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Volume 88, Issue 4 The Voice of the Colorado School of Mines, a Superior Education in Applied Science and Engineering September 24, 2007

Counselor Gathering Storm at Mines


Workshop Former Lockheed-Martin CEO Speaks Up
Jake Rezac
Staff Writer Hilary Brown are a lot of problems with that, certain rules – you encour-
Asst. Editor-in-Chief but I think it’s just not possible age people to take risks.
The Colorado Council on to cover what an engineer needs Prudent risks, not irrational
Higher Education Counselor Norman Augustine, former to know in a 4 year undergradu- risks. You don’t punish people
Workshop occurs six times every CEO of Lockheed-Martin and ate program,” said Augustine. for failure when their ef-
year at six different Colorado member of the “Gathering He stressed the idea that forts were well meaning
universities. On Thursday, Sep- Storm” committee, spoke last basic engineering knowledge and properly carried out,
tember 20th, the CSM Admissions Thursday in the second lecture is not enough to be success- because you are going to
Office hosted approximately 260 of the Erickson Distinguished ful in the future. “Engineers have failures. You reward
high school college councilors Lecture series. His lecture fo- who can only do the tradi- people for innovation.”
and college admissions repre- cused on the future success tional kind of engineering are Education isn’t only
sentatives for this event. The of Americans in science and becoming a commodity in the to blame for a lack of
Colorado Council on Higher Edu- technology, with a focus on world marketplace. Those jobs c r e a t i v i t y. “ I n m a n y
cation (CCHE), which includes all the education necessary to are going to disappear from cases, I think our
Colorado public and private four- make the U.S. competitive. America. People could do it for country is making
year schools, as well as commu- Augustine discussed four less money and do it equally it very hard for the
nity colleges and other two-year growing problems in science well. It will be the engineer entrepreneur, the in-
institutions, puts on these events and engineering education: the that’s creative and innovative ventor, the creator,
every year as a collaborative rising cost of higher education, and imaginative and, as Jeff because if things
effort to help improve relations the lack of engineering classes We l l s s a y s , c a n s e e a ro u n d go badly they get
between high school and col- during the first two years of corners,” said Augustine. excoriated in the
lege admissions counselors. a n e n g i n e e r i n g d e g re e , t h e “How do you teach innova- n e w s p a p e r, t h e y
The event began at 7:30 AM inability to condense mate- tion? How do you teach imagi- get sued in the
and lasted until 3:00 PM. It in- rial into a four-year degree, nation? Creativity? I think there courts, and so on
cluded a welcome address from and the intense specialization are a lot of rules of thumb that down the line,” Au-
Director of Admissions Bruce Go- o f t h e d i ff e re n t d i s c i p l i n e s . one can teach, but the best gustine explained.
etz and President Dr. Bill Scog- “The master’s degree has one is through experience, in
gins. Other key events in the day got to become the basic degree laboratories and jobs and so
included updates on the CCHE of our profession. I realize there on,” he continued. “There are SEE “LECTURE” PAGE 2

Protests Evoke Memories


colleges, a college fair, and in-
formation sessions on a broad
range of topics relating to col-
lege admissions and counseling.
These information sessions
were meant to appeal to both
college admissions representa-
tives and high school councilors
and included important infor-
Thousands Rally in Louisiana to Protest the Controversy
mation which could be handed Mary Foster pair of nooses dangling from the ecutors. An appellate court on from across the nation who said
down to college-seeking high Associated Press rear of the driver’s pickup truck. Thursday ordered a hearing to they wanted to make a stand for
school students, as well as help- The driver, identified as 18- be held within three days on his racial equality just as their par-
ing admission representatives It had many of the signs of the year-old Jeremiah Munsen of request for release. The other ents did in the 1950s and ‘60s.
better understand the students early civil rights protests — mili- Colfax, was charged with inciting defendants are free on bond. But while those early protest-
whose applications they receive. tant slogans, upraised clenched a riot, driving while intoxicated The case dates to August ers dodged police batons and
One of the sessions, said CSM fists and multitudes of police and contributing to the delin- 2006, when a black Jena High were insulted by the white popu-
Assistant Director for Admissions — but none of the hate and fear- quency of a juvenile, authorities School student asked the prin- lation, demonstrators on Thurs-
Sarah Andrews, provided a drenched campaigns in Selma, said. A city attorney will decide cipal whether blacks could sit day petted police horses, chat-
“chance for high school counsel- Little Rock and Montgomery. whether charges against the under a shade tree that was ted with officers and posed by
ors to voice concerns about stu- Thousands of protesters de- 16-year-old passenger from Dry a frequent gathering place for the Jena Police Department sign.
dents transitioning to college” to scended on this tiny central Prong are warranted, said Alex- whites. He was told yes. But “It was a big event for us,”
Colorado Governor Ritter’s P-20 Louisiana town Thursday, ral- andria Police Sgt. Clifford Gatlin. nooses appeared in the tree the said Donna Clark, who trav-
Education Coordination Council. lying against what they see “I wish we had a charge next day. Three white students eled from Atlanta with her hus-
Another, called Usable Resource as a double standard of jus- in Louisiana for aggravated were suspended but not crimi- band and four young daughters.
Information, was designed spe- tice for blacks and whites. ignorance, because this is nally prosecuted. LaSalle Parish “We got matching T-shirts and
cifically for new counselors or But unlike the protests that a classic case,” Gatlin said. District Attorney Reed Walters d ro v e a l l n i g h t . I t ’s e x c i t i n g
college admissions staff, and in- became landmarks for civil rights In Jena on Friday, the state said this week he could find and I think the girls can say
cluded information on resources when fire hoses and police dogs district court scheduled a ses- no state law covering the act. later they were part of history.”
available for them as well as greeted demonstrators, the sion to decide whether a judge The incident was followed People began gathering be-
including introductions to topics rally to support six black teen- who has been hearing the case by fights between blacks and fore dawn; state police put at-
that they would be regularly deal- agers charged in a school fight of Mychal Bell, one of the six whites, and in December a tendance between 15,000 and
ing with, such as financial aid. had a festive yet laid-back air. youths, should be made to step white student, was knocked 20,000, though organizers said
Andrews said the workshop “It was a great day,” said a s i d e f ro m a b o n d h e a r i n g . unconscious on school grounds. t h e c ro w d w a s m u c h l a r g e r.
was a good opportunity to bring Denise Broussard of Lafayette. Bell, now 17, is the only one According to court testimony, Law enforcement officials said
people to campus – they were “I really felt a sense of purpose of the six black defendants to be his face was swollen and blood- the biggest problem was the heat.
exposed to the new Student and commitment, but it was also tried. He was convicted of ag- ied, but he was able to attend “It’s been a very peaceful
Recreation Center and the new a lot of fun. I met great people gravated second-degree battery, a school function that night. and happy crowd,” said Sgt.
Humanitarian Engineering Mi- and made some good friends.” but his conviction was tossed Six black teens were arrested. Julie Lewis of the Louisiana
nor. Attendees were “impressed The march for the so- out last week by a state appeals F i v e w e re o r i g i n a l l y c h a r g e d State Police. “Really these are
with Mines, and Mines repre- c a l l e d J e n a S i x , a g ro u p o f court that said Bell could not be with attempted second-degree very, very nice people. They are
sented itself well,” she said. black teens initially charged tried as an adult on that charge. murder — charges that have welcome in Louisiana any time.”
However, she also stressed that with attempted murder in the Bell had been arrested on ju- since been reduced for four of The only strident note
the event was primarily an op- beating of a white classmate, venile charges including battery them. The sixth was booked as came at the end of the rally
portunity for college and high was one of the biggest civil and criminal damage to property, a juvenile on sealed charges. when a group of Black Pan-
school councilors to meet with rights demonstrations in years. and was on probation at the time On Thursday, old-guard lions thers took the microphone
each other and for the council- Hours later, police in nearby the white student, Justin Barker, like the Revs. Jesse Jackson and led the crowd in chants.
ors to find out about advance- Alexandria said they arrested two was beaten. He remained in and Al Sharpton joined scores
ments at all the CCHE colleges. whites after officers noticed a jail pending an appeal by pros- of college students bused in
SEE “Jena” PAGE 2

News - 2 Features - 3 Sports - 5 Editorials - 8 Fool’s Gold - 10


Page 2
News September 24, 2007

World News in Brief IRAN- Iranian officials an-


nounced last Wednesday
that they had created plans
to bomb Israel in the event
LectureContinued from Page 1
that Israel was to attack Iran
UNITED STATES - Two
first. The Iranian government At the end of the lecture, Dr.
Delaware State university
also denied the claims that Bill Scoggins, CSM President, pre-
s t u d e n t s w e re s h o t F r i -
it was attempting to cre- sented Augustine with the Erickson
day morning and are be- Distinguished Lecturer Award and
ate nuclear weapons, and
ing treated at local hos- announced that Augustine donated
insisted that the country
pitals. The campus was the honorarium to the Guy T. McBride
was interested in developing
c l o s e d d o w n f o r a d a y, Honors Program Washington, D.C.
a nuclear power program.
and students were told to Internship Fund. It will be used to
remain in the dorms or at support a McBride student during
home. Police report that an internship in Washington, D.C.
the shooter was probably During a question and answer
a student at the university. session following the lecture, gradu-
ate student Joseph Dahdah asked
about the financial difficulties of earn-
ing an advanced degree in science
and engineering fields. Augustine
replied that this was a topic the Na-
tional Academies were trying to ad-
dress, especially through a proposed
doubling of the research budget.
“The main problem is the econom-
ALGERIA- A group con- ic reality of our country doesn’t reflect
necting itself with al-Qae- any of this. There is no financial reward
da claimed responsibility for teachers… and money isn’t the
only motivation, but it is a strong one,”
for a bomb explosion last
CHINA- In an effort to said Dahdah during the reception.
week that injured nine
reduce city smog by the “They complain that women aren’t
foreign workers and their
2008 Olympic Games, in science, but where are the incen-
BRAZIL- During a trip to police escorts. French
the Chinese gover nment tives? There is no health care for
Brazil, Venezuelan president officials declared that
declared that Saturday families of students. Why should
Hugo Chavez announced t h e y i n t e n d t o t a k e t e r-
was the first of many “no we stay in school when we can
that although Cuban leader rorist threats very seri- be out there making money for
Fidel Castro has been ail- o u s l y, a n d w i l l i n c re a s e car days,” where citi-
health insurance?” added Cary Al-
ing, he has regained his securities to keep trav- zens were encouraged
len, a graduate student in Physics.
health and could lead Cuba eling Europeans safe. to ride bicycles or walk Many attendees agreed that
and live for “another hun- to work. The declaration education for science and en-
d re d y e a r s . ” C a s t ro h a s proved to be unsuccess- gineering is an important topic.
been the dictator of Cuba ful, as the flow of traffic “It was a talk about an urgent
for several decades, and around cities seemed to topic.  It was one I thought we all
has turned the control of be as high volume as it needed to hear.  I was especially
the country over to his would be on a normal day. concerned about the education part.
brother until further notice. I teach not just for McBride, but I
also teach a course in foreign policy
and I’m concerned about holding
the attention of students so they

