• Embed Doc
  • Copy Link
  • Readcast
  • Collections
  • CommentGo Back
Download
 
Relationships are the lifeblood of our journey through this world. Good relationships not onlycan help us navigate through the challenges of this life more easily but they can be fulfillingand as well invigorating. Bad relationships on the other hand can put one’s life dead in itstrack. Ask a divorced person who has left a married life – or a person who ended up changinghis work due to bad relationships – or ask family members devastated and shattered due tofamily squabbles. They will all attest to the powerful impact of bad relationships in changingthe course of one’s life, while leaving them debilitated in the process.It’s a no-brainer that good relationships provide the energy that blooms our lives. Buildingand maintaining good relationships is an art as well as a science, the underlying principles of which come together in a mesmerizing way to make it one of the most important subjects for the human species. Whether realized earlier in life or later through heat of experience, oneeventually comes to grips with the fact that the principles of relationships must be learned – and when mastered effectively, enables one to use good judgment, to become moreempathetic, become more sensitive to human emotions, better understand personalities, and somuch more. All of a sudden, life changes – feels less complicated, more fulfilling, and morecontrolled.But one wonders why we humans have made such a promising pursuit of building andmaintaining superb relationships not only very complex, convoluted and confusing but manyof us fail miserably even at the very basics. Even more baffling is that many of us Muslimsfail to follow the ready made recipes that Islam provides us along with the living example of the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), who among many other things was a master of humanrelationships. No wonder that books on relationships sell more than any other specific topic.So, a review of the basics is in order – 
Relationships can be painful – 
 
 No one would argue that being in relationships has the potential to cause enormous mental pain and agony. Whether it’s a spouse verbally assaulting the spouse, a child defying parentsand family values, friends violating a trust, or a supervisor putting an employee down, theserelationship potholes can wreck souls, can cause us to get a heavy heart and a burdened mind,makes us cry, leaves us frustrated and indifferent and at times leaves us wondering about thevalue of such relationships in the first place. What’s worse is that when we continue to live insuch relationships, we rob our lives of the energy and enthusiasm that could have shaped our lives so much differently than what it ultimately becomes.The “blame game” rules such relationships. One’s ego is the master. People’s self worth istrampled. Others are at fault. Justice is not present. Life does not seem “fair”. One feelsvictimized. Insensitivity to feelings rules and the emotional roller coaster seems endless.Such relationships are in need of serious repair.
Relationships can be pleasing and fulfilling – 
On the flip side, healthy relationships can be so much rewarding. Ask a parent about how proud they feel to have raised good and respectful children. Ask a husband or wife about therespect they get from each other. Ask fast friends about the trust they have for each other. Ask strong business partners about the respect they have for each other and so on. Love, trust, and
 
respect uplift our souls, make our lives more fulfilling and meaningful, and make us thankfulfor our relationships.Such relationships need not just be cherished but more importantly they need to bemaintained.
Relationships must be actively managed (build, maintain, and if necessaryrepair) – 
So, how do we manage the pain and pleasure associated with such relationships? It’s actuallyquite simple – in theory at least. You manage a relationship by actively working on it and byconstantly renewing it. If you are even a moderately practicing Muslim, you know how thatworks. You know that relationship with your Creator is the most important one. Even in thosecases, the relationship must be renewed.Consider the saying of the Prophet (SAWS) who said,
“Faith wears out in your heart asclothes wear out, so ask Allah to renew the faith in your hearts.” (narrated by al-Haakim inhis Mustadrak and al-Tabaraani in his Mu’jam with a saheeh isnaad).
So, again – you manage relationships by actively working on them. And that means that if youare having challenges with your relationships, you should step out of your “default mode” inhow you deal with relationships.You see, most of us manage relationships in a “default mode”. That’s the mode that we learnand develop subconsciously while growing up. The default mode is the way we are mentallywired to deal with people and relationships in general. The better our relationships weremanaged at home while growing up, the better our default mode would be and the better wewould be to build and maintain good relationships with others, our spouses, and other acquaintances. Growing up while observing families in lousy relationships makes ones defaultmode develop in the same manner – something that other people can’t live with – unless of course one takes concrete steps to change those learned behaviors. For example, did youknow that research has established that most criminals come from broken homes, where theywere abused as children while growing up? Although this scary fact applies to only a smallfraction of people, it serves to illustrate the point that when unchecked, bad relationships canlead to devastating consequences.Shifting out of your default mode of dealing with relationships is about a change in attitudetoward other people – it’s about a change that others can notice – it’s about expressing your appreciation, and doing things for others. For some of us it’s easy and for some it’s not.Ideally, one should start learning from early childhood the basics of building and maintaininggood relationships. No wonder that a number of schools now have adopted curriculum thatteaches building good relationship skills right from pre-school years. In parallel, parentsshould strive to maintain a healthy social environment at home as well. Although no formalresearch done on this topic, many observations attest to the fact that unfortunately in mostMuslim countries, the awareness for such education is far less than what exists in westernsocieties. That is very unfortunate as the life of the prophet (SAWS) is exemplary in how wellhe treated people, families, children and encouraged parents to treat children.
 
Once children are raised in homes where they are taught to respect and manage relationships,it in turn helps them to grow up to be strong individuals as they become adept at building andmaintaining very strong relationships with people in all walks of life. Doing so becomes asecond nature and helps the person in relationships with family, friends and work. The“default mode” of such people thus turns out to be quite healthy.Have you ever wondered about what your default mode is in dealing with people? Do your loved ones cherish your behavior or do they run from your verbal assaults? Reflect on thishadith:
‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr bin Al-’As, may Allah be pleased with them, said: A personasked Allah’s Messenger (may peace and blessings be upon him) who among Muslims wasbetter. Upon this (the Holy Prophet) remarked: One from whose hand and tongue Muslimsare safe.
So, assess your default mode of dealing with people, families and friends – if you don’t like itand if you believe that your loved ones don’t like it too, may be it’s time to consider makingsome changes – starting today – starting now!Once you start making the change, you will notice that it is not rocket science. In fact, most of you exercise those skills in business settings regularly. For example, what will you do tomaintain a good business relationship that is very vital for your business and income? Morecommonly it involves some of the following:
•
Being empathetic to your client needs – listening with an open mind and heart
•
Being very serious and sincere to eliminate any misunderstandings
•
Going of your way to be appreciative of the relationship that you have with them
•
Going out of your way to be apologetic
•
Always keeping a pleasing and charming attitude
•
and so on…Many of us in our business and professional dealings do the above constantly. The sense of  purpose in the need to keep our business going and flourishing, makes us not only do theabove but makes many of us come up with the most creative and innovative ways to keep our  business partners happy. It’s a no-brainer. It’s common sense.But not very surprisingly, the same “brain” and “sense” starts to malfunction when it comes to personal relationships within our families. That’s where something gets lost in the process.So, it’s not that we do not know how to manage relationships – we just prioritize thingsdifferently and we don’t make the right connections in our minds.
Prioritize your relationships – 
Do you know anyone who spends more time strengthening relationships with their friends and business partners than their own families? Does that make sense? Let’s face it – certainrelationships are more important than others and therefore deserve more time and effort thanothers. For example, it just would not make sense for you to hold your friends in high respectwhile you mistreat your parents. You can’t abandon your own children and be helping other children. Charity always begins at home.Even in Islam that teaches respect, love, patience and understanding as the cornerstone of allrelationships, certain relationships are given more priority over others. There are numerous
of 00

Leave a Comment

You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...
You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...