The Secrets To Learning NLP by Lloyd Johnson v2

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A"Quick"Note"on""Piracy"" My!primary!goal!for!this!book!is!to!share!knowledge!and!to! make!your!life!better.!Honestly.!It!is!very!much!a!secondary! goal!of!this!to!book!to!generate!any!income.! ! If" you" bought" this" book" from" me:! Thank! you! for! supporting! my! work!! Your! purchase! motivates! me! to! continue! producing! information! like! this.! Every! book! sold! means! something! to! me,! every! sale! signifies! one! additional! person! that! has! been! introduced! to! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming.!! Please!feel!free!to!share!this!book!with!your!friends.! ! If" you" did" not" buy" this" book:! I! hope! that! you! enjoy! this! book!and!that!it!makes!a!difference!in!your!life.!If!you!get!a! lot!out!of!it,!and!can!afford!it,!please!consider!paying!for!the! book!retrospectively!by!buying!a!physical!or!electronic!copy! from! www.confidentfuture.com.au! and! going! on! to! share! it! with!your!friends.!
"Everything,we're,going,to,tell,you,here,is,a,lie.,, All,generalizations,are,lies.,Since,we,have,no, claim,on,truth,or,accuracy,,we,will,be,lying, consistently,through,this,seminar.,, There,are,only,two,differences,between,us,and, other,teachers:,One,is,that,we,announce,at,the, beginning,of,our,seminars,that,everything,we, say,will,be,a,lie,,and,other,teachers,do,not.,Most, of,them,believe,their,lies.,They,don't,realize,that, they,are,made,up.,, The,other,difference,is,that,most,of,our,lies,will, work,out,really,well,if,you,act,as,if,they,are,true.", B!Richard!Bandler,!CoBFounder!of!NLP!
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Table&of&Contents&
Introduction! What!is!NLP?! History!of!NLP! What!to!Learn!First! Technique!1:!Sensory!Acuity! Technique!2:!Rapport! Technique!3:!Anchoring! Technique!4:!Milton!Model! Technique!5:!Meta!Model! Technique!6:!Modelling! Teaching!Yourself!NLP! The!Learning!Process! Learning!With!Others! Gaining!Experience! NLP!Training!Options! A!word!of!warning...! About!the!Author! ! 1! 2! 4! 10! 13! 17! 27! 35! 62! 79! 84! 90! 95! 100! 105! 119! 121!
The,Secrets,to,Learning,NeuroFLinguistic,Programming
Introduction&
! When! I! first! heard! about! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming! (NLP)! my! initial! impulse! was! to! dismiss! it.!The!people!that!I!met!who!were!talking!so!highly!of!it! were! rarely! the! sort! of! people! I! wanted! to! emulate.! They! talked! about! learning! how! the! mind! worked! and! taking! charge! of! your! results,! but! I! didn't! really! understand! what! they! were! going! on! about.! Yet,! now! here!I!am,!writing!a!book!about!The!Secrets!of!Learning! NLP.! ! And! you! may! be! wondering! what! must! have! changed!for!me!to!go!from!that!point!of!zero!knowledge! about! NLP,! all! the! way! through! to! absolute! fascination! and!dedicating!myself!to!sharing!it!with!others.! When! I! first! heard! about! NLP,! my! problem! was! that! nobody!really!explained!it!to!me!so!I!didn't!understand! what!NLP!was.!There!are!loads!of!definitions!out!there! and!lots!of!explanations!about!how!it!can!help!you,!but! what!I!really!cared!about!was!what!was!in!it!for!me.!!It! wasn't! until! one! New! Years! Eve! that! I! truly! 'got'! what! was! in! it! for! me.! From! that! point! forward,! learning! about! NLP! didn't! just! become! easy! and! effortless,! it! almost!became!an!obsession.!!
B!1!B
Lloyd!Johnson
What&is&NLP?&
! NLP,! or! NeuroBLingustic! Programming,! is! such! a! wide! field!of!study!that!it!can!be!hard!to!define!simply.!NLP!is! a! way! of! thinking! about! ideas! and! people! that! allows! you! to! excel! in! any! field.! The! basic! premise! is! that! we! can! study! people! who! are! getting! great! results,! and! reduce! their! behaviours! down! to! a! model,! or! the! bare! minimum!required,!which!enables!them!to!consistently! get! their! results.! This! model! can! then! be! taught! and! shared.! It! allows! others! to! replicate! the! same! results! very!quickly.!For!this!reason,!NLP!is!often!called!the!art! and!science!of!personal!excellence.! NLP!is!a!practical!skill!that!results!from!studying!what! makes! the! difference! between! excellence! and! average.! Through!the!pursuit!of!excellence,!NLP!leaves!behind!a! trail! of! highly! effective! techniques! with! applications! in! business,! therapy,! education! and! beyond.! ! At! the! nitty! gritty!level,!NLP!draws!on!general!semantics,!linguistics! and!other!techniques!like!hypnosis,!gestalt!therapy!and! family!therapy.!!So!really,!NLP!is!a!study!of!what!works! and!the!study!of!how!you!produce!results.! NeuroBLingustic!Programming!can!be!broken!down!into! three!core!parts:! B!2!B
Neuro! relates! to! the! nervous! system! (the! mind),! through!which!our!experience!is!processed!via!the!five! senses! of! visual,! auditory,! kinesthetic,! olfactory! and! gustatory!(sight,!hearing,!touch,!smell!and!taste).!These! five!senses!are!the! inputs!into!our!nervous!system!and! the! sources! that! we! rely! upon! to! build! our! internal! experience.! Lingustic! relates! to! language! and! other! nonBverbal! communication! systems! through! which! our! neural! representations!are!coded,!ordered!and!given!meaning.!! This! includes! pictures,! sounds,! feelings,! tastes,! smells! and!words!(self!talk).! Programming" relates! to! how! the! structure! and! sequence!of!our!thoughts!will!lead!to!a!predictable!and! reliable!outcome.! In"other"words,"NLP"is"how"to"use"the"language"of" the"mind"to"consistently"achieve"our"specific"and" desired"outcomes."
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B!3!B
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History&of&NLP&
! NLP!is!fairly!young,!!having!only!been!established!in!the! 1970s.! The! fundamentals! that! allowed! for! the! creation! of!NLP,!however,!began!long,!long!before!that.! In! 1943,! Alfred! Korzybski! wrote! a! book! called! Science, and, Sanity! that! discussed! the! idea! of! Logical! Levels.! Korzybski!said!something!really!interesting!in!his!book.! It! was,! Almost! all! psychological! problems! were! the! result! of! the! inability! of! a! person! to! traverse! logical! levels.! Thats! interesting! because! he! suggested! that! sometime! in! the! future! there! would! be! a! wholly! processed! description! of! the! human! being! that! would! come! along! and! actually! describe! the! processes! of! a! human! being.! ! That! is! what! we! today! call! NeuroB Linguistic!Programming.! During! the! 1970s,! Richard! Bandler! and! Frank! Pucelik! became! friends! at! the! University! of! California! Santa! Cruz,!even!though!neither!of!them!were!students!there.! Bandler!and!Pucelik!were!both!personally!motivated!to! heal! themselves! of! their! less! than! pleasant! pasts.! On! their! own! personal! journeys! they! became! masterful! at! Gestalt! Therapy! (a! form! of! psychotherapy)! just! by! observing!and!copying!or!Modelling!the!behaviours! of! Fritz! Perls,! the! founder! of! Gestalt! Therapy.! As! they! B!4!B
began! to! move! forward! and! use! the! things! they! had! learnt! Bandler! and! Pucelik! realised! that! they! had! a! specific! gift! of! Modelling! ! being! able! to! observe! what! worked!and!then!create!something!out!of!it.!They!began! to! practice! Gestalt! Therapy! in! the! classrooms! at! the! University!of!California!Santa!Cruz!and!their!work!came! to! the! attention! of! John! Grinder,! a! Professor! of! Linguistics.! Grinder! initially! just! observed! their! work,! but! after! watching! them! for! a! few! weeks,! he! introduced! himself! and!asked!them!if!they!knew!how!what!they!were!doing! was! working.! ! Grinder! understood! and! could! describe! the!structure!behind!what!they!were!doing,!that!led!to! their! results.! ! ! Prior! to! working! with! him,! Bandler! and! Pucelik!did!not!quite!know!why!their!methods!worked.! They! had! merely! become! great! modellers.! ! With! the! help! of! Grinders! linguistics! expertise,! ! they! were! able! to! more! fully! understand! the! science! behind! it.! Before! long!the!three!men!were!working!together!on!what!was! then!called!Meta.! What!followed!were!years,!about!seven!years!in!total,!of! experimentation,! testing! and! Modelling.! The! initial! group! worked! really! hard,! in! return! for! no! financial! gain,!just!studying!Meta!because!it!interested!them!and! because!they!wanted!to!see!how!far!they!could!take!it.! After! several! years! there! was! a! disagreement! between! B!5!B
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Bandler!and!Pucelik!that!lead!to!Pucelik!going!his!own! way.!Bandler!and!Grinder!later!changed!the!name!Meta! to!NeuroBLinguistic!Programming.!It!wasn't!until!it!got! its! new! name! that! it! really! started! to! become! widely! known.!! Following! the! change! of! name! to! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming!a!new!group!was!attracted!to!pushing!the! envelope! of! what! was! possible.! Accounts! of! the! early! days! are! largely! anecdotal! and! differ! from! source! to! source,! though! it! is! undeniable! that! Bandler! and! Grinder!were!joined!by!a!group!of!others!who!were!to! take! NLP! to! the! world.! ! Each! and! every! one! of! these! people! was! looking! for! ways! to! add! to! the! field,! to! develop! the! field! further! and! to! ultimately! discover! what!it!is!that!makes!amazing!results!possible.! This!is!the!foundation!of!NLP!and!where!the!idea!of!NLP! being!a!notion!and!a!methodology!comes!from;!the!idea! of!actually!being!able!to!look!and!see!what!is!excellent! behaviour!and!figure!out!how!that!excellent!behaviour! is!produced.!It!starts!with!a!simple!question:!How!do!I! take!that!behaviour!and!how!do!I!try!that!on!myself!so! that!I!can!get!the!same!results?!NLP!begins!as!a!notion! and! a! methodology! that! leaves! behind! a! trail! of! great! techniques!for!achieving!excellence.! To! begin! with,! the! three! major! people! that! they! modelled!were!Milton!Erickson,!Virginia!Satir!and!Fritz! B!6!B
Perls.!These!three!were!chosen!as!they!were!experts!in! magically!creating!change!in!people!by!simply!using!the! right! words.! And! that! is! what! NLP! is! about,! studying! excellence! so! you! can! reproduce! the! results.! It! begins! with! an! attitude! of! curiosity! to! find! out! how! they! do! what! they! do.! When! we! use! NLP! and! look! at! a! human! being,! we! look! at! that! human! being! with! wonderment! and! we! ask! ourselves,! How! is! it! possible! that! this! person! in! this! circumstance! could! produce! this! behaviour?! The! second! thing,! which! could! be! equally! as! important! as! curiosity,! is! the! willingness! to! experiment,!to!begin!to!try!new!things!to!see!if!they!are! going!to!work.! As!Bandler!and!Grinders!notes!began!to!stack!up!they! released!their!first!two!books!in!1975:! B The!Structure!of!Magic!I:!A!Book!About!Language! and!Therapy;!and! B The!Structure!of!Magic!II:!A!Book!About! Communication!and!Change.! These! books! contain! the! basis! of! the! Meta! Model,! a! model!of!communication!that!works!by!becoming!more! specific! and! removing! Generalisations,! Distortions! and! Deletions! from! people's! language! and! thoughts.! This! work! was! primarily! derived! from! their! study! of! Perls! and!Satir.! B!7!B
Lloyd!Johnson
Following! these! two! books! both! Bandler! and! Grinder! studied! Milton! Erickson,! arguably! the! best! hypnotherapist!of!our!time,!and!from!their!study!of!his! work! they! published! Patterns! of! the! Hypnotic! Techniques!of!Milton!H.!Erickson,!Volumes!I!&!II.!These! books!contained!the!basis!of!the!Milton!Model,!a!model! of!communication!that!works!by!becoming!more!vague! and! introducing! generalisations,! distortions! and! deletions! into! peoples! language! and! thoughts.! Interestingly,! the! Milton! Model! is! almost! the! complete! opposite! of! the! Meta! Model! ! but! both! get! reliable! results.! Ultimately,! the! Meta! Model! &! Milton! Model! serve! to! prove! Alfred! Korzybski! correct! ! by! traversing! logical! levels!it!is!possible!for!problems!to!just!disappear.! These! models! were! just! the! tip! of! the! iceberg! though.! From! Bandler! and! Grinders! studies! of! these! three! therapists,! a! whole! field! of! information! was! created.! Beyond! these! models! they! started! documenting! new! techniques! and! ideas! such! as! anchoring,! reframing,! submodalities,! perceptual! positions,! and! representational! systems.! As! the! usefulness! of! the! techniques! began! to! gain! a! following,! more! and! more! resources! such! as! books! and! seminars! began! to! be! produced.! From! the! work! of! Bandler! &! Grinder! in! the! 1970s! and! the! books! that! they! have! published,! both! B!8!B
together!and!individually,!NLP!now!has!a!huge!body!of! knowledge! behind! it! from! many,! many! different! authors.! Today!NLP!is!widely!accepted!in!countries!all!over!the! world! as! a! set! of! tools! for! producing! reliable! results.! This! methodology! started! to! become! immensely! popular!in!the!1980s!and!1990s!with!huge!personalities! like! Anthony! Robbins! using! it! to! help! thousands! of! people! make! lasting! changes! in! their! lives.! ! As! our! awareness! as! a! society! increases! around! the! importance! of! self! responsibility! and! personal! empowerment,!these!tools!become!more!applicable!and! accessible!every!day.!!
B!9!B
Lloyd!Johnson
What&to&Learn&First&
! Each! and! every! technique! and! theory! in! NLP! has! applicability!in!our!everyday!lives.!!Because!it!has!been! modelled! from! some! of! the! most! successful! therapists! to!ever!live,!the!results!speak!for!themselves.!!What!you! would!be!looking!to!focus!on!when!first!learning!NeuroB Linguistic!Programming!will!vary!widely!based!on!your! motivation!for!it.!Regardless!of!whether!you!plan!to!use! your! new! skills! in! a! therapy,! business! or! educational! context,! there! are! several! concepts! that! form! the! foundation!you!will!need!before!you!can!effectively!use! the! other! NLP! tools! and! techniques.! The! focus! for! this! book!is!on!the!following!six!!areas:! 1.!Sensory!Acuity 2.!Rapport 3.!Anchoring 4.!Milton!Model 5.!Meta!Model 6.!Modelling! ! B!10!B
Sensory! Acuity! is! essential! for! becoming! a! good!! communicator! and! for! becoming! good! at! NLP.! It! is! the! ability! to! detect! changes! in! other! people! by! becoming! more! aware! of! or! calibrated! to! slight! changes! in! the! other!person.!!This!gives!us!clues!as!to!what!is!going!on! inside!the!other!person's!mind.!Rapport!is!being!in!sync! with! the! person;! a! process! of! responsiveness! that! is! invaluable! in! therapy,! business! and! personal! settings.! When! you! have! good! Rapport! with! others! it! will! also! make!nearly!all!NLP!processes!much!easier!and!faster.!! Anchoring! is! a! powerful! tool! to! making! fast! and! meaningful! changes! by! accessing! desirable! states! within! yourself! and! in! others! at! will.! ! The! Milton! and!! Meta! Models! are! the! language! patterns! that! make! powerful! conversational! change! easy! and! effortless.! Modelling!is!the!pattern!from!which!all!of!NLP!has!been! created!and,!once!perfected,!will!give!you!the!ability!to! replicate!any!behaviour!you!would!like!to!perform,!thus! producing!the!same!results.! This! is! your! lucky! day! because! this! book! includes! six! chapters! devoted! to! giving! you! the! basics! of! each! of! these!key!areas.!Not!only!is!there!a!chapter!devoted!to! each!area!but!there!are!also!activities!that!you!can!do!to! start! building! your! skills.! Each! chapter! also! contains! a! list!of!relevant!books!that!are!worth!reading!for!further! information.! B!11!B
Lloyd!Johnson
When! you! master! these! six! techniques! you! will! be! a! long! way! towards! using! NLP! competently! in! therapy! and! business,! and! in! your! everyday! life.! ! The! language! patterns! of! the! Milton! and! Meta! Model! are! especially! powerful.! What!is!contained!in!this!short!book!is!by!no!means!all! there!is!to!know!on!each!topic,!in!fact!entire!books!exist! on! each! of! these! techniques! alone.! The! information! is! provided! so! that! you! will! be! confident! enough! to! take! action! now.! ! The! practical! NLP! exercises! will! give! you! the!opportunity!to!apply!the!techniques,!!so!that!by!the! end!of!this!book!you!will!have!a!really!solid!idea!of!how! to!use!what!you!have!learned!in!a!practical!way!in!your! own!life,!how!to!use!it!to!affect!change!in!others!lives,! and!how!to!continue!your!learning!if!desired.!!! So! do! yourself! a! favour:! Treat! this! information! afresh,! stay! curious,! and! give! yourself! every! opportunity! to! practice!what!you!read.!!! !!