Jena 6 Lead Paint in Chinese Toys


can succeed in their studies.  Nor-
man Augustine has done a great
service by sounding the wake-up call
for these issues,” said Dr. Abeyta.
“It’s a topic that’s very important to
Continued from Page 1
“We’re nonviolent when people
Mattel Issues Recall, Formal Apology to Consumers me. As an engineer, I’ve noticed that
a lot of people don’t realize what we
Emily Trudell based on the much loved chil- product codes of their chil- do or appreciate it. You can see the
are nonviolent with us,” one speak-
d re n ’s t e l e v i s i o n c h a r a c t e r s dren’s toys with the recall list attitude of people towards science
er said. “We’re not nonviolent with Staff Writer by statistics that show interest in sci-
people that are violent with us.” from “Sesame Street,” “Dora on the Mattel website. Any toys
ence is declining,” said Justin Hayes,
Jena residents, resentful of the Over the course of the last the Explorer” and also Barbie that are found to be on the re-
a Petroleum Engineering student.
massive protest in their little town year, numerous recalls have dolls. These toys were tested call list should be returned to
When asked how he came to be a
and the racist label stamped upon been issued for items imported to contain an amount of lead the store they were purchased
proponent for science and engineer-
them, were scarce during the dem- from China, including contami- paint equal to roughly 200 times at for a replacement or for a ing education, Augustine explained
onstrations. Businesses closed, nated bath products, seafood legal levels. In fact, the paint voucher. In fact, many retail that he was thinking of the world
and so did the library, schools, with banned antibiotics, and on these toys were found to stores such as Target and Toys his grandchildren will have to live in.
city offices and the courthouse. o t h e r h o u s e h o l d p ro d u c t s . be an unacceptable 11 percent ‘R’ Us have taken the initia- Furthermore, “I’ve discovered,
“I don’t mind them demon- Most notably, American toy lead, or 110,000 parts per mil- tive to inform customers about sort of by accident, that it’s easier to
strating,” said resident Ricky company Mattel has recalled lion. Legal levels of lead con- p o t e n t i a l l y d a n g e ro u s t o y s have an impact in this issue, given
Coleman, 46, who is white. “I millions of Chinese manufac- tent in paint are only .06 per- and aid in the recall efforts. my background, than it is in national
believe in people standing up for tured toys found to contain cent, or 600 parts per million. Customers can also di- security or energy or homeland se-
what they think is right. But this C o n s i d e r i n g t h a t ro u g h l y rectly contact Mattel with curity, because I spent my career
unsafe levels of lead paint.
isn’t a racist town. It’s a small 80% of the toy products on concerns and questions. working in those latter fields and it
In order to protect consum- makes you a little suspect, whereas
place and we all get along.” ers, a United States congres- American market shelves are Over the following months,
manufactured in China, Ameri- Chinese and American offi- if you’re interested in education
In Washington, the chairman sional committee was called
cans are becoming increasingly cials have scheduled a num- and science and K through 12 and
of the House Judiciary Commit- earlier this month, and legisla-
concerned with the quality of ber of meetings in order to things like that, it’s pretty clear I
tee said he would hold hearings tion was put into place to label have no stake in this other than that
on the case, though he did not any lead-contaminated prod- foreign goods. A national tele- discuss safety policies for
I genuinely care,” said Augustine.
set a date or say if the prosecu- uct as a hazardous substance. phone survey conducted by Re- Chinese-made products, and
“Whereas if I come in and talk
tor would be called to testify. Lead has been found to uters recently showed that 35% i n s u re t h a t c o n s u m e r s w i l l
about national security or something,
Walters, the district attorney, cause exhaustion and flu- o f A m e r i c a n c o n s u m e r s a re be able to purchase safe im- people think, ‘Oh, he spent his life in
has usually declined to discuss l i k e s y m p t o m s i n c h i l d re n . “very worried” about the safety ported goods in the future. that – he’s got a stake in it – he owns
the case publicly. But on the In severe cases, when vic- of Chinese imported products. stock in the company’ and so on,”
eve of the demonstrations, he tims are exposed to large Executives from Mattel have he added. “Ironically, and you may
denied the charges against the since apologized to both the have seen a book called Augustine’s
amounts of lead, learning
consumers and the Chinese
The Oredigger would Laws, I guess there’s a law – the
teens were race-related and disabilities and death can
lamented that Barker, the vic- people for the recalls. As vice better qualified you are to speak on
result. Children are especially like to thank author
tim of the beating, has been susceptible to lead poison- p re s i d e n t o f w o r l d w i d e o p - a topic, the less credibility you have.
reduced to “a footnote” while e r a t i o n s T h o m a s D e b ro w s k i Emily Trudell for her The less qualified you are, the more
ing due to their smaller size.
p ro t e s t e r s g e n e r a t e s y m p a - announced last week, “Our rep- credibility you have. That’s trouble-
Cases of lead poisoning some, isn’t it?” he said, laughing.
thy for his alleged attackers. have become much rarer over utation has been damaged… excellent work on
Mattel takes full responsibility The “Gathering Storm” committee
President Bush said he un- the past few decades, since
for these recalls and apologizes “New Life to Coors’ met in 2005 and, in just ten weeks,
derstood the emotions and the the substance was found
personally to you, the Chinese generated the 150-page report that
FBI was monitoring the situation. to be dangerous. Medical
“The events in Louisiana people and all of our custom- Waste,” a news article would give the committee its informal
o ff i c i a l s re p o r t e d t h a t t h e y name. The committee was assembled
have saddened me,” the presi- were astonished after seeing ers who received the toys.”
dent told reporters at the White Luckily, no children have be- in Issue 4 that was by the National Academy of Science,
the figures on the lead con- the National Academy of Engineer-
House. “All of us in America come sick from the lead paint
tent of these moder n toys.
in Mattel toys, but parents have
miscredited. ing, and the Institute of Medicine
want there to be, you know, fair- This most recent recall to address the future competitive-
ness when it comes to justice.” included 1.5 million toys been encouraged to check the ness of the U.S. in technical fields.
September 24, 2007
Features Page 3

