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J U P I T E R

NATURAL SOLUTIONS April 2009

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Spent?

an anything make you feel more out of control

than watching yournest egg get snatched up in the ravenous jaws of a recession? Amid the gloom,many people feel pressed to reexamine their attitude toward money, alongwith their ﬁnancial priorities. Even the fashionistas among us are being forcedto don the hair shirt of frugality as layoffs become rampant, bankruptcy commonplace,and fat 401(k)s a quaint memory. But as dire as all this may feel, taking a closer lookat how you spend isn’t necessarily a bad thing. “The gift of the recession may be thatwe can learn to live a richer life with less,” says April Lane Benson, PhD, a psychologistand author of

To Buy or Not to Buy

(Trumpeter Books, 2008), “and rediscover thenonfinancial assets that make our hearts sing: communion, nature, community, service.”The first step toward learning to live with less, though, involves understandingwhy we want more. A rash of recent books examines the emotional or psychologicalcomponent of money and emphasizes working with our core financial beliefs. “Mostof us had a money initiation of some sort when we were between five and seven,” saysSpencer Sherman, MBA and author of

The Cure for Money Madness

(Broadway Books,2009). “Because the subject was so emotional for the adults, what got transmitted gaveus a warped perspective regarding money that continues to guide our behavior.” Delvinginto the ghosts of allowances past—what Sherman calls your money history—gets atsomething far beyond merely sticking to a budget.As someone who’s always been a bit of a Pollyanna about money, preferring to lookthe other way when it comes to ﬁnances and hope for the best, I’m a prime candidate forsome self-analysis. When a friend raved about a telecourse she had taken called consciousbookkeeping (consciousbookkeeping.com)—taught by former mind-body therapistBari Tessler—I jumped at the chance. The bookkeeping part sounded too much likenumber crunching for my taste, but

conscious

suggested more of an exploration of walletand psyche, a mix that intrigued me. I called Tessler and signed up for the nine-sessioncourse, curious to delve into my wounded inner comptroller, which was, unbeknownstto me, clutching my purse strings in the fetal position.Tessler’s approach to developing a conscious relationship to money involves a three-part path: ﬁnancial therapy, values-based bookkeeping, and what she refers to as lifevisioning. Financial therapy focuses on the scripts about money that we learned at a very young age from our parents and grandparents. “Understanding what your

Nothing can be more depleting than worrying about ﬁnances. Transform your relationship with money torevive ﬂagging spirits—and bank accounts.

BY ELIZABETH MARGLIN

J U P I T E R

April 2009 NATURAL SOLUTIONS

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money story is, whether it be the patterns you adopted orthe ones you rebelled against, is the ﬁrst step to recogni-tion,” she says. “To know where a belief comes from is toalso know when that belief no longer serves you.”

EMOTIONAL SPENDING

n my case, I grew up resisting saving—which I associ-ated with a tightwad ethic. Money equaled love (onmy mother’s side), and saving meant withholding thatlove (my father’s legacy). Later, I linked saving money with an inability to live in the present.

If all we have is thehere and now, what’s the use of saving for the future?

WhenI did earn a chunk of change in my twenties, I bought apiece of art rather than invest it in a CD or money market.A mixture of naïveté and idealism formed my delusion thatfinancial proficiency and spiritual authenticity weremutually exclusive.Having a child—and turning 40—changed all that. Sud-denly not having a will, any retirement savings, or a nestegg set aside to cover my son’s potential braces, never mindcollege, seemed stupid, irresponsible, and short-sighted—the opposite of spiritual. I needed to get my financial housein order, but without feeling deprived. That meant findinga balance between immediate and deferred gratification;abundance and simplicity.“We fill money with emotions and use it to play outour dramas,” says Susan McCarthy, author of

The Valueof Money

, (Tarcher/Penguin, 2008). “But really money isneutral—just a vehicle to make inquiries.”Take compulsive shopping for example. For Benson,compulsive shopping––the high of the buy—can be brokenby pausing, even mid-checkout line, to ask yourself sixkey questions:

Why am I here? How do I feel? Do I needthis? What if I wait? How will I pay for it? Where will I put it?

These questions create a needed mindful pause if yourshopping tends to be impulsive, as most overshopping is.Look at the internal force that impelled you to shop. Was itentitlement, tension, boredom, insecurity, or jealousy?

CATCHING YOUR BREATH

nowing our money triggers is crucial, but it’sonly

half

the battle. We also have to tackleour current behavior—how we go about ourday-to-day transactions. The practical—thebookkeeping aspect—translates understanding into action.Each deposit and withdrawal, charge and check, purchaseand return, offers an opportunity to be present and makechanges. Applying the discipline of bookkeeping to yourpersonal life involves a basic concept: determining howmuch you earn each month, what you spend, and whereit goes. Now that may sound obvious, but the results canbe revelatory, as well as a little freaky. I had never sat downwith those stark numbers before. Doing so reminded meof the courage needed to ﬁnally get on a scale when youknow you have gained weight but aren’t really sure youwant to know how much. When I did the ﬁnal calculations,absolute clarity struck, and a stunningsilence reverberated. Each month Ispent at least $150 more than I earned,and as a result, I had no savings ac-count, no 401(k), and no college fundfor my son. Even though I had no debt yet (I was running through an extra cushion I had earnedfrom some side work), I clearly was headed in that direc-tion. This epiphany of numbers made one thing crystalclear: Something had to give, and it might not be pretty.Though I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me,I was eager to stay the course. So I made a budget thatseemed simultaneously awfully close to deprivation(bye-bye waxing)

and

strangely liberating. In learningto see spending and saving money as a reflection of values, I could feel the stirrings of a sea change.

A mixture of naïveté and idealism formed mydelusion that financial proficiency and spiritual authenticity were mutually exclusive.

Try to ﬁgure out what’striggering you when theurge to shop strikes.