B!12!B
In! Modelling,! Milton! Erickson,! one! of! the! creators! of! NLP,! observed! that! people! make! minute! changes! from! moment! to! moment.! Those! changes! communicate! meaning! if!you!have!enough!Sensory!Acuity.!So,!what!is! Sensory!Acuity?!Sensory!Acuity!is!the!ability!to!observe! tiny! changes! in! a! person's! physiology! from! moment! to! moment.! Based! on! the! changes! that! you! observe! you! can!begin!to!gain!an!insight!into!what!is!happening!with! the!other!person.! In!NLP!we!normally!focus!on!these!key!parts!of!another! person's!physiology:! ! Skin!colour!(whether!it!is!lighter!or!darker) ! Skin! tonus! (whether! the! tone! of! muscles! is! symmetrical!or!not!symmetrical) ! Breathing!speed!(whether!breathing!is!faster!or! slower) ! Breathing! location! (whether! theyre! breathing! from!higher!or!lower!in!their!chest) ! Lower!lip!size!(whether!it!has!more!lines!or!less! lines) ! Eye!focus!(whether!their!eyes!are!more!focused! or!defocused) ! Pupil! dilation! (whether! their! pupils! are! more! dilated!or!undilated) B!13!B
Technique&1:&Sensory&Acuity&& &
Lloyd!Johnson
The! truth! is! that! these! are! just! a! starting! point! ! with! enough!Sensory!Acuity!you!can!easily!gain!insight!into!a! persons!state!through!any!observable!changes!in!their! body.! ! Milton! Erickson! famously! noticed! a! member! of! one! of! his! audiences! going! into! trance.! ! Later,! he! was! asked! how! he! knew! she! was! going! into! trance! he! replied,! I! could! tell! because! the! pulse! in! her! ankle! slowed!down.!The!better!you!get!at!Sensory!Acuity,!the! more! powerful! a! communicator! you! will! become!! Sensory! Acuity! is! especially! vital! in! a! good! hypnotherapist! as! it! is! your! only! way! of! effectively! gauging!how!quickly!and!deeply!your!client!is!in!trance.! So,!what!is!an!example!of!this!at!work?!If!you!are!near!a! computer! you! can! look! up! this! YouTube! video! of! the! infamous! Derren! Brown! at! work! with! three! car! salesmen:! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gi2cvop3vbM! If! you're! not! near! a! computer! the! video! shows! something! quite! interesting.! Brown! is! in! America! and! goes!to!visit!three!car!salesmen!at!their!place!of!work.! They! are! standing! in! the! parking! lot,! surrounded! by! cars,! and! Brown! proceeds! to! explain! his! complete! ignorance!of!cars.!What!he!asks!the!first!sales!person!to! do!is!to!tell!him!three!things!about!the!car!and!for!two! of! them! to! be! true,! but! for! one! of! them! to! be! a! lie.! Within! moments! of! hearing! the! three! statements,! B!14!B
Brown!successfully!picks!the!statement!that!is!a!lie.!He! repeats!the!same!process!with!the!second!sales!person.! Then,! to! top! it! all! off,! with! the! third! sales! person! he! does!something!slightly!different.!Instead!of!asking!him! to!say!three!statements!out!loud,!he!asks!him!to!simply! think!them!inside!his!head.!And!once!again,!even!though! the! third! sales! person! doesn't! utter! a! word,! Brown! successfully! picks! the! lie.! This! is! a! great! party! trick! ! and! one! that! you! too! can! do! with! mastery! of! Sensory! Acuity.! This!video!is!a!great!example!of!how!Sensory!Acuity!can! be! subtly! used! to! gain! an! insight! into! the! internal! representations! of! another! person.! With! the! third! salesman,!Brown!is!able!to!determine!when!he!is!telling! the!truth!without!the!salesman!even!opening!his!mouth.! This! is! because! of! the! subtle! changes! in! his! body! language! that! Brown! can! easily! detect! with! his! wellB developed! skill! of! Sensory! Acuity.! Through! the! questions!he!asks,!he!is!able!to!calibrate,!using!Sensory! Acuity,! when! they! are! telling! the! truth.! Brown! then! simply! picks! the! odd! one! out! (i.e.! the! answer! where! the! persons! physiology! is! noticeably! different)! and! he! can!safely!pick!that!as!the!lie.! It! is! important! to! remember! that! Sensory! Acuity! must! be! calibrated! on! a! personBbyBperson! basis.! The! differences!noticeable!in!one!person's!physiology!when! B!15!B
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he! is! telling! the! truth! will! not! necessarily! be! the! changes! another! person's! physiology! would! show! for! the!same!internal!representation.! The! more! you! practice,! the! easier! it! gets.! You! can! practice!Sensory!Acuity!on!ANYONE.! " !
B!16!B
Technique&2:&Rapport&
! Rapport! is! simply! a! process! of! liking.! Have! you! ever! seen! someone! listening! so! deeply! in! conversation! that! they!are!hanging!on!every!word?!Or!been!with!someone! and!it!has!been!as!if!time!stood!still?!Do!you!sometimes! get!a!sense!from!someone!that!you!can!trust!him!or!her! and!be!totally!comfortable?!How!useful!would!it!be!for! you!to!be!able!to!walk!into!a!situation!and!to!easily!and! effortlessly! connect! with! other! people,! even! if! you've! never!met!them!before?!What!if!you!were!working!with! a!client!who!was!a!bit!nervous!about!NLP!and!there!was! a!way!to!make!them!feel!more!comfortable?!Well,!there! is!!and!it!is!a!process!known!as!Rapport.!! Rapport! originally! stems! from! hypnosis.! In! the! field! of! hypnosis,!Rapport!is!considered!to!be!when!the!client!is! so! strongly! connected! with! you! that! they! feel! like! nobody! else! exists! in! their! reality.! Or! in! other! words,! you! are! totally! holding! the! attention! of! their! Unconscious! Mind.! ! Now,! in! NLP,! often! Rapport! won't! be! as! intensely! focused! as! that.! So! when! you! think! about!Rapport,!don't!think!about!it!as!a!binary!state.!It! is! useful! to! think! of! it! more! as! an! analogue! scale.! The! truth!is!that!you!will!rarely!be!entirely!out!of! Rapport,! or! in! Rapport,! with! anyone! else! ! you'll! be! moving! through!different!shades!of!grey.! B!17!B
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This! technique! is! one! of! the! processes! that! will! make! the! biggest! difference! to! your! results! with! clients,! and! in! your! communication! with! others! in! general.! The! sooner! you! can! allow! the! other! person! to! totally! and! completely! relax! and! feel! comfortable,! the! more! powerful!your!connections!will!be,!and!the!more!easily! you! will! be! able! to! assist! them! in! resolving! their! presenting! problem.! The! question! is,! how! do! you! quickly!move!closer!to!them!liking!and!trusting!you?! This! is! where! it! begins! to! get! interesting.! What! we! know! is! that! communication! is! much! more! than! the! words! that! we! use.! There! are! many! other! factors! that! play!a!part!in!how!communication!is!received!including! body! language,! voice! tonality! and! especially! facial! expressions.*! Rapport! is! about! making! the! most! of! these!factors,!so!that!we!can!meaningfully!connect!with! others! in! a! way! that! allows! them! to! like! us.! And! the! simplest!rule!to!remember!when!it!comes!to!Rapport!is:! People,like,people,who,are,like,them., This! may! sound! a! little! bit! manipulative! or! tricky,! but! the!truth!is!that!this!is!what!people!do!normally.!!When! you! have! seen! two! people! in! a! social! situation! who! were! sondeep! in! conversation,! you! may! have! noticed! that! they! were! probably! standing! in! similar! ways,! talking! at! similar! volumes/speeds! and! if! you'd! been! paying! enough! attention! you! may! have! even! noticed! B!18!B
that! their! breathing! was! in! sync.! The! chances! are! though!that!those!people!aren't!trained!Practitioners!of! NLP! or! Hypnotists,! because! this! is! what! just! happens! naturally.!However,!it!can!take!5B10!minutes!to!happen! naturally.! Once! you! start! to! get! good! at! the! process! of! Rapport!you!can!bring!that!time!down!to!2B30!seconds! with!ease!to!simultaneously!create!a!feeling!of!trust!and! comfort!because:!!
Trust!+!Comfort!=!Rapport!
Rapport!is!made!up!of!two!main!processes,!Pacing!and! Leading.! Pacing! is! where! you! closely! replicate! parts! of! the!other!persons!communication!so!that!they!begin!to! recognise!parts!of!themselves!in!you.!!Leading!refers!to! doing! something! new! when! you! are! in! Rapport! with! another! person! that! will! cause! the! other! person! to! replicate! you.! But! before! you! can! Pace! someone! and! start! to! get! in! Rapport! with! them,! you! need! to! know! what!to!look!for.!Here!are!the!main!things!to!watch!for:! " " " " B!19!B
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Physiology:" Posture Gestures Facial!expressions Blinking Breathing Tonality:" Tone!(pitch) Tempo!(speed) Timbre!(quality) Volume!(loudness) Words:" Predicates Key!words Common!experiences!and!associations Content!chunks B!20!B
So,! using! your! Sensory! Acuity,! the! key! is! to! pay! attention! to! the! other! person.! How! are! they! holding! their! shoulders! or! sitting! in! their! chair! (posture)?! Do! they! move! their! hands! in! certain! ways! as! they! talk! about! certain! ideas! (gestures)?! Are! they! breathing! slowly!from!deep!in!their!stomach!or!quickly!from!the! top! of! their! chest! (breathing)?! Are! they! talking! really! quickly!(tempo)?!Is!their!voice!really!soft!(volume)?!Are! there! specific! words! they! use! for! specific! things! (key! words)?!Did!you!go!to!the!same!school!or!do!you!play!a! similar!sport!(common!experiences!and!associations)?!I! think!you!get!the!idea!! So! you! are! probably! thinking,! "This! sounds! great! but! how! do! I! use! Rapport?"! Once! you! have! used! your! Sensory!Acuity!to!work!out!where!the!other!person!is,! the! second! step! is! to! begin! to! match! and! mirror! that! behaviour! whilst! communicating! with! them.! ! As! you! continue!pacing!them!more!and!more,!you!will!deepen! Rapport!with!them!and!the!connection!they!feel!to!you.!!! Matching! Matching! their! behaviour! is! where! you! repeat! their! behaviour! back! to! them! in! the! same! way! as! they! are! doing! it.! For! example,! if! they! have! their! right! leg! crossed!over!their!left!leg,!and!if!you!were!to!cross!your! right!leg!over!your!left!leg!then!you!would!be!Matching! that!part!of!their!physiology.!! B!21!B
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Mirroring" Mirroring! their! behaviour! is! where! you! repeat! their! behaviour! back! to! them! as! if! you! were! their! reflection! in! a! mirror.! For! example,! if! they! have! their! right! leg! crossed!over!their!left!leg!then!if!you!were!to!cross!your! left!leg!over!your!right!leg!then!you!would!be!Mirroring! that!part!of!their!physiology.! Crossover"Mirroring"(Advanced)* Crossover! Mirroring! their! behaviour! is! where! you! repeat! their! behaviour! back! to! them! with! a! different! part! of! your! body.! For! example,! if! they! were! tapping! their! fingers! quickly! on! a! desk,! you! could! mirror! that! behaviour! by! tapping! your! foot! at! the! same! speed! on! the! floor.! Crossover! mirroring! is! not! as! easy! to! master! as!matching!and!mirroring,!so!if!you!are!new!to!Rapport! I! would! suggest! you! focus! on! the! other! two! first! and! foremost.!! Matching,!mirroring!and!crossover!mirroring!can!all!be! equally! effective! at! deepening! Rapport! with! another! person.! The! difference! between! an! amateur! and! a! master!when!it!comes!to!Rapport!is!being!able!to!use!all! three! equally! well! so! that! you! can! use! whichever! you! feel!is!most!appropriate!to!the!situation.!!
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Important!! You! are! matching,! mirroring! or! crossover! mirroring!as!long!as!what!you!are!doing!stays!out!of!the! other! person's! conscious! awareness.! If! you! are! simply! copying!their!behaviour!the!moment!they!do!it!then!you! are! mimicking! their! behaviour! ! mimicking! does! the! reverse! of! what! we! want!! That! said,! I! have! been! using! Rapport!for!many!years!now!and,!with!the!exception!of! one!or!two!NLP!trained!friends,!I!have!never! ever!been! caught!out!using!these!skills!naturally.!! Pacing!is!the!first!part!of!getting!into!Rapport.!!You!will! need! to! pace! the! other! person! using! the! techniques! above! until! you! get! a! warm,! comfortable,! internal! kinaesthetic!(feeling).!This!warm,!comfortable,!internal! kinaesthetic!is!the!best!way!to!know!whether!you!are!in! Rapport! with! the! other! person.! It! is! a! deeply! comfortable! feeling! that! is! hard! to! put! into! words! ! though! when! you! begin! to! practice! Rapport! you! will! soon! know! what! I! mean.! ! When! you! start! out! using! these! techniques,! this! feeling! will! be! harder! to! detect,! but! over! time,! you! will! be! able! to! recognise! it! more! quickly!and!easily.! Once!you!feel!as!if!you!are!in!Rapport,!it!is!time!to!have! some!fun.!The!easiest!way!to!test!Rapport!is!by!leading! the!other!person.!Leading!refers!to!making!a!change!to! your!physiology,!tonality!or!words!in!such!a!way!that!it! causes!the!other!person!to!follow!with!their!behaviour.! B!23!B
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For! example,! if! you! are! standing! next! to! someone! at! a! networking!event!and!you!feel!that!you!are!in!Rapport! with! them,! then! you! could! take! a! sip! from! your! drink,! change! the! speed! you! are! talking! at! or! alter! your! posture.! If! you! are! in! Rapport! with! them! then! there! is! every!likelihood!that!they!will!follow!! After! I! learnt! about! Rapport! I! began! to! practice! it! at! every! opportunity! I! had.! My! favourites! (by! far)! were! with! shop! assistants! and! the! airline! staff! that! check! in! your!bags.!I!found!that!just!by!getting!into!Rapport,!all! of!a!sudden!they!would!be!treating!me!quite!differently.! I'd! be! offered! seats! with! more! leg! room! (I'm! quite! tall! anyway),! they'd! turn! a! blind! eye! if! my! baggage! was! slightly! over! the! limit! and! often! in! shops! I! would! be! offered! a! discount.! ! It! certainly! wasn't! every! time,! but! with! practice! at! Rapport! I've! found! the! rewards! only! increase.! After! all! ! who! wouldn't! want! to! be! helping! people!they!like?! Not! long! after! I! first! learnt! about! Rapport! I! was! in! a! team! meeting! with! a! person! who! just! wouldn't! stop! talking.! Everyone! was! looking! around! at! each! other! wishing! she! would! stop! and! I! thought! to! myself,! I! wonder!if!Rapport!could!help!here?!So!I!paid!attention! to! her! physiology,! tonality! and! words! and! began! to! match! her! behaviour.! Sure! enough,! after! about! twenty! seconds!I!began!to!feel!that!familiar!feeling!of!Rapport! B!24!B
in! my! body.! And! then! I! decided! to! have! some! fun.! To! start!with!I!just!rubbed!the!tip!of!my!nose!with!my!right! hand! and! watched.! Sure! enough,! she! unconsciously! rubbed! the! tip! of! her! nose! too.! Then! I! did! it! a! second! time!(and!so!did!she)!and!a!third!time!(and!so!did!she).! When! I! stopped,! shed! not! only! stopped! her! incessant! talking,! but! shed! started! checking! her! nose,! probably! thinking! there! must! have! been! something! hanging! off! the!end!of!it!!This!is!not!a!traditional!use!of!Rapport!but! it! just! shows! what! you! can! do! with! it! when! you! are! creative.! Now,! as! with! most! processes! in! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming,! the! trick! to! becoming! masterful! with! Rapport!is!to!practice,!practice!and!practice!!The!more! that! you! practice! the! easier! it! will! become! and! eventually! (normally! in! only! a! few! weeks! of! conscious! effort)!you!will!start!to!do!it!unconsciously.!Remember,! this!technique!is!one!of!the!processes!that!will!make!the! biggest!difference!to!your!results!with!clients.!! ** Note:* Many, books, will, wrongly, cite, that, Communication, is, 7%, Words,, 38%, Tonality, and, 55%, Physiology, , if, that, were, true,, we, could, easily, communicate,with,people,who,don't,speak,our,language, using, voice, tone, and, physiology, alone., Google, is, your, friend, if, you, want, to, find, more, information, about, what, that,research,actually,says.* B!25!B
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" Further"Reading:" How"to"make"people"like"you"in"90"seconds" or"less"" by!Nicholas,Boothman, Presenting"Magically"(Chapter*8)" by,Tad,James,&,David,Shepard! ! !
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Technique&3:&Anchoring&
! Anchoring!is!a!NeuroBLinguistic!Programming!term!for! the!process!of!associating!a!state!within!a!person!to!an! external! stimulus.! Or,! in! simpler! terms,! it! is! the! ability! to! have! someone! feel! a! certain! way! just! by! letting! him! or! her! see! something,! hear! something,! feel! something,! smell!something!or!taste!something.! Have! you! ever! been! listening! to! the! radio! and! a! song! has!come!on!that!just!makes!you!feel!happy?!Or!walked! into!a!house!to!smell!something!cooking!that!has!taken! you! back! to! how! you! felt! in! the! past! with! family! or! friends?! Or! is! there! an! animal! that! someone! can! just! mention! and! it! will! send! a! shudder! down! your! spine! (Think! snakes/rats/insects/spiders/etc.)?! If! there! is,! then! youve! experienced! an! anchor.! ! An! external! stimulus! has! made! you! feel! a! certain! way! without! you! consciously!deciding!to!feel!that!way.! The! truth! is! that! our! worlds! are! FULL! of! anchors.! The! people!we!like!have!lots!of!things!anchored!to!them!that! make!us!feel!good.!!And!the!people!we!dislike!have!lots! of! things! anchored! to! them! that! make! us! feel! not! as! good.!!These!anchors!are!so!strong!that!often!they!will! overBride! our! other! senses.! Imagine! seeing! a! politician! on! TV! that! you! dont! like?! The! chances! are! that! the! B!27!B
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politician! could! be! saying! something! you! could! agree! with! but! the! negative! feeling! you! have! from! just! seeing/hearing!him!or!her!is!enough!to!overpower!logic! and! you! may! find! yourself! disagreeing! with! what! is! being!said.!Anchors!are!powerful!things!! What!are!anchors!used!for!exactly?! Anchors! are! useful! because! not! only! can! we! have! our! state! changed! by! existing! anchors,! we! can! also! create! new!ones.!Imagine!if!you!had!an!anchor!that!would!put! you! into! a! really! good! mood! just! by! listening! to! a! certain! song.! Imagine! if! you! came! home! and! felt! really! horrible.!But!because!you!knew!about!this!certain!song,! and!the!way!it!makes!you!feel!when!you!listen!to!it,!you! could! just! play! that! song! and! the! bad! feelings! would! disappear!! Wouldnt! that! be! great?! It! really! is! that! simple.!Anything!that!we!can!feel!in!our!nervous!system! we!can!anchor!to!something!we!see,!hear,!feel,!smell!or! taste.!But!there!are!a!few!tricks!to!successful!Anchoring! that!make!it!more!likely!to!work.! Any!time!that!a!person!is!in!an!associated,!intense!state! where! a! specific! stimulus! is! applied! at! the! peak! of! the! experience,!the!two!will!be!linked!neurologically.! The!success!of!an!anchor!depends!on!the!following!five! things:! B!28!B
The! INTENSITY! of! the! other! persons! internal! experience! (if! they! are! experiencing! a! really! strong!internal!state!then!the!anchor!is!going!to! be!more!effective);! The! TIMING!of!the!anchor!(you!want!to!anchor! as! they! go! INTO! the! state! and! release! just! after! the! anchor! peaks! ! see! further! information! on! Timing!below);! The! UNIQUENESS" of! the! anchor! (the! more! unique!it!is,!the!easier!it!is!to!recall);! The! REPLICATION" of! the! stimulus! (how! well! you! manage! to! replicate! the! stimulus! ! if! you! anchor!a!touch!on!the!persons!knee!youll!find!it! more! effective! if! you! touch! them! in! exactly! the! same!place!on!their!knee,!as!opposed!to!touching! them!a!few!inches!to!the!left!or!the!right);!and! The! NUMBER" of! times! you! anchor! it! (the! more! times! you! anchor! it,! the! more! effective! the! anchor!will!be).! So!when!you!want!to!create!an!anchor!in!yourself!(or!in! someone!else)!these!are!the!key!factors!to!be!aware!of.! As! mentioned! above,! one! of! the! keys! to! successful! Anchoring! is! timing.! The! image! on! page! 30! shows! a! B!29!B
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graph!with!the!rise!and!fall!of!an!emotional!state!being! represented! by! the! black! curve.! You! want! to! begin! Anchoring! as! soon! as! you! see! the! other! person! going! into!the!state!and!stop!just!after!they!peak!in!that!state.! Why?! Because! we! are! talking! about! small! changes! in! the! other! person! you! will! need! really! good! Sensory! Acuity! to! spot! the! changes.! Even! with! amazingly! good! Sensory! Acuity! there! will! nearly! always! be! a! slight! delay!between!them!entering!the!state!and!you!noticing! them!entering!the!state.!Likewise,!when!the!state!stops! intensifying!you!will!know!because!your!Sensory!Acuity! spots!the!changes!in!their!physiology.!And!by!the!time! you!notice!that!it!is!dropping!and!release!the!anchor!it! will! have! already! peaked! and! be! on! the! decrease.! This! diagram!below!will!make!it!more!clear!how!to!time!the! application!of!an!anchor:!