The Truth About


Road Rage
Geek Week of
the
...Ben Weilert, Senior: Mechanical Engineering
Satira Tajdin-Labib and it was pitch black. The lights cold right How many deci-
Satira Tajdin-Labib
Staff Writer on the car made the only clear now, but mals of pi do you know?
image of my dad and the man, Staff Writer when it Actually now, not many. But I
When the topic of “Road Rage” just two silhouettes in the night. starts I used to know it to 500 [he swore to
is brought up, people generally Once my dad returned, he said [Oredigger] When have my this]. In Junior High, there was this
laugh. They assume it’s something he talked to the man and everything did you first realize lab coat. pi contest and some guy beat me
exaggerated by the news, just like was going to be okay now. We you were a geek? What getting to 100, so I thought I could
everything else. Road rage is real. started driving again. I watched out [Weilert] Probably is the do better than that. I had this sheet
The statistics are real. People dying the rear window as the headlights of when I was 5 years geekiest covered in all the decimals of pi, and
from other people not thinking, this the car behind appeared closer and old, I was already start- item you I would constantly just glance at it.
is road rage. My life is real and after closer. Soon I was blinded, he was ing to draw robots. o w n ? That’s how I memorized it up to 500.
you know what I lived through, you so close. Then he pulled to our right. What makes That Who is your role model?
will be a firm believer in “Road Rage.” He started swinging his car, trying to you a geek? w o u l d My dad mainly. I’m here because
As a child I grew up in the ram us into the curb. My mom was Wow, everything. probably of him, I grew up with engineering
suburbs of Houston, Texas. If hysterical, she couldn’t understand From witty comments have to around me. Also, I would have to
anyone knows anything about what was going on. What could we and puns, to analyzing be my say Bill Nye, I just found out he had
Houston, they may know it is not have done to make this man hate just about everything: plasma a degree in mechanical engineering.
the best place in the world to our family so that now he was trying thinking, how can I make ball. You Do you own any 20-sided die?
live, especially as a kid. However, to kill us all? My brother and I sat this better? Everyday know the No, and I try to stay away from
my life was a normal child’s life. I silent in the back. My dad pulled I’m a geek. I made it a Meave Hamm / Oredigger o n e y o u people who do. I’m not a Dun-
lived with my father, an Iranian im- in front again, and pulled over. project to watch the Top Ben Weilert is known for his touch with geons and Dragons fan. However,
migrant, and my mother, a North Again, the car pulled over behind 100 movies according to amusing YouTube videos. your hand I do keep four, six-sided dice in
Carolinian. I also lived with my us. My dad went to the man’s car, the American Film Insti- and it my pocket all the time. You never
older brother, who grew up enjoy- once again, they were silhouettes. tute, movies like Gone with the attracts to your fingers. I actu- know when you’re going to have to
ing life with me, and he was beside My father is very fluent in Judo, Wind and Lawrence of Arabia. ally burnt myself on that thing. throw them on the table for Yahtzee.
me on the worst night of my life. which is an art of mastering the I memorize lyrics to songs about Windows or Mac? What do you want to
It was the holiday season and pressure points of the enemy. math and chemistry and lip sync Definitely Windows, I do after you graduate?
we had been out shopping. It was This is why when I looked out the them. I bought a lab coat just for think Mac is kind of stuck up. I want to work in the Aero-
nighttime as Dad started the drive window I could see my dad’s black the hell of it. I mean, I didn’t need What do you do out- space industry. Not for NASA,
home, my brother and I sitting shadow choking the man. He was it for any class, I just bought it. side of school work? but the people who supply NASA.
in the back seat of an old Nis- trying to make him pass out, so we So do you wear the coat More or less I lip sync to nerdy To check out Ben Weilert,
everywhere? [Weilert wore songs and put them on You- g o t o Yo u t u b e . c o m a n d
san Sentra. My
father passed
“I watched one last time my could get away.
My father the coat during the interview.] Tube. I’m in the Anime club and type in “New Math.” Trust
a car on the dad’s shadow glide across returned to the Pretty much, I mean it’s not I do the Mines Little Theatre. me, his videos are hilarious.
right and every- car, apparently
thing seemed the pavement. I watched he hadn’t suc- his side with both hands. I still see it him, on account that he did it in Government and AAA, deaths from
normal. Noth- ceeded and in my head, like it just happened. My self-defense. My father survived. aggressive driving are averaging
ing was normal. past the huge drops of rain the other sil- mother’s words still pulse through Miraculously, the object he was around 1200 a year, and this is
The car be- houette was my ears as if they can’t find the stabbed with barely missed his liver. rising 6 percent every year. The
gan to speed hitting the glass.” still conscious. drum to vibrate off of. She kept re- One good thing came from this Washington Beltway Study found
up, and then We started off peating: “What happened?” These incident: now I am fully aware of that aggressive driving may be a
passed us. My dad, who has a again. The same thing happened. words would trigger a scene that no the terrible outcomes of road rage. factor in 50 percent of auto crashes.
temper himself, got angry and sped The car was trying to knock us off child should ever have to see. When It has made me want to learn more In a recent poll, results showed
up. We were starting to pass the car the road. He wasn’t going to let my father removed his hand from his about it, to see if it was just a one that motorists were more worried
and were alongside but the driver us go home tonight, I knew that side, there was a hole. At the time time crime or if other people are about road rage than about drunk
would not let us in front of him. My for sure. So one last time my dad you would never know there was a experiencing it too. The answers driving. Road aggression cases are
dad floored it and we passed the pulled over, and so did the mysteri- hole there, for blood was pouring I found were more horrendous popping up everywhere. In Arizona,
car. After he had passed the other ous man. I watched as one last time out. My brother and I sat horrified, than I ever could have imagined. a man was shot to death, while his
car, my dad pulled over. The car my dad’s shadow glided across choking on awe, crying dry tears. My family has not been the three year old son was strapped
pulled over behind us. My dad got the pavement. I watched past the When they caught the man, only one affected by Road Rage. in the back seat, because he and
out of our car and walked towards huge drops of rain hitting the glass; the silhouette, I was informed that There are stories from all over the other driver were competing in
the strange man’s car. My brother I watched through the Hell of night. he was an Asian man in his thir- USA, and all over the world, and traffic. Also in Arizona, a 15 year
and I looked out the back window. This time it was fast. My father ties. He was tried and released. many are more horrific. According old girl was gunned down after
Rain started falling from the sky, was back in the car. He was holding No charges were brought against to data collected by the Federal her friend tossed a soda can at a
neighboring car. If you just look you
can find thousands of cases, many

Did Anyone Watch the Emmys?


ending in murder, of road rage.
So what is going on? Why are
people getting so angry when
people pass them on the road?
What exactly is causing road rage?

The Emmy Awards Win the “Most Actors on a Set at One


According to sources, many times
it is just the driver’s ego and in-
ability to let things go. Since road

Time with a Small Audience… and Getting Smaller” Award


rage is now being recognized as a
nationwide problem, there are many
articles on how to counter road
Satira Tajdin-Labib rage. Therapy sessions, instead of
of sore losers had to be cut out. dress. There were many other nomi- nos managed to end the series
Staff Writer jail time, are prescribed by courts.
However, some feel viewers have nees, each lady looking stunning, but with a final win in the Outstanding
Here are some tips and advice
stopped wasting time watching the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Drama Series category, defeating
So did everyone tune in to to prevent road rage. Try not to cut
actual show when they can check And who were the real winners of the well-loved Grey’s Anatomy. The
the Emmys Sunday night? It people off; when you merge make
the news the next day, or five min- the night? Outstanding Lead Actor Sopranos also won two standing
turns out many people didn’t. sure there is enough room. Definitely
utes after the show has ovations, as this will be their
do not tailgate other drivers. Do not
In just two years, Emmy viewer- aired, for all the highlights. “With so many categories, making the last appearance after ending
ship has dropped a dramatic make gestures at other cars, and
Now for the recap. their show in June. 30 Rock
avoid eye contact. If you sense that
30 percent. This year alone it Everyone always wants show longer than three hours, the rea- snatched the Outstanding
dropped by nearly 20 percent. another driver is angry, try to steer
to know who was “Worst Comedy Series from The
clear of him, never try to duel it out.
So why isn’t anyone watching Dressed,” and this year son why no one is watching the Emmys Office. America Ferrera, aka
the Emmys like they used to? If you believe you have road
Hayden Panettiere, of He- Ugly Betty, won Outstanding
roes, stole the trophy with is probably simpler than we thought.” Lead Actress in a Comedy.
It could be because of Sunday aggression, ask for help. As I
Night Football. This year was the mentioned previously, there are
her large, coral Marc Bou- There were many more
first year that the Emmy Awards many courses to help you reduce
wer dress. So who was the lovely in a movie went to Robert Duvall for categories, some seemed made up
were scheduled at the same time the amount of anger you have
lady who got best dressed? Accord- his lead in Broken Trail, Outstanding that very night because they had
as football in some time zones. Or on the road. There are also many
ing to some it was Ali Larter, also Lead Actress went to Helen Mir- extra trophies on hand. With so
it could be due to the increasing self-help books. Don’t wait until it’s
from Heroes, with her bandeau top, ren for her role in Prime Suspect, many categories, making the show
profanity on the set. The mute too late. Road rage is an serious
slim-fitting red dress. Many, how- Outstanding Reality Show went to longer than three hours, the reason
button saved a few actors this problem; it is not an exaggerated
ever, say it was Grey’s Anatomy star Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List. why no one is watching the Emmys
year, but it turns out even video topic; and it is not to be ignored.
Katherine Heigl with her simple white It was no surprise that The Sopra- is probably simpler than we thought.
Page 4
Lifestyle September 24, 2007

Meet Me at the 310 Corral Good Thrillers


Near Extinction
Konrad Klett go crazy watching this (as I did). was the versatility that both
Staff Writer The setting was excellent. The the Australian (Crowe) and the
film was set in old Arizona and Brit (Bale) showed as actors.
Three Ten to Yuma is a re- Yuma was the location of a prison in The last western movie that
make. Hold on, that is not to say the same state. my friend and Fabian Brunetti mad scientist obsessed with world
it is a bad remake. The original If my reader “What we do not have is I could think of Staff Writer domination and controlling zom-
from 1957 needed to be redone. wants to know that was even bies is cliché and very overdone.
Overall we have the good story, the plot, too almost any kind of love worth remem- Zombies flow endlessly from the Many sequences in the plot
characters, acting, and special bad, I refuse bering was The industrial storage container in the borrow aspects from other movies.
effects necessary for a good to spoil movies! story at all (finally!).” Quick and the middle of the Nevada desert. One The way a zombie is created and
film. What we do not have is The two big Dead of the late by one, they are dispatched by gun killed is redundant between
almost any kind of love story at names were, of course, the co- nineties. Russell Crowe played and kukri knife, the weapon of this and past movies. The
all (finally!). That is not to say I leading actors. If one were to a goody good character (well, choice of the movie’s genetically- original zombie movie, Night
hate love stories, but too many ask, “Is this a good movie?” my by the way). In contrast, Chris- enhanced heroine, Alice. of the Living Dead, scared
movies just have them duct- immediate response would be, tian Bale plays a dark character This is the primary most people in their sleep.
taped on to the rest of the plot. “Of course it was, Christian Bale even when he is the good guy, setting for the third in- Zombie movies in pres-
My only complaint is that it was was in it!” In all seriousness, I do for Batman is a very dark hero. stallment, Resident ent times (especially this
a very slow movie. One would believe that to be true, or at least Three Ten to Yuma reversed Evil: Extinction. Hy- one) are just a way to let
need to wait awhile to re-watch I think that his performances even this completely. We have Bale perkinetic powers are some laughter loose. The
this with any enjoyment. The in bad movies have been good. as an ultra-good-even-to-a-fault commonplace in this selfish scientist, Dr. Isaacs,
fact that it is slow does make for Russell Crowe stole the show person, and Crowe as a scary video game/ big screen becomes a mega-zombie
a better movie though, in that from Christian Bale, however, bad, bad guy (in a good way). franchise, saving the by the end of the movie.
it makes you feel like it is really which may surprise or upset some Just go see it! If you like good movie from being a The ending is cli-
taking a long time for everything people. Possibly the most in- acting, violence, or Western mov- typical zombie horror ché, just like the rest of
to happen. Hyper people would teresting thing about this film ies, this one shall not disappoint. movie. This installment the movie, and involves
again features the sexy the heroine triumphing

Motion City Soundtrack:


Milla Jovovich as Alice. over the malevolent

Hilary B
Throughout the mov- scientist in a one-on-
ie, she is seen trudging one battle. This final

rown /
through the Nevada des- battle is short and

Even If It Kills Me
ert looking for survivors not very impressive.

