overlooked. Hell before I turned fifteen and changed my ways I waspretty badass. I was very geeky and strongly affirmed to my studiesbut I had a big mouth and wasn’t afraid to use it. But that’s all it was.All talk no action. Don’t ask me why fifteen had been such an amazingturning point for me because heck I don’t know why, it just was. That year I promised to be kinder, really give people a chance and just giveothers a chance and not pre-judge. I was stupid. People simply don’tdeserve unspoken kindness. They don’t surprise you; they justreaffirm what you already know. By taking advantage of those quieterand more reserved, we live in a cruel world. I glanced back downtoward the note that was smoothed in my hands. I laughed bitterly atthe five words.
Didn’t work out, sorry.Iain
That fact that he felt like he needed to explain himself was enough totell me that he knew. Dammit, he knew that I am too fucking ‘woman’ for this lifestyle. Something needs to change. I may only be twenty,but soon I will be thirty and then forty and then damn, I will befucking old. As much as I have convinced myself that I don’t need aman, or need a husband, or need a child, or need any of that shit. Istill want it as much as anyone else. It’s my stupid pride that gets inthe way as usual. I am twenty and have had one boyfriend. That poorexcuse for a relationship barely even counts, unless like Ali youconsider three and a half weeks to be substantial. I am by no stretchof the imagination innocent but my best friend Ali takes pride in thefact that at first glance you would never suspect anything less thantotal innocence. In reality I am still that girl who wants to defend thepeople around her and try to get people to understand that sometimespeople do deserve a third, fourth or even fifth chance at makingsomething right. After five years I am still the same stupid naïve girl Ialways was. Ali was right, always has been. She knows how fucked upI am. She knows how much I wish I could lead the life that she doesbut instead of having her long term boyfriend and self-sufficient job Iam a bustling career women. My job reflects who I am. At twenty I amthe youngest newspaper editor in New York. Before I began co-editedthe paper I wrote the column, “Pants Bras and other things Men knowlittle about.” Basically six hundred words regarding my endlessmoaning about things women desperately love to read about. I still write the column amongst my other responsibilities. Whereas before it was for fun it eventually evolved into my escape mechanism. I writeabout the jerks that I have affiliations with. The idiots who try to flirt with me, and the egotistical fools who dribble over their own words when they realize I know every trick in their very badly written man‘handbook’. I swear I have heard so many pick-up lines that they havebecome painful to listen to. I think the worst I have been exposed tois, “You remind me so much of Pokémon that I just want to pick-at-choo.” I was at a geek convention for my column and was the only girlin the place who resembled what a woman should look like. In realitythat meant that I didn’t have a uni-brow and weighed less than 200