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"Why would anyone want to do that? Sequels suck!" - Randy, "Scream 2"

Oops, I did it again. Another insipid RPG by Jared A. SorensenAdditional material by Rebecca F. Richkus(transferred to .pdf byfilthysuperman@hotmail.com)

Rules of a trilogy:

Chapter one sets the rules.Chapter two bends the rules.But in the finale...forget the rules.

- Scream 3 marketing bullshit

DESIGN NOTES

Right around April Fool's Day, 2000 I decided to give myself a little challenge: write a game inunder an hour. The result was an incredibly stupid RPG called

SQUEAM

. It was a shameless rip-off of the

Scream

films, right down to the logo that uses the same

font

as the movie. What ageek, I know.So naturally, a bad sequel was soon to follow.A good number of people pretty much thought it sucked ass. So, once again I pulled out thebutcher's apron and the black rubber gloves to give this tired idea one more go.And once again I ask the question: did you honestly except anything less?

SQUEAM 3

is a simple role-playing game for up to eight players. One person runs the game(here he or she is called the Camp Counselor...or you can just used the old stand-by of GM) andthe other players portray characters who – -- but you know all this stuff already, right? If not, go play some Dungeons & Dragons and getback to me.

To play

SQUEAM 3

you'll need at least one 10-sided die, some paper and pencils and (optional)some bowls of disgusting, sticky and/or squishy stuff (for Squeam challenges, described in theChallenges section).The "object" of the game is to have fun...but it's also to take part in a collaborative story (in thiscase, a slasher flick) and try to get through it alive. Don't worry...even though some characterswill get killed, it doesn't mean you lost. Everyone is a winner so long as you have fun (and helpothers to have fun as well!). Okay, enough group hugging...let's get to the good stuff.

T&A: Theme & Atmosphere

SQUEAM

is primarily a Narrative RPG. That is to say that the goal of the game is to tell a storyin a dramatic and entertaining matter -- no small surprise as the game is based upon the conceitsand cliches of bad horror films. Although there is a fair share of dice-rolling, the dice-rolling is not

really a resolution mechanic...the dice don't determine if you succeed or fail, rather theydetermine what course of action you will take. Resolution is done dramatically -- "What makessense in terms of the story?" -- and characters are assumed to be competent enough in normalconditions to accomplish any task that the character is capable off doing. So logging onto thecampus computer system is a breeze for the geeky UNIX nerd. It might be more of a challengefor the nubile young cheerleader and all but impossible for the dim-witted school custodian.

SQUEAM 3

also incorporates what are called "metagame mechanics." That is, special ruleswhich don't have any basis in reality but can be used by the players to change the outcome ofevents. In this game, that can range from

SCREAMING REALLY LOUD

to prevent yourcharacter's demise to playing a kind of "Truth or Dare" with the Camp Counselor (or even theother players) in order to get what you want.

As the author of this game, I must firmly discourage the use of sexual favors in order to influence the Camp Counselor.

Lastly, as homage to the mercifully short running time of the average gore flick,

SQUEAM 3

games are limited to 90 minutes or less. Any joke, no matter how amusing, gets old after awhile.

BAD ACTING AND GRATUITIOUS CRUDITY

The classic 80's/90's horror movie role is without a doubt that of the Dead Teenager. Why?Well, teenagers are notoriously stupid -- a fact which is made even more obvious by the glut ofDead Teenager movies, despite the fact that they're (pretty much) all terrible, low-budget,amateur hack jobs with lots of gratuitous gore and nudity. And for some reason, people love towatch members of their own peer group get carved up by masked killers with chainsaws --especially when the victims are "the popular kids" and the average horror film nut is a pimply-faced, socially disaffected teenage boy.

Ironically, this is the audience that RPG manufacturers are aiming for.

If the Dead Teenager thing doesn't do it for ya, feel free to play a demon-slaying college student,a sexy FBI agent, an occult investigator or a one-handed housewares clerk with a penchant forbad vacation plans and quotable one-liners.