Oredig
from the viral epidemic Isaacs’ death is

ge
that has engulfed the brief and painful, and

r
The album starts off with a burst ends presented during the album’s world. On her journey, then it jumps to Tokyo
Tim Weilert
of energy and the catchy tunes story, leaving the listener with she joins a convoy whose where the other men
Staff Writer
“Fell In Love With- an optimistic tone. plan becomes to reach a have congregated in yet
Two years since the release of out You” and the “This record is a great Justin Pierre, safe haven in Alaska. The way to another top secret underground
their breakthrough album Com- single “This Is For Motion City Sound- Alaska has one catch: they must fortress, with zombies engulfing the
mit This To Memory, Motion City Real.” Ironically, listen for a fans of track’s lead singer stop in Las Vegas for gas. Mean- city. Alice uses a communication de-
Soundtrack are back with their the most upbeat and lyricist, has writ- while, evil men in lab coats and sun- vice to speak with the evil scientists.
new disc Even If It Kills Me. Motion tracks focus pop-punk.” ten songs that are glasses in a top secret underground The ending is a cliff hanger
City Soundtrack have developed on the distress easily accessible, research facility plot Alice’s capture. that easily predicts the plot of
their trademark sound of 80’s style caused by a serious breakup. The quirky and ironic, yet at the same They believe that her blood the next movie. This movie is
keyboards, strong vocals, and synth-driven ride continues through time remain frantic and reflect on his can neutralize the virus, or cre- definitely not a must see, wait
power chords into one of the most several songs, although the album own personal issues. This record is a t e a m e g a - v i r u s , re s u l t i n g until it’s on DVD or have one of
anticipated albums of 2007. Even If does become slow and thoughtful a great listen for a fans of pop-punk, in super zombies. One of the your friends buy you a ticket.
It Kills Me is the modern story about for “The Conversation,” but picks up yet it still reaches deep enough lyri- selfish scientists bent on world If you honestly want to go
heartbreak, soul-searching, and fall- again with “Broken Heart.” Ending cally and musically to be enjoyable domination eventually injects this see it that much, be my guest.
ing in love again with someone de- on a solid note, the title track “Even for connoisseurs of indie music. mega-virus into his bloodstream. If you’re a person who loves cli-
scribed as “...the pizza of my eye.” If It Kills Me” wraps up all the loose The movie is characterized by ché zombie movies, maniacal
several fight scenes that add a little scientists, and Milla Jovovich,
merit to the plot. The whole idea of a this movie might be for you.

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3250 Youngfield • 32nd & Youngfield behind Applejack’s Liquor • 303.237.7414 ~ Sara Post, Copy Editor
September 24, 2007
Sports Page 5

Volleyball
Volleyball:
Updated Sports
Football:
Mines 7 Chadron 35 Mines 0 Nebraska-Kearney 3
Mines 2 Chadron State 3
Scores
Adams State 21 New Mexico Highlands 29
Lily Giddings Western N.M. 3 CSU-Pueblo 0
Melinda Bartel Western New Mexico 42 Western State 39
Content Manager Fort Lewis 3 Western State 1
Mesa State 17 Fort Lewis 3 Metro State 3 Regis 0
Staff Writer
Women’s Soccer: UC-Colorado Springs 3 Colorado Christian 0
Golf: Adams State 3 N.M. Highlands 0
Last Saturday night the var- Mines 1 Metro State 0 CSU-Pueblo 3 N.M. Highlands 0
Western New Mexico U 888
sity volleyball team lost to the New Mexico Highlands 3 Mesa State 2 Mesa State 3 Western State 0
Colorado-CO Springs 892
University of Nebraska Kearny in Colorado Christian 901 Colorado Christian 3 Regis 2   Metro State 3 UC-Colorado Springs 0
3 games (16-30, 21-30, 17-30). CSU-Pueblo 1 Fort Lewis 0  Men’s Soccer: Regis 3 Colorado Christian 0
Colorado St.-Pueblo 915
Kaity Edmiston led the way Regis University 922 Mines 1 Metro State 0 Western N.M. 3 Adams State 0
for the Orediggers with 10 kills. Nebraska-Kearney, U. 934 New Mexico Highlands 3 Mesa State 2 Colorado Christian 3 Johnson and Wales 0
Fort Lewis College 935 Colorado Christian 3 Regis 2   Nebraska-Kearney 3 Chadron State 0
Elizabeth Sierra-Hsu and Em-
Mines 957 CSU-Pueblo 1 Fort Lewis 0  Fort Lewis 3 Mesa State 1
ily Collett also had good games

CSM Rugby Rocking Rockies Get To It


with 10 digs and 21 assists re-
spectively. This loss put Mines
4-11 overall and 1-5 in RMAC.
UNK (13-3 overall and 5-1 Matthew Pusard have Holliday, a left fielder who has
RMAC) hit .362 at the net com- Melinda Bartel Staff Writer put up MVP-caliber numbers this
Victor and Vince Mazzarella said they
pared to the Oredigger’s .043. Staff Writer season for the team and has quite
switched from football to rugby when
Coach Shelly Johnson said she In January, Todd Helton al- possibly been the best hitter in the
they came to Mines because “It’s
still has a lot of hope for the team most became a member of one National league this season. He has
Mines’ rugby team is the old- more relaxed and the guys are cool”.
because they are so young. At the of the best franchises in all of also come up strong in September
est club sport on campus and, this The year is divided into 2 seasons
beginning of the season they had baseball: the Boston Red Sox. when the Rockies needed him
year, they are making a name for of conference play. The fall season
2 seniors and 1 junior. Due to inju- The Rockies and the Sox were most. As of September 21 st, he
themselves. Last Saturday they beat goes until the end of October and
ries, only one senior is able to play. in talks about trading the 5-time had hit 10 home runs in 12 games,
Western State 68-12. The highlights ends with the regional playoffs. There
Mines will host Fort Hays State All Star first baseman who is #5 keeping the team within striking
of the season thus far include beating is also a spring season. Last year,
University this Tuesday, September all time career On Base Percent- distance in its most critical games.
top-20 nationally-ranked University Mines Rugby placed 3rd in Regionals,
25th at 7:00 PM in the Lockridge age, but the talks fell through The Rockies also have Brad Hawpe,
of Colorado 15-13 and playing with which is the best they have ever done.
Arena. They are also hosting when it became apparent to the a right fielder with a penchant for
Mexican criminals in a tournament This year, they hope to win. The
Mesa State this coming Thursday Rockies that they would not get hitting home runs in bunches, as
in Aspen two weekends ago. Some team practices 6 hours a week
(September 27th) and Fort Lewis enough in return for him. Since shown by his hitting game deciding
contribute their success to the fact and there are no try outs, so any-
on Saturday (September 29 th ). then, Helton has established that home runs on consecutive nights
that the team has almost doubled in one is welcome. The team plays
The season continues until mid he will enact his no-trade clause on Thursday and Friday. Colorado
size since last year. They now have Metro State next Sunday, Septem-
November and ends with the NCAA if they attempt to trade him again. finally has an ace pitcher as well in
roughly 35 players. Many team fresh- ber 30th. There next home game
II Elite Eight on November 29th. For Such loyalty to a team is rare in Jeff Francis, one of Canada’s finest,
man played in high school, and the ex- is against Mesa State on Sunday,
more information on the volleyball this era of free agency, especially to who is threatening to break the club
perience helps. Also, a lot of the guys October 7th. For more information
team, visit http://athletics.mines. a team that has not enjoyed much record for wins in a season (17).
played football in high school, which on the team, visit their website at
edu/Sports/Volleyball/index.htm. success, having only one winning Add in a bullpen solidified by 3-time
is great preparation. Sophomore twins http://www.minesrugby.com/home/.
season and no playoff appearances All Star reliever Brian Fuentes and

Digger Dave’s Career Corner


in his decade-long tenure, but Helton stingy closer Manny Corpas and the
decided to stay anyway. It appears Rockies seem to have the talent to
his loyalty may have been rewarded. compete at last. This squad has not
The Rockies are finally playing lost a game since Helton’s dramatic
Week of September 24, 2007 meaningful games in September
again. The team is poised to shat-
home run, as of September 21st.
However, they have still faced
ter the franchise record for wins in a quite a bit of adversity this season.
Where are the jobs? In DiggerNet! Be sure you know how to use DiggerNet season (83) and has an outside shot The team’s pitching rotation has
to the max before putting your valuable time and energy into other ways to of returning to the playoffs for the first been a disaster. 3 of their 5 starting
search for full-time jobs or internships. time since 1995 when they became pitchers (Aaron Cook, Jason Hirsh,
the first National League Wild Card and Rodrigo Lopez) are lost for the
EMPLOYER INFO. SESSIONS! team. This is in spite of the fact that season because of injury. In their
expectations for the team were as stead, the Rockies were forced to
Do your research! Plan your Networking Strategy! low as ever going into this season. promote unproven rookies from the
A losing culture within a clubhouse minor leagues to fill in the holes in
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 is hard to break and there was no their rotation. Normally, this would
real reason to believe that this club be a death sentence for a team’s
-BP GEOSCIENCE Information Session would be any different. While the playoff hopes, but pitchers Ub-
6:00-8:00 PM, Table Mountain Inn team looked dull on paper, there aldo Jimenez, Elmer Dessens, and
-WILDBLUE COMMUNICATIONS Information Session is a reason they win the games. Franklin Morales have held their own
5:00-6:00 PM, Stu. Ctr. Ballroom D Last Tuesday, the Rockies played
a doubleheader against their division
and even improved the Rockies’
chances. Speedy second baseman
Interested in Comp. Sci, Elec. E. and wild card rivals Los Angeles Kazuo Matsui and centerfielder Willy
Dodgers. The Rockies were play- Taveras have also been struck by the
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 30 ing for their playoff lives. After an injury bug this September, but this
inconvenient three game losing too has not derailed the Rockies.
-DEVON ENERGY Information Meeting streak over the weekend, the Rock- As of Friday, the Rockies were
6:00-7:00 PM, Ballroom A ies needed to win both to remain in 3.5 games behind the San Diego
-MARATHON OIL Information Session the race. After a 3-1 win in the first Padres for the wild card with only 8
game, the Rockies were playing games left in the season. However,
7:00-8:00 PM, Ballroom E from behind for most of the later they have a measure of control in
-NALCO Information Session game. Down 8-7 in the bottom of their playoff fates as they faced the
5:00-6:00 PM, Stu. Ctr. Room 236 the ninth with 2 outs and 1 runner Padres this weekend. By the end of
Interested in Chem., ChemE., ETM., All Eng. on, Todd Helton came up big with this week, they may have eliminated
a 418-foot walk-off home run. He’d any reasonable hope of attending
-NOBLE ENERGY Information Session never before had a situation like the postseason or they may have
5:00-6:00 PM, Ballroom D this in a game this critical to the pulled within a scant 1.5 game defi-
team, but Helton made the most cit. Either way, the Rockies appear
of it after a decade of toiling with a to have kicked a losing culture. No
MONDAY, OCTOBER 1 bad team. As he rounded third and longer are they the pushover of the
-CHEVRON CORPORATION Information Session headed home after the hit, Helton National League in a nice, hitter-
6:00-7:00 PM, Stu. Ctr. Ballroom A threw his helmet into the air and was friendly ballpark. They remained in
-HALLIBURTON Information Session mobbed by his giddy teammates. the playoff race far longer than the
“It’s one of my favorite moments defending World Series champions,
5:00-6:00 PM, Stu. Ctr. Ballroom B ever,” said teammate Matt Hol- the St. Louis Cardinals. They are
-TXU Information Session liday of the hit. “It’s something I will competitive and with a wealth of
12:00-1:00 PM, Stu. Ctr. Ballroom D remember for the rest of my life.” young players on the roster and
Helton has been the face of this in the minor leagues waiting to
Interested in Civil, Mech., Elec., ChemE., Mining franchise for years, remaining the be promoted, it is reasonable to
only constant on an ever changing believe that they may only improve
AND MORE IN DIGGERNET! LOG IN AND SCROLL DOWN LIST OF INTER- roster. It was only fitting that he was in the next few seasons. It’s almost
VIEWS AND EVENTS. WATCH OUT FOR RESUME DEADLINES! able to come up big for the team in like good karma is coming back to
this moment. But Helton no longer Helton for his loyalty to Denver. After
CONTACT THE CAREER CENTER FOR HELP! has to try to carry the team on his too many years of sub-par Rockies

