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Excerpt from 1A7B Autobiography – My Perspectiveon Bnei Akiva
Before we take leave of Rainbow Beach once and for all, I must dwell a bit on one moresubject that, heretofore, I have only mentioned in passing – Bnei Akiva.It is probably obvious from what I have written thus far, as well as the fact that I amwriting such a charged book, that I am a religious idealist. This is an inborn trait that I amstuck with. This means that I always take my “isms” very seriously. To Orthodox Jews, theism of note is Judaism. The Judaism of my youth was laced with Zionism. To the ReligiousZionists, these two isms are complementary. This means that they can co-exist. To thechareidi, they are “diametrically opposed.” This means that they cannot co-exist. As a kidwho is indoctrinated as a Religious Zionist, our initial credo is that these two isms areindivisible. But as I grew up, I somehow noticed that these two isms were not leading to thesame destination. As I couldn’t travel down two roads my conclusion was that they cannot co-exist. I opted for what I considered to be the ideal of Judaism. The main body of this book explains how I see it this way. Thus, I became a chareidi.Of course, this did not transpire overnight and I don’t want to get ahead of my story. InRainbow Beach, I was a full-fledged (
mass
1
paying) member of Bnei Akiva.The Shabbat youth groups were innocent enough. In fact, the attendees were actuallyfrom the most observant families in the community as irreligious kids did not go to Shabbatgroups. Both boys and girls attended the groups simultaneously though all the kids were placed in boy or girl sub-groups. The groups opened with singing the Bnei Akiva marchfollowed by Boaz’s greeting – “G-d be with you!” “May you be blessed by G-d!”
2
. We wouldthen count the attendees using the Jewish system.
3
The branch head would then announce,“
 B’Ezrat Hashem
we have here today 26 soldiers...” There was usually some game and asnack whereupon the branch head would lead us in the
 Al HaMichya
prayer. For the count,game, and snack, all the sub-groups (boy and girl) joined together. Aside from that, there were
 sichot 
, a talk or a story, told by the leaders of each sub-group. Sometimes they had a religioustheme such as a Jewish Press type story of Rabbi Akiva or Maimonides or even a story of theChafetz Chaim or Baal Shem Tov or Rabbi Yisroel Salanter. I learned about the Golem of Prague in those groups. Yet, just as often, if not more often, the
 sicha
would concern one of the Israeli wars and the associated heroics or the Irgun or such. The boy groups also studied a bit of Mishna, and, if there were enough people, they conducted Shabbat Mincha services. Inall, the religious atmosphere was very highly charged and both my religious and Zionisticidealism flourished.Then came the summer camps. This was different. It was here that the cracks in thefoundation started to emerge. One reason for this was because, unlike our Shabbat youthgroups that only attracted religious
Shomer Shabbat 
kids, the camp was open to all and asubstantial proportion of the kids were not from true Shomer Shabbat families. Add to thisthat it is one thing for groups of boys and girls to share a campus for 1½ hours on Shabbat. Itis quite another to do so for three uninterrupted weeks. There are issues that would beinconceivable in chareidi circles that could be conceived in such an environment.I attended twice – once following fourth grade and once following sixth grade (preciselywhen we moved from East to West Natwich). The first summer, when I was nine years old,was rather enjoyable. From my nine year old perception, this was a six week 24/7
1
Hebrew for “tax.” This refers to the yearly membership fee, which at that time, was five dollars.
2
Ruth 2:4
3
Instead of using numbers, we recite a verse of ten words, each word represents the corresponding integer. Hence,each completed verse indicates ten people and the remainder is determined by which word of the verse was lastrecited.
 
manifestation of our hour-and-a-half Shabbat groups. I was together with other nine year olds,I was there to have fun, my ideals were being nourished, and so it was.The second summer, two years later, was much different. I was not nine but eleven (and ahalf). The boys I was with were likewise between eleven and twelve. Eleven to twelve year old boys are much different than nine year olds. Trust me. They knew everything that I hadlearned in sixth grade and then some. And they were not all religious (not that that reallymade all the difference). Like most camps it was lights out at nine and the counselors, after seeing to it that we were snugly tucked in, ran off to do who knows what. Meanwhile, back atthe bunk, the chit chat got a bit (off-) colorful. My education broadened but, suddenly, myspiritual ideals were not being nourished.Being two years older and wiser, my religious perceptions were a lot keener. To this point,my spiritual horizons had been broadening; but not this summer. One ramification of this wasthat I was a bit different than most of the guys in that bunk. Kind of a stick in the mud. I became the goat of the group and, all too often, I was reduced to tears. I had a miserable time.A second ramification was that I could sense that something was not up to par. It is possible that due to the presence of the non-religious element (clearly a minority but not aninsignificant one), the religious fervor had to be held down a notch. Only, a token half hour  period each morning was designated for Torah study and the level of study in the groups wassubstandard even for Maccabee Hebrew Day School. Aside from that brief session and themandatory prayers and Grace-after-meals, there was no infusion of Jewish values. Also, itseemed, at least in retrospect, that the barriers between the boys’ groups and the girls’ groupswere much too porous. The night activity was held jointly for the entire camp, and don’tforget that it was held at night. Shabbat afternoons were punctuated by campers taking strollsin pairs (this was broad daylight) – not matching pairs. I knew that something was wrong withthis, but I was still a young idealistic Bnei Akiva-nik and my Religious Zionist upbringing didnot, as of then, give me the tools to be able to determine exactly what it is. It would beanother year until I would start to understand.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note -
Here I am skipping about 3 pages from the original narrative. In the interim, I discuss 2 major events that influenced my haskafic development. The first is recorded in
One Above and Seven Below
.To follow is the second.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Continued…
The second influence was much weightier. My father had indeed noticed that my campexperience of the previous summer was not a cheerful one. I think that, on his own, helikewise sensed some deficiencies in the spiritual atmosphere of the Bnei Akiva camp.Furthermore, he was fully aware of my congenital religious zeal. And, as every parent does inregard to his kids, he was always comparing notes with his peers. These peers includednumerous chareidi businessmen from the diamond district in New York. From his businesschat sessions all through the school year he was hearing glowing reports about the chareidiyeshiva-oriented Catskill Mountain summer camps. He asked me if I wanted to go out Eastfor the summer and I said, “Yes.” So, he signed me up.That was it.I never had a more meaningful summer. I felt that I was entering a whole different world, but a world that made my Jewishness make sense. At the Bnei Akiva camp, my level of religiosity was pretty much at the max level. Everything that was offered there was from thatlevel on down. There was nowhere to climb. Now, I had just stepped into the East Coastyeshiva environment and, though I may have been close to the bottom, I was looking upward.It feels better to look up.
