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LESSON 4-When Self-Esteem Doesn't Go to Plan

LESSON 4-When Self-Esteem Doesn't Go to Plan

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Published by: nitin21822 on May 05, 2009
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05/11/2014

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EMAIL LESSON 4:
 
When Your Self Esteem Doesn't Go To Plan
Welcome to your fourth lesson:
When Your Self Esteem Doesn't Go To Plan.
In this lesson you will:
Learn a 4-step formula for continually guaranteeing success;
Learn how to ask successfully for want you need and what you want; and
Learn about affirmations to support your self esteem journey – and therules for writing your own.In this lesson, you will be referring to your Workbook, Section 4.
Introducing WORKBOOK SECTION 4: When Your Self Esteem Doesn't GoTo Plan
Sometimes our plans just don't come together!Whew, what an understatement!Interestingly, we have found there is not much difference between how muchfailure 'winners' and 'losers' experience.It is how they
respond
to 'failure' that is the difference that makes thedifference.Failure is normal. It is a natural part of learning and living. But 'FAILURE' hassuch terrible connotations attached to it. It is amazing to think that PEOPLE havebeen called 'failures'.How ridiculous!Let's redefine it this way:
Failure
(to achieve a certainoutcome)
=Feedback
(things to learn from andchange in order toprogress towards youroutcome)To use a much cited example, when the first Apollo spacecraft was launched,what percentage of time do you think it was 'exactly on target' to reach the orbitof the moon?Only 3% of the time.
 
The other 97% of the time it was off-course – but 'Mission Control' were takingfeedback from the telemetry and correcting the path.This is exactly what you can you do ...There is
no such thing as failure
, only
feedback
!So what can you do? Well in a moment, we'll look more specifically at the tools todo this. In a nutshell, if things are not working:
1.
 
Change what you are doing to reach your outcome
 
2.
Ask more powerfully
 
3.
Intensify your faith
 Let's start with the Success Spiral – learning how to change what you are doing.
The Success Spiral - Or How To Get Anything You Ever Want In Your Life!(Workbook Page 38)
Here is an awesome yet simple tool to help you focus on
feedback
, not failure.On page 38 of the workbook, you'll see you need to start with an '
outcome
'.Something you desire to have, be or do.
Some rules for outcomes:
1.
Must be stated in the positive, (what you
do
want, not what you
don't 
want): "I want to be happier", not "I don't want to be so depressed".
2.
Must not be dependent on someone else changing their behaviour: "Iwant to be happier" not "I will be happier when Dan stops drinking somuch".
3.
They work far more powerfully when very specifically stated (but when youcomplete Lesson 5 you'll see that this must be carefully balanced so as notto be
uniquely 
specific).For example: "I want to be happier with Dan when we have leisure timetogether and feel myself smiling and laughing". Then your unconsciousmind can more easily code the necessary pathways, knowing more aboutyour desires.Then you'll need to
take some action
.No-one gets anywhere without this one! Even if you are not sure, doing
nothing
is sure to get you
nowhere
!
 
So do something – anything – just so you can get some
feedback
.Having then tried something, what feedback (note: not failure!) did you notice? Ismore of this type of action going to work in your favour, or will it make thingsworse?Remember the classic definition of insanity:
Insanity is repeating the same behaviour, over and overand expecting different results!
So having noted the feedback, what can you now
do differently
? This is alsobuilding skill in using your 'flexibility muscles', a great by-product which will standyou in good stead for spiralling your success upwards.What next?Circle right back to the top with your new or redefined outcome!Keep doing this and you cannot help but be successful! It might take some effort,it may take some persistence ... and you are sure to learn a lot! The next twotools will help you along the way.
How To Ask For What You Want – The Correct Way To Be Assertive(Workbook Page 41)
It used to be all the rage for a while until it was wrongly misrepresented asdisguised aggressiveness. In fact, high-quality assertiveness is one of the bestskills you can practice for your ever-increasing self esteem.Unfortunately, in a world that ever-increasingly puts the 'blame' forevents/circumstance firmly on 'someone else or some organisation orinstitution' ... and then tries to sue the offending perpetrator, assertivenessdoesn't get much of a run.As an example:
"You made me lose money by failing to teach me about wealth creation at school" 
is certainly not an assertive statement. It's an assignment of blame!For you perhaps, this is a good thing. For while the rest of the western world getembroiled in a war of 'who is responsible' and dig vast trenches of low self esteemfor themselves (and build careers for lawyers) you and I can get on with our livesby taking responsibility for what we want
and simply asking for it
.For example:

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