W W W . D I G G E R N E T. N E T
back alone. The young players the baseball, Helton is playing games
Rockies have nurtured from their that matter going into the last week
farm system have finally turned into of the season and he and the rest of
stars. Most notably, the Rockies the team are making the most of it.
Page 6 September 24, 2007 September 24, 2007 Page 7

The ost Distinguished Professors


rv e y Re s ul t s
Su
The Highest Ranked Professors 20 0 7 Most Demanding Professors
ing
pr

S
Greivel, Gus (MACS223)
Peterson, Larry (PHGN384)
Meckel, Larry (GEGN609)
Kiousis, Panos (EGGN441,
Hughes, Dave (PAGN211)
McMullin, Dale (MACS306) Sumit Agarwal
Miskimins, Jennifer (PE426) EGGN541, EGGN445) Crocker, Joe (EGES598
Ozbay, M U (MNGN445) Hoff, W. (EG504) PAGN307) John Helibrunn
Woosley, Robert (LAIS559) Ergun, Omur (MN598) Carr, Lincoln (PHGN499)
Tsvankin, Ilya (GPGN553)
Berg, Marni (LAIS598)
Rozgonyi/Grubb (MN424)
Upmanyu, Moneesh (EGES598)
Blair, Ellie (MAGN315)
Miller, Hugh (MNGNa428)
Lincoln Carr
Van Tyne, Chester (MTGN464) Hamm, Nathaniel (EGGN250) Boyes, Stephen (CHGN536)
Matlock, David (MT560) Sullivan, Neal (EGGN351) Spann, Martin (EPICS251) Richard Burczyk
Lefton, Toni (LAIS301, LAIS 401, Colagrosso, Michael (MACS575, Siemers, Arthur (PAGN223,
LAIS498)
Cecil, F. Edward (PHGN424)
MACS442)
Job, Carol (MACS213)
PAGN323, PAGN102)
Petrella, Anthony (EGES598)
Stephen Liu
Woodson, Sandra (LAIS100) Ammerman, Ravel (EGGN389)
Sneider, Roel (GPGN322) Persichetti, John (CHEN420, Christian Ciobanu
Ciobanu, Christian (EGES598) CHEN505)
Knecht, Robert (EPICS252)
Stermole, John (CHEN421)
Lu, Ning (EGGN465)
Cowdrey, John (EGGN389)
Robert Kee
Jechura, John (CHEN409, McAuliffe, Sharon (MACS111) Toni Lefton
CHEN517) Levine, Richard (LAIS485)
McKinnon, Tom (CHEN498) Gurgur, Cigdem (EBGN498) Stephen Weidner
Santi, Paul (GEGN598) Miller, Dan (LAIS100)
Smathers, Ted (EPICS151) Pass, Rose (LAIS100) Panos Kiousis
Kawahata, Kazuhiro (MNGN433) Tyburski, Sue (LICM301)
Landkamer, Lee (ESGN500) Kohlenstein, Frank (PAGN271) Carol Job
Weidner, Stephen (LIMU102, Krueger, Paula (PAGN273)
LIMU202, LIMU402) Lewis, Dan (PAGN242) Arthur Siemers
Hart, Mark (MNGN598) Stevens, Jamie (PAGN102) Full scholarships for science and
technology students

The King Abdullah University of Science and Technology (KAUST), a 21st


century graduate-level, research university, is offering scholarships for
future leaders in science, engineering, and technology.

Basis for Above Conclusions The benefits of the KAUST Discovery Scholarship include:
s&ULLTUITIONATCURRENTINSTITUTION
1. The “Most Demanding Professors” section lists all professors who were s,IVINGSTIPEND BOOKANDCOMPUTERALLOWANCE
s5PONGRADUATION ADMISSIONANDFULLSCHOLARSHIPFORTHE+!534
rated as “Very Demanding” by at least 90% of any given class. MASTERSDEGREEPROGRAMATTHE5NIVERSITYS2ED3EACAMPUS

4HE+!534CAMPUSOPENSIN3EPTEMBER(IGHLYTALENTED
2. The “Highest Ranked Professors” section lists all professors who were STUDENTSWITHONETOTHREEYEARSREMAININGINlRSTUNIVERSITYDEGREE
ranked as “Superior” by at least 90% of any given class. PROGRAMSCANAPPLYNOW

Visit www.kaust.edu.sa/discovery OREMAIL


3. The “Top of the Top” section lists all professors who were ranked “Supe- scholarships@kaust.edu.sa.
rior” by at least 90% of the students across 3 classes.
CONTACT:
KAUST Scholarships c/o IIE
Data was provided by CSM Academic Computing & Networking and was 0OST/AK"OULEVARD 3UITE
(OUSTON 48
compiled from the Spring 2007 class survey responses by students. 0HONEX
Page 8 September 24, 2007

Duffy’s Corner Heightened Social


Awareness
Kevin Duffy of radical evangelicals. The istics that makes us all unique.
Content Manager resulting melee is a defunct How ironic that our school defi-
government catering to se- nition of diversity includes re-
Civil discourse is dead; free lect groups, largely ignoring specting different perspectives,
discussion is over. I see this in the majority of Americans. when the CSM’s diversity policy
the media; I see it on the Colo-
rado School of Mines campus.
Sadly enough, I have been
witness to the same extreme
itself is impervious to criticism.
I am not here to defend Wil-
Editor’s Response to Debate
Personal attacks and character entrenchment right here at liam’s position; I am here to Zach Aman through aversion from the majority
assassinations perpetrated on Mines. For those living in a defend his right to say it and Editor-in-Chief had passed. Today, when the ma-
the basis that individually held cave for the last week, William the CSM community’s obliga- jority now believes in promoting
views are not only undemocrat- E v e r s o n , a n O re d i g g e r s t a ff tion to respect it. Off-hand re- Rarely are we blessed with diversity, I find it ironic that we see
ic, but morally reprehensible. writer, wrote a pointed edito- marks by faculty and respected the opportunity to engage in ourselves voicing the same con-
Perhaps the role mod- rial on the state of diversity of students serve no purpose heartfelt debate on a subject cerns to freedom of expression as
els for such discourse are Mines. While you may disagree but to stifle any discus- of extraordinary consequence. were demonstrated four decades
sorely lacking. Politicians are with his perspective on the sion and critical analysis In these uncertain times, how- ago. Isn’t social progress most
elected through smear cam- matter, nobody on this “When o f t h e f a c t s a t h a n d . ever, politics, economics, and effective when we seek to un-
paigns and celebrities gain campus has the Diversity leaders on religion have become the de derstand the opinions of others?
fame through tabloid gossip. I right to denigrate faced with c a m p u s a r e g r e a t , facto classifications into which With the forthcoming release
tend to see things differently. a person for his well-meaning indi- civil discourse is pigeonholed. of the Campus Diversity Plan, we
T h e b re a k d o w n o f p u b l i c opinions. The
adverse opinions viduals. When faced
If we – as an institution and as will be engaging in very similar
discussion most often comes
f ro m p a s s i o n a t e i n d i v i d u a l s
extreme vitriol
[diversity leaders on with adverse opin-
ions they should
a society – are to move for- discussions throughout the next
I have seen ward into the 21st century, we several months. We must keep in
who are so entrenched in their s p e w e d campus] should not at- n o t a t t e m p t t o must be wary of our human mind that diversity means much
ideological beliefs that they from the demean the tendencies toward tunnel vision. more than skin color, religious be-
cannot tolerate any form of mouths tempt to demean the mes- messenger, but Last week, an editorial entitled lief, socio-economic background,
dissent. The danger in this of those embrace the “Diversity at a Price” caused a or sexual orientation. The truest
philosophy is that it leads to ex- w h o senger, but embrace the diver- d i v e r s i t y o f tremendous stir throughout the sense of diversity derives from a
tremism of all flavors. No side claim discussion. campus. Whether or not the au- culture of tolerance and respect.
will compromise as the situa- t o sity of discussion.” T h e thor’s opinion was correct remains Whether dissent is expressed
tion escalates beyond repair. love real learn- an inconsequential point, as opin- in print media, blogs, or other-
Many arguments can be diversity is sickening. ing experience for all involved ions are simply opinions – nothing wise, we must always be cog-
made that this is the case in The President’s Committee here is that we no longer need more. What we must keep in mind nizant of the fact that individuals
both the Democratic and Re- on Diversity defines the subject to sit idle, wondering why mod- is that each individual has the understand and interpret facts
publican parties. The Demo- as a “culture of respect …wel- er n American politics are so right to have their voice heard, differently. A true belief in diver-
cratic Party has long been coming different perspectives, callous and uncompromising. regardless of how much other sity constitutes a willingness
under the influence of radicals backgrounds and life experi- Debate on a college campus, individuals may disagree with it. to allow the opinions of others
such as MoveOn.org and Cindy ences.” Diversity is not only the proverbial bastion of free I thought an era in which the regardless of whether or not
Sheehan. The Republican Party about ethnicity but also recog- speech, is no longer tolerated. voice of the minority was silenced we believe in them ourselves.
is currently under the control nizing the individual character-

What’s Wrong with the Democrats?


