Pams Sixtieth Birthday and What She had to Say About It By Jonah Gruber

A short woman with red hair, cut like a monks almost, came into the bar and she sat down, and then she started talking to me. I was trying to watch the TV, but couldnt pretend to be interested in a home mortgage commercial, so I turned to listen. How are our Cubs doing? she asked. I dont know, I dont follow the Cubs. I said. She mumbled a bit at first. You couldnt hear what she said, but she kept talking. She had a big bruise on her forearm, like shed been grabbed or punched. She became insecure about it, and while she kept mumbling, she covered it with her hand. ...My birthday is coming up in a month. Judging from your age I am about your parents age. My parents are about 70, so a bit older than you. I said. I felt I didnt add enough emphasis on a bit, so maybe she could have been offended. Do you have any sibs. Im Pam by the way. she said. Im Noah. I said, and I shook her hand. Joseph? she said. Noah, like with the ark. I said. It became clear to me that she was drunk already. She ordered a white wine with a cup of ice water. Thats what I thought you said. Noah, an interesting name. she said. I think so. My hands are filthy, opening doors all day, so I will need a spoon too, thank you, sorry for the trouble. she told the bartender. After she got it, she scooped ice from the ice water into her glass of chardonnay. Noah, do you have any sibs? Yes, some half siblings who are much older. I kept looking at the TV. Waiting for some baseball, a convenient escape from unpleasant conversation. If it turned that way. I have a son. Hes 29. Noah, Im betting youre 29. she said. Im 33, so Im close. Well, my son was taken from me when he was four years old. I was an adequate mother and everything. I fed him, I clothed him, but my husband disappeared for four years and then came back and he took him from me. He filed a lawsuit and took custody. she said. I looked at her. Thats awful. Hes a lawyer, my husband was. I am a teacher and then I became a paralegal. I met him when I was a paralegal in his office, and we got married. she said. Right. I said. I peeled the corner of my beer label. Noah, she went on, I tell you it was horrible. she said. Im sorry. She noticed I was uncomfortable and so I began to look at the TV again.

What do you do for a living? Im a paralegal. Its going to be my 60th birthday in a month, Im definitely not ready for it. she said. Its a big one. I said. I bet I can guess what you do. I bet I can guess... she said, and furrowed her eyes as if she were studying me. Youre a lawyer. A successful lawyer. she said. What I thought must have looked like an awkward smile crept across my face. No, far from it. Im a writer, I guess. Really? Oh, interesting... Published? she said. Yeah, a little, a few little things, nothing big. I want to make a film... I hinted. And who knows why, I didnt want to talk to her about it. She didnt care anyway. I wanted to be an editor. My godfather, not like the movie, but my real godfather, he was the Night Manager at the Tribune, and he wouldnt give me a job. Boy, I got straight As at Illinois State University and everything. I begged, but he wouldnt even get me an interview. He didnt believe in me, that I could do it. Isnt that what family is for? Family is supposed to stick together. Now, Noah, I know you never went to a private university. She said. Actually, I did, for a little while. You seem like the kind of person that dropped out of college. As I understand it you never finished college, did you? she said. Actually, I did graduate. I went to Amherst for a year, then to a state school in Oregon. I was okay there, not terrible. I graduated. Just then, two guys began talking loud. One of them was aggressively jocular, and talked like he was saying the greatest thing. He said he enjoyed listening to sitcoms in his car. He said that Seinfeld was actually funnier with just the sound because you have to imagine whats happening, and that makes it funnier. Hey, a door opened, you know its Kramer coming in, right? And Everybody Loves Raymond, that show is much funnier when you listen to it. he said. The mans name was Larry. Im not a big fan of Everybody Loves Raymond, the other guy said. Im sorry, I misplaced your name. Pam said, snapping me back to the conversation. Noah. I said. Oh right, Noah. I just keep thinking of that big ark, but you probably get that a lot dont you. Not too much now. What does your son do? I asked. I wanted her to keep talking, so that I didnt have to think. Hes in marketing. When is your birthday? she said. May 3rd. I said. Thats my sons birthday. she said. Thats very unusual. I mean, how odd. Really? She must have been lying. I was weirded out. I did not want to let that feeling of being part of somebodys elses fate get the best of me. Yes, he was born May the 3rd. He was supposed to be born September 8th. Noah, I tell you that I was thanking dear Jesus for having mercy on me, because that boy

just flew right out of me. I was with my husband and I went to the toilet, then I sat down on the toilet and all the sudden I cried out and said This is it! Thats what its called when the water breaks. We went to the hospital and the boy just flew right out of me. she said. Well thats good I guess. So he was a premature-- whatever theyre called. The Coors Light and the conversation were making me lazy. No, he wasnt a pre-anything, he just flew right out of me. she said. She motioned with her hand how her son flew out of her. Right. I looked up at the Phillies beating the shit out of the Cubs. All I could think about was how much I hated both teams and then wanting the terrorists to strike Wrigley Field. I imagined thousands of Cubs and Phillies fans burning alive and being sent to an infernal hell for all eternity where they had to alternate between watching their teams beat one another by landslide after landslide after landslide... You probably dont care for any of this, because youre a man. But let me tell you Noah, you will. One day you will. You are very eligible, and you will meet a woman and have a baby. I dont know about that. I said. Oh, you will. Youre very eligible. I couldnt have sex for 8 weeks after he was born. Okay. I said, suddenly uncomfortable. We tried and tried, and I said damn it Bobby it just hurts so damn much. I couldnt do it... I see. I was pretending to concentrate on a replay of a Cubs double. ...Well, its going to be my sixtieth birthday. My sister died last year in a car accident. she said, out of the blue. Again, I turn to her. God, Im really sorry. I really meant it. She got hepatitis poison in her blood. She died in the hospital. She drank too, shes a part of the reason I drink. And you know what kills me Noah? What. My son sent a bouquet of those white flowers, a giant bouquet, with a card, and you know what the card said? It said My deepest condolences for the passing of aunt Sandy. I wish I could be there. Can you imagine that? I nodded. My friend Peggy, shes an old friend and is part of my womens group. Im in a womens group for women whos husbands have disappeared someplace. Peg told me, you can just forget about that boy. Send those flowers back. What do you think about that? she said. I think thats a horrible thing to do to you, Pam. Im really sorry. I really was. You know something. Youre cool. I like you. Thank you. I replied. You really got it together, you are blessed. You know exactly what you want and youre going out there to get it. Me, Im 60, the game is up. I didnt know how to continue with her, and suddenly wanted to leave Pam and go anywhere else. I didnt want to hear any more of her problems and I didnt want her to remind me of my own problems. There was something too eerie about all this. It was

like sitting next to a mirror was what it was like. We dont want to be around these people, reminding us of things, it makes us see ourselves in them, and so we shake our heads and we laugh a bit, and we look across the room into a strangers eyes and we silently conspire with them to not take anything that the shadow sitting next to us is saying seriously. Dont we? I better be going now. This is the last one. It was a pleasure, Noah. Yes. Please take care of yourself, Pam. It was really a pleasure. It was. Take care, okay? I said. Pam drifted out the bar and into the heat. From the back her short red hair kind of made her look like a kid. She crossed the street, turned every direction until she chose one, then disappeared around the corner forever.