DEAD TEENAGERS

•

The Nerd

(-1 Squeam, +1 Curiosity)The Nerd is a social misfit, usually male. He's the kinda guy that would play this game ina heartbeat. Nerds have a pretty high survivability rate due to a) their knowledge of horrorcliches, b) the fact that they never have sex and therefore never fall prey to the Law ofthe Promiscuous Victim. A side note, Nerds who spy on girls who are taking a shower orbathing WILL die, according to the Law of the Promiscuous Victim.

•

The Freak

(+1 Curiosity but roll d10...0-5 gain +3 Fate Points, 6-9 gain freaky psychicpowers)Usually female. Usually the "new kid." Almost always has scars from an attemptedsuicide or some other prior trauma. Freaks are really spooky, get blamed for everythingand often have ginchy psychic abilities that invariably help to track and kill the nasty thingthat's killing everyone.

•

The Jock

(-1 Curiosity but probably has some issues with his father and/or sexuality, -1Fate)Big, dumb, wears a varsity jacket. Jocks are annoying as hell and will almost always die,usually at the hands of someone wielding some kind of sporting equipment (how ironic!).

Note that the Nerd is usually suspected (some kind of revenge fantasy here) butexonerated when he winds up with impaled on his Snap-Tite X-Wing model.

•

The Bimbo

(+1 Naivete but has a really nice pair of hooters, -1 Fate)The yin to the Jock's yang (or should that be...

wang

?), the Bimbo is the popularcheerleader who will (for whatever reason) decide that being pursued by a bloodthirstypsycho is the perfect time to take a shower.

Dead.

The Cosmic Cleavage Law states thatthe bigger the boobs, the quicker the death. This slightly conflicts with the fact that thegirls with the enormous hooters never actually show them.

•

The Prep

(-2 Fate)The Prep is on the Dean's List, is active in the community, has a great car, a great familyand never does anything wrong. It's for this reason that he's almost always killed off bythe halfway point. Death is funny like that.

•

The Punk

(- 1 to everything but loses 1 Fate Point whenever his girlfriend uses one)The Punk is in a band, drives a ridiculous muscle car and wears either a Black LeatherJacket or a Blue Denim Jacket. He carries a switchblade, smokes pot and is

DEADDEAD DEAD!

•

The Slut

(+1 Fright, -1 Naivete, -1 Fate)The Punk's girlfriend. She's a slut, she dies (according to the Law of the PromiscuousVictim). Usually wears a lot of makeup and has sex at least once, usually right before theelectric hair dryer gets dropped in the bathtub (with her in it).

•

The Princess

(+1 Fate)The Princess almost always lives, despite the fact that she's the one that everyone wantsto die. Life is like that. Interesting factoid: the Freak and the Princess usually end upbecoming friends…I guess because there's nobody left alive.

Of course, no horror movie is complete without some authority figures to mock and/or dismember.These characters are usually there to a) get killed or b) make the teenagers lives that much moredifficult. The slimy high school janitor, the redneck sheriff, the new-age teacher and crazy old Mr.Jenkins are all examples of these kind of characters.

ADULTS

•

Cop

Most horror movie Cops are either addle-brained morons or corrupt evil tyrants. All Copshave beat-up cruisers, revolvers or shotguns and a penchant for using the word "boy" (asin, "Yer inna heap o' shit there, boy!").

•

Caretaker

Caretakers are good in the fact that they usually have stashes of alcohol and easyaccess to weapons such as pitchforks, lawn mowers and hedge-clipping shears. They'rebad in the fact that they're usually crazy fuckers who like to spy on showering co-eds.The Caretaker always gets blamed for the murders until he winds up dead or vindicated.

•

Old Coot

Old Coots are usually nice, albeit a tad eccentric. Some, like Mr. Hallorann (from TheShining), have cool psychic abilities. Of course, some are just a bit senile.

•

Supportive Adult

More rare than a virgin at the school prom, the Supportive Adult is doomed to a grislydeath just to show that the screenwriter means business. Look for guidance counselors,