Clinton Puts Her Party’s Future at Risk
Andrew Aschenbrenner tered Democrats. If you take a you think is right, not for what ture are unforgiving. They are their votes. They would be
Editorials Editor closer look at all of the polls, you think everybody wants. also flawed, because their happy so far. When a group
you’ll find that her independent The current political climate choices usually come from depends on a party to accom-
W h a t ’s W r o n g w i t h support is not so good. Move has the potential of delivering three options: vote for a Dem- plish its agenda, all they can
___ is a multi-part series to the polls that indicate what millions of independent votes ocrat, vote for a Republican, do is whine and throw money.
of political commentaries p e rc e n t a g e o f v o t e r s w o u l d to the Democrats in 2008. or don’t vote at all. If there are G ro u p s f a v o r i n g D e m o c r a t s
NOT, in any circumstance, vote Despite this, the Democratic good candidates to choose are very skilled at this. Hillary
In most polls for the Demo- for her, and it could be con- Party has some of the same from, there is no problem. Clinton is their golden girl,
c r a t i c n o m i n a t i o n f o r P re s i - cluded that she is unelectable. problems that the Republicans Objection to candidates from because she will do anything
dent, Hillary Clinton leads by Independent support is currently have with their im- both parties creates voter they ask, meaning anything
a double-digit margin. She is more valuable than pure gold age. The Democrats have been apathy, which this country has that i s pol i ti cal l y ex pedi ent.
viewed as a pro, someone with in elections, especially if it’s the do-nothing party of late, been struggling with for years. The political middle in
experience, and the wife of our a national election. In some which is a shame considering Needless to say, this coun- A m e r i c a c a n b e d a n g e ro u s .
42 nd President, Bill Clinton. She states, such as Colorado, the current political hysteria. try would be served well if both Both Republicans and Demo-
is also known for Whitewater you cannot win if you do This comes from the feeling major parties, or even just one crats have referred to it as the
and for getting burned by her not get over 50% of the in- that the war in Iraq is the most party, could field genuine and middle of the road, as if that is
husband’s scandal with White d e p e n d e n t v o t e . B a s i c a l l y, important issue facing our honorable candidates consis- where the road kill lies. Despite
House intern Monica Lewinsky. more people hate her than country. It is not. Obviously, tently and devote its platform this view, the fact is that the
She has a big lead in the l i k e h e r, w h i c h i s n ’ t g o o d . it is an important issue, but it to issues that really matter to middle of the road is bigger
polls mostly because she is the One of the main problems should not require the scram- this nation. That’s not as easy than the gutters. If leading in
most well-known candidate. with the Democratic Party is bling and poll-checking and as it sounds, but it seems moderation means dodging
A l s o , D e m o c r a t s a re s i m p l y that there are too many war- posturing that the Democrat- like party pri ori ti es l i e m os t traffic, then politicians better
dreaming of another Clin- ring factions making up their controlled Congress has en- heavily with pleasing peo- be on their toes. When you
ton as President. So what’s base. This has the side effect gaged in. Making the mistake ple that make up their base. stand in the middle of the
wrong with that, you ask? of making most of their can- of putting the priorities of one What unions, the anti-war road, you don’t fall asleep. You
There’s plenty wrong with that. didates look squirmy. They try faction of the party ahead of the and anti-gun lobbies and also can see the whole spec-
The polls mentioned are for to please everybody without priorities of the nation is one even environmentalist groups trum. If you lie in the gutter,
the Democratic primaries, and making anybody angry. Here’s that Democrats cannot afford. would love is for the Demo- you only know your own filth.
therefore include mostly regis- a novel idea: stand for what Independent voters by na- crats to roll over and beg for
September 24, 2007
Editorials Page 9

