A Scot and a minister were in a train together travelling through a lovely part of Scotland.Beautiful scenery--mountains, dales, rivers, and all the glories of Nature. When passing agrand mountain they saw a huge advertisement for So-and-So's whisky.The Scot gave a snort of disgust. The minister leant forward and said, "I'm glad to see, sir,that you agree with me, that they should not be allowed to desecrate the beauties of Nature byadvertisement.""It's no' that, sir," said the Scot bitterly, "it's rotten whusky."
Bishop Blomfield, having forgotten his written sermon, once preached
, for the firstand only time in his life, choosing as his text "The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God."On his way home he asked one of his congregation how he liked the discourse. "Well, Mr.Blomfield," replied the man, "I liked the sermon well enough, but I can't say I agree with you; Ithink there be a God!"
A lawyer who was sometimes forgetful, having been engaged to plead the cause of an offender, began by saying: "I know the prisoner at the bar, and he bears the character of being a mostconsummate and impudent scoundrel." Here somebody whispered to him that the prisoner washis client, when he immediately continued: "But what great and good man ever lived who wasnot calumniated by many of his contemporaries?"
Mr. Brown expressed to his landlady his pleasure in seeing her place a plate of scraps before thecat. "Oh, yes, sir," she replied. "Wot I says, Mr. Brown, is, be kind to the cats, and yer'll find itsaves yer 'arf the washin'-up."
A foolish fellow went to the parish priest, and told him, with a very long face, that he had seen aghost. "When and where?" said the pastor. "Last night," replied the timid man, "I was passing bythe church, and up against the wall of it, did I behold the spectre." "In what shape did it appear?"replied the priest. "It appeared in the shape of a great ass." "Go home and say not a word aboutit," rejoined the pastor; "you are a very timid man, and have been frightened by your ownshadow."
A precocious child found the long graces used by his father before and after meals very tedious.One day, when the week's provisions had been delivered, he said, "I think, father, if you were tosay grace over the whole lot at once, it would be a great saving of time."