Dealing with Emotions in the Workplace William Ashton, Ph.D.

Disclaimer
The content of this workshop is based upon sound psychological research. However, I cannot guarantee that the procedures presented will work in every situation. The political and organizational context you will be working in will have a profound effect upon the usefulness of the following material.

Some Definitions

Conflict

a Mixed-Motive Situation I want one thing and you want it too a psychological state caused by both physiological and cognitive processes Frustration-Aggression Hypothesis

Emotion

Party & Other

Goals of this Workshop

Understand the importance of dealing with emotional behavior so that attention can be refocused on positive & productive effort. Identify ways to handle your own reaction to anothers emotional behavior Learn when to allow someone to ventilate or to cool-down Learn basic conflict resolution skills

Dont Sweep It Under a Rug!

Change is opportunity and danger Avoidance is Bad

Poor organizational functioning Increased job stