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10 Things That People With Great Social Skills Avoid Doing

10 Things That People With Great Social Skills Avoid Doing

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Published by Veronica Anescu

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Published by: Veronica Anescu on Jun 29, 2013
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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 Sounds basic, doesn't it? But if so, why then do SO MANY of usstill interrupt others so often? Well, the simple answer is that we are so busy trying to be heardthat we forget to listen. So instead of giving a care about whatthat other human being in front of us finds important, we spendthat valuable time hard at work trying to form our next verbalizedthought.Bad move. When this is going on, not only do we come off as rude, weCOMPLETELY DISENGAGE ourselves from the conversation. And who wants to talk to a WALL?Simply intentionalizing a new habit of fully absorbing what someoneelse is saying before responding is TREMENDOUS gift to oneself.That's an essential building block to becoming a hyper-effectivelistener. And make no mistake; effective LISTENERS go very far in life. We're talking corner-office dwellers with high quality women waiting at home.
2) Stringing Multiple Thoughts Together Without Pausing
 Okay. Let's be honest.
If interrupting is a favorite speech pattern of the socially unskilled, so is the "flip side": talking non-stop such thatnobody else can get a word in edgewise.If you are a passionate, enthusiastic person who genuinely adoreslife, then it's REALLY EASY to lapse into this mode. And normally passion and enthusiasm are REALLY good things.But if you consistently notice that those with whom you areconversing are trying crowbar a comment here and there, and all youcan think is "How RUDE it is that this person keeps TRYING tointerrupt me", then you COULD BE the reason why others feel they'veGOT TO interrupt.Here's a quick head-check. A great tip for BALANCING conversationis to speak exactly as we're all taught to WRITE...in PARAGRAPHS. A PARAGRAPH, of course, is a block of text conveying a SINGLETHOUGHT (except in e-mail newsletters, where it works better toinsert more frequent breaks for easy reading, natch.)So how about it? Do you converse with others a SINGLE THOUGHT at atime, thereby allowing your friend to chime in with a response?Or, do you repeat phrases like "...which reminds me", "...and not only that", or "...and here's what else" a lot?If you bounce from point to point without pausing for interactionfrom the other person, you're flat-out not leaving room for thatperson to offer his or her own thoughts. And that's a solid recipe for NEVER having the opportunity toconverse with that other person again.
3) Assuming Experts Are Clueless
  You may have been able to guess that I'd mention any or all of the
first three "socially unskilled speech patterns" shared so far. Solet's make the final two I share for now a bit on the more SUBTLEside.The first such example occurs when we find ourselves contending with someone who is particularly well informed on a certain subject.For example, if you find yourself in the front row at a comedy club, trust me when I say you'll DO VERY WELL just to nod and laugh when a particular stand-up comedian singles you out during his setto poke a bit of fun at.If you choose to go toe-to-toe with him when he starts with the wisecracks--or heckle him, heaven forbid--you'd better be ON POINT.By that I mean you'd better be as QUICK and HILARIOUS as aprofessional...which the vast majority of us ARE NOT.Otherwise, you're going to look REALLY BAD...REALLY FAST.Similarly, I'm reminded of a story told to me by a female friend of mine who is a flight attendant. While on a first date, the guy she was with started the evening by asking lots of questions, including about her cool job. A little"interviewish" an approach, granted. But certainly not a deal breaker in and of itself.However, when my friend spoke about how she prefers internationalassignments and particularly enjoys flying the 777 aircraft in hercompany's fleet, the guy told her she must have been thinking of some other plane because her company doesn't have triple sevens."Hello...", she told him, "I WORK there and do this flying stuff A LOT. I think I know the kind of plane I'm on 12 days a month."Indeed, United Airlines has a dogpile of 777s. And there was no second date for "Mr. Dumas".I doubt most of us commit such blatant infractions. But where thisfactor can REALLY jump up and bite you is when you don't have a lot

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