Letters to the Editor Costly Reform


Dear Editor,
I agree with William Everson….
As an alumnus, I understand that
a student’s time is valuable. When
dues and fees for services that
you will never take advantage of is
Healthcare Decisions Weigh Heavily
William Everson ties believe they have policies
I agree with the opinion of Mr. looking at things that have the word certainly an argument that would
William Everson… that diversity has
Staff Writer that will rectify the situation.
minority on it, a student might stop likely garner the popular opinion
a price and that it is an important First, the Democratic side to
at the word minority and ignore of most students on any college
T h e A m e r i c a n h e a l t h c a re the story. In watching the 2008
subject. I agree with the title, the rest whatever follows it. It is probably campus, not just Mines. Indeed,
of his opinion is addressed below.
system is in shambles. Medi- Democratic primary debates,
based on not having enough time who wants to pay extra money
Most people who aren’t in- c a l c a re c o s t s a re s o a r i n g . there was definitely much una-
and believing that whatever the mi- for things you may not even be
volved in MEP probably don’t Greedy drug companies are nimity on the subject of health-
nority event/topic does not apply to interested in? As a non-wealthy
know the following facts: gouging the poor and sick. care reform. The Democrats be-
them. I would say to those students college student myself, I can under-
1) MEP is open for anyone The uninsured run rampant, lieve that drug companies and
that this is an opportunity to broaden stand this point of view very easily.
to join of any ethnicity including staying alive by feeding off of health insurance providers are
your college experience. The minor- However, the author tries to take
Caucasians. Yes, we do have “ f re e ” e m e r g e n c y ro o m v i s - the primary culprits for the fairly
ity experience might just benefit you on a rather complex issue with a
Caucasian males as members. if you choose to be open-minded.
its. In doing so, they raise high prices and moderate num-
small (inadequately sized) article
2) One of the 4 student A true story: A CSM alumnus e v e r y o n e e l s e ’s h e a l t h c a r e ber of uninsured individuals in
and poor logical arguments that
groups that MEP supports had (John, not his real name) who at- costs as parasites on the sys- the country. Senator Joe Biden
venture into the realm of hypocrisy.
a Caucasian male as its presi- tained a high position at a company tem. But they are also people, said it best: We must “take
He mentions that 22% of the stu-
dent and he did a great job was negotiating a very large contract. and need to be provided with on [the] insurance agencies.”
dent population is female, “easily
3) MEP has no quotas to follow Across the negotiation table was t h e G o d - g i v e n r i g h t o f f re e Their solutions also showed
the most underrepresented minor-
4) Our mission is to be inclusive, another CSM alumnus, Moe (not his ity group on campus,” and later on
o r i n e x p e n s i v e h e a l t h c a re . much unanimity. They believe
not exclusive. Students choose real name). John knew Moe from he questions the money allocated At least, this is what the that health insurance should
to exclude themselves or not. being in the same class, but did not to minority-based programs. I hope politicians on both sides of the be mandated to all citizens of
In the opinion, there was a interact with Moe and did not take I’m not the only one who sees a aisle would like you to believe. the USA using either public or
subtle implication that CSM is low- the “opportunity” to get to know Moe blatant issue of hypocrisy regarding The truth, however, is some- private health insurance plans.
ering the admission standards for during his time here because Moe this. Using his same logic, I should what less extreme. Yes, it is A popular proposal to insure the
minorities. I can confirm that there was from a different culture. I forgot be able to conclude that since most true that healthcare costs are uninsured is to spend 90-120
is only one admission’s window to ask John if he got the contract or male students aren’t taking advan- at an all-time high. In America billion dollars a year (remember
for all students. Mines has set a not, but John said to me, “One of tage of female oriented programs last year, we spent about 2.2 we spend 2.2 trillion on health-
bar of 110 index (cross reference my major regret from Mines is that I like SWE, we shouldn’t have to pay trillion dollars on health care care every year; 120 billion
table between GPA/class rank and did not try to know Moe better. I had for it. Right? Oh wait. Is the author alone (according to New Mexico only amounts to 5 percent of
standardized test scores). More every opportunity to do it.” John said implicitly saying that he’d rather Governor and would-be Demo- total spending on healthcare,
than 97% of the entering freshmen he would have been more successful there not be women or programs to cratic Presidential candidate being relatively meaningless)
met this criterion. CSM would not at his job overall if he took the time to encourage more women to attend Bill Richardson). This means to provide a gover nmental
admit a student if they thought that learn from Moe. For John, the price Mines on campus? I hope not, but that Americans spent about healthcare package to anyone
the student couldn’t succeed here. was not paid up front but had nega- on the same token, I’d hope the au- 7,000 dollars per capita on who wants it. In addition, ev-
If one compares a football tive ramifications many years later. thor isn’t implying he’d rather there health care, or about 16 per- eryone in America would be re-
team’s math skills to another foot- I am going to paraphrase an old not be minorities on campus either. cent of our annual income. quired to have health insurance.
ball team’s math skills and calls that Vietnamese idiom… A blind man We as students aren’t the ones This is quite a pretty penny; In order to fund these pro-
diversity, then the issue of diversity can claim that the elephant is pink to directly decide how the budget but is it excessively high? No. grams, the Democrats have
is truly skin deep for that person. and he would be right in his reality. for organizations should be al- In comparison, we spend recommended raising taxes,
Diversity is much more than just located. In fact, many if not most consistently more on transpor- growing the economy, cutting
numbers. Diversity encompass- With open arms, of the major student programs tation than we do on health care war spending, removing paper
es culture, economic class, 1st Khanh Vu out there pursue sponsors to help each year (according the Bureau forms from doctors’ offices,
generation college bound and MEP Director offset costs instead of relying solely of Labor Statistics). This means and/or ending the bureaucracy
other factors. To look at numbers Alumnus, 1993 CEPR on the school to fund it. In addition we spend more money each in the healthcare system. All
only is truly narrowing your mind. to this, MEP is open for all students year on swanky new autos than t h e s e f u n d i n g m e t h o d s a re
Diversity is a two way street. to join, just as any male can join and we do on keeping ourselves completely and utterly impracti-
Human diversity is inter-facing. If Dear Editor, participate in SWE activities. How- h e a l t h y ( p ro b a b l y t h e m o s t cal. Raising taxes is never good.
you have ever had an international Petition for a new club: ever, if you don’t find a group that important thing we can spend Variable economic growth (and
friend, then you would know that you Let’s start a “Caucasian Male you want to be in, it is well within our hard-earned dollars on); this eventually decline) is not a
learn more about the other person Advancement Club”. Calling it the our ability to create interest groups does not seem excessive to me. valid method to fund a fixed
than they learn about you because Caucasian Club – Uber-Men maybe and even receive school support There were about 47 million spending program. The cutting
the US culture is more pervasive. too offensive, so we should call if pursued through the proper uninsured people in the United of war spending will never get
The predominant group, whether it the Order instead. This name channels. If the author created the States of America last year, the votes it needs in Congress.
ethnic or national, would stand to should confuse the ignorant few. Caucasian Males Advancement making up about 16 percent of Mandated removal of paper
gain more in the relationship, if they As part of the drive for this new group mentioned in his article, I the population (according the f o r m s f ro m d o c t o r s ’ o ff i c e s
only choose to do the inter-facing. club, we should automatically sign wouldn’t object, I simply wouldn’t Census Bureau). This may seem would be more trouble than it
I would say to students such up the 60%+ of the student body. be interested in it. In fact, the au- shocking, but just think how would be worth. Finally, creat-
as Mr. Everson, whom I have We will conscript them whether thor is free to do it - he mentions many people do not actually be- ing a new bureaucracy that will
not met, that you would gain they want to or not. We can be the the lack of it, but would he actu- lieve they need health insurance. be efficient is an oxymoron.
more if you expand your group largest student group in the coun- ally take the initiative to create it? If you are a healthy, young Things on the other side of
of friends beyond someone simi- try. That will blow SWE’s nationally Why is it that a committee individual (like most of you… the aisle are brighter, if not blur-
lar to yourself. College is about 3rd-ranked status out of the water. instead of the author is in charge hopefully), chances are you rier. Republicans agree that the
expanding your knowledge. You We could branch out to have of the budget and its allocation? would rather spend 7,000 dol- healthcare system needs fixing,
short change yourself if you do not a physical activities group call Diversity. The idea that the author lars on a brand spanking used but their policies to fix it are
expand your knowledge beyond Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbid- stomps on in his editorial is the car over health insurance that lacking specifics. Mitt Romney
your technical education. You are den. We will need an advisor; precise reason why we don’t let you probably will not use. Also, sums up the Republican stance
paying for your education, so you maybe Imus would be free since a single individual decide what is you already have healthcare o n h e a l t h c a re re f o r m b e s t :
should maximize your benefits. he isn’t doing anything right now. best for all students at Mines. I coverage during statistically “Health insurance [for] all Ameri-
Diversity does not end at racial We can solicit donations from don’t know the gender makeup, the most-dangerous activity cans, through market reforms.”
diversity, but it starts there given companies too. But it might be the ethnic makeup, or even the you embark in: driving (that is if Though sound in theory and a
America’s history and current situa- limited to companies who only have age makeup of the budget com- you own a car). “Young people” much better approach than cre-
tion (Jena 6). Race relationship is an operations in the backwaters of the mittee but I assure you that every (age 20-39) make up about 29 ating a government healthcare
important subject as Mr. Everson’s United States, old time Germany additional person added to it has percent of the population. So, system, how the Republicans
opinion states. If you have never and work with Boers. We probably a unique perspective and will why is being uninsured in this plan to implement these “mar-
had to deal with race relations, couldn’t get donations from any contribute it accordingly. Diversity relatively healthy demographic ket reforms” is anyone’s bet. All
then MEP is a good place to start. Fortune 500 companies because is important - but not to say that a bad thing? The answer: it we can do is hope for the best.
The world that you will enter after they are all too politically correct “Mines does not discriminate”; is not a bad thing (seriously Yes, there are some prob-
Mines will not look anything like and not too economically smart to rather, it is important because though, if you can afford it, lems with the healthcare in-
Mines, ethnic or otherwise. So recognize the true asset of an organi- bringing in people from all walks of go and get health insurance dustry. Are they catastrophic?
prepare yourself for the real world zation that looks the same, marches life “different race, gender, age, etc.” when you graduate; you just No. Do the Democrats or Re-
with not only technical expertise, the same and salutes the same. is what makes this campus unique. might need it). This means publicans have the answers to
but human relations experience. Aahh… what A Beautiful Life! The author mentioned at the that yes, there are uninsured solving these issues? No, and
There has always been an open An Old Miner… oohh my memory end of his article that, “CSM is individuals in America, but neither do I. What I do know is
invitation for anyone including Mr. must be fading, this club already diverse if you look more than skin t h e p l i g h t o f t h e u n i n s u re d that many of you are still saying,
Everson to join MEP (It has always exists since the inception of Mines. deep,” but if he believes this, why is not as bad as it seems. “I am a healthy college student
been our policy since inception) would he be upset that a small In reaction to these less- with no permanent medical is-
and LEARN about what we do -Anonymous portion of his fees are being used than-ideal (but certainly not ter- sues. Why should I care about
and who we are. Based on Mr. to promote diversity in all forms? rible) conditions in our health- what is happening to the health
Everson’s opinion, I see no resem- care system, parties on both c a re s y s t e m ? ” T h e a n s w e r :
blance to what MEP represents. Dear Editor, -Jeff Park sides of the aisle are attributing once you get out of CSM and
Yes, I advise all students who walk In regards to the “Di- these small healthcare fallacies get a job, you will be the one
into my office, even Caucasian versity at a Price” editorial, on many different underlying paying for the healthcare de-
males and there have been many. The sentiment of paying for “ p r o b l e m s , ” a n d b o t h p a r- cisions that are made today.
Page 10 September 24, 2007