! B!30!B
As! with! most! NLP! Techniques,! your! ability! to! get! into! Rapport! with! the! other! person,! and! to! experience! the! state! yourself,! will! greatly! add! to! the! success! of! your! Anchoring.! So,!to!pull!it!all!together,!if!you!wanted!to!anchor!a!state! of! confidence! in! someone! else! you! would! follow! this! basic!process:! 1. Find! someone! who! is! comfortable! working! with!you!as!a!volunteer!or!a!client,! 2. Gain!Rapport!with!the!other!person.! 3. Ask! if! it! is! okay! for! you! to! touch! them! on! the! knuckle! during! this! exercise.! (You! can! anchor! people! anywhere! on! their! bodies! but! the! knuckles!are!unobtrusive!and!generally!unique! enough!to!work!well.!Keep!in!mind!the!factors! mentioned!above!when!choosing!your!stimulus! to!maximise!the!chance!of!success!).! 4. Have! the! other! person! remember! a! really! intense! past! experience! where! they! were! confident.!(The!easiest!way!to!do!this!is!with!a! script! like,! Can! you! remember! a! time! when! you! were! totally! confident?! [wait! for! yes]! Can! you! remember! a! specific! time?! [wait! for! yes]! As!you!go!back!to!that!time!now!see!what!you! B!31!B
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saw,! hear! what! you! heard! and! really! feel! the! feelings!of!being!totally!confident);! 5. As! they! remember! the! past! experience! use! your!Sensory!Acuity!to!notice!as!they!begin!to! enter! the! desired! state! of! being! Confident.! They! may! enter! it! quickly,! or! slowly,! but! it! doesn't! matter! as! long! as! you! adjust! your! timing! around! them.! As! they! enter! the! state,! start!applying!a!stimulus!(Start!to!firmly!press! on! one! of! their! knuckles,! say! on! their! thumb.! This!doesnt!need!to!be!very!hard,!just!enough! pressure!so!they!can!feel!it);! 6. Use! your! Sensory! Acuity! again! to! detect! them! starting! to! leave! the! state,! as! it! peaks,! and! remove! the! stimulus! (i.e.! remove! your! touch! from!their!knuckle);! 7. Break! their! state! so! that! they! go! into! a! different,!unrelated!state!to!the!one!which!you! just! anchored! (so! that! you! can! test! getting! it! back.! ! I! find! a! question! like! Do! you! taste! cheese?! quite! effective.! Just! as! effective! is! a! question! that! turns! their! focus! to! something! that! was! previously! out! of! their! conscious! awareness,!such!as!What!colour!are!the!walls! of!this!room?);!and! B!32!B
8. ReBapply! the! anchor! and! use! your! Sensory! Acuity!to!test!whether!they!return!to!the!state.! (If! they! return! to! the! state,! CONGRATULATIONS!! You! have! successfully! installed! an! anchor!! If! you! didnt! notice! a! change! then! check! that! they! are! intensely! associating!with!the!state!and!make!sure!your! stimulus! is! unique! enough.! If! it! is! intense! and! unique! enough,! repeat! the! process! several! times!and!the!repetition!will!assist!in!building! a!stronger!anchor.)! So!thats!itByou!now!have!a!rough!idea!about!how!to!use! the! NLP! process! of! Anchoring.! This! is! really! just! the! beginning! of! Anchoring! but! it! makes! a! good! starting! point.!Now!it!is!time!to!find!yourself!a!willing!volunteer! and! ask! if! they! will! allow! you! to! practice! Anchoring! with! them.! Try! some! positive! states! like! Anchoring! a! feeling! of! confidence,! a! feeling! of! excitement! or! even! a! feeling!of!bliss.!If!you!can!find!the!words!for!it!then!you! can!feel!it!!! As!you!become!more!practiced!at!Anchoring!you'll!find! other! techniques! like! stacking! anchors,! collapsing! anchors!and!chaining!anchors!are!all!powerful!tools!in! your!toolkit.! ! B!33!B
Lloyd!Johnson
" " Further"Reading" Frogs"Into"Princes"" by*Richard*Bandler*and*John*Grinder! This!book!is!an!excellent!transcript!from!one!of! the!first!lectures!on!NLP!by!the!founders.!The! relevant!information!about!Anchoring!starts! towards!the!bottom!of!Page!84.! ! !!
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Technique&4:&Milton&Model&
! The!Milton!Model!was!created!by!Bandler!and!Grinder,! following!their!study!and!Modelling!of!Milton!Erickson.! The! Milton! Model! is! a! linguistic! model,! or! way! of! talking,!that!allows!you!to!more!easily!induce!trance!in! the! people! you! are! talking! to.! This! is! ideal! for! use! in! Hypnosis,! especially! when! you! are! inducing! or! deepening! trance,! although! it! is! also! very! powerful! in! business! discussions! and! advertising.! ! When! you! effectively!talk!using!the!Milton!Model!you!will!find!that! people! become! more! agreeable! and! connect! to! what! it! is!you!have!to!say.! Youre! probably! wondering! what! the! Milton! Model! is! and! why! youre! going! to! start! using! it! soon.!Because,!even!though!right!now!youre!not! sure!how!important!it!is,!there!have!been!times! before! when! youve! been! not! sure,! and! good! things!have!happened,!havent!they?!And!the!fact! that! youre! reading! these! words! and! thinking! about! the! Milton! Model! means! that! you! could! learn! the! Milton! Model! easily! and! effortlessly,! couldnt!you?! Try!reading!the!above!short!paragraph!out!loud.!Notice! how,! if! you! speak! it! slowly! and! steadily,! you! gently! B!35!B
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relax.!!And!youll!probably!notice!how!it!is!written!just! like! a! lot! of! things! you! may! have! read! before! ! that! is! because! hypnotic! language! is! used! by! many! world! leaders! and! powerful! communicators! like! Martin! Luther!King!Jr.,!Bill!Clinton!and!Barack!Obama.! The! Milton! Model! paragraph! makes! use! of! mind! reads! (were! you! wondering! what! the! Milton! Model! is! and! why! youre! going! to! start! using! it! soon?),! lost! performatives! (the! Milton! Model! is! important,! according! to! whom?),! cause! and! effect! (how! does! that! fact!that!you!are!wondering!mean!that!youre!not!sure! how! important! it! is?),! presupposition! (it! is! assumed! that!youll!start!using!it!soon),!tag!questions!(havent! they?!couldnt!you?),!and!a!couple!of!other!patterns!too,! just! for! fun.! This! will! all! make! more! sense! as! you! explore!the!Milton!Model!further.!! So,! how! do! you! go! from! what! you! know! now,! to! knowing! and! being! able! to! use! the! Milton! Model! effortlessly?!The!short!answer!is!that!you!need!to:! Learn!the!Milton!Model!patterns;! Practice! the! Milton! Model! patterns! again,! and! again,!and!again;!and! Notice! how! you! effortlessly! start! using! it! unconsciously.! B!36!B
The! Milton! Model! is! made! up! of! roughly! twenty! patterns.! Each! pattern! has! endless! possibilities! for! use! with!different!words,!and!the!patterns!can!be!combined! to! become! even! more! effective.! What! follows! is! a! description!and!examples!of!each!of!the!patterns!of!the! Milton!Model.!
Mind&Read&
A!mind!read!is!a!really!handy!pattern!where!you!claim! to! know! the! thoughts! or! feelings! of! someone! without! having! any! way! of! knowing! that! information.! By! claiming! to! know! what! they! are! thinking,! they! will! begin!to!think!about!it,!and!because!they!begin!to!think! about!it!as!you!say!it,!they!think!that!they!were!already! thinking!about!it!!crazy,!right?!So!how!does!it!look?! Youre!probably!wondering! You! start! the! sentence! like! that! and! then! finish! with! whatever! you! want.! For! example,! Youre! probably! wondering!what!sort!of!examples!Im!going!to!use.! Youre!probably!wondering!what!youre!going!to!have! for!dinner.! Youre! probably! wondering! how! much! eggs! cost! in! China.! And,!even!though!you!werent!wondering!about!any!of! those!things,!you!may!notice!how!good!it!feels!to!start! wondering!about!them!now,!dont!you?! B!37!B
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Lost&Performative&
A! lost! performative! is! when! we! provide! a! value! judgement! without! telling! the! listener! who! made! that! value! judgement.! It! works! so! well! because! relative! words!are!really!easy!to!agree!with.!! Basically! these! are! any! words! that! are! value! judgements! such! as:! ! good,! bad,! better,! worse,! slow,!fast!etc.! You!can!throw!these!into!sentences!to!lead!the!listener! in! the! direction! you! want! their! thoughts! to! go.! For! example,!it!is!good!to!wonder!about!the!Milton!Model.! It!is!great!to!go!to!the!beach.! That!car!is!quite!slow.! Those!statements!all!make!sense!by!themselves!but!if! you!start!thinking!about!it!now,!certainly,!the!car!could! be!quite!slow!!but!slow!compared!to!what?!It!isnt!slow! compared! to! walking,! or! slow! compared! to! riding! a! horse!or!slow!compared!to!riding!a!bike!but!it!could!be! slow! compared! to! a! Ferrari! or! a! jet! plane! or! a! motorbike.!Because!the!sentence!makes!sense!by!itself! the! listener! is! likely! to! accept! the! thought,! such! as! the! car! is! quite! slow,! and! if! they! accept! that! thought! then! theyll!be!more!likely!to!base!their!thinking!on!it!further! into!the!conversation.! B!38!B
Cause&&&Effect&
Cause!&!Effect!is!the!name!we!use!when!we!imply!that! one! thing! causes! another.! The! human! mind! LOVES! reasons!and!this!is!a!great!way!to!provide!reasons,!even! if!the!reasons!wouldnt!necessarily!hold!up!to!rigorous! investigation.! The! way! to! spot! Cause! &! Effect! style! patterns! is! to! watch! for! the! following! linguistic! patterns:! Because! If!A!then!B! As!A!you!B! As!you!find!yourself!going!into!trance!you!could!notice! how!relaxed!your!arms!feel.! Because!youre!alive!you!are!ready!to!learn.! These! statements! are! an! elegant! way! of! leading! someone!slowly!towards!a!favourable!outcome.!You!can! take! things! that! are! known! to! be! true! (the! cause),! or! implied! to! be! true,! and! that! positive! feeling! carries! through!to!what!you!are!implying!(the!effect).!Going!to! the!shops!wont!necessarily!make!anyone!happier!!but! if! youve! made! that! suggestion! that! going! to! the! shops! will! make! them! happy,! then! that! is! the! more! likely! outcome.! B!39!B
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Complex&Equivalence&
Complex! Equivalence! is! a! way! of! suggesting! that! two! things! mean! the! same! thing! when! they! dont! necessarily.! That! means! that! you! can! get! people! to! agree! with! two! things! when! initially! they! would! have! only!agreed!with!the!first.!What!you!want!to!watch!out! for!is!these!two!words:! that!means! Just!reBread!the!previous!paragraph!!did!you!see!what! I!did!there?!Here!are!some!more!examples!for!you:! Owning!a!car!means!that!youre!not!as!fit!as!you!could! be.! When!someone!goes!out!to!a!night!club!that!means!they! want!to!get!drunk.! Reading!this!chapter!means!that!you!are!learning!more! about!the!Milton!Model.! This!linguistic!pattern!is!very!useful!when!you!want!to! make!someone!aware!of!something!that!they!previously! werent! aware! of.! Think! of! how! motivating! it! could! be! for!a!boy!learning!football!to!hear!his!coach!say,!Jimmy,! you! coming! to! all! the! training! sessions! means! that! youre!getting!better!at!football!and!that!means!that!you! wont! be! on! the! bench! at! the! game! this! weekend! ! thats! really! just! two! complex! equivalences! strung! together.! This! pattern! is! commonly! (mis)used! by! B!40!B
politicians! (and! parents:! think! about! the! night! club! example)! to! overBgeneralise! a! situation! for! a! purpose,! i.e.!Voting!for!us!means!voting!for!freedom.!!
Presupposition&
A! presupposition! is! a! fancy! word! for! a! linguistic! assumption.! By! creating! assumptions! in! your! language! you! can! make! people! begin! to! think! that! something! is! true! without! ever! having! the! chance! to! question! it.! There! arent! clear! words! or! ways! of! structuring! presuppositions! and! they! are! present! in! all! of! our! language.! It! is! probably! best! to! share! some! examples,! such!as:! Are!you!still!thinking!of!buying!a!new!car?!(This! presupposes!you!were!previously!thinking!about! buying!a!new!car.)! Have! you! used! the! Milton! Model! yet?! (This! presupposes! you! have! used! it! already! OR! will! use!it!in!the!future.)! You! have! learnt! from! your! past! mistakes.! (This! presupposes!past!mistakes.)! Your! dancing! is! getting! better.! (This! presupposes!that!persons!dancing!was!not!good! !notice!the!lost!performative?)! B!41!B
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Presuppositions! are! hugely! useful! when! talking! to! people,! as! they! allow! you! to! influence! them! whilst! saving! a! great! deal! of! time.! The! art! of! using! presuppositions! is! to! lead! people! into! presupposing! things! that! will! support! them! doing! what! you! want! them! to! do.! If! you! were! selling! a! car! you! could! presuppose! that! the! buyer! cares! about! the! safety! of! their! passengers! (something! a! car! buyer! is! unlikely! to! disagree! with)! in! order! to! sell! them! a! much! more! expensive,!but!safer,!car.!!This!could!be!neatly!wrapped! in!a!simple!statement!like:!Sure,!you!could!buy!a!small! car,! but! our! customers! who! feel! the! safety! of! their! passengers! is! important! normally! only! consider! medium!to!large!cars.!
Universal&Quantifier&
A!Universal!Quantifier!is!any!set!of!words!that!contain!a! Universal!Generalisation!AND!lack!a!referential!index.! So! whats! a! universal! generalisation?! Words! like! all,! every! and! whole! that! refer! to! everything.! ! Universal! generalisations! can! also! be! negative,! such! as! never,! noBone,! nothing,! etc.! The! key! is! that! the! word! must! refer!to!everything.! Lacking!a!referential!index!means!a!phrase!that!doesnt! refer!to!anything!in!particular.!So!you!use!words!like!it,! that,!things,!stuff,!etc.! B!42!B
For! a! statement! to! be! a! Universal! Quantifier! it! must! contain! BOTH! a! Universal! Generalisation! AND! lack! a! referential!index.!It!can!look!something!like!this:! Everything!feels!like!that. And!all!the!things,!all!the!things That!is!never NoBone!knows!that.
Modal&Operator&
Modal!Operators!are!words!that!imply!either!necessity! or!possibility.!These!words!are!often!used!to!form!and! reinforce! the! rules! in! our! lives.! They! are! incredibly! empowering! (or! disempowering),! depending! on! how! they!are!used.!Modal!Operators!of!Necessity!are!words! that! imply! something! must! be! done! (all! the! odd! numbered! examples).! Modal! Operators! of! Possibility! are!words!that!imply!something!could!be!done!(all!the! even!numbered!examples).! Examples!of!Modal!Operators!include:! 1)!Should 2)!Could 3)!Must B!43!B
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4)!Might 5)!Need 6)!Want Take!for!example!these!two!statements:! 1)!You!should!go!to!the!Post!Office. 2)!You!could!go!to!the!Post!Office. They! feel! very! different.! The! first! statement! uses! a! Modal!Operator!of!Necessity!(should)!while!the!second! statement!uses!a!Model!Operator!of!Possibility!(could).! If! someone! is! feeling! bad! about! something,! they! will! almost!certainly!be!using!modal!operators!of!necessity.! Try! repeating! back! to! them! what! they! said! to! you,! but! swap! the! necessity! words! with! possibility! words! and! enjoy!the!results!!
Nominalization&
Nominalization!is!what!we!call!it!when!you!transform!a! verb!or!process!into!a!noun.!The!easiest!way!to!spot!a! nominalization! is! to! look! for! words! that! contain! ion! such! as! Communication,! Decision! or! Relationship.! Communication! is! the! process! of! communicating,! decision! is! the! process! of! deciding! and! relationship! is! the! process! of! relating.! By! using! nominalizations! we! B!44!B
reference!the!process!in!a!way!that!assumes!it!has!been! completed.! In! sales! you! may! have! a! client! who! tells! you! they! are! deciding!on!whether!your!product!is!right!for!them.!By! beginning! to! use! the! nominalization! of! decided,! you! can! shift! their! thinking! quite! quickly! towards! them! already!having!made!a!decision.!
Unspecified&Verb&
Any!verb!that!lacks!an!adverb!is!unspecified.!When!you! use! unspecified! verbs! it! will! sound! as! if! youre! only! saying! half! of! the! sentence.! Instead! of! finishing! the! sentence! with! an! adverb! (as! the! listener! would! normally! expect,)! you! stop! short! and! leave! their! unconscious!mind!to!fill!in!the!blank.! Examples!of!unspecified!verbs!include:! That!can!help Thats!the!way And!you!can. You!know You!may!discover
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Tag&Question&
This! is! one! of! the! easiest! and! most! fun! Milton! Model! patterns! that! you! can! start! using! straight! away.! A! tag! question! is! literally! adding! a! rhetorical! question! onto! the!end!of!what!you!say,!isnt!it?!When!you!start!using! them,! people! just! find! themselves! agreeing! with! you,! dont! they?! And! they! dont! even! know! why,! do! they?! The! funny! thing! is,! most! people! already! use! these! right?! Here!are!some!examples:! havent!you? dont!you? wont!you? cant!you? right?
