journal account
 
‘Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for
a while, leave footprints on our
hearts, and we are never, ever the same.” 
 
~ Flavia Weedn
‘ 
 I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying, and I'm crazy for loving you
’ 
 
~ Bon Jovi
 1.
 
The Beginning (of the End)
 3:30pm,November2,2012-Knoxville,Tennessee  Pennstation:EastCoastsubhouse 
t was a Thursday afternoon in November. The wind was brisk and the Autumn
leaves rolled and tossed across the grey pavement outside the restaurant’s
generous windows. I was feeling happy and fulfilled after a long day of teaching.There wasn't much on my mind other than the conversation and food at hand. Pennstation was one of my favorite eating places. I love subs; particularly thosestyled after the hot, fresh sandwiches sold around Fishers Island. I had planneda relaxing shopping trip for that evening; and perhaps a stop at Starbucks andsome studying before bed. Everything was going according to plan.Let me just start out by introducing myself. I'm Colleen. College student, Lordof the Rings enthusiast, Believer, lover of literature, art, and music. I don'thave a bad life. I live in a small town in East Tennessee. It is beautiful here mostly year-round. Rolling green hills slope acrossthe horizon where the sky meets the ground, cloud-covered Mountains rise East ofKnoxville, a thriving city of 180,000. The Summers are sunny, the Winters snowy,and the sidewalks filled with life and friendly people. I am blessed with aloving family, friends, a stable job, and an easy-going school schedule thatleaves me time for my hobbies and pasttimes. There are problems in my life, ofcourse. Mean people, downfalls in school, drama in the family. But most of them
are private, and I can’t complain too much as far as that goes.
This story is not about my life. It is about a friendship that passed through mylife like a flourishing flower that springs up and fades away with the passingwind. The memory, though still fresh in my heart, has not faded. But I can writethis story now because, even though months have passed, I will never forget theimpact it made on me.Back to the story. On this Thursday afternoon one thing, perhaps, that wasburdening me most (besides falling pitifully behind in school) was the lack ofcontact from my online friend, Christy. Tina (as I called her) had written meacross seas for about six months. I suppose one could call our friendship rather
I
 
 
unconventional. It began as strictly a roleplay relationship. After I fellsuddenly and passionately enthusiastic for Lord of the Rings, I naturallyfulfilled my nerdish needs by roleplaying Frodo Baggins. She was my excellent andenthusiastic rp partner, Merry Brandybuck. Our roleplaying and chatting consumedmy entire Summer that year. I kept my phone on me at all times so I could stay incontact with her. Our friendship gradually developed into one I treasured. As themonths passed we formed some type of schedule of communication that becameroutine. She lived in Athens, Greece, seven hours ahead of my Eastern standardtime. At night before she went to bed we wrote and roleplayed, and each morningand afternoon after that. Once she attended college in October, things changed
drastically. We didn’t chat much anymore.
On this particularly Thursday afternoon, after teaching piano for the day, I
wrote a small message to one of Christy’s friends, Stavroula, asking her how my
friend was doing. Stavroula was that new friend from college. Because she andChristy had developed a close bond, I tended to rely on her to find out if myfriend was okay or not. We wrote on and off at nights, and usually ourconversations were about Christy. At this point I was growing concerned because Ihadn't heard much back.I was confused. My heart was beginning to miss Tina more and more. I feltcoldness from her end and asked myself, "Have I done something wrong? Or has she
forgotten about me?” After all, ours was just an internet friendship. And
honestly- there are things one can share with their face to face friends they
simply can’t share over wires. I felt secretly and admittedly insecure about my
lack of ability to reach her in the way her college friends could. Who was I tocompare with them? I could never look her in the eye, embrace her, squeeze herhand, or go out places with her. I relied strictly upon my words, and the
feelings in my heart. It wasn’t enough.
 But anyway, I held onto the promise she often made to me in past months:
I will never forget you.
And I would never forget her, ev
en if she didn’t want to hearfrom me. I cared too much about her. That’s just the way friends work. Things
would come around in the end.I felt guilty for not trusting.
“Colleen?”
 I looked up at Mom and smiled. Often these thoughts took me by surprise.

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