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ALL DRESSED UP
The Lives of Teenage Girls in East Durham Karen Robinson | 16.06.12 - 11.08.12
Each group of girls had a special place to which they would always go. At first they thought it was strange that I wanted to photograph their lives, but then, maybe, it was something a bit different; maybe they liked someone taking a bit of notice. I loved their sense of humour, was shocked at times by their innocence, at others by their knowledge and by the experiences they have had to deal with. One of the girls, in trouble with the police for drugs and in care for a time, was three months pregnant when I first met her, standing in shock and disbelief, not sure who the father was. I later watched her lovingly feed her daughter and listened to adults talking about how much she had grown up. The girls opened up a glimpse into their lives in all their contradictions and complexities: at home, on the streets, following interests, out on the town... And there was the American style school prom, choosing dresses, having their hair and make-up done and badgering their teacher to let me come too. Karen Robinson
By approaching, listening to and engaging with teenage girls who regularly hung around the streets of various villages and towns of East Durham, Karen Robinson was able to gain a personal insight into their world during 2004-05. Lack of opportunities and investment has meant that significant numbers of young people in the area were and still are slipping through the net. Failed by the educational system, in communities ravaged by the demise of heavy industry, their own aspirations can often seem unrealistic. Access to the support mechanisms which might improve their situation is often beyond reach. At the time, Easington District had one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in the country. Karen Robinsons All Dressed Up was part of Coalfield Stories, a programme of Side Gallery commissions which ran from 1999 - 2006.

JACQUELINE
In the square where I used to live it used to be brilliant. Everyone used to come out playing Knicky Knocky Nine Doors. Oh, it used to be mint. It started going horrible when I was about 10. I got sexually abused. I didnt come out with it until last year when I fell pregnant with Faith and it didnt get any further with the police because I didnt give enough evidence, so it was shit, that bit. Its as if he put a bad spirit in us and turned me evil. I wont lie, you may as well call us the child from Hell, I was that bad. I turned me whole family against me. I had no one apart from two of me friends, Claire and Melissa. I was about 12 when I started skiving school, being cocky to the teachers. I got kicked out of Wellfield and I went to Shotton Hall. I was only there for a couple of weeks, because I was getting bullied. I was on drugs cocaine, ecstasy, amphetamines, I wasnt on smack. I used to run away up to Stockton. I was put into care because I was thieving off me mam to feed me habit. I got moved to a proper foster home. One night, the husband came into the bedroom, just standing in me door, staring at us. I just hid under the covers. Ive never been so frightened in me life. I thought it was a ghost at first. Then he was, Oh, sorry. I thought it was the toilet. I didnt do any GCSEs. I felt thick as anything, even though I am quite brainy when I want. But some people dont know the half of what Ive been through. I woke up one day and me mum goes, Have you started your monthlies? I goes, Mum, I havent been on for ages. She goes, Right, take a wee sample up to the chemist. So I went up and I was waiting and Julie said come through to the back and she goes, Yes, and I just fell to the floor. I just went, Oh no! and I was crying me eyes out. Me mum goes, Are you? and I goes, Aye, and she goes, Dont worry, pet, I had one at your age, youll be fine. I sat down and I was thinking to myself, Right, Ive got to change and I will change. Im going to have a beautiful baby. Ive got to do everything right from now on. I went to bed and I woke up the next morning and I just felt brand new. Things have been better with me mum and dad since I had Faith. Me mams probably not speaking to us since she found out Im pregnant again. Peoplell say, Oh youre stupid, youve already ruined your life. Youre going to ruin your life twice, double, now. Im not bothered. I cannot wait to breastfeed, me. Get big boobs and wear them big, massive bras. When I told Dean last night, he was just, Oh no! Then he goes, Well, at least Im not firing blanks! I goes, What do you want to call it if its a boy? He goes, Mini Dean. What would you change about your life? Nothing at the moment, because its all too perfect. Hopefully, Ill go back to school in September. What are your dreams? I want a horse. Id love a horse, so our Faith and the other baby can be horse riders when they are older. Ill take her horse riding and dancing and gymnastics and stuff like that, so she can do something good with her life instead of just lounging about like all of us arseholes.