Lack&of&Referential&Index&
These!patterns!are!really!useful!because!they!are!just!so! vague!! Any! phrase! that! doesnt! refer! to! something! in! particular! lacks! a! referential! index.! This! is! when! you! refer! to! something! in! a! way! that! makes! it! very! ambiguous! what! you! are! actually! referring! to.! For! B!46!B
example,!using!the!word!it,!them,!that,!thing,!stuff,! etc.! These!are!some!examples:! Remember!that!thing!that!we!left!behind!at!that! place! near! that! person?! (This! statement! lacks! 3! referential! indexes! ! but! as! you! read! it,! the! statement!should!still!make!sense.) One!can,!you!know How!they!said!it!made!all!the!difference. Sometimes!that!thing!happens. We!do!this!naturally!all!the!time,!dont!we?!(Whoops! tag! question! was! the! previous! pattern.)! Take! for! example!if!you!are!describing!an!argument.!I!made!this! argument! up! to! show! the! pattern! in! use,! but! Im! sure! you! could! have! heard! something! like! this! before:! She! said!this!then!he!said!that!and!it!was!all!over!the!place! and!before!we!knew!it!that!person!arrived!at!the!party! who!everyone!hated!and!he!was!saying!that!stuff!about! her! mother! but! nobody! knew! whether! it! was! her! natural!mother!or!her!stepBmother!!
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& Comparative&Deletion&
A! Comparative! Deletion! is! very! similar! to! a! Lost! Performative!where!a!comparison!is!made!but!it!is!not! specified! to! what! or! whom! the! comparison! is! being! made.! While! a! Lost! Performative! relates! to! the! person! making! the! judgment! being! left! out,! a! Comparative! Deletion! relates! to! the! leaving! out! what! it! is! being! compared!to.! Examples!of!Comparative!Deletion!include:! The!bus!was!much!bigger. And!its!more!or!less!the!right!thing Things!werent!that!good. But!it!didnt!go!as!well. When! you! make! a! comparison! in! this! way! it! is! incredibly!hard!for!the!listener!to!disagree!with!it.!How! can!you!disagree!with!something!when!you!dont!know! what! it! is! being! compared! to?! You! cant!! So! this! is! a! great! technique! for! you! to! use! when! trying! to! be! persuasive.!
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Pace&Current&Experience&
The! Pace! Current! Experience! pattern! is! one! of! the! quickest! patterns! for! getting! agreement! or! putting! someone! into! a! trance! conversationally.! Essentially! what!you!do!with!this!pattern!is!you!say!things!that!are! undeniable! about! the! other! person's! experience.! You! dont! just! mention! one! thing! though,! you! mention! multiple! things,! and! as! you! mention! more! and! more! things! you! will! find! the! person! being! drawn! in! more! and!more!by!what!you!are!saying.! Here! are! some! examples! of! statements! that! Pace! Current!Experience:! As! you! sit! there,! reading! this! book,! thinking! about! what! it! means! and! wondering! how! you! could!use!these!patterns As! you! look! you! can! feel! how! your! clothes! feel! against! your! skin,! and! how! quickly,! or! slowly,! youre!breathing!and Youve!looked!at!the!brochure,!youve!spoken!to! our! sales! staff! and! now! youve! come! into! the! showroom So!why!is!this!useful?!This!is!the!basis!of!what!is!called!a! Yes!Ladder!in!sales.!If!you!can!say!several!things!that! are! undeniably! true! then! you! can! normally! say! B!49!B
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something! that! is! possible,! but! not! definitely! true,! and! have!the!other!person!readily!agree.!And!as!they!agree! with! that! last! suggestion/statement,! they! can! begin! to! unconsciously!move!in!a!new!direction.! An!example!if!you!were!introducing!trance!could!be:! As! you! sit! there,! listening! to! my! voice,! and! hearing! what! I! say,! you! can! begin! to! feel! incredibly! relaxed.! As! you! begin! to! feel! incredibly!relaxed!you!can!allow!yourself!to!sink! deep,!deep!down!into!trance,!now.! Or!an!example!in!sales!could!be:! Youve!seen!this!car!on!TV,!youve!come!down!to! the!showroom!and!now!youve!taken!it!for!a!test! drive!and!by!now!youre!probably!ready!to!start! filling!in!the!paperwork,!aren't!you?!
Double&Bind&
A! Double! Bind! is! when! you! give! the! listener! a! choice,! but! regardless! of! their! choice! they! still! do! what! you! want! them! to! do.! This! pattern! works! especially! well! with!children,!though!if!you!overBuse!it,!they!will!work! it!out!pretty!quickly!!This!pattern!is!best!explained!with! examples:!
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Would!you!prefer!to!take!the!bin!out!tonight!or! tomorrow!morning? Do!you!want!to!go!to!bed!now!or!in!5!minutes? Would!you!prefer!to!buy!this!in!blue!or!red? Is!it!better!for!you!if!we!meet!in!the!morning!or! the!afternoon? The!key!in!each!of!these!statements!is!that!although!the! listener! is! given! a! choice,! regardless! of! their! choice,! they! are! implicitly! agreeing! to! something! else.! Regardless!of!whether!they!take!the!bin!out!tonight,!or! tomorrow! morning,! they! are! still! agreeing! to! take! the! bin!out!when!they!answer.!Regardless!of!whether!they! prefer!to!buy!it!in!blue,!or!red,!they!are!still!agreeing!to! buy!it.!
Conversational&Postulate&
A! Conversational! Postulate! is! where! you! take! a! command! (i.e.! something! you! want! the! listener! to! do)! and! turn! it! into! a! question.! This! greatly! softens! the! command! and! will! increase! compliance.! Essentially,! it! avoids! the! feeling! of! authoritarianism! that! can! come! from!telling!someone!what!to!do.! Examples!of!conversational!postulates!are:! Can!you!close!the!door? B!51!B
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Would!you!mind!signing!this!document? What! are! the! chances! of! you! picking! up! my! clothes!from!the!dry!cleaner!on!your!way!home! from!work? In!each!example!there!is!a!clear!command!(i.e.!Close!the! door,! sign! the! document,! pick! up! my! clothes! from! the! dry!cleaner)!though!the!way!it!is!framed!makes!it!sound! like! a! request! that! the! person! could! potentially! refuse.! It!may!sound!counterBintuitive,!but!because!the!option! to!refuse!is!presented,!it!makes!the!listener!less!likely!to! refuse,!and!much!more!likely!to!comply.!
Extended&Quotes&
Extended! Quotes! is! a! beautiful! pattern! that! creates! confusion! in! the! listener! really,! really! quickly.! You! essentially! start! talking! about! someone! (Person! #1)! and! then! tell! the! listener! that! this! person! (Person! #1)! then! said! something! that! he! (Person! #1)! had! heard! from!someone!(Person!#2)!and!that!he!(Person!#2)!had! heard! something! from! someone! (Person! #3)! who! had! said! <insert! command! here>.! What! happens! is! that! the!mind!loses!track!of!who!is!saying!what,!and!because! the! mind! loses! track! of! who! is! saying! what! it! gets! confused,! drops! the! listener! into! trance! and! makes! them!much!more!likely!to!accept!the!suggestions.!It!also! makes!it!okay!for!you!to!say!whatever!you!want!to!the! B!52!B
listener,! because! it! isnt! you! saying! it! to! them,! it! is! the! person!who!is!being!quoted!saying!it!to!a!3rd!party.! Confused!yet?!Maybe!an!example!will!help:! So!I!was!talking!to!John!and!he!had!been!sailing! on! the! weekend! with! his! friend! Matthew! and! they!had!both!been!talking!to!this!guy!in!the!bar! about!what!it!takes!to!make!a!boat!sail!well.!And! he! said! It! doesnt! matter! what! you! know,! it! matters! that! you! learn! quickly.! And! I! dont! really! know! why! he! said! that,! but! he! said! it! again,! It! doesnt! matter! what! you! know,! it! matters! that! you! learn! quickly.! And! the! more! that! he! said! it,! the! more! I! just! sort! of! found! myself!agreeing!with!him,!said!John.! Heres! another! example! in! a! business! context.! Say! you! received! the! objection! that! your! product! was! too! expensive!from!a!prospective!client.!You!could!use!this! pattern!like!this:! You!are!not!the!first!person!to!say!our!product!is! too! expensive.! In! fact,! I! got! a! call! from! a! past! client! last! week! who! had! said! the! very! same! thing!to!me.!He!was!telling!me!about!how!he!was! talking!to!a!colleague!about!how!hesitant!he!had! been!to!make!a!decision!on!our!product,!because! of!the!price.!And!he!took!a!little!while!before!he! B!53!B
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made! his! decision.! But! looking! back! he! wished! he! had! just! gone! for! it! and! made! the! decision! right! away.! Because! even! though! he! felt! it! was! expensive!at!the!time,!having!had!it!as!long!as!he! had,!he!now!wonders!how!he!coped!without!it.!It! saves! him! so! much! time! and! makes! things! so! much! easier! for! him.! And! thats! interesting,! because!his!colleague!phoned!me!almost!straight! away!after!speaking!with!him!and!decided!that!it! was!the!product!for!him.!Because!even!though!it! was! expensive,! it! was! exactly! what! he! needed! and!he!wanted!it!now.! This!is!an!extremely!powerful!pattern!and!a!lot!of!fun!to! use!!
Selectional&Restriction&Violation&
A!Selectional!Restriction!Violation!is!where!you!suggest! properties!of!a!noun!that!the!noun!cannot!possess.!For! example,!it!is!quite!possible!to!suggest!that!humans!and! animals! have! feelings.! But! can! an! object! like! a! chair! have! feelings?! The! answer! is! no,! so! when! you! suggest! that! an! object! like! a! chair! has! feelings! you! are! suggesting! properties! of! a! noun! that! the! noun! cannot! possess! ! or! making! use! of! a! selectional! restriction! violation!! Examples!of!this!include:! B!54!B
A!car!can!have!feelings. Remember,!the!walls!have!ears!in!this!office! How! do! you! think! the! chair! feels! under! your! weight? This!was!notably!used!by!Martin!Luther!King!Jr.!in!his!I! Have! a! Dream! speech! (quite! a! hypnotic! speech! if! you! analyse! it).! To! quote,! This! sweltering! summer! of! the! Negros!legitimate!discontent!will!not!pass!until!there!is! an! invigorating! autumn! of! freedom! and! equality.! ! The!idea!that!legitimate!discontent!can!be!described!as! a! sweltering! summer! or! freedom! and! equality! can! be! described! as! an! invigorating! autumn! are! both! selectional! restriction! violations.! Or,! to! quote! again,! Let! freedom! ring! from! the! curvaceous! slopes! of! California!!!How!does!freedom!ring?! The!key!is!that!even!though!at!a!logical!level!Selectional! Restriction! Violations! dont! make! sense,! when! you! use! them! they! add! a! poetic! and! trance! inspiring! nature! to! your!communication.!
Ambiguity&
Ambiguity!is!really!the!core!of!the!entire!Milton!Model.! The! language! is! about! introducing! generalisations,! distortions!and!deletions!into!your!speech!that!make!it! hard!for!people!to!understand!specifically!what!you!are! B!55!B
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saying.!It!forces!them!to!try!and!make!sense!of!it!at!an! unconscious! level,! and! as! they! do! so,! it! naturally! deepens! their! level! of! trance.! There! are! four! types! of! ambiguity!specifically!that!deepen!trance!even!further:! Phonological"Ambiguity" This! is! when! you! use! two! words! that! sound! the! same,! but!have!different!meanings.!Examples!of!this!include:! By!now!sounds!the!same!as!buy!now Hear!sounds!the!same!as!Here There,!their,!theyre!all!sound!the!same!too. How!would!you!use!this!in!a!sentence?!As!you!sit!here,! hearing!the!sound!of!my!voice!in!your!left!ear!hear!and! your!right!ear!hear!what!you!can!hear!here.!When!said! out!loud?!Very!confusing!!Or!in!business!you!can!wrap! up!a!sales!presentation!with:!By!now,!you!can!probably! see! the! benefits! of! our! product! in! your! business.! See! what!I!did!there?! One!of!my!favourites!is!a!rhyme!my!mother!used!to!tell! me:! One! one! was! a! race! horse.! Two! two! was! one! too.! One! one! won! one! race.! Two! two! won! one! two.! Try! to! say!it!quickly!to!a!friend!and!watch!their!face!!
B!56!B
" Syntactic"Ambiguity" This! is! when! the! listener! cannot! determine! from! the! syntax! of! what! youve! said! exactly! what! you! mean.! Examples!of!this!include:! They! are! visiting! relatives.! Are! the! people! relatives! that! are! visiting?! Or! are! the! people! away!visiting!their!relatives? Ive!had!enough!of!managing!managers.!Have!I! had!enough!of!spending!time!managing!what!the! managers!do!and!dont!do?!Or!have!I!had!enough! of!managers!that!are!managing? Selling!salesmen!can!be!tricky!!Is!it!tricky!trying! to! sell! a! salesman?! Or! are! salesmen! that! are! selling!tricky? Scope"Ambiguity" Scope! ambiguity! is! where! your! ambiguous! language! leaves! the! listener! unsure! as! to! how! much! of! the! sentence!the!descriptors!apply!to.!For!example:! Speaking! to! you! as! a! child.! Am! I! a! child! speaking! to! you?! Or! am! I! speaking! to! you! like! I! would!speak!to!a!child? B!57!B
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The! old! men! and! women.! ! Are! the! men! and! women!old,!or!just!the!men? I! am! a! Certified! Hypnotherapist! and! Gardener.! Am!I!a!Certified!Gardener? My! younger! brother! and! sister.! Is! the! sister! younger!as!well? Punctuation"Ambiguity" Punctuation! Ambiguity! is! where! you! pause! as! if! a! sentence! has! finished,! but! then! keep! going! with! the! sentence.! You! place! pauses! in! places! people! dont! necessarily! expect! them.! This! is! often! very! confusing! for! the! conscious! mind,! but! the! unconscious! mind! still! grasps!the!meaning.!Examples!include:! I!want!you!to!notice!your!*pause*!hand!*pause*! me! the! glass.! ! That! will! be! interpreted! as! two! sentences,!both!I!want!you!to!notice!your!hand! and!hand!me!the!glass. Sometimes!people!arent!*pause*!ready!*pause*! for! this! to! happen.! ! That! will! be! interpreted! as! two! sentences,! both! Sometimes! people! arent! ready!and!ready!for!this!to!happen.
B!58!B
Utilization&
Utilization! is! an! incredibly! fun! language! pattern.! Essentially! it! works! by! noticing! something! that! is! undeniable!that!you!have!observed!and!that!the!listener! can! also! observe,! and! then! assigning! a! larger! meaning! to!what!youve!observed.!By!pointing!out!things!that!the! listener! is! yet! to! notice,! it! will! not! only! deepen! their! trance,! it! will! also! lead! them! to! feel! more! convinced! about!what!you!are!talking!to!them!about.! Examples!of!utilization!include:! *Other!person!yawns*!and!you!say!It!is!good!to! yawn,!because!yawns!indicate!that!learnings!are! being!processed!at!the!unconscious!level *Other! person! coughs*! and! you! say! With! each! cough! feel! the! tension! releasing! in! your! chest! and!shoulders *Other! person! says! Im! angry*! and! you! say! Thats! right,! youre! angry! because! you! havent! yet! had! a! chance! to! release! what! youre! angry! about. This! has! obvious! applications! in! therapy,! but! it! is! equally! useful! in! business.! Take! for! example! someone! B!59!B
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who! says! to! you! I! am! not!sold.!You!could! utilise! that! and!reply!with!something!like!Thats!right,!you!are!not! sold! yet,! because! you! havent! asked! the! one! question! that! will! have! you! totally! and! completely! sold.! Powerful!stuff!! This! chapter! has! explained! the! patterns! that! make! up! the!Milton!Model.!The!key!to!you!going!from!where!you! are! now,! to! a! point! where! you! can! use! this! model! unconsciously,! is! to! pick! one! pattern! for! the! day! (or! week)! and! just! practice,! practice,! practice!! Now! that! you! have! the! patterns! at! your! disposal,! all! that! stands! between! where! you! are! and! mastery! of! them! is! time! and! effort.! The! more! you! use! them,! the! easier! it! gets,! and! the! easier! it! gets,! the! better! the! results! you! will! enjoy.! " "
B!60!B
Further"Reading" Patterns"of"the"Hypnotic"Techniques"of" Milton"H."Erickson"(I"and"II)" by*Richard*Bandler*&*John*Grinder" Note:, The, Milton, Model, is, well, documented, in, these, books, BUT, reading, books, in, my, opinion, is, not, the, best, way, to, really, understand, this, model., If, you, can, get, someone, to, explain, it, to, you, face, to, face, then, that, will, make,things,easier,for,you.,Nothing,will,aid,you,more,in, your,learning,than,practicing,the,model,in,conversation.!
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Technique&5:&Meta&Model&
! The!Meta!Model!is!a!very!important!tool!for!recovering! information! about! a! person's! map! of! the! world.! The! Meta! Model! relates! to! the! way! that! our! minds! filter! information! and! subsequently! how! they! generalise,! distort!and!delete!information!that!doesn't!fit!with!our! beliefs,! expectations,! values! and! previous! experiences.! What! Richard! Bandler! and! John! Grinder! found! when! Modelling! Virginia! Satir! is! that! when! people! are! generalising,! distorting! or! deleting! information! they! will! often! have! a! problem! or! problems.! By! asking! a! question! that! forces! them! to! recover! their! generalisation,! distortion! or! deletion,! problems! can! often!just!disappear!!This!is!the!core!of!the!Meta!Model.! It! is! important! to! note! that! none! of! the! Meta! Model! responses! use! the! question! 'why'.! It! is! very! rare! in! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming! to! hear! anybody! use! 'why'!as!that!question!will!take!people!into!the!content! and! story! behind! the! problem.! While! traditional! therapy!likes!to!dwell!in!this!area,!NLP!normally!steers! well! clear! of! it.! A! good! rule! of! thumb! when! using! the! Meta! Model! is! to! ask! questions! that! begin! with! 'how',! 'what',! 'when'! and! 'who'.! These! questions! will! put! the! focus! onto! the! structure! of! the! problem,! and! by! B!62!B
discovering! the! structure! of! the! problem! it! is! much! easier!to!allow!the!problem!to!dissolve.!! What! follows! is! a! list! of! language! patterns,! responses! and!predictions.!Normally!you!will!use!the!Meta!Model! by! listening! to! another! person.! When! you! hear! them! using! any! of! the! patterns! you! can! respond! with! the! appropriate! response.! The! prediction! is! what! you! can! expect!to!be!the!result!of!asking!that!question.!!