Campus Rivalries Five Things They Don’t Tell You About Abroad Pepsi Presents:
Greg Smith Oliver Todd
Chief Schoolographer Abroad and in charge
“The drinks and nights you’ll never remember...” CSM
Detroit Lakes High School in
Tim Weilert
Studying abroad is a great experience. Where else can you get credit for traveling, partying, and occasionally going to
Detroit Lakes, Minnesota is one class? Regardless, it is not as cut and dry as it seems. There are a lot of things that your school will never prepare you Addicted to Coke
of the up and coming movers for or things that they won’t tell you. Being the world traveler that I am, I decided to share five things that everyone The nearly $25 million Stu-
and shakers in the engineer- should know before they study abroad.
ing community. The Princeton
dent Recreation Center opened
Review has since rated DLHS last month to marching band
1. US airline carriers stink for international flights
a staggering 511 places be- Most US airlines are fine but are absolutely horrible for more than three hours. I flew Lufthansa (a German airline) to music, unfortunately when the
hind MIT in all-around Physics Europe and it was delightful. As soon as I sat down they gave me hot towels (something I thought was reserved for university got the bill for the new
and Engineering (which is 512 the snobs in first class), my own TV screen, soft fleece blankets, and most importantly -- alcohol. I’m not afraid of center this month the music had
places behind CSM for those flying by any means, but booze makes the nine hour trek across the Atlantic with a 70-year old woman asking you to stopped. Raising the price of tu-
of you keeping track,) and it operate her Ipod every 20 minutes much more bearable. The attendants periodically walk up with wine and beer, look- ition, student fees, meal plans
seems that the secondary school ing at you oddly if you decline their offer (regardless of your age). By the time the second movie started, I was hoping and a variety of other costs to
has their sights set on Mines. to take the door off of the bathroom and lay it on the seats, so I could show Grandma how to play Beer Pong. students did not effectively place
“Colorado School of Mimes?”
l a u g h s P r i n c i p l e S t e v e M o r-
the school on track for paying off
2. It is cheaper to be drunk than hydrated
ben at his ingenious, original the bonds used for the building.
Blame it on the exchange rate or the fact that the alcohol gods love the world more than Americans, but booze is two
joke. “What are they, like num- things here: abundant and cheap. So far, I have been able to find booze at movie theaters, metro stations, and literally
ber two Petroleum Engineer- 50 yards from a children’s playground. At each one of those places, beer costs as much as a bottle of water. Take a That’s why, for the last few
ing School in the world? They second to let that sink in. A half liter of good beer is about 50 cents cheaper than a half liter of water. By this logic, I weeks, high ranking members
could do better if you ask me.” can justify my drunken antics as a budgetary measure rather than an immature cry for attention from my parents. of CSM’s administrative fac-
The school has recently be- ulty have been meeting with top
gun a number of initiatives to 3. If you travel by train, you will have a scary experience executives from multi-billion
shift their focus from its rela- One of the best things about being abroad is like the beer, travel is cheap, and especially by train. It is pretty easy to dollar corporations. They’ve fi-
tively “candy-ass” liberal arts understand the train system, but everyone I’ve ever met has some crazy story that involves the threat of being thrown
curriculum to the more technical
nally come to a consensus and
off in a random Central European town that looks like the setting of “Hostel III: The Musical.” My story involves an
side of the spectrum. Some of chosen Pepsi Bottling Co. as
Ipod, a set of speakers, a drunk roommate, the song “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey, one mad train conductor, and
these new programs include but a very distinct language barrier. (I knew how to say “Yes,” “No,” “Beer,” “Thank You,” and “Cucumber”) It made the official corporate sponsor of
are not limited to: “Neon Sign for a tense couple of minutes. Luckily, we got out of trouble by paying a small fine. A word to the wise: letting your the Colorado School of Mines.
Production 101,” “Principles inebriated roommate blast his “Old School S***” play list is a bad idea, regardless of location.
of Grocery Bag Engineering,” What does this decision mean
“Advanced Arc/TIG Welding,” 4. There is no such thing as a language barrier when it comes to Chinese food for the individual student? To be-
“Marine Outboard Motor Re- I love Chinese food. That’s why I’m glad Chinese food is popular in Europe. Not only that, but every waiter I’ve met gin, the only majors available will
pair,” and “Fluid Mechanics II.” at Chinese restaurants in Europe speaks perfect English. I’ve had Chinese food in at least five different countries and concern bottling, chemical analy-
“We actually had a student at- they all offer better service than waiters in the U.S. I really think it’s part of some Chinese communist plot to plant
tend that tech school in Colorado.
sis, market research, and taste
sleeper cells in all these countries that will rise up against us all when the signal is given. The sad thing is, as long as I
He graduated last year. Greg I testing. The beloved fight song
keep getting crab cheese wantons with my meal, I’m ok with it.
think his name was. Greatest mind will be changed to Michael Jack-
to ever walk out of these doors. 5. Regardless of proximity to Greece, most Europeans don’t understand a “toga party” son’s “Billie Jean” (once used for
I thought he would be someone, My friends and I had a movie night that centered on “college.” This, of course, led to a viewing of “Animal House”. Pepsi commercials). Furthermore,
make something of himself, but After watching, we all wrapped our bed sheets over our shoulders for a decent toga party in the comfort of our apart- the “M” will be changed to look
instead, he’s at School of Mines.” ment. Next, we traveled to a cool rooftop bar a couple of blocks away. While most people changed into street clothes, like Pepsi’s trademarked logo.
Detroit Lakes High School a few of us decided it would be a good idea to keep the toga party going. Our logic: “We are in Europe. We are closer
hopes to be among the top to Greece. Toga parties are cool in the U.S. They must be super cool here.” This was apparently not true. During this age of corpo-
engineering schools in the The bouncers were not so happy with our attire choice. We were trying to explain our choice armed only with the
country by 2012, but we’ll
rate branding CSM should
words “Yes,” “No,” “Beer,” “Thank You,” and “Cucumber” in our vocabularies. After a long and arduous discussion,
all be dead by then anyway. be glad to have a solid spon-
we got in and had a good time with the exception of the long (and cold) walk home at three in the morning… alone.
(Not great for getting numbers) But on a positive note, I discovered that prostitutes don’t solicit if you are wearing sor, especially since the col-
lapse of “Enron Presents CU.”
Ode to a Friend less clothing than they are.
When you too, go abroad for a semester of fun, be sure to keep these in mind. Trust me: they will come in handy.
Mike Stone
Zackary Mills is one of the
coolest guys I know. His rug-
Mad Mines-You become the reporter!
ged good looks are only matched
by his shredding abilities on Colorado School of Mines Professor ____________
Proper Noun
guitar. Unfortunately, he’s a lit-
tle slow… on the Rugby pitch.
Zack made a big tackle on Sun-
made the _________
Noun department shocked when he
day vs. Western State and fell as
another player landed on top of
was caught ________
Infinitive another teacher’s ________.
Noun
his ankle. Before he got up, he
noticed his foot was dislocated off Witness say he ___________
Past Tense Verb it for _______
Number hours.
to the side. Fortunately for Zack
and unfortunately for the reader, he As he finished he screamed, “I am the fairy god
popped his ankle back into place
and played the rest of the game OJ Simpson _______!!!
Noun All bow to my electronic _______Noun in all
leading Mines to a 68-12 victory. OJ always needs a catchy slo-
After hunting four hours the next
day, it was the size of a watermelon.
gan for when he goes to trial.
How about, “If Cochran’s its glory!!!” Right as he Past
__________
Tense Verb out the window,
As a friend, I finally convinced
him to get it X-Rayed and he got
ice cream for being a good boy.
not there, you must despair”?
-Matt Pusard __________!!!
Onomatopoeia Police slapped the cuffs on him and
Ladies, if you should see Zack “If the Sports Memorabilia took him to the _________
Location for questioning. When
walking around campus with
his “man crutches” and “Bad-
Does not Fit, You Must Ac-
quit!” -Adam Freeland asked why he did it, he replied, “I _______
Verb 1 and I
Boy brace,” simply stop him
and say, “I’m so glad you got
the X-Ray, and I can’t wait un-
“The glove and knife were ________
Verb 1 everyday and I’m tired of it. Why not?”
til you’re 100%.” After that, you
can walk away or give him your
mine, and I wanted them
back,” claimed Juice. The suspect’s friend, ___________,
Proper Noun bailed him out
number. You’re welcome, buddy. –Mike Stone
claiming, “He’s a ____________
Adjective guy. Lay off.” -Mike Stone
September 24, 2007
Fool’s Gold Page 11

Student Dies
of Homework
Overdose
“Oh Crap,” says Random Guy
off the Street, “Proof that
Nunavut actually exists”.
Matthew Pusard in place today, the level would
International Correspondent be orange for “Poor schmucks.”
CSM is expected to be greatly
History was made last Thursday affected by this homework scare.
when a student at the Community In some of the school’s classes,
College of Nunavut died of acute such as Calculus II and NHV, a
homework poisoning. The student homework alternative has already
collapsed while writing a 46 page been approved. Instead of giving
paper for his History of Alternative out plentiful assignments, every 5th
Rock 101 course. Patrick F. N. student will simply be bludgeoned
Snow, 20, was comparing the re- with his own shoes. Students fear-

Head-to-Head
union of the ing bludgeoning
S m a s h i n g “President George W. Bush are recommend-
Pumpkins to ed to come to
the second will create the new position class in crocs or
coming of without shoes.
Jesus when of Homework Security Advi- While there
he suddenly is some con-
c o l l a p s e d sor in his cabinet to monitor cern that less
to his key- homework will
b o a rd . H i s homework over-saturation.” lead to less un-
roommate
quickly called 911 and Snow
derstanding of
course material, recent studies
Top 10 Why The Hall of
Justice Is Still Standing
was rushed to the hospital. show the average Mines student
After extracting the “g” key from doesn’t understand what they
Snow’s nasal passage, doctors at just learned even after gradua-
the Frozen Mallard Medical Center tion. They only know they had
ran a toxicology screen and a wallet the hardest time trying to get to 10. To befuddle freshmen who don’t 10. It is cheaper to build a building
test. While the wallet came back that point of “know nothing-ness.” know what HOJ is over it, on stilts, than to tear down
negative for currency, the tox screen Coors Brewing Company is also 9. HOJ? Is there a vaccine for that? 9. All of the school’s explosives
showed that his immune system in a panic about the homework de-
was being overrun by information crease. Since CSM has comprised 8. There are too many parking resources are at Edgar Mine
packets. His blood-info-packet 82% of their sales in recent years, spaces on campus 8. Demolition would collapse the
content was 6 times the legal limit. without homework, there will be 7. The 1960’s produced the best school’s underground tunnel network
Patrick was immediately shown no demand for beer. This drop in
reruns of Jerry Springer and reality demand might leave the company looking architecture style 7. New target for the E-days
television, but Snow succumbed teetering on the brink of bankruptcy. 6. The Rec. Center I never go to cost trebuchet contest
to his illness at 7:43 PM that night. In response to Nunavut, Canada too much 6. Located on ancient Indian Burial
“It looks like someone has a case has allowed homework to remain
of the dead-sicles,” proclaimed his legal, with certain restrictions. 5. The explosives club hasn’t Grounds
physician, Dr. Turk Turkleton, before To counteract the negative ef- submitted its demolition proposal 5. Inbound pilots use it as a
officially pronouncing Snow dead. fects, every student is required yet navigational beacon for DIA
The death overseas has im- to watch six hours of hockey a
pacted schools in the United States week and frequently listen to the 4. The board of trustees has their 4. It covers a Cold War secret missile
already. The federal government music of the nation’s most sa- monthly secret society meeting on silo
has declared a moratorium on cred rock band, Our Lady Peace. the top floor 3. No one knows who owns the Hall
any and all assignments outside With experts questioning the
of classes and it is believed that diagnosis, Dr. Turkelton rebutted, 3. “Asbestos” is a fun word to say of Justice
President George W. Bush will cre- “Homework poisoning does too 2. Hall of Justice? Guggenheim is 2. Bob Francisco’s office is on the 8th
ate the new position of Homework exist.” He continued, “While I can WAY older! floor
Security Advisor in his cabinet to respect my colleagues challeng-
monitor homework over-saturation. ing my accurate cause of death, 1. To convince students and parents 1. It is an orphanage for survivors
A five color alert system has been ultimately, it was either the home- that Superman lives in Golden of the accidental Rec. Center
devised with blue for “kinder- work or the massive quantities demolition
garten homework” and red for of marijuana in his system. The
“Haha, you’re not going to get any most likely case is the homework.” Adam Freeland
Tim Weilert
sleep tonight!” If the system were

Independence For ALL! Fruitstan is FREE!!! Adam Freeland ing the charge towards freedom.
The winning political push came
“There is victory now, but Fruit- of Stans. W a r
Fruit Enthusiast
during the “Save Fruitstan, Save stan will find its place in history has raged
The Civil war that has raged in northern the World” campaign which has in the
Kazakhstan has finally come to an end as the raised $457 million more than the books much sooner than later.” area and
UN officially recognized the People’s Mar- “Save Darfur” effort. The campaign, has left
ket Republic of Fruitstan. unlike the Darfur virtually all persons under age 45 dead. The
The war started 5 months “The winning political push came effort, has been mean age in Fruitstan is now 48. Fallout from
ago along side protests successful due to the nuclear climax of the war left the entire
of the internationally ac- during the “Save Fruitstan, Save economical con- country sterile, but the fruit ripe and delicious.
claimed documentary An venience: a safe It is estimated that the there will be no one
Incontinent Truth Bo- the World” campaign which has place for all trav- left in Fruitstan by December 2012. This is
rat. After being moved by elers to stop and oddly ironic as all surviving Mayans were re-
the plight of the people raised $457 million more than get cheap fresh located to Fruitstan just over seven years ago.
Map courtesy of www.theodora.com/ of Northern Kazakhstan, fruit when cross- There is victory now, but Fruitstan will find its
maps, used with permission. many helped in lead- the “Save Darfur” effort.” ing the Asia full place in history books much sooner than later.
Page 12
Advertisement September 24, 2007

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