AIMEE
What is the best thing about your life? The best thing in my life is the people in my life, my family and closest friends. Id be a very lonely girl without them. I just feel like I could do more or them. I would rather people put flowers on my grave, instead of forgetting me sounds quite depressing, but its true. What is the worst thing about your life? The relationship with my mother. And this is something that will never really be fixed. She lives in Spain and shes out of the way. People say we are too much alike and thats why we argue. I dont see it like that. To have a relationship like I have with my dad would be great, but I dont see it happening, so I just forget about it. What would you change about your life, if anything? The way I think and handle things. I dont think about consequences. I got kicked out of college, I havent got a job and I smoke a lot of dope. The drug thing, I would definitely change. I wasted the last three years of my life. What has been the most important thing that has happened to you? The most important thing to me is the fact of always having a home to go to. Ive moved to Spain, lived in Durham and was always able to come home to my dad. Even on a Friday night, being wrecked and staying out late. If I couldnt go home, Id be on the streets. What do you like/dislike about your town? Like: Everyone likes being in a place where they know everyone and know where everything is and thats what Seaham is like. You go down to the harbour on a night and its like a big party, but outside. Dislike: Well, have you seen the clip of Seaham? What is your dream? I dont have dreams or goals, you only get disappointment. There are people who go to college and work hard to get what they want. I take things as they come. Its a lot easier. No one can predict what their life is going to be. I didnt think I would be who I am today. I dont want to be the person I am, but you dont plan your life. How have your parents influenced you? I am who I am, deep inside, because of them. What do you hope for your children? I dont really want kids, but if I did, I would hope they were always smiling, no matter what, and go for what they want. You only live once and Ive messed up the first part of my life and its the first part that is the most important.

TEGAN
When I had Reese, me and Stuart were quite close for the first few weeks, but then I got postnatal depression. The hormones dont go down till the bairns 6 months I fell pregnant again when he was four months, so my hormones havent been down for over a year now. And I dont think Stuart seems to realise that. Weve been on and off, splitting up and getting back together and that, because of all the arguments. Its mainly because I used to keep control of the bills. I said, Well, Ill let you do it one week, and he lost a fiver, so we couldnt put any electricity on. Were sort of together but were sort of not. Were going to go to some counselling, called Relate. Stuarts going to counselling for his drugs. Reese is on the Child Protection Register because, when he was first born, I wouldnt put him in the baby bath if I was on me own. I was too scared because he was wriggly and he hated the water. They got me a sponge and I bathed him on me own quite confidently, but one of the things for the Child Protection was neglect, because I wasnt bathing him properly in the bath. The other one was emotional harm, because he was seeing mine and Stuarts arguments and because when Stuart ran out of words, he would use his fists. Their solution was to have me and Reece living either with me mam or with me dad, but they wont let me take him back to my house, the way I was, because it was just making me ten times worse when I moved in I hung a face towel on the bathroom radiator and it fell off the wall. It was 6 months before they came and fixed the stairs properly. So I was moving between me mams and me dads house and this social worker came to me dads and I just said, Can you give me a lift up me mams, Im going to ask her if she can take Reece permanently, and I can go and visit him, because he needed somewhere settled really. Then the social worker started saying that it was his decision and they were going to take me to court if I didnt keep him at me mams, except I fought tooth and nail to tell them that it was me who put him here and not their decision, Dont take me to court! And then they changed me social worker back, which was like a breath of fresh air, because I get on with this one and he listens, hes very thorough and he knows what hes doing basically. Theyve said Im doing really well at my NCH parenting assessments and that theyre looking to get Reese back with me in a three bedroomed house. Its like my assessments have finished now and they wanted us to do some joint ones with Stuart though, starting in September. Do you feel hopeful for the future? Its a bit daunting because I know Im going to be on me own 90% of the time. With me having postnatal depression last time, hopefully Ill be able to spot the signs. I couldnt see from the outside, then. I did go on anti-depressants for three weeks, but because I was breastfeeding I could only have certain ones, and the ones I had, I couldnt wake up to breastfeed him, I was dead to the world. When I took meself off them and it was like I woke up. I just want Reece back. I just dont want them to be both taken off us and I just want to be in a house with me family basically. Its all Ive ever wanted, to keep me family together.