Distortions&
Mind"Reading"
Pattern:* Mind! Reading! is! when! someone! claims! to! know! what! is! going! on! within! someone! else's! head,! without! having! any! way! of! knowing! that! information.! Common!examples!of!this!would!be!statements!such!as! "He!hates!me,"!or!in!a!business!environment!if!someone! hadn't! let! you! tell! them! about! your! product! and! they! said!"It!won't!be!any!good!for!me".! Response:! The! response! is! to! ask! a! question! that! recovers! how! they! know! that! information.! So! the! response!to!the!two!above!examples!could!be:!"How!do! you! know! he! hates! you?"! and! "How! do! you! know! it! won't!be!any!good!for!you?! Prediction:! The! normal! result! of! your! question! is! that! the!person!will!pause,!think!about!it!for!a!moment,!and! B!63!B
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tell! you! what! makes! them! think! that.! It! is! not! uncommon! for! them! to! have! an! answer! that! requires! another!Meta!Model!response,!but!you!will!be!one!step! closer! to! unravelling! the! Distortions! that! enable! them! to!have!their!problem.!!
Lost"Performative"
Pattern:* A! Lost! Performative! is! where! a! value! judgement! is! made,! but! the! person! who! made! the! judgement! is! left! out! of! the! sentence.! Common! examples! of! this! would! be! statements! such! as,! ! "It! is! good!to!go!to!the!gym"!or!"It!is!bad!to!drive!slowly".!! Response:*The!response!to!a!Lost!Performative!is!to!ask! a! question! that! gathers! additional! information! about! the!source!of!the!judgement.!So!the!response!to!the!two! above!examples!could!be:!"Who!says!it!is!good!to!go!to! the!gym?"!and!for!the!second!one,!"How!do!you!know!it! is!bad!to!drive!slowly?"!There!is!lots!of!flexibility!in!the! potential! responses;! it! would! be! just! as! valid! to! ask! "How! do! you! know! it! is! good! to! go! to! the! gym?"! and! "Who! says! it! is! bad! to! drive! slowly?"! A! more! generic! question!that!works!well!with!most!Lost!Performatives! is!"According!to!whom?".! Prediction:* The!prediction!here!is!that!the!listener!will! gain! a! new! perspective! on! the! problem! by! uncovering! new!information.!!When!the!listener!becomes!conscious! B!64!B
of! lost! information,! they! will! likely! gain! a! new! understanding!of!what!is!contributing!to!their!problem! that!they!didnt!realise!before.!
Cause"and"Effect"
Pattern:* Cause! and! Effect! is! where! the! reason! behind! something!is!wrongly!equated!to!being!something!else.! This!is!often!used!by!people!who!want!to!put!the!reason! for! their! actions! onto! someone! or! something! else,! instead! of! taking! personal! responsibility.! Common! examples! this! would! be! statements! such! as! "She! made! me! do! it"! or! "He! doesn't! know! anything! because! he! doesn't!work!here".!! Response:* The! response! to! a! Cause! and! Effect! style! statement! is! to! ask! a! question! that! recovers! the! true! reason,! or! choice,! behind! their! thinking.! So! the! response! to! the! two! examples! could! be:! "How! does! what! she! did! mean! that! you! had! to! do! it?"! and! for! the! second!one,!"How!does!not!working!here!mean!that!he! doesn't!know!anything?".!Your!response!to!a!Cause!and! Effect!style!statement!will!normally!begin!with!How.!! Prediction:*After!hearing!this!response,!the!listener!will! have! more! of! an! understanding! as! to! what! is! contributing! to! their! problem.! ! This! will! loosen! the! persons! grip! on! the! original! problem! and! give! them! more!information!about!how!they!constructed!it!in!the! B!65!B
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first!place.!!This!response!alone!will!likely!not!solve!the! problem!completely,!and!will!require!more!Meta!Model! questions.!
Complex"Equivalence"
Pattern:* Complex! Equivalence! is! where! two! experiences! are! interpreted! as! being! the! same,! when! they! probably! aren't.! Common! examples! of! this! would! be! statements! such! as! "He! never! hugs! me,! he! doesn't! love! me"! or! "He! didn't! ask! me! any! questions! after! the! sales! presentation,! he! is! going! to! buy! from! a! competitor".! Response:* The! response! to! Complex! Equivalence! is! to! ask! a! question! that! provides! a! counter! example! and! presupposes!it!is!possible!that!the!two!experiences!are! not! the! same.! So! the! response! to! the! two! examples! could!be:!"Are!there!people!or!things!that!you!love!but! you!don't!hug?"!and!for!the!second!one,!"Have!you!ever! bought! from! someone! you! didn't! ask! questions! of?"!! The! success! of! the! response! will! rely,! to! a! certain! extent,! on! the! questions! causing/leading! the! other! person!to!reassess!whether!their!Complex!Equivalence! is! true.! If! they! have! never! bought! from! someone! without! asking! questions! then! that! question! would! be! likely! to! reinforce! their! negative! thinking! around! the! chances!of!him!not!buying!from!a!competitor.! B!66!B
Prediction:* The! normal! result! of! your! question! is! that! the!person!will!pause,!think!about!it!for!a!moment,!and! open! up! to! the! possibility! that! maybe! that! isn't! how! it! is.!It!is!not!uncommon!for!them!to!have!an!answer!that! requires!another!Meta!Model!response,!but!you!will!be! one! step! closer! to! unravelling! their! Distortions! that! cause!them!to!have!their!problem.!!
Presuppositions"
Pattern:* Presuppositions! are! present! in! all! of! our! language! to! a! certain! extent.! A! presupposition! is! essentially!a!linguistic!assumption;!something!you!need! to! assume! is! true! for! a! sentence! to! make! sense.! An! example! of! a! statement! with! presuppositions! is! "If! my! boss!knew!how!hard!I!worked!he!would!give!me!a!pay! rise."! This! statement! has! many! presuppositions:! (1)! The! person! has! a! boss,! (2)! The! boss! is! male,! (3)! The! person!is!currently!paid!something,!(4)!It!is!possible!for! the!person!to!be!given!a!pay!rise,!(5)!The!person!works! hard,! (6)! The! boss! doesn't! know! how! hard! the! person! works.! Response:* Given!that!a!simple!sentence!like!that!has!so! many!presuppositions,!it!is!possible!to!challenge!any!of! the!presuppositions!with!a!question!to!create!a!shift!in! their! thinking.! While! challenging! presuppositions! that! are!likely!to!be!true,!like!#1,!#2!and!#3,!is!possible!!it! B!67!B
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is! unlikely! to! result! in! any! major! shift! in! thinking.! For! the! maximum! result,! you! are! best! questioning! presuppositions! that! are! less! likely! to! be! true,! like! #4,! #5!and!#6.!The!response!to!those!could!be:!(4)!"How!do! you! know! the! boss! wouldn't! have! already! given! you! a! pay! rise! if! he! could?"! (5)! "How! do! you! know! that! how! hard! you! work! is! enough! for! your! boss?"! (6)! "How! do! you!know!that!he!doesn't!know?"! Prediction:* This! response! will! have! a! great! impact! on! the! listener.! In! the! above! example,! since! there! are! so! many! assumptions! being! made,! there! is! the! potential! for!a!huge!shift!once!they!are!addressed.!
Generalisations&
Universal"Quantifiers"
Pattern:* Universal! Quantifiers! are! global! generalisations! in! statements! detected! by! words! such! as:! every,! all,! everyone,! always,! never.! ! These! words! demonstrate! to! the! listener! that! the! speaker! feels! that! there! is! no! other! option! besides! what! they! are! saying.!! Such! as:! All! of! the! people! know! how! to! read.! ! This! denies! the! possibility! that! someone! out! of! everyone! might!not!be!able!to!read.!!In!other!statements!such!as:! My!boss!never!tells!me!I!do!a!good!job,!the!speaker!is! closed!to!the!idea!that!her!boss!may!sometimes!tell!her! she! does! a! good! job.! ! It! may! be! true,! however,! that! he! B!68!B
really!never!does!tell!her!that!she!does!a!good!job,!but! this! information! will! only! be! uncovered! by! asking! additional!questions.! Response:* Responses!for!these!kinds!of!statements!are! designed!to!have!the!person!reBevaluate!what!they!have! said.! ! In! most! cases! you! will! be! able! to! achieve! this! simply! by! repeating! the! Universal! Quantifier! to! the! person!in!question,!such!as:!Never?!Or!you!could!ask! them! to! find! examples! where! the! possibility! of! the! universal! statement! may! not! apply.! ! For! example:!! When!has!your!boss!told!you!youve!done!a!good!job?! Prediction:* The!prediction!of!this!line!of!response!is!to! have! the! client! uncover! instances! where! the! universal! quantifier!does!not!apply.!!Sure,!in!some!cases,!it!will!be! absolutely! true! that! in! the! given! problem! a! universal! statement! is! valid.! However,! in! many! cases,! asking! these! questions! will! make! clear! to! the! client! that! actually! the! problem! is! present! only! part! of! the! time,! which!will!likely!loosen!their!grip!on!it!altogether.!
Modal"Operator"of"Necessity"
Pattern:!Statements!that!imply!a!lack!of!choice,!such!as:! should,!shouldnt,!must,!mustnt,!have!to,!need!to,!its!a! necessity.! ! These! statements! demonstrate! that! the! person!feels!bound!to!their!actions!by!a!set!of!rules.!!For! B!69!B
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example,! someone! might! say:! I! must! study! for! my! history!test!tomorrow.! Response:* Responses! to! these! kinds! of! questions! give! the! listener! the! chance! to! think! about! the! alternatives! to! their! behaviour.! ! They! also! allow! the! listener! to! question!what!is!it!that!is!causing!them!to!feel!bound!by! a!certain!set!of!rules!that!may!not!be!serving!them.!!In! the! above! example,! many! responses! would! be! appropriate.!!You!could!say:!What!would!happen!if!you! didnt?! This! would! allow! the! person! to! consider! the! consequences! of! their! behaviour.! ! You! could! also! attempt!to!get!more!information!as!to!how!they!came!to! believe! what! they! believe! to! be! true,! by! asking:! Who! says! you! have! to! study?! This! will! uncover! why! they! view!studying!as!an!imperative.!! Prediction:* The! responses! here! will! give! the! client! more! information! on! how! they! came! to! hold! these! Modal!Operators.!!More!importantly,!the!responses!will! allow! them! to! consider! the! consequences! of! not! following!what!is!absolutely!a!necessity.!!!This!will!give! them! more! flexibility! of! behaviour! for! the! future,! so! instead!of!feeling!bound!by!what!must!happen!they!are! able!to!see!what!could!be,!or!what!is!possible,!allowing! them! to! choose! their! responses! and! actions! at! each! given!moment.! B!70!B
Modal"Operator"of"Possibility"
Pattern:* This! pattern! is! the! opposite! of! Modal! Operators! of! Necessity.! ! Instead! of! the! language! pointing! to! what! needs! to! be! done,! these! statements! illustrate! how! it! could! be.! ! Words! such! as:! can,! cant,! would,! wont,! possible,! impossible! are! used! in! these! cases.! ! An! example! here! would! be:! I! cant! tell! the! truth.! ! In! this! case! the! speaker! believes! that! it! is! impossible! to! do! what! the! statement! implies:! it! is! not! possible!to!tell!the!truth!to!his!wife.! Response:* What! the! responses! to! these! types! of! statements! are! meant! to! do! is! give! the! client! the! opportunity!to!see!their!options.!Also,!as!in!statements! with! Modal! Operators! of! Necessity,! you! will! give! the! listener! the! opportunity! to! uncover! what! has! contributed! to! them! holding! the! belief! that! is! inherent! in! the! statement.! ! In! the! above! example,! you! could! respond! with! a! question! such! as:! ! What! prevents! you! (from! telling! your! wife! the! truth)?! or! What! would! happen!if!you!did?! Prediction:* The!prediction!here!is!that!through!getting! more! information! on! the! problem,! perhaps! the! client! will! no! longer! be! able! to! have! as! tight! a! grip! on! it.! ! In! these! examples,! and! in! fact! many! Meta! Model! responses,! you! most! likely! will! not! get! the! client! to! B!71!B
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abandon!their!problem!entirely.!!For!example,!the!man! probably! wont! go! right! out! and! tell! his! wife! the! truth! merely! by! understanding! what! has! contributed! to! him! believing!that!that!is!something!he!cannot!do.!However,! he!may!begin!to!see!the!problem!from!a!new!angle,!and! thus!regain!access!to!more!ways!of!dealing!with!it.!
Distortions&
Nominalisations"
Pattern:* ! A! nominalisation! is! a! process! word! (verb),! that!has!been!frozen!in!time,!thus!transforming!it!into!a! noun.! ! This! has! no! impact! in! and! of! itself.! ! However,! when! we! take! processes! to! be! things,! we! deny! the! malleable!and!changing!nature!of!processes.!!When!we! accept!process!words!such!as!communicating,!as!static! things,! we! are! more! likely! to! accept! these! things! as! unchangeable,! instead! of! understanding! that! where! there! is! process! there! is! room! for! understanding,! ! and! for! change! to! occur.! ! Most! nominalisations! contain! by! ion,!as!in!relationship,!communication.! Response:* * The! responses! to! these! statements! involve! turning!the!noun!back!into!a!verb,!thus!giving!the!client! the!opportunity!to!explore!what!it!is!about!the!process! that! is! causing! the! problem.! ! For! example,! if! someone! says:! There! is! no! communication! here,! a! response! could!be:!Who!here!is!not!communicating?!or!What!is! B!72!B
not!being!communicated?!!This!line!of!questioning!will! give!more!information!as!to!what!it!is!about!the!process! of! communicating! that! is! the! problem,! instead! of! with! the!thing!itself.! Prediction:* The!result!of!these!questions!will!be!to!get! the! client! to! understand! the! process! of! the! problem.!! They! in! fact! do! not! hold! a! problem! with! the! nominalisation,!but!with!the!verb.!!When!information!is! uncovered! about! the! process,! the! client! can! begin! to! understand! what! (about! the! process)! is! causing! difficulty! and! find! ways! to! remedy! that.! ! Without! a! process!to!work!with,!there!is!nowhere!to!go!in!terms!of! finding!the!solution!to!the!problem.!!
Unspecified"Verbs"
Pattern:* * This! is! where,! in! a! given! statement,! there! is! information! missing! about! the! verb! in! that! statement.!! For! example:! ! He! rejected! me.! ! In! this! statement,! the!! listener!(and!the!speaker!in!fact)!is!left!to!wonder!what! exactly! is! meant! by! rejecting! and! how! specifically! the! speaker!was!rejected.! Response:*Responses!to!unspecified!verbs!are!designed! to!get!more!information!on!the!verb.!!For!example,!as!a! response! to! He! rejected! me,! one! could! say:! How! specifically?! inviting! the! listener! to! qualify! what! exactly!rejection!is.!!! B!73!B
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Prediction:* The! prediction! here! is! that! by! uncovering! more! information! about! the! statement,! the! client! will! be! able! to! look! at! the! problem! from! a! different! perspective.! ! This! alone! will! probably! not! cause! the! problem! to! disappear,! but! what! it! will! do! is! give! the! client!more!information!as!to!what!may!be!contributing! to!the!problem!at!hand.!!For!example,!once!the!person! knows! specifically! what! they! mean! by! rejection,! perhaps! they! will! be! able! to! communicate! that! to! the! other! person,! or! maybe! they! will! simply! gain! more! understanding!of!the!way!in!which!they!may!have!been! communicating.!!In!both!cases,!the!persons!hold!on!the! problem!will!have!changed.!
Simple"Deletions"
Pattern:* This!is!where!large!chunks!of!information!are! left! out! of! the! statement.! ! For! example:! I! am! uncomfortable.! ! In! this! statement,! it! is! not! clear! what! uncomfortable! means,! what! this! person! is! comparing! this!discomfort!to,!or!what!this!person!is!uncomfortable! with,!just!to!name!a!few! Response:*The!response!here!is!meant!to!uncover!some! of!the!missing!information!from!the!original!statement.!! From! the! above! example,! a! response! could! simply! be:! About! what/whom?! ! This! will! allow! the! client! to! get! more! specific! about! what! exactly! is! causing! the! B!74!B
problem.!!Before!they!are!able!to!make!any!changes!to! the!problem,!they!must!first!be!able!to!pinpoint!exactly! what! it! is.! ! I! am! uncomfortable! is! not! enough! information! to! make! any! changes! to! remedy! this! problem! Prediction:*Once!the!responses!are!delivered,!the!client! will! be! more! equipped! to! make! the! changes! needed! to! remedy! the! problem.! ! This! process! may! allow! the! problem!to!disappear;!!once!the!person!is!!consciously! aware! of! the! information,! it! might! involve! a! simple! change.!Or,!if!the!problem!is!more!convoluted!than!the! above!example,!uncovering!more!information!will!allow! the! person! to! gain! a! different! perspective! on! the! problem!by!seeing!what!is!contributing!to!it.!
Lack"of"Referential"Index"
Pattern:* In! this! pattern,! the! speaker! fails! to! specify! what!the!statement!is!refering!to.!!!The!speaker!states!a! problem! without! any! reference! to! what! or! who! is! contributing!to!that!problem.!!For!example:!They!dont! listen!to!me.! Response:* Responses!to!these!statements!are!designed! to! have! the! listener! uncover! what! or! who! is! contributing! to! the! problem.! For! example,! in! response! to!the!above!statement,!you!could!say:!Who!specifically! doesnt! listen! to! you?! This! will! give! the! listener! the! B!75!B
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chance!to!discover!more!specifically!what!the!problem! is.! Prediction:* ! The! prediction! here! is! that! once! the! listener!is!able!to!get!enough!information!as!to!what!or! who!is!contributing!to!the!problem,!they!are!more!able! to! find! solutions! to! the! problem.! ! With! the! additional! information,! the! person! will! gain! a! different! perspective,!either!giving!them!more!options!as!to!how! to!deal!with!the!problem,!or!they!will!perhaps!find!that! the!additional!information!has!led!them!to!discover!the! true!root!of!the!problem.!
