BY CHRISTIAN PATTERSON

"Didn't think about this one all that much at all and it really shows." - Rod Naquin

@christianizcool Christianizcool.tumblr.com

These poems are numbered. I cut many of the haikus and kept their original numbers. That is why the numbering skips around.

#1 This coffee makes my body vibrate. First in my chest, then goes outward #2 Wonder Woman was crafted from clay (Impressive) but Gumby was too #4 Every time I feel this sleepy, I think, I have never felt like this.

#6 Schopenhauer is a cool name because it is four syllables long #9 The bar at Dennys Breakfast at 2pm. in between mustached men #10 Someone left a newspaper in the bathroom stall. Nice, but I have phone

#14 The WiFi in this coffee shop isnt working, maybe my laptop #17 Ned Flanders started out as a great character, now hes self-parody #19 Pizza Hut kind of sounds like Matzo Ball but not really, Idk

#20 Are Motorhead shirts the new Joy Division or the Ramones t-shirt? #22 Ned Flanders is like a nice Homer, and yet his wife still passed away #23 Why do they have Street Sharks on Netflix Instant, but not Dino Saucers?

#24 Contemporary art is the quintessential Nanny nanny boo #25 Boo! said the spooky ghost, Bwaa-a-a said Hank Hill to his son Bobby #26 Hi, said the barman Bye-bye said the barwoman She bought drinks and left

#30 Hobo harassing tourists in Rite Aid, he tells them they should suck #31 the devils fat d***. Hes kicked out, but wont leave, call the cops, I dare you, #32 he said. Every cop in town knows me. -- I believe that, owner said. #35 Cherry blossoms fall like a Japanese postcard in muddy gutters

#36 I want to go to a beach with you and stay in a kitschy motel #37 I want to eat lots of saltwater taffy with you on the beaches. #38 I want to play games at an arcade that hasnt changed since the 80s

#39 I want to play on bumper boats with you and then kiss you afterwards #40 I want to sleep in then get brunch at a crummy diner at 2pm #41 I want to wait til its dark, then stroll the beach halfway to Gearhart

#42 Tom Petty, Big Dog playing pool, eating Taco Bell, my high school friends #43 I dont know why I think a lot bout how Flanders is left-handed too

#45 Hell is when you think you have made someone upset but dont know for sure #46 Hells the feel I get when Id do anything to make them all happy #47 Supermans the last son of Krypton. Im not the last of anything

#54 We could all use a little more meaning, we could use a little life #55 We could use more love but in this society, we really need reason. #56 But what good is reason, when were rotting corpses in the cold, wet dirt?

#57 But what good is love by that logic? Well for one thing, love feels divine. #59 What is a story? Life is made up of infinity with no conclusion #60 Retrospect on life forms a narrative you had not noticed before

#62 Swag is so twenty ten, but swag can never go away, here for life #65 Dogs dont deserve to die. Humans can die but dogs dont deserve to die. #66 Jughead & Moose are weird names but we forget too Veronica is

#68 Remember when Mike Scott said googi googi? What is googi googi? #71 A list of FroYo restaurant names I would use: FroYo Mania #72 FroYo Yolo, Frozen Gogurt, FroYo Yo-yo MumFroYo and Sons

#73 why did Ned Flanders wife have to die? Flanders is left handed. Rod Todd #75 Remember when George said, he was be-boppin and scattin all over?

#76 I love being from the West Coast the crest at the edge of all Western #77 civilization. A society built on a sprawling strip of #78 concrete. A world built in or post- modernity, leeching off the old #79 world, but forging a new hyperreality. The new world, the fake #80 world. The world that can crash into the ocean. The world that we have built to #81 the broken gold hinge we built at the edge and now all have to cling to.