Bumblebee I had been sitting in the lime green dining room of the airplane bungalow working on my writing; which

meant I was listening to music, smoking pot, and writing very little. While I was chasing silly dreams of grandeur, M, on the other handon her way to becoming a doctor, like her father, like her grandfatherwas studying away at her bio chem., which I begged y way out of helping study for by claiming to be reaching a breakthrough with one of the stories I was developing. Wed been dating for a little under a year and as magical and perfect as it all began, life wasnt as sweet as it used to be. It was move-in day and along with all the other Greeks, I was supposed to be helping potential members into their new accommodations but somehow ended up happening to stand around with free hands whenever hot girls were in need of one. Id carry a box, buy myself five minutes of the who, what, when, and wheres, keeping things polite within earshot of parents. She had on a blue tank top, white shorts, and a body that left no exposed skin wasted. Hey, you need some help? I asked reaching for the box she could barely wrap halfway around. Uh, she gave me the once over, smiled and Sure. Grab the lamp. She leaned the box down and I grabbed the pink lamp inside. This it? I asked. Yeah, unless you wanna grab this heavy box and I can carry the lamp. We can do that. We switched. I followed with a favorable view thinking of all the dirty things I would do to her. The conversation was short and nothing out of the ordinary, but when I got back downstairs, I told my buddies, That girl is going to be my girlfriend. I ran into her once on the first weekend of school, and quickly found out she had a serious boyfriend of two years back home. For all the scumbaggy things I may have been, cheaters, and cheating werent my thing. So I gave the situation little more thought, chalked it up to my luck, and left any interactions to the fates. Fate, as it would have it, landed her in my lap as she tried to manueuver the costumed crowd in a bumblebee costume and heels on Halloween. I need a picture with you, she said leaning her face against mine trying to center us on the camera. Flash. She looked at it. One

more. She leaned in to me again and kissed me on the lips. Flash. She got up and she disappeared into the wave of hammered masqueraders. It wasnt until two weeks later we ran into each other at a famous couples party, both one half of second half-less costumes. We danced and flirted. You know she doesnt have a boyfriend anymore, mentioned Burger, my best girl friend and I played off interest. Id been occupying my time with one of her sorority sisters, Amber, and was her date to their formal the next night and when Amber showed up to the party, M disappeared again. Lucky for me, I picked the girl who mixed pharmaceuticals and alcohol, and got so trashed she was sent home before we even got on the bus to head to the hotel. I took my date home, helped her keep her hair out of the toilet, and was starting to make plans to meet up with my buddies because I probably wasnt going to be getting laid from the now passed out Amber, when a text message from Burger read M said you can be her date. Come to the hotel. I WAS already dressed, so I jumped in my car and drove down to the hotel. We danced. I bought us booze with my fake ID. We smoked cigarettes even thought I never smoked cigs. We walked around the hotel. We held hands. We sat at the old Spanish styled lobbys astounding fountain. We kissed. She accepted a hundred dollar fine for not taking the bus back and ran my car over a drive thru curb and into the order here megaphone. We left. She swore she was a better driver than that. One month later, I asked her to be my girlfriend the grade school way with a note written in crayon. She circled yes. Day and night, we talked, about anything and everything. I knew her favorite color; her favorite song; her favorite movie; her most cherished memories; her fears; her goals; her vulnerabilities; her drive; her determination; I knew the things shed overcome; I knew shed had a lot of friends die; We were both in the same play in high school, the same year, and played husband and wife, two counties apart. She was the most fascinating girl Id ever met. Wed party all night and sleep in all day. We couldnt keep our hands off each other. We never argued. Things were perfect. Our first Valentines Day, I gave her a red journal with everything I loved about her written on the pages and on the last page it read to fill this book a thousand times again before my love for you will end. And all good things must come to an end. For every fight we avoided the first few months, we couldnt find our way out of a fight without getting into another one. We fought over

everything. We fought when I didnt want to go out. We fought when I did. We fought when I didnt put my cup on the coaster. I cared too much or not enough. It was going too fast. I wasnt getting anywhere fast enough. We fought over things neither of us could control, like the weather, or because I didnt get emotional when she talked about the starving kids in Africa. We fought on taking sides in others fights. Where to go. What to do. Who to hang out with. All fights. We turned into that couple that was always in the bathroom yelling during parties. It came out of nowhere, and it fucking sucked. I wanted to know what happened to the girl I fell in love with. Im sure she had her questions too. I caught myself staring at her. She didnt look back. Our conversation had been cold. Many things had been said between usfresh from our last verbal abuse sessionthat one simply cannot take back. She looked up, gave a half smile. She told me she wasnt sure she still loved me. Her eyes showed disappointment. She was in love with the promising future I once had of being a successful lawyer, and now I was a wannabe writer with no promise of any kind of future. Whatre you looking at? she offered coldly. I was just looking at you. Sorry. Well, I cant study with you sitting there distracting me. music down. Turn your

Wasnt trying to bother you, I responded knowing full well it was headed for disaster. Its what we did. Thats the answer we forced ourselves to believe. M even picked that go home, get stoned, sex is always better when youre mad at me song as our song. And thats pretty much how it happened every day. Its why we stayed together so long. Just go back to your writing or whatever. The bait.