Comparative"Deletions"
Pattern:* This! language! pattern! involves! the! speaker! comparing!one!thing!to!another,!but!with!no!reference! to! what! it! is! being! referenced! to.! ! This! pattern! is! marked!with!words!like:!better,!worse,!more,!less,!least.! For!example:!His!job!is!better.! Response:* Responses! to! this! pattern! are! simple! and! involve!simply!asking!what!the!thing!is!being!compared! to.!!For!example,!you!might!ask:!His!job!is!better!than! whose?!!In!some!cases!when!comparative!deletions!are! used,!it!is!assumed!that!the!listener!can!infer!what!the! speaker!is!comparing!something!to.!!However,!once!the! question! is! asked,! the! listener! is! able! to! offer! more! information! as! to! what! they! feel! is! better.! ! This! gives! B!76!B
some!insight!into!what!is!important!to!the!listener!and! may!serve!to!assist!them!in!uncovering!whether!there!is! any!validity!to!their!comparison,!or!not.! Prediction:* The!outcome!of!delivering!this!response!is! that! the! client! will! have! more! information! as! to! how! they!are!holding!on!to!the!problem.!Without!having!the! additional! information! about! what! the! thing! is! being! compared!to,!the!person!is!unable!to!find!a!solution!to! their! problem,! or! even! really! conceptualise! it! clearly.!! Once!they!have!more!information,!they!will!have!less!of! a! dependence! on! the! problem,! and! perhaps! the! beginning!of!finding!the!solution.! ! When!using!the!Meta!Model!it!is!especially!important!to! remain! in! Rapport! with! the! other! person.! If! used! excessively,!invasively,!or!bluntly,!the!Meta!Model!style! questions! will! quite! quickly! have! the! other! person! feeling! rather! uncomfortable.! You! will! find! the! best! results!when!using!these!questions!in!therapy,!or!when! faced! with! specific! situations! in! business.! ! After! all! ! any! sales! objection! is! likely! to! contain! generalisations,! distortions! and! deletions! if! you! examine! it! closely! enough!! " B!77!B
Lloyd!Johnson
Further"Reading" The"Structure"of"Magic"I:"A"Book"About" Language"and"Therapy" by,Richard,Bandler,&,John,Grinder" The"Structure"of"Magic"II:"A"Book"About" Communication"and"Change" by,Richard,Bandler,&,John,Grinder" Note:,The,Meta,Model,is,well,documented,in,these,books, BUT, books, are, in, my, opinion, not, the, best, way, to, really, understand, and, be, able, to, apply, this, model., If, you, can, get, someone, to, explain, it, to, you, face, to, face, then, that, will,make,things,easier,for,you.,*
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Technique&6:&Modelling&
! One! of! the! foundations! of! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming! is! the! ability! to! model! people! with! successful! behaviour.! If! one! person! can! do! something! then,! using! NLP,! it! is! possible! to! detect! and! utilise! the! patterns! they! are! using,! and! get! the! same! class! of! results!as!the!person!from!whom!the!model!was!taken.! So!this!is!where!it!gets!exciting.!! ! The!possibilities!are!limitless.!You!can!model!excellent! sales!skills,!outstanding!sporting!achievements,!vibrant! health,! outstanding! parents,! and! more.! Modelling! is! normally!taught!as!part!of!a!Master!Practitioner!Course! and! as! with! all! of! NLP! ! the! more! you! practice! it! the! better!you!will!become!!So!lets!start!with!the!theory.! ! Modelling"Steps" The!basic!steps!in!Modelling!are:! Find"someone"or"someones"behaviour"that"is" worth" Modelling," ideally" a" model" of" real" excellence.!It!is!really!important!that!the!person! you! are! Modelling! is! better! than! just! okay! and! is! getting! truly! excellent! results! ! it! isnt! worth! Modelling! people! who! are! only! getting! average! results,! as! your! result! will! only! be! as! good! as! your!models.!! B!79!B
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! Find"their:!! 1." Beliefs" and" Values." These! are! important! to! obtain! their! Model! of! the! World.! You! can! use! questions! such! as,! "Why!is!it!important!that!you!know!to!get! these! results?"! Find! both! enabling! and! disenabling!beliefs!and!values!!this!area! is! often! the! most! neglected! in! the! Modelling!process. 2." Strategy" (Mental" Syntax)." " Knowing! their!strategies!is!vital!to!reBcreating!their! results.! The! less! you! presuppose! the! more! you! will! learn.! It! is! important! to! leave!your!preconceived!ideas!at!home!so! that! you! get! each! and! every! part! of! their! strategy! ! if! you! miss! anything! then! youre! unlikely! to! get! the! same! results! that!the!person!youre!Modelling!gets!!In! NLP! a! Strategy! is! a! sequence! of! Internal! Representations! that! you! follow! to! get! a! desired! behaviour.! These! Internal! Representations!include!any!pictures!that! form! in! the! models! mind! (i.e.! they! visualise! a! perfect! golf! shot! just! before! hitting!the!ball),!an!internal!voice!(and!if! B!80!B
so,! what! it! says,! and! how! it! says! it),! or! maybe!they!have!a!particular!feeling!just! before! they! perform! the! task.! How! to! elicit!strategies!is!normally!taught!at!NLP! Practitioner!Training!courses.! 3."Physiology." This!relates!to!their!body.! Depending!on!what!you!are!Modelling!the! key! is! often! to! find! out! about! their! breathing! and! the! next! most! important! aspect! of! Modelling! physiology! is! their! posture.! This! can! be! done! using! your! Sensory!Acuity. Install" this" in" yourself.! Try! on! the! model! and! see! how! it! feels.! Use! the! model! and! make! sure! you! get! the! same! results! as! the! person! you! modelled! ! if! you! dont! then! find! out! what! was! missing! and! install! it! again! until! you! get! their! results.! This! is! a! trial! and! error! process.! ! If! you! get! all! three! steps! right,! you! should! be! able! to! replicate! the! behaviour! you! desire.! However,! because!Modelling!someones!behaviour!is!quite! an! intricate! process! involving! many,! many! details!which!may!be!unconscious,!you!may!need! to!go!back!and!get!more!information!more!than! once!in!order!to!produce!the!desired!behaviour.! B!81!B
Lloyd!Johnson
Design" a" universal" training." Once! you! have! a! reliable! model! that! generates! results! for! you! then! you! can! install! it! in! others! who! also! want! the!same!results.!" Train"others." This!is!where!you!get!to!put!your! universal! training! to! the! test! and! share! your! model!with!others.!!This!is!an!important!step!in! the!Modelling!process!where!you!can!offer!your! insight!to!others.!!Instead!of!having!people!start! at! the! beginning! with! no! information! like! you! did,! you! can! offer! them! some! guidance! so! they! dont!need!to!create!the!model,!they!only!need!to! replicate! it.! ! Coaching! sessions! with! team! members,! training! sessions! of! any! kind,! face! to! face! time! with! your! children,! are! all! useful! opportunities!to!share!your!model!with!others.!! Train"trainers." If!your!model!is!in!high!demand! then!it!may!even!be!worth!training!other!people! in! how! to! share! and! transfer! your! model! to! others.!! ! There! are! two! main! ways! to! do! Modelling,! Imitation! and!the!Cognitive!Approach.!Imitation!is!where!you!do! it!yourself!and!then!model!yourself!to!see!how!you!did! it,! while! the! Cognitive! Approach! is! much! more! analytical! and! based! on! talking! to! someone! who! is! B!82!B
already! getting! the! desired! results.! The! Cognitive! Approach! is! useful! in! more! complex! results! where! it! isnt!possible!to!just!imitate!the!other!person.! ! ! What! could! you! successfully! model?! Is! there! a! behaviour!that!someone!you!know!has,!that!you!would! like! to! share.! This! would! be! a! great! opportunity! to! try! your! hand! at! Modelling! ! give! it! a! go! and! see! what! happens!! ! Sometimes!when!I!work!with!clients!who!want!to!lose! or! gain! weight! I! suggest! that! they! start! off! by! doing! a! simple! Modelling! project! for! themselves.! I! ask! them! to! notice!the!beliefs!and!values!of!slim!people!about!food! and! exercise.! ! Do! they! believe! that! going! to! the! gym! is! me! time! for! example! B! ! a! place! to! have! fun?! ! ! I! also! suggest!that!when!they!walk!into!a!caf!or!a!restaurant! they! look! at! the! behaviours! of! overweight! people,! and! slim!people.!It!is!no!surprise!that!in!a!caf!you're!much! more! likely! to! see! a! larger! person! ordering! a! piece! of! cake!with!their!hot!drink!than!a!thinner!person!!!
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Lloyd!Johnson
Teaching&Yourself&NLP&
! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming! is! a! wide! field! of! study! and,! like! other! wide! fields! of! study,! there! are! lots! of! ways!to!approach!the!subject!area.!If!someone!wants!to! learn!marketing,!for!example,!they!have!lots!of!choices.! They!could!go!and!work!for!a!marketing!company!and! gain!hands!on!experience.!They!could!go!to!a!University! or! take! a! course! and! learn! marketing! from! a! lecturer.! They! could! read! books! on! the! subject,! watch! DVDs,! or! listen!to!audio!programs.!They!could!do!a!whole!host!of! different! things! which! would! all! lead! to! them! gaining! more! knowledge! about! marketing.! None! of! these! choices!is!the!'best'!for!everyone!and!the!choice!that!is! right!for!someone!wanting!to!learn!marketing!depends! very! much! on! their! individual! circumstances! and! how! important! marketing! is! going! to! be! to! them! in! their! future.!In!many!ways,!it!is!exactly!the!same!with!NLP.! Now!there!are!many!reasons!for!learning!NLP.!!Maybe! you!want!to!learn!NLP!so!that!you!can!get!better!results! in!a!specific!context,!such!as!at!work,!with!your!children! or!on!the!dating!scene.!Perhaps!you!want!to!learn!NLP! because!you're!curious,!and!enjoy!exploring!new!areas! or!you!want!to!become!a!more!powerful!communicator.! But! the! bottom! line! probably* is! that! you! want! a! better! life.! You! want! to! overcome! the! limitations! that! are! B!84!B
currently!holding!you!back!and!open!yourself!up!to!new! and! exciting! opportunities.! Maybe! you! want! to! go! for! that! job! that! everybody! else! thinks! you! aren't! good! enough! for.! Maybe! you! finally! want! to! lose! (or! gain)! that!weight!that!those!around!you!don't!think!you!can.! Or! maybe! you! want! to! push! yourself! beyond! your! boundaries! to! taking! up! something! like! an! extreme! sport.! Regardless! of! your! reason,! THINK! BIG!! The! bigger! your! reason! is! for! learning! NLP! the! more! powerful!the!motivation!is!going!to!be.! The!most!important!thing!to!decide!before!you!begin!to! learn!about!NLP!is:! What*is*my*reason*for*learning*NLP?,, (What,do,I,want,to,gain,from,learning,about,NLP?), And! while! your! initial! answer! is! what! will! get! you! going,! there! is! every! possibility! that! reason! will! twist! and! change! as! you! continue! on! your! journey,! in! the! same!way!a!river!carves!new!banks!for!itself!over!time.!! Only! once! you! have! an! answer! to! this! question! is! it! possible! for! you! to! determine! the! best! way! to! embark! or! continue! on! your! personal! journey! of! learning.! ! As! your!reason!twists!and!changes,!!so!will!the!best!way!to! achieve!success.! ! B!85!B
Lloyd!Johnson
How!about!you!STOP,!right!now,!and!write!youre!your! answer!to!the!question!below?! My!main!reason!for!learning!NLP!is:!! ________________________________________________________________! ________________________________________________________________! ________________________________________________________________! and!what!I!will!gain!from!learning!NLP!is:!! ________________________________________________________________! ________________________________________________________________! ________________________________________________________________! Now!that!you!are!clear!on!your!reason,!or!at!least!your! reason! for! now,! the! next! step! is! to! determine! how! you're!going!to!best!fulfil!that.!There!are!lots!of!ways!to! learn!NLP!and!the!main!methods!for!learning!NLP!are:! By" reading" books," listening" to" audios" and" watching" DVDs." These! are! a! fantastic! and! inexpensive!way!to!learn!NLP.!Many!really!good! products! exist! on! the! subject.! The! down! side! to! learning!in!this!way!is!that!you!can!gain!a!lot!of! knowledge!about!the!subject!without!necessarily! being! able! to! do! anything! with! it.! ! Striking! the! B!86!B
balance! between! knowing! the! theory! and! being! able!to!apply!it!is!something!that!these!products,! on!their!own,!are!not!great!for.!Further!on!in!this! book!you!will!find!the!titles!of!some!of!the!books! that!I!regularly!recommend. By" attending" courses.! Courses! are! one! of! the! best!ways!to!learn!NLP.!Not!only!are!you!taught! the! theory! involved! but! you! are! also! given! the! chance!to!apply!each!of!the!tools!and!techniques.! This!means!that!attending!a!course!will!give!you! a! lot! more! hands! on! experience.! You! are! also! likely! to! achieve! certification! to! a! certain! standard.! The! down! side! to! courses! is! that! they! are! often! quite! expensive! and! they! are! time! intensive! so! they! are! not! great! for! people! who! are!unable!to!devote!a!week!or!more!to!a!course. Reading"information"on"the"Internet.!Reading! information! on! the! Internet! has! its! pros! and! cons.!Lots!of!great!information!exists.!Lots!of!bad! information! exists! also.! If! you! are! a! discerning! reader!and!you!take!the!time!to!verify!what!you! read! then! this! can! be! a! great! way! to! freely! broaden! your! knowledge! about! NLP.! The! down! side! is! it! can! be! quite! time! consuming! to! find! good!information. B!87!B
Lloyd!Johnson
Practicing" with" friends" or" others" interested" in" NLP.! If! your! friends! and! your! friends! have! a! mutual! interest! in! NLP! then! practicing! with! them! is! an! excellent! way! to! experience,! and! get! good! at! NLP.! The! advantage! of! this! method! is! that! with! a! group! you! are! likely! to! stay! motivated! to! learn! more! easily! and! for! longer.! The! theory! would! still! normally! need! to! come! from! an! expert! source,! but! having! hands! on! experience!is!absolutely!invaluable!in!becoming! a!competent,!confident!and!effective!practitioner! of!NLP.! NB:, For, major, changes, in, your, life, it, is, normally, best,that,you,do,not,work,with,family,or,friends.,, While! each! of! these! methods! has! their! merits,! to! gain! true!mastery!of!NLP!the!truth!is!that!you!will!probably! need!to!pursue!all!of!these!methods,!and!more.!As!you! go! beyond! your! existing! knowledge,! and! start! using! NLP,! you! become! an! NLP! Practitioner.! The! difference! between! an! average! NLP! Practitioner! and! an! excellent! NLP!Practitioner!is!that!the!excellent!one!maintains!an! attitude! of! curiosity! and! a! thirst! for! knowledge! that! sees!them!pursuing!the!field!as!far!as!they!can!take!it.!A! true!master!is!someone!who!realises!that!the!more!they! learn!about!NLP,!the!more!there!is!to!learn!!
B!88!B
The! main! question! in! working! out! how! to! approach! learning! NLP,! at! least! in! my! opinion,! is! whether! a! qualification! in! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming! is! important!to!you.!If!your!reason!for!learning!NLP!is!to! improve! relationships,! help! you! become! a! better! sales! person,! take! control! of! your! thoughts! or! become! a! better! communicator! then! the! truth! is! that! being! qualified!is!not!essential.!On!the!other!hand,!if!your!job! involves! coaching,! or! you! want! to! become! a! full! time! coach,! ! or! you! work! with! clients! in! an! educational! or! therapeutic! environment,! then! a! qualification! as! a! Practitioner! of! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming! can! be! invaluable.!Currently!the!only!way!to!become!qualified,! in!a!way!that!is!recognised!by!the!major!boards!of!NLP,! is!by!doing!a!course!that!has!a!faceBtoBface!component.! While!all!of!the!above!methods!have!their!merits,!if!you! want! a! qualification,! then! participating! in! a! course! is! the!best!option.! Regardless! of! the! option! you! choose! to! pursue,! the! process!of!learning!is!still!the!same.!
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Lloyd!Johnson
The&Learning&Process&
! Learning! can! be! thought! of! as! the! transition! through! these!four!different!stages:! 1."Unconscious"Incompetence" This! is! where! you! used! to! be! in! regards! to! NLP.! Unconscious!incompetence!is!that!state!where!you're! totally!incompetent!in!NLP!techniques,!but!you!don't! know! that! you're! incompetent.! That! is! probably! because! you! are! unaware! that! NLP! exists,! and! without! an! awareness! of! something! existing! it! is! impossible!to!be!skilled!in!it.!! An! example! of! this! would! be! someone! living! in! a! remote!!rural!community!that!is!totally!untouched!by! technology.! They! would! have! unconscious! incompetence! towards! mobile! phones.! Not! only! would! they! have! no! idea! how! to! work! a! mobile! phone! but! they! would! not! realise! they! are! incompetent!with!mobile!phones.! The!way!to!move!out!of!unconscious!incompetence!is! to! become! aware! that! you! don't! know! something.! The! good! news! is! that! if! you! are! reading! this! book! then! you! have! already! transitioned! through! this! stage!in!relation!to!NLP!!Congratulations!! B!90!B
" 2.""Conscious"Incompetence" Conscious! Incompetence! comes! after! you! become! aware! of! somethings! existence,! yet! you! havent! developed!any!skills!or!abilities!in!that!area!yet.!This! would! describe! someone! who! has! heard! of! NLP! but! who!has!no!idea!of!how!to!use!NLP!to!their!benefit.!! An! example! of! this! would! be! a! stereotypical! older! person!who!lives!in!a!technology!enabled!community! but!who!has!never!used!a!computer!or!mobile!phone.! Although!they!are!aware!that!this!technology!exists,! and! possibly! what! it! can! be! used! for,! they! do! not! personally! have! the! competence! to! use! it.! Imagine! someone! who! needs! their! emails! printed! for! them! and! needs! someone! else! to! type! their! reply! ! they! are! consciously! aware! of! email! technology! but! they! are!incompetent!when!it!comes!to!using!it.!! The! way! to! move! out! of! Conscious! Incompetence! is! to!learn!and!practice!until!you!begin!to!gain!a!level!of! competence.!!! " "
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3.""Conscious"Competence" Conscious! competence! comes! when! you! begin! to! become! competent! at! something,! but! you! still! need! to!think!about!it!consciously!as!you!do!it.!In!NLP!this! would! be! when! you! have! a! good! understanding! of! NLP;! you! are! using! the! techniques! with! others! but! you! possibly! need! the! instructions! written! down! in! front!of!you!while!you!use!them.!This!is!the!level!of! competence!that!is!normally!gained!by!the!end!of!an! NLP!Practitioner!course.!! An! example! of! this! would! be! someone! who! has! recently! bought! a! phone,! but! still! needs! to! run! through!what!they!need!to!do!in!their!head.!So!when! they! go! to! send! a! text! message! they! need! to! run! through! their! mind! what! buttons! to! press,! what! menus!to!go!through!and!how!to!use!the!keypad!for! writing! their! message.! They! are! doing! it,! they! are! capably! sending! a! text! message,! but! they! need! to! think!it!through!as!they!do!it.! The!way!to!move!out!of!conscious!competence!is!to! learn! and! practice! until! you! can! do! things! without! even!needing!to!think!about!them.! " " B!92!B
4."Unconscious"Competence" Unconscious! competence! comes! when! you! can! do! something! easily! and! effortlessly! without! even! thinking! about! it.! It! is! the! best! way! to! describe! the! competency!of!a!master.!!In!NLP!this!would!be!when! your! understanding! of! NLP! techniques! is! so! well! integrated! that! you! can! run! a! client! session! for! several!hours!without!needing!to!refer!to!a!book!or!a! manual! at! all.! This! level! of! competence! usually! only! comes!from!repeated!practice.! An!example!of!this!would!be!someone!who!has!been! using! a! mobile! phone! for! years! and! can! do! quite! complicated!tasks!without!needing!to!think!about!it.! Imagine!someone!using!a!smart!phone!to!make!a!call! on!speaker!phone!while!they're!taking!photos!on!the! camera!and!attaching!them!to!an!email!message!!all! at! the! same! time! without! much! conscious! thought! about!any!of!them.!! The! hidden! danger! with! unconscious! competence! is! becoming! unconscious! about! your! behaviour! before! you!are!properly!competent.!Because!if!that!happens! then! you'll! find! yourself! consistently! making! mistakes! in! the! same! way!! That! said,! Unconscious! Competence! is! a! great! state! to! reach.! When! you! do! reach! it,! something! like! NLP! can! become! easy! and! B!93!B
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effortless! which! heightens! the! enjoyment! you! receive!from!it.! " So"what"does"this"mean?" Regardless! of! where! you! are! on! the! ladder! from! Unconscious! Incompetence! to! Unconscious! Competence! the! actions! are! the! same:! Learn! and! practice! NLP! every! chance! you! get.! Your! progress! depends! on! the! time! and! effort! that! you! devote! to! the! activity,!nothing!else.! For! more! about! the! power! of! practice! it! is! well! worth! reading!the!"10,000!Hour!Rule"!that!Malcolm!Gladwell! writes! about! in! his! book,! Outliers.! He! attributes! the! success!of!The!Beatles!to!just!getting!enough!practice!! if!it!works!for!them!then!it!can!work!for!you!too!!!