 
Here, just about everybody was Orthodox and most, though not all, were chareidi. Therewere boys with prominent last names from the families of Torah leaders, educators, and
askanim
(influence peddlers). Many of these boys, whether or not they were initially blessedwith any of these prominent family names, have themselves grown to become Torah leaders,educators, and
askanim.
The entire atmosphere was charged with a feeling that Torahobservance dominates the agenda; from the type of music that was constantly piped throughthe public address system (except for the three weeks of mourning), to the themes of the playsand skits and color wars. At color war, we amassed points for memorizing Mishna,
 Kriyat Shema
, Grace after Meals and
 Al Hamichya
and the nineteen blessings of the
 Amidah
. This iswhere I learned all these blessings and prayers by heart. Every boy was all but required tomemorize at least one chapter of Mishna. Obviously, there was a drive to make each boycome away from the camp a more polished Jew than how he came in. None of this was promoted at the Bnei Akiva camp in my era. Here, Halachic issues of summer fun wereopenly confronted with no thought of compromising the Halachic standards. In Bnei Akiva,many of these issues were “overlooked.”There were Torah learning groups twice daily at a much more advanced level. Thesesessions were such an integral part of the camp schedule that the camp employed a prominentyeshiva
rebbe
as a learning director. Of course, this is standard for the East Coast yeshivacamps, but for me, hailing from the Bnei Akiva camp, it was a novelty. Any alumnus of anyof these camps readily mimics the trite announcement, “Time for learning never ends, butlearning groups are now over.” I never heard that at Bnei Akiva. The Bnei Akiva camp has ahigh school age division called
Machaneh HaChalutz 
(Pioneer’s Camp), Mach-Hal for short.At this level, the religious vs. irreligious ratio may have been a bit stronger and there is a bitheavier regimen of 
 shiurim
(study sessions) and
 sichot 
, but the main emphasis is on militarystyle physical enhancement. Conversely, the Catskill camp had a high school age divisioncalled
Masmidim
(Persistent Scholars). What I knew about them is that they were expected tostudy at least six hours a day. There was a Chassidic Rebbe who came every Shabbat andconducted a Friday night
tish
4
; another phenomenon that one doesn’t find too often at BneiAkiva.All this I found fascinating enough, but what fascinated me the most is that amidst all thisfocus on Torah study and religious ideals, I saw a tremendous amount of talent and creativity.Being chareidi yeshiva boys did not stop these guys from being musicians and songwriters, playwrights, actors and comics, artists and athletes. Some of these fellows shone in their  brilliance, and this, without any girls to impress.Did I, until just now, neglect to mention no girls? Silly me, how can I overlook such a basic discrepancy? I must have been having such a good time that it simply slipped my mindthat there were no girls there (out of sight, out of mind!). In truth, it is not really an accidentthat I, heretofore, did not bring up this point. I want to avoid the impression that this issuemakes all the difference between the two camps. I wanted to first point out that these twocamps do not share the same set of goals. The question becomes: can’t one play the game both ways and take on the ideals of both camps? After all, as different as these two camps are,they still pledge allegiance to the same Torah, is there no room to say that at some point their ideals can converge?If not for this matter of a mixed gender environment, I could have thought that such aconvergence may be possible. But the transition of that summer (coupled with the onset of adolescence) convinced me that such cannot be the case.In hindsight, I understand that there is a school of thought that one can observe all thecommandments except the one that says, “You shall be holy.”
5
Rashi (ad loc.) explains thatthis means that we must prevent intermingling of the sexes. Nachmanides (ad loc.) explainsthat this means we should abstain from permissible things that do nothing but enhance our 
4
Literally: table. This is a common Chassidic ritual wherein the Rebbe conducts his Shabbat meal as an open-to-the-public event. The Rebbe shares his meal, his songs, and his words of Torah with all those who participate.
5
Leviticus 19:2
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