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I Am Not What I Was

I Am Not What I Was

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Published by bde_gnas
Mysticism
Mysticism

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Categories:Types, Research
Published by: bde_gnas on May 11, 2013
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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05/11/2013

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I Am Not What I Was
By Betty Bland
I love early morning walks. It is as if the day were so new that the first passersbycut through the expectant air, leaving swirls of possibility in their wake, like thebow of a ship disturbing the glassy surface of smooth water. Repeated walksseem to create a pattern in the air that strengthens with each repetition—like thevisions reported by psychics of monks repeating their daily processionalshundreds of years after they have passed from the sight of human eyes.
 
This is especially true in one particular out-of-the-way place that I visit onlyoccasionally. The passing years have hardly made a mark on the paths in thepark or the cracked sidewalk by the schoolhouse. The same rail fence guards thepasture even though the old white mare no longer runs out to see if I might havean apple or two. I have passed these same spots since my youth. Sometimesthat déjà vu feeling becomes most intense. I feel almost as if I have entered atime machine and am walking in my previous presence—the shadows of timesgone by.There is a set of science fiction novels (Anne McCaffrey’s
Dragonquest 
series) inwhich the characters are able to ride dragons through time, arriving in a periodearlier by centuries, or by days or hours. But their danger lies in getting too closeto an encounter with themselves and, in the contradictions of time, becomingtotally debilitated. Fortunately for me, my analogous experience is not realenough to do me in, but it is real enough to teach me an object lesson. No matterhow close one comes to a repeat of time and place, there is never an exactrepeat of the same conditions—most especially the condition of oneself.The flow of consciousness continues and modifies with each new experience.Just as one can never put one’s foot into the same stream of water a secondtime, so one cannot reenter the exact same space in consciousness. Change is auniversal law, as postulated in Madame Blavatsky’s second fundamentalproposition concerning the makeup of our cosmos:
 
This second assertion . . . is the absolute universality of that law of periodicity, offlux, reflux, ebb and flow, which physical science has observed and recorded inall departments of nature. An alternation such as that of Day and Night, Life andDeath, Sleeping and Waking, is a fact so common, so perfectly universal andwithout exception, that it is easy to comprehend that in it we see one of theabsolutely fundamental laws of the universe.This translates to a universe that is in constant flux. Motion and constant changeare fundamental characteristics of the entire manifested universe. This iscertainly clear within our own stream of consciousness. Neither you nor I are thesame from moment to moment. There are so many intervening moments ofdiscovery, learning, pain, and joy. Whether one day has gone by or two monthsor thirty years, much has transpired to add to our storehouse of experiences thatwill translate into growth sooner or later. Sometimes we may have to repeat thesame mistakes many times, but at some point the light will break through and wewill at last say, “Ahaa!” We will finally get it and not need to repeat that particularlesson again.If you have not seen the movie
Groundhog Day 
, you have missed a goodexample of this very principle. Every time the protagonist awakens in themorning, it is the same Groundhog Day. Each day he repeats the sameexperiences, except that they change slightly because he is able to change hisresponses. It takes many times before he finally grows to the point that theoutcome becomes what he would like it to be. He finally gets it.The same sort of lesson can be derived from the cycle of a tree. Each springwhen the tree issues its new growth, the leaves are not exactly the same as theyear before but are reflective of the experiences the tree has garnered. If thereare scars on the tree, or drought or insect damage, the new leafing patternmirrors them. If a new branch has stretched forth into a spot of availablesunshine, that too will be reflected. And so each year the tree, which of necessityremains in the same geographical spot, is ever new and ever formed by theprevious seasons.In every moment of our lives we can work to heal the wounds and grow newbranches into the sun so that when we cycle through a situation again, we can bepleased with our progress. Whenever we return to similar circumstances, we willfind ourselves the same in some ways, different in others.

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