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Learning&With&Others&
! Some!people!find!that!they!learn!best!when!they!learn! by!themselves.!Many!people,!though,!find!that!learning! with! others! is! when! they! truly! get! results.! Pause! a! moment! and! ask! yourself,! "When! I! start! a! new! habit,! such! as! going! to! the! gym,! do! I! stick! at! it! longer! if! I'm! doing!it!by!myself!or!does!it!help!to!do!it!with!others?"! If! you're! someone! who! sticks! at! it! by! yourself,! this! process! of! learning! with! others! will! be! new! to! you.! However,! since! the! nature! of! NLP! involves! communication!with!others,!this!chapter!will!give!some! insight! into! how! to! go! about! doing! it! in! the! most! effective!way!possible.! There!are!lots!of!different!approaches!to!learning!with! others.! What! is! most! important! is! that! you! begin! with! the! end! in! mind.! What! is! your! objective?! What! is! their! objective?! Will! learning! together! allow! you! both! to! achieve! your! objectives?! Remember,! even! if! the! other! person!isn't!exactly!after!the!same!outcome!as!you!are,!! there! can! still! be! benefits! from! learning! with! them.! Focus!on!what!works!and!be!prepared!to!push!yourself! outside!of!the!joint!learning!environment!as!needed.!It! is! much! easier! to! take! a! bit! of! time! to! be! clear! about! your! objective! and! expectations! of! others! at! the! start! B!95!B
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rather!than!having!to!assert!yourself!part!way!into!the! learning!experience.! Some!of!the!main!things!to!consider!when!you!decide!to! learn!something!with!someone!else!are:! Small" Steps," Often.! When! you! set! out! to! learn! NLP! it! may!seem!difficult!to!know!where!to!start.!The!key!isn't! to!try!and!learn!it!all!in!one!go.!Break!off!small!chunks! and! tackle! them! one! at! a! time.! As! you! start! to! gain! competency!in!the!small!chunks!then!move!onto!larger! ones.!! Time" Available." Will! you! both! be! able! to! devote! the! same! amount! of! time?! Are! they! only! free! evenings,! whilst!youre!only!free!during!the!day?!Do!you!want!to! work!on!this!20!hours!a!week,!whilst!they!only!want!to! spend! 1! hour! on! it?! If! you're! going! to! be! able! to! learn! together!then!you're!going!to!need!a!way!to!spend!time! together!easily!and!you're!going!to!need!to!be!clear!on! how!much!time!you!will!be!spending!together.! Place"to"Learn." Do!you!have!a!place!that!you!can!both! easily! get! to! so! that! you! can! learn! together?! Today's! technology,! with! mobiles! and! Skype,! can! make! getting! together!easier,!but!if!you!are!going!to!meet!physically! is! that! going! to! be! possible?! Are! you! geographically! close!enough!to!meet?!Can!one!of!you!host!the!meeting! every!time!or!do!you!need!to!go!to!a!shared!area,!such! B!96!B
as! the! library! or! a! caf?! Depending! on! what! you! are! setting!out!to!learn,!!some!environments!are!better!than! others.! Learning! about! some! things! may! be! fine! in! a! noisy!environment!though!some!people!need!peace!and! quiet! to! learn! effectively.! Talk! together! about! which! environment!will!suit!you!both!the!best.! Number"of"People.!Learning!with!others!doesn't!have! to!be!done!in!just!a!pair.!There!is!really!no!limit!to!the! number! of! people! that! you! could! involve,! although! as! the! numbers! grow,! leadership! becomes! important.! Having! four! or! five! people! in! your! study! group! means! that! the! group! still! meets! even! if! one! or! two! people! aren't! able! to! make! it.! If! you! want! to! work! in! a! group,! this!book!contains!a!couple!of!topics!at!the!back!that!are! great!places!to!start!with!a!group!!to!get!started,!each! person!in!the!group!would!need!a!copy!of!the!chapter!to! be!able!to!experience!it!for!themselves.! Set" Goals.! The! sort! of! goals! you! may! want! to! set! together! are:! meeting! regularly,! talking! while! you're! together!and!agreeing!to!leave!once!you!have!achieved! as!much!as!you!want!to!achieve.!It!is!essential!for!there! to!be!a!structure!to!the!time!spent!together.!You!could! take!it!in!turns!setting!the!structure,!it!could!be!driven! by! individual! needs! or! a! leader! of! the! group! could! decide.! It! is! a! good! idea! to! make! the! goals! known! in! advance!so!people!have!a!chance!to!prepare.! B!97!B
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Role"of"Each"Person.!It!is!important!that!everyone!has! a!defined!role!in!the!group.!If!there!are!more!than!two! of! you,! it! is! a! really! good! idea! to! pair! up! as! Accountability! Buddies.! The! Accountability! Buddies! then! hold! each! other! accountable! for! small! goals.! For! example,!if!your!goal!is!to!begin!using!Rapport!actively! (you! will! read! about! this! in! a! later! chapter)! then! your! Accountability! Buddy! may! call! you! at! the! end! of! the! week!to!see!how!often!you!had!actively!used!Rapport.!If! you!hadn't!achieved!your!goal!then!you!could!work!out! what! is! going! to! happen! differently! for! you! to! achieve! your! goal! next! time.! By! keeping! yourself! accountable! your!progress!will!be!much!faster.! Homework.! While! time! spent! learning! together! is! important,!learning!needs!to!take!place!when!you're!not! together!as!well.!For!this!reason!it!is!important!to!have! homework! that! keeps! what! you! have! been! learning! in! your!conscious!awareness.!The!more!you!practice!these! techniques! the! faster! you! will! progress! towards! becoming!Unconsciously!Competent.!! Keep"it"Fun.!At!the!end!of!the!day!you!are!much!more! likely! to! stick! at! something! that! is! fun! and! enjoyable.! The!more!fun!and!enjoyable!you!can!make!the!learning! experience! the! easier! it! will! be.! Make! sure! you! pursue! what! you! are! curious! about! and! lean! towards! topics! that! can! be! applied! in! your! current! situation! or! B!98!B
contexts.! Even! simple! tactics,! such! as! regular! breaks! and!yummy!refreshments,!can!make!a!big!difference!to! how! much! you! look! forward! to! the! next! learning! session.! Given! the! above! points! it! is! a! really! good! idea! to! learn! with! others.! You! can! either! hunt! out! a! group! that! already! exists! or! start! your! own.! If! youre! joining! an! existing! group,! a! good! place! to! start! is! with! a! Google! search!or!by!calling!local!NLP!Practitioners!and!asking! if!they!know!of!any!NLP!Practice!Groups.!If!you!would! prefer! to! start! your! own! then! talk! to! your! friends! and! spread! the! word! to! find! others! who! are! interested.! Online!forums,!Facebook!Groups!and!LinkedIn!can!also! be!good!ways!to!connect!with!others!in!your!area!who! would!be!interested!in!learning!NLP!with!you.!If!you've! undertaken! an! NLP! training! course! then! fellow! participants! are! also! excellent! candidates! for! learning! with,!especially!as!you've!already!had!a!shared!learning! experience.!!
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Gaining&Experience&
! As! you! move! closer! to! Unconscious! Competence! it! becomes!very!important!that!you!gain!experience.!It!is! the!gaining!of!real!world!experience!that!will!move!you! to! a! place! where! you! are! subconsciously! competent! with!these!tools.!! There! are! so! many! different! ways! to! gain! experience! when! learning! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming.! From! asking! friends! to! volunteer! or! placing! adverts! on! noticeboards!through!to!advertising!!via!paid!mediums! like!Google!Adwords!or!Facebook!Advertising.! When!I!was!initially!looking!for!people!to!practice!with,! a! friend! suggested! I! get! in! touch! with! members! of! a! local! Internet! community.! This! may! sound! weird,! but! the! people! on! Internet! communities! often! share! the! same!strengths,!and!the!same!problems/weaknesses,!as! each!other.!!If!you!pick!your!community!carefully!then! you!can!find!a!large!group!of!people!who!are!looking!for! the!kind!of!help!that!you!can!easily!provide!with!NeuroB Linguistic!Programming.!! I! joined! a! community! which! was! predominately! made! up! of! 18! to! 35yr! olds! with! social! anxiety! and! nervousness! in! social! situations.! The! members! of! the! B!100!B
community! were! open! to! selfBimprovement! and! many! of! them! were! students! with! lots! of! free! time! on! their! hands.! I! found! myself! with! plenty! of! opportunities! to! treat! fears,! phobias,! anxieties! and! other! similar! problems!!the!problems!you'll!find!available!will!vary! largely!on!your!audience.!! Best! of! all,! Internet! communities! operate! nearly! entirely!online!so!they!have!a!strong!forum!or!website! that! most! members! will! check! daily.! You! can! easily! build! Rapport! through! the! forum! and! start! a! dialogue! with! the! members! of! the! community.! When! you! compare!the!ease!of!posting!on!a!forum!to,!for!example,! organising!a!speaking!event!at!a!local!hall!and!trying!to! drum!up!interest!in!NLP,!the!forum!idea!is!much!easier! and!more!time!efficient.!! A! word! of! caution:! Many! Internet! communities! have! rules!about!'nothing!commercial'!so!restrict!your!posts! to!offering!things!for!free.!You!are!likely!to!have!better! results! if! you! introduce! yourself! a! few! days! prior! to! offering! something! for! free,! rather! than! if! you! come! in! and! start! posting! about! NLP! straight! away.! Many! Internet! communities! will! see! that! behaviour! as! spam.! If! you! want! to! use! this! method! to! generate! paid! work,! you!could!always!offer!a!Free!Session!initially!and!at!the! end! of! the! session! you! could! invite! them! to! future! sessions!if!they!found!time!with!you!to!be!of!benefit.! B!101!B
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My!personal!experience!went!a!bit!like!this:! Joined! a! local! Internet! community! by! filling! in! the!registration!form!on!their!online!forum.! Posted! an! introduction! mentioning! my! interest! in! NLP.! Straight! away! I! had! a! bunch! of! NLP! centric! questions! from! people! who! were! interested.!! A! couple! of! days! later! I! posted! that! I! wanted! people! to! practice! with! in! the! lead! up! to! my! Practitioner!Training.!! I! replied! to! those! who! were! interested! and! scheduled!appointments!with!them!in!my!living! room.!! Note:!There!are!many!things!to!consider!when!inviting! people!off!an!Internet!community!into!your!home.!Make! sure!you!take!appropriate!precautions!to!keep!yourself,! and!the!other!person,!safe.!! With! these! sessions! it! was! extremely! important! that! I! set! a! frame! around! the! other! persons! expectations.! I! did!this!by!making!clear!in!my!post!that!I!was! not!yet!a! qualified! NLP! Practitioner! and! while! I! would! do! my! very!best!to!get!them!a!good!result,!!the!reason!I!wasn't! charging!is!that!the!results!were!not!guaranteed.!I!also! B!102!B
asked!them!to!consider!a!lack!of!results!as!a!reflection! on!my!lack!of!ability,!rather!than!on!any!failings!of!NLP.! This! greatly! lowered! any! performance! anxiety! I! might! have!experienced!and!created!an!environment!where!I! felt!comfortable!to!not!succeed,!should!that!happen.!In! reality! I! found! that! success! was! my! predominate! experience!and!even!when!people!didn't!get!all!of!what! they!wanted,!they!still!found!some!improvements!from! our!time!together.!! Following!this!formula,!I! conducted! over! 100! free! NLP! Sessions! with! 40! different! people.! This! took! place! mainly! on! weekends! over! several! months! and! that! experience! was! invaluable,! not! just! in! my! use! of! NLP! but! also! with! the! finer! points! of! scheduling! appointments,! followBup/confirm! appointments,! how! much!of!a!break!I!need!between!appointments,!how!to! cut!a!session!short!if!it!goes!on!too!long,!etc.!! When!offering!the!free!sessions!I!put!an!expiry!date!on! the!offer.!You!should!definitely!do!that!too!if!you!were! to! make! a! similar! offer,! otherwise! people! will! expect! you! to! work! for! free! forever.! I! personally! set! the! deadline!for!stopping!the!free!sessions!as!the!date!when! I!started!my!Practitioner!Course.!This!meant!that!from! the!instant!I!held!a!formal!NLP!Qualification!I!was!in!a! position! to! start! charging! for! my! work! with! a! wide! B!103!B
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group!of!people!who!were!more!aware!of!NLP!and!my! skills.! This! is! just! one! strategy,! albeit! a! strategy! that! has! worked! very! well! for! me.! If! there! is! one! thing! to! remember!from!this!chapter,!what!I!would!say!is:! Get"as"much"experience"as"you"can"with"real"people." The"faster"you"gain"experience"the"faster"you"will" start"to"enjoy"good"results!" !
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NLP&Training&Options&
! If! you! start! learning! about! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming,!putting!your!new!skills!into!practice!and! enjoying!the!results!that!NLP!can!bring,!then!eventually! you!will!probably!find!yourself!looking!for!a!formal!NLP! Training! Course.! What! you! are! likely! to! find! is! that! when!you!start!looking!at!the!NLP!Training!Courses!you! will! be! presented! with! more! choices! than! you'll! know! what! to! do! with.! So,! how! do! you! work! out! which! training!course!is!right!for!you?! As! a! general! rule,! most! Trainers! offer! a! Practitioner! Certification! in! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming! as! their! basic!level!of!training.!As!you!progress!though,!they!are! also! likely! to! offer! training! as! a! Master! Practitioner.! Many! trainers! will! offer! shorter! courses! that! do! not! lead! to! any! formal! qualifications.! The! structure! is! generally!something!like!this:! Short!Introductory!Course Practitioner!Course Master!Practitioner!Course Trainers!Training Master!Trainers!Training B!105!B
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Each! level! above! Practitioner! generally! requires! the! level!below.!For!example,!to!do!Trainers!Training!you'd! need! to! be! a! Master! Practitioner! and! to! be! a! Master! Practitioner! you! would! need! to! already! be! a! Practitioner.! This! training! normally! has! no! prerequisites.!! This! chapter! relates! Certification!Courses.! entirely! to! Practitioner!