LAURIE-ANNE
Anything you try to do in Thornley, you get wrong. Its what people say, you might as well do it if youre going to get the blame - vandalising and setting things alight and breaking things, just things that you do. About teatime everybody meets up on the Front Street and then goes to the adventure. Everyone gets drunk for a living and takes drugs. The police tell us to move. Everywhere anyone goes you have to move, because youre not allowed to be there. Ive never took drugs. I did smoke blow, but it gets you nowhere. I got spiked normal one minute and the next minute I wasnt everything changed and I didnt trust no one. I get paranoid about everything; I cant trust me friends from Thornley anymore. The nurses at the doctors and the hospital said it was only me that could fix it, but its not like that. I could just be sitting watching the telly and all of a sudden it would click back into me head and everything would go funny again. Its not something that just goes away. The only reason I got up for school in the morning was friends, really. That was it. The teachers say Do it! If you dont its up to you. They dont care, really. I didnt get on with this teacher. The last day of school, she said I wasnt allowed to go anymore, so I couldnt go to the prom. The exams were hard, apart from English, Maths and Science, which I thought I did great in. But its just the way you answer the questions, really, isnt it. Just didnt answer them the right way. There was problems between me mam and her boyfriend. I was living away from home, getting up in the morning and worrying about mum and then going to the exam hall, sitting down and thinking I cant do it. Its just too much to take in at once. I know people who have got 7 Us this morning. And Ive cried all day over mine being all Es and 2 Us and an F. I think I should be counting myself lucky really. That was me main chance though, wasnt it. I wanted to go to New College Durham for four years to become a childminder. I needed at least one A to C and then if I got one D they might be able to squeeze us in with a bit of luck. I didnt get it so theres no point. What do you hope for the future? I dont know, now. I dont want to hope for nothing. Ive already hoped for one thing and I havent got it. Theres no point hoping for anything. Ill just take things as they come.

PAULA
I used to go out all the time with people go and have a drink and stuff on the streets, down the dene, wandering off by yourself in the dark. It was just stupid. I didnt really have any guidance, neither. I cant really remember any sex education. Nothing that sticks to mind. I was 16 when I had Courtney. I was lonely and scared. I was just hoping I would have somebody who loved us. I havent got a very big family, only me mam and she wasnt very nice. Just before I fell pregnant, I wasnt living with her anyway. Then, after I had Courtney and I needed a little bit of support, it wasnt there off anybody, really. Ive had to grow up very fast, but I think I was growing up quite fast before. I think people thought that I shouldnt be a parent. Like, sometimes when shes being naughty, like at the park, when I tell her to stop I feel like I cant because theyre looking at us and thinking, Oh, isnt it horrible, shes so young. You can see some mother going out of her head, who can be 40 year old, with a child and you just realise everybodys the same. But they do look down on you. They dont really respect you. Peoples morals, values and respect have gone down a lot. The respect for other people I dont think people have much of that, now. And I dont think that they value people, in a way. After I had Courtney I got in with a parents support group and we went to the schools and the youth centres and talked to the kids. The woman who was running that put us on to the Level One Youth Work course. I wanted to get involved in youth work so I could help young people, even if they werent pregnant just to be there to support them, so they can have confidence to go through life if that did happen to them. I feel I can relate to young peoples issues, with the issues I had and the issues I can see young people have now, with us being young as well. Because youth workers are really old. Or most of them are. What are your dreams? To go to the top in youth work. Try and get something else done, as well. To give Courtney a good upbringing. And go on holiday abroad, because Ive never been before and Courtney hasnt. And have a nice big house somewhere. Whats the best thing about your life? Being a mam. Whats the worst? Missing me childhood not just with Courtney, before then not having a family and support and love as such. Were having lots of happy times and thats something which I didnt have.

THE PROM
Everyone had been looking forward to the Prom all year; preparations had begun some time ago, around five months before, in fact. The search was on for a dress, the biggest purchase they were about to make. Claire had tried on at least ten before she spotted a beautiful pink one. But she saw it and just knew. It was like choosing my wedding dress, I just knew it was the one for me. I didnt have a clue where to start but my mam came with me. She must have spent about 250 altogether, but I felt like a little kid again, a fairy getting all dressed up. It was brilliant. Helen, at the salon I work at, did me hair. I went in at lunchtime, but I did me own make-up. I practised the week before but I just had mascara and blusher on. I didnt want to look over-dressed and tacky. It was clear just how important the prom was to the girls: their special night. The limo picked them up outside each of their houses. I felt like a movie star. When I got out of the car at Tonis I felt a bit embarrassed being photographed by everybody, but lovely to be in the spotlight... Such excitement outside Shotton Hall Banquet Centre: the proud mums taking the last photographs of their grown up children; the girls looking around, comparing dresses, thinking does she look better than me?; the boys looking really handsome... It was very emotional, our last night altogether. We were laughing, dancing, crying. I even cried over saying thank you and goodbye to my teachers!

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