Our last fight hadnt really ended, just needed a reload. What the fuck ever. The bite. You know what, Im just gonna go. Good, she muttered and pretended to go back to studying. I stood up and grabbed my notebook and laptop. I had to leave before it all blew up again. Honey, come here, she reached for me as I brushed past her to put my things in my backpack.

No. Im going to go. You dont want me here, so whatever. late. This was the fight by avoiding a fight fight. Please, I dont wanna fight. Im not fighting. Im going. That was all it took.

Too

Dammit! You always have to do this! she yelled slamming her books on the table. Do what? Look at you? Care about you? I was just looking at you, and you had to be a bitch. I felt that I loved her more than she loved me. No, you know what Im talking about, youre starting a fight, now Stop it! She was starting to get angry. I didnt start a goddamned thing! I yelled back, stomping up the stairs. Fuck you, youre suck an asshole, she yelled barking up the stairs. God now I cant even study. Thanks a lot. Just fucking go! Thats why Im getting the fuck out of here, I barked back making my way back down the stairs. Why cant you just be nice to me? I wish youd quit being so mean. You

I was trying to be nice but you cant fucking let anything go. ruined everything! She slammed the door and started crying. Listen to me, dont start crying and blaming me for this. fucking fault. Youre the one who fucking started this!

Its your I

Quit yelling at me, she roared back. Get out, I hate you. started leaving. Give me back my key. What? Shed never asked for it back.

Give me my key. Give me my key! she screamed. We need to take a break, she said quieter sitting on the couch and sobbing. Fine. Heres your fucking key. I couldnt get it off my keychain fast enough and threw it on the table. Honey, stop, she said realizing this too was something she couldnt take back. I didnt mean it. Well you said it; Made it pretty clear. So Im gonna go.

No honey, just stay. Please. Lets talk about it. No, Im leaving. We have to stop doing this M. Its driving me fucking crazy. Youre right. We have to stop pretending things are gonna get better. Can we just not talk about it? she asked hugging me trying to get a kiss. Will you just hug me? Why? I loved her too much to just leave. It was just another one of our fights Wed get over it. I kissed her on the forehead and wiped her tears away. Maybe she still loved me. Will you be nice to me? she asked staring at me with her blue eyes. You know I will but you just have to stop Honey, just tell me you love me. You know I love you. Just like that, we were okay.

Am I still your little bumblebee? You know you are. I hope you know I love you. We both wanted to believe things would get better I picked her up to my height and kissed her. For this moment, we were in love, and seemed to forget everything. ***************************************************** I came over on a Monday night after a weekend of mutual agreeance to not see each other or talk to each other. She had shown up at my doorstep the morning before, crying. I didnt want to know, so I just lay there with her in my arms telling her itd be alright. One day, and it was a different story. She was cold when I entered the room and when I was catching the second half of a game while she studied, she told me we needed to take a break. Walking away from her was the toughest thing Id done, but I didnt argue. I said Ok, gathered my things and left. You dont wanna talk about it? she said expecting a full-on discussion to try to get her back like Id done countless times over the last few weeks. Im done saying anything, I said giving her a hug. I tried, and I wasnt good enough. Tears in her eyesI drove out of my parking spot for the last time.

In a completely unoriginal and pathetic manner, I made sure to drink myself heartbrokenin publicknowing damn well itd get back to her. She called. She was worried. I said I was fine. She said shed heard from friends. I said I was fine. I ignored her calls for days. Every chance I gotI plunged deeper and deeper into the selfdestructive behavior I knew offered no resolution other than temporary numbness. Eleven dayson account of the 11 empty fifths of whiskey and I had drowned any trace of emotions, but then she called again. The sound of her voice was too tempting. I picked up. She thought she made a mistake. She wanted to see me. She was confused. I shouldve said no, but I wanted her back, and I gave in. We spent the entire weekend together. I shouldve stayed away. We had plans for Friday night. She backed out Thursday and said she was going out with the girls. She liked to make plans with me then break them to go hang out with other people. Nothing had changed. So I, trying to remember we were only kind of back together, didnt put up any sort of fight. I just let it be. Go away, Im fine, I half hurled at the figure standing at the doorway of the dark room in my fraternity houseduring a party completely shitfacedwaving on the kids whod ask Whos the wasted guy? My friends would tell them my debacle and theyd pity me. Adrian, wake up, hey bro, I had someone shaking me awake. Dude, I dont know how to tell you this, he paused as I wiped the remnants of throw up off my face. I was just over at the girls house, he let me know. Scott is Ms roommates boyfriend. Ms over at the house right now with that Tom dude. Something about Dude, M, house clicked and I sobered up like the sight of blue and white lights. Shes over there? With that motherfucker? Yeah man, sorry. I just left; not even ten minutes ago. He said sitting down next to me. I just had to tell you. We were supposed to hang out too. That cunt. and more enraged at getting played, again. The doors unlocked. need to ask. I said growing more He didnt even