As! with! everything! in! NLP,! the! key! to! getting! a! result! that!you!want!is!to!begin!with!the!end!in!mind.!What!is! your!purpose!in!getting!trained?!! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Do! you! want! certification! so! that! you! can! begin! professionally! using! NLP! as! a! Coach/Therapist? Do!you!want!the!certificates!to!place!on!your! wall?! Do! you! want! to! fill! in! the! gaps! in! your! knowledge? Do!you!want!a!new!source!of!income? Do! you! want! the! chance! to! try! it! with! other! people!and!experience!it!for!yourself?! Do!you!want!to!help!people? Is!it!a!requirement!of!your!insurance? Or! is! your! purpose! something! else! altogether? B!106!B
Whatever!your!purpose!is,!the!key!is!to!be!clear! about! your! purpose! up! front! and! to! evaluate! your! choices! based!on!your!requirements.! With! that! said,! there! are! several! general! criteria! that! can! be! useful! when! deciding! on! whether! a! training! course!is!going!to!work!for!you.!You!will!often!be!able! to! answer! these! questions! for! yourself,! when! you! carefully! read! through! their! marketing! material,! but! if! in!doubt,!it!is!well!worth!asking!the!following!questions! before! you! put! any! money! down,! so! you! are! sure! of! what!you!are!getting.! What"does"it"cost?" The! costs! of! courses! in! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming! Courses! vary! widely! between! trainers.! For! the! course! alone,! you! would! expect! to! pay! roughly! AUD$2,500! to! AUD$5,000!in!Australia,!or!1,300!to!1,900!in!the!U.K.!! This!will!normally!include!the!live!training!component! and!a!preBstudy!kit!made!up!of!audio!CDs,!books!and!a! manual.! The! course! cost! usually! does! not! include! your! flights/transport,! accommodation! or! food! during! the! course.! It! is! important! to! take! this! into! consideration,! especially!if!taking!a!course!in!a!different!state/country! to! your! home.! It! is! also! normal! for! there! to! be! an! B!107!B
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additional! registration! cost! for! registration! with! the! various!boards!after!completing!the!training.! An!expensive!course!is!not!necessarily!any!better!than!a! less! expensive! course.! You! may! find! that! an! expensive! course!is!hosted!in!a!fancy!hotel,!while!a!less!expensive! course! is! held! in! a! more! basic! training! centre! or! the! trainer's!house.!Both!scenarios!have!their!advantages!! just!make!sure!you!know!which!to!expect!and!whether! it!meets!your!outcome.! Payment!is!normally!taken!in!the!form!of!a!deposit!and! then!a!final!payment!prior!to!the!course!commencing.!It! is!normal!for!the!preBstudy!pack!to!only!be!dispatched! following! the! payment! of! the! deposit.! Some! training! organisations! may! offer! payment! plans! ! if! this! suits! you!best!then!be!sure!to!ask!when!you!come!to!making! your!booking.!! How"much"time"does"it"involve?" This! will! vary! largely! between! courses! but! it! is! a! very! important! point! to! be! clear! on.! For! many! courses! they! will! require! you! to! do! two! types! of! training:! preBstudy! and! live! training.! PreBstudy! is! normally! a! matter! of! listening! to! audio! CDs,! watching! DVDs! and! reading! books! or! manuals.! Live! training! courses! on! the! other! hand! will! normally! include! demonstrations! of! the! processes! and! the! chance! to! use! the! processes! with! B!108!B
yourself!and!other!students.!A!live!training!course!will! normally!last!from!seven!to!fifteen!days.!! You! will! often! need! to! allow! a! significant! amount! of! time! for! preBstudy,! sometimes! as! much! as! 40! to! 80! hours.!What!this!means!is!that!you!will!need!to!have!the! preBstudy!pack!well!in!advance,!along!with!the!time!to! complete! it,! if! you! are! going! to! be! able! to! prepare! properly!for!the!live!training!course.!This!is!something! to! keep! in! mind! when! looking! for! a! course! ! you! probably! want! a! course! that! is! at! least! a! few! months! away,!as!the!preBstudy!pack!will!keep!you!nice!and!busy! between!now!and!then.! What" about" entirely" Internet" based" training" courses?"" While!it!is!possible!to!do!your!NLP!Practitioner!entirely! over! the! Internet,! it! is! unlikely! that! your! qualification! will! be! recognised! by! any! of! the! NLP! Boards.! There! is! also!a!lot!to!be!said!for!the!experience!that!you!will!gain! by! learning! NLP! and! using! it! with! others.! That! being! said,! these! types! of! courses! do! have! their! benefits.!! Consider! the! flexibility! of! being! able! to! study! at! your! own! pace,! and! having! the! opportunity! to! go! back! and! review! any! technique! whenever! you! want,! rather! than! having! to! fit! in! with! a! groups! learning! needs! during! a! live! training! course.! Also,! in! many! cases,! you! get! the! same! access! to! students! through! online! forums! and! B!109!B
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chats.!!!If!you!are!struggling!with!the!time!commitment! of! a! live! training! course,! or! youre! not! sure! if! certification!is!something!that!is!essential!to!you,!online! learning!may!suit!your!needs!perfectly.!! More! and! more! options! are! becoming! available! that! utilise!a!mixture!of!Internet!based!and!live!training.!As! the!technology!improves,!this!may!well!prove!to!be!the! best!and!most!cost!effective!way!to!learn!NLP.! What"will"the"qualifications"I"am"given"at"the"end"of" the"course"mean?" Most! NLP! courses! will! result! in! you! receiving! a! certificate!for!completing!the!course.!This!certificate!is! only! valuable! if! it! contributes! to! achieving! your! outcome.! Different! Boards! exist! in! most! countries! around! the! world,! and! normally! the! certificate! will! certify! you! to! the! standard! required! for! Board! Membership.! Membership! of! a! Board! ensures! that! you! are! kept! up! to! date! with! industry! news! and! often! will! give! you! access! to! Insurance! and! further! training! opportunities.! Most!Boards!of!NLP!have!a!requirement!for!a!minimum! amount! of! training! time! for! them! to! recognise! your! training! course! and! allow! you! to! become! a! member.! If! membership! of! a! Board! is! important! to! you! then! find! B!110!B
out! the! Board! requirements! first! and! make! sure! the! training!you!are!considering!will!meet!them.!! Who"is"conducting"the"training?" The! trainer! has! an! incredibly! important! role! in! your! learning! experience.! It! may! seem! hard! to! believe,! but! often! with! larger! companies! the! trainer! teaching! the! course! isn't! the! trainer! who! is! advertised! in! their! marketing! material.! Often! someone! else! will! train! you,! especially!at!the!Practitioner!Training.!Prior!to!making! your!booking,!it!is!a!really!simple!question!to!ask,!"Who! will!be!taking!the!training!that!I!am!considering?".!! Sometimes! multiple! trainers! also! run! the! training.! For! example,!many!training!courses!exist!where!a!husband! and! wife! pair! coBteach! the! course.! Some! trainers! also! bring! in! specialists! for! certain! parts! of! the! curriculum.! Make! sure! that! the! Trainers! that! you! will! be! receiving! training!from!are!credible,!are!respected!in!the!field!and! are!experts!at!what!they!do.!This!can!be!easily!verified,! once!you!have!the!Trainers'!name,!with!a!quick!Google! search,!by!asking!on!forums!or!talking!to!past!students.! How"many"other"students"will"I"be"in"a"room"with?" An!NLP!training!course!is!a!very!different!environment! if! there! are! two! people! there! or! one! hundred.! Many! companies! will! be! reluctant! to! tell! you! how! many! B!111!B
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people!will!be!at!the!training!as!numbers!can!so!easily! fluctuate,!though!it!is!a!perfectly!legitimate!question!to! ask! how! many! people! they! have! had! at! past! training! courses.!! Generally! speaking,! a! smaller! number! of! students! is! much! better! if! you! enjoy! asking! questions! and! would! like! your! individual! issues! to! be! addressed.! A! larger! number! of! students! is! excellent! if! you're! interested! in! working! with! a! wide! variety! of! people! and! extending! your!network.!! Another! question! to! ask,! especially! if! the! training! is! going! to! be! for! more! than! 20! people,! is! how! many! training!assistants!they!will!have!in!attendance.!! What"support"is"provided?" This! is! a! really! important! question.! Find! out! whether! you! can! call! the! office! and! ask! questions! if! you! get! stuck.! Or! don't! they! have! the! time! for! that?! Will! they! talk! to! you! about! situations! you! have! with! clients,! or! are! you! on! your! own! after! the! training! ends?! Do! they! have! online! forums! for! staying! in! touch! with! your! fellow! students! after! the! training! has! concluded?! Inevitably! there! will! be! situations! in! the! future! where,! no!matter!how!good!the!training!was,!you'll!have!extra! questions.!If!support!is!available!following!the!training! this!leaves!you!in!a!much!stronger!place!to!become!an! B!112!B
excellent! Practitioner.! And! as! importantly,! support! before! the! training! can! really! help! you! fully! learn! the! preBstudy! material! so! from! Day! 1! you! are! keeping! up! with!what!is!being!taught.! What"is"their"refund"policy?" Before!you!commit!to!anything!or!make!any!payments,! make! sure! you! know! what! the! refund! policy! is.! Many! training! companies! do! not! offer! refunds! of! deposits! after!certain!dates.!If!there!is!even!the!slightest!chance! you! may! not! be! free! on! the! dates! of! the! training! then! make! sure! they! have! a! refund! policy! before! spending! any!money.!It!is!a!smart!idea!to!ask!for!a!copy!of!their! refund! policy,! or! print! it! off! from! their! website! at! the! time!of!purchase,!so!that!if!you!need!to!refer!back!to!it! you!can.! " " " " " " B!113!B
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" Talk"to"the"NLP"Community" At! the! end! of! the! day! asking! questions! of! the! training! company!is!just!one!way!to!determine!which!training!is! right! for! you.! Another! valuable! approach! is! to! ask! questions!of!others!in!the!NLP!Community.!The!largest! Online! NLP! Community,! at! time! of! writing,! is! NLP! Connections.! It! is! free! to! join! and! very! easy! to! check! reviews! about! a! trainer! you're! considering,! for! suggestions! of! training! courses! in! your! area! or! to! search!for!what!has!been!said!in!the!past.!Their!website! is:! www.nlpconnections.com!!
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Where&to&from&here?&
! Now!that!you!have!all!basics!of!NLP,!the!next!step!is!to! practice.! ! Each! of! the! chapters! contain! enough! information! to! keep! you! going! for! weeks,! and! the! way! to! become! subconsciously! competent! at! NLP! is! to! go! out! in! the! world! and! use! it! in! as! many! situations! as! possible.!!! There!is!a!fair!bit!of!information!in!this!book.!!A!lot!of!it! will! take! time! to! remember.! ! And! some! of! it! you! will! begin!to!use!subconsciously!without!ever!being!able!to! describe!the!particular!technique!that!youve!perfected.!! The!most!important!component!of!your!success!is!your! continuous! curiosity.! ! In! Modelling,! you! will! find! yourself!sometimes!wondering!what!on!earth!someone! could! possibly! be! doing! that! is! replicable! enough! for! you! to! produce! the! same! behaviour.! ! However,! if! you! can!remain!curious!about!things!you!may!not!know!yet,! and! you! continue! to! be! hungry! for! more! knowledge,! you! will! find! the! answers! you! need.! ! If! you! remain! inquisitive! about! things! that! interest! you,! and! your! desire! to! replicate,! you! will! always! be! curious! enough! to!get!the!models!you!want.! The!Metal!Model!is!packed!with!specifics,!and!there!is!a! lot! to! remember.! ! The! more! you! practice! using! the! B!115!B
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patterns,! and! continue! listening! and! questioning! what! the!applications!are!of!this!model,!you!will!always!find! uses!for!it.!!The!more!curious!you!get!about!when!and! how! this! model! can! be! used,! and! how! subtly! you! can! use!it,!the!better!at!it!you!will!be.!!The!Milton!Model!is! probably! one! of! the! most! useful! tools! you! can! have! in! terms!of!influence.!!When!you!take!the!time!to!use!it!in! your!everyday!conversations,!and!you!get!curious!about! where!others!might!benefit!from!it,!you!will!be!ahead!of! the! pack.! ! When! you! give! yourself! the! edge! with! these! patterns!you!will!be!well!on!your!journey!to!becoming!a! powerful!communicator.!! Anchoring!is!a!skill!that!takes!practice.!!You!will!begin! to! see! how! applicable! it! is! to! your! everyday! life! once! you! start! to! question! and! notice! all! the! things! that! are! already! anchors! for! you! in! your! daily! life.! ! Keep! questioning! when! and! how! you! can! use! this! to! your! advantage,! and! before! long! you! will! see! opportunities! everywhere.! You! already! know! how! to! use! Rapport! and! Sensory! Acuity! whether! youre! conscious! of! it! or! not.! ! You! already!know!how!to!tell!if!someone!is!upset!based!on! their!body!language!and!facial!expression.!!You!already! know! that! you! like! people! who! are! like! you,! and! you! trust! people! that! you! like.! ! Now! the! question! is,! how! will! you! take! these! skills! to! a! new! level?! ! What! will! it! B!116!B
take!for!you!to!be!100%!confident!with!gaining!instant! Rapport! with! others?! Continuing! to! be! curious! about! different! instances! where! Rapport! and! Sensory! Acuity! are! vital! will! give! you! the! opportunity! to! use! them! where!others!may!not.! The! key! to! all! of! this! is! your! continued! stubborn! curiosity.!!Continue!to!question!the!applicability!and!the! finer! points! of! these! basic! principles.! ! After! all,! this! is! just!the!tip!of!the!iceberg!! I! invite! you! to! practice! any! time! you! can.! ! Practice! Rapport! the! next! time! you! get! coffee,! or! check! in! for! a! flight,! or! talk! to! a! stranger! on! the! train.! ! When! your! friends!are!telling!you!about!a!problem!they!are!having,! try! out! your! Meta! Model! questions,! or! why! not! use! some! Milton! Model! language! patterns! to! create! agreement?! ! Anchor! your! most! powerful! states,! and! give! yourself! a! secret! weapon! in! meetings! or! when! talking!to!new!people,!or!doing!something!that!you!find! uncomfortable.! ! Try! your! hand! at! Modelling! someone! who! gets! the! results! you! want.! ! Question! them,! and! figure! out! how! to! replicate! what! they! do.! ! If! they! can! have!success!at!it,!there!is!not!reason!why!you!cant!also! produce!that!behaviour!and!those!results!also.! And! heres! a! secret:! you! will! screw! this! up! sometimes.!! Any!time!we!step!into!the!unknown!and!try!something! new,!we!risk!falling!on!our!faces,!and!making!complete! B!117!B
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fools! of! ourselves.! ! Weve! all! been! there,! and! to! my! knowledge,! no! one! has! died! from! failing! at! their! first! attempt.!!If!anything,!that!failure!the!first!time!made!the! second! try! all! that! more! important,! and! so! much! sweeter.! These! processes! and! patterns! take! time! to! perfect,! but! remember! to! have! fun! whilst! doing! it.! ! If! you!come!up!against!some!resistance,!take!the!feedback! and!try!again.!You!will!find!that!99%!of!people!have!no! idea!what!you!are!doing,!and!they!will!get!great!benefit! from! their! interactions! with! you.! ! Theyll! feel! closer! to! you,!and!they!wont!even!know!why.!!How!great!is!that?! Finally,! GOOD! LUCK!! I! trust! that! you! will! be! great! at! using!these!techniques!in!no!time,!and!I!will!be!hearing! about!your!exciting!discoveries!and!success!in!no!time! at!all.!!I!invite!you!to!share!your!knowledge!with!others! wherever!possible,!and!continue!to!have!fun!with!it!! ! ! ! !
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A&word&of&warning...&
! While!many!people!will!point!you!towards!books!about! NeuroBLinguistic! Programming,! the! truth! is...! you! can't! get!good!at!NLP!by!reading!BOOKS!alone.! It's! true,! you! could! learn! from! a! book...! BUT! it's! a! very! SLOW!way!of!learning.! For!a!start,!a!book!can't!give!you!feedback,!and!tell!you! how! you're! doing.! Without! feedback,! how! will! you! know!your!mistakes,!and!where!you!need!to!improve?! Also,!a!book!can't!keep!you!motivated.!It!can't!give!you! a! pat! on! the! back! when! you're! doing! well,! or! a! gentle! nudge! when! you! need! a! little! push! to! take! you! to! the! next!level.! Books! don't! have! a! vested! interest! in! seeing! you! succeed.! You"need"something"MORE..." Listen...! if! you! want! to! get! really! good,! you! need! someone!who!can!give!you...! (a)!the!TRAINING!you!need!to!get!the!NLP!skills,! (b)!the!FEEDBACK!to!tell!you!how!you're!doing,!and! B!119!B
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(c)!the! MOTIVATION" to!keep!you!going!through!those! bumpy!patches.! That!is!where!I!come!in.! I've! been! studying! NLP! for! years! now,! and! I'd! like! to! share!what!I've!learned!with!you,!and!help!YOU!to!gain! these! skills.! And! when! I! say! 'gain! these! skills',! I! don't! mean!in!the!way!you!gain!skills!at!school!or!university.!I! want!you!to!truly!gain!these!skills!B!to!go!beyond!simply! knowing!about!them,!so!that!you!can!actually!use!them! and!get!results!with!them!! And! for! that! reason,! I'd! like! to! be! YOUR! NLP! Trainer! and! help! you! achieve! what! you! want! to! achieve.! To! reward!you!for!sticking!to!it,!I!would!like!to!give!you!a! free! gift! when! you! sign! up! to! a! Confident! Future! training!course.!!Please!go!to!confidentfuture.com.au!for! our! next! training! dates.! Once! you! have! made! your! booking! please! email! book@confidentfuture.com.au! with!your!name!and!the!training!that!you!have!booked! and! we! will! arrange! for! you! to! receive! your! free! gift! ASAP.! !
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About&the&Author&
! Lloyd! is! passionate! about! NLP! and! how! it! can! be! applied! in! business,! education! and! therapy.! He! regularly! runs! NLP! Training! courses! around! the! world! in! locations! including! Australia,! England,! the! Channel! Islands,!South!Africa!and!Thailand.! Lloyd! began! teaching! himself! about! NLP! from! books! and! websites! in! 2008.! During! 2009! Lloyd! discovered! his! willingness! to! experiment! with! the! tools! and! techniques!that!he!was!learning!about.!Lloyd!has!since! formalised!his!studies!and!become!a!Trainer!of!NLP.! Lloyd!is!certified!as!a:! B!Trainer!of!NeuroBLinguistic!Programming!! (Certified, by, the, American, Board, of, NeuroFLinguistic, Porgramming, and, the, Australian, Board, of, NeuroF Linguistic,Programming)! B!Trainer!of!Hypnotherapy!! (Certified,by,the,American,Board,of,Hypnotherapy) B!Time!Line!Therapy!Trainer!! (Certified,by,the,Time,Line,Therapy,Association)
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B!Trainer!of!NLP!Coaching! (Certified, by, the, Coaching, Division, of, the, American, Board,of,NeuroFLinguistic,Programming) This! book! has! been! created! with! the! intention! of! sharing!with!you!the!secrets!to!learning!NLP.!One!of!the! biggest!challenges!in!life!and!learning!is!knowing!where! to! start! ! picking! a! good! book! or! seminar! can! lead! to! years! of! learning! and! joy,! while! not! choosing! a! good! resource! can! mean! you! dont! get! as! much! out! of! it! as! you!probably!could!have.!All!I!hope!is!that!you've!found! this! book! useful,! and! overall! that! you've! enjoyed! the! introduction!to!NLP!that!it!provides!! To!your!success,!
Lloyd A. Johnson
Lloyd!Johnson! !
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STOP!
Youre!probably!wondering!!where!is!the!free! Introduction,to,NLP!DVD,!valued!at!$97?!
To!claim!your!DVD!just!follow!this!link! and!I!will!get!you!your!copy!! http://www.confidentfuture.com.au/nlpBdvd/!

The Secrets To Learning NLP by Lloyd Johnson v2

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" Further"Reading:" How"to"make"people"like"you"in"90"seconds" or"less"" by!Nicholas,Boothman, Presenting"Magically"(Chapter*8)" by,Tad,James,&,David,Shepard! ! !

" " Further"Reading" Frogs"Into"Princes"" byRichardBandlerandJohn*Grinder! This!book!is!an!excellent!transcript!from!one!of! the!first!lectures!on!NLP!by!the!founders.!The! relevant!information!about!Anchoring!starts! towards!the!bottom!of!Page!84.! ! !!

first!place.!!This!response!alone!will!likely!not!solve!the! problem!completely,!and!will!require!more!Meta!Model! questions.!

To!claim!your!DVD!just!follow!this!link! and!I!will!get!you!your!copy!! http://www.confidentfuture.com.au/nlpBdvd/!

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