You wanna go whoop his ass?

Im gonna fuck that piece of shit up. Lets go. I jumped to my feet and we made it out of the house, not before picking up two more of my buddies. We jump in the car. My heart was pounding the entire time. I told myself to be cool. I knew what was going on. I just wanted to confront her and leave. Too bad for the two of them three blocks

wasnt nearly enough time to convince myself of that and at the sight of the driveway, I jumped out of the still-moving vehicle and stood in the breakfast nook looking at the door to the stairs that led to her room. Ill be right back. Hold my blazer. I said taking it off, taking a deep breath, and marching upstairs as quietly as possible. I got to the top of the stairs and thought about turning around. I prepared myself for the shitty truth. I thought I could contain myself, but I kicked open the door, turned on the light, and caught them mid-fuck. And I fucking lost it. You fucking whore, I screamed and lunged at them on the bed. I swung and I swung relentlessly, almost in slow motion making sure every punch connected and dug into his face. Stop it, M shrieked, squeezing out from underneath us. get in here? Are you fucking stupid? you dumb fucking slut! How did you

You left the front door wide fucking open

Get out of my house. With my attention turned toward the cause of all my grief, I forgot about him as he tried to sneak around me and put his underwear on. I pushed him against the wall and kneed him, folding him like a chair. Hey, he supplicated between punches, Please, Ill leave. Im sorry. Doesnt matter much now, does it? I grabbed that cocksucker by the neck and shoved him down the stairs, underwear in hand. Get the fuck out of my house! M yelled realizing there were spectators for our debacle. Fuck you. I yelled in her face advancing in a menacing enough way that even my friends held me back from doing something completely stupid. I turned away and punched my hand through the wall next to M. Im leaving. Hey, Tom, I said turning back to find him getting his second leg through his fruit of the looms bracing for another punch. She let you cum inside her yet? Huh? She likes it when you throw her legs over your shoulders, dont you? You asshole! she cursed and catapulted off the coffee table at me. I grabbed her out of the air and tossed her onto the couch. Hey man, dont do that, Tom made the mistake of speaking up.

What? You stupid and I went back to pouring out all my rage on him attempting to cause as much pain as humanly possible. Stop it or Ill call the cops, she yelled and I got up. Fucking call them, I hit him one more time as hard as I could and once more because I couldnt do that to her. Standing in awe of what just happened, my friends urged me to go. I left, but not before kicking the end table into the wall; Not before kicking over the DVD rack, which was her roommates and a casualty of war; and definitely not before grabbing that Douchebags car keys and throwing them into the backyard of one of the neighbors down the way. Drive home now you fucking bitch, I told him and kicked over the mailbox. Then I left. It was just a couple days after that, while being heralded a hero for giving that piece of shit what he deserved that I found out shed been cheating on me for a while. I found out M had not only cheated on me the morning she showed up at my house crying, but had in the last few days, banged one of the younger guys in my house and made out with one of my best friends. Not that it did me any good, but I dove into more booze fueled introspective dissections of every moment she and I spent together and how it eventually came to such a disastrous ending. I wondered how many other guys shed cheated on me with or how many times shed lied about what she was doing or who she was with. The exact moment we started falling apart, I concluded, was during a car ride back from a party in her hometown. I asked her about something shed mentioned to me in passing the night before. You know what, she drunkenly leaned over to me and slurred, Ive slept with all but two of the guys in here. She laughed it off. So did I, well tried to, but after a quick count of the room I decided itd been an exaggeration. I shouldve left it at that. Soberly, and hesitantly, we had the talk, and she confessed what Id only suspected but hoped would never be confirmed. I didnt say much during the drive home. I thought and thought and I tried to be an adult about it. When we parked, I thought I had it. Sweetheart, look, I dont care what youve done in your past. I just care about you now, and I love you, and thats all that matters. I wish Id meant it. I wanted to, but I couldnt help but think of all the other guys. Suddenly, what we had didnt seem so special and it went from being a story about

losing the love of your life to a silly kid trying to turn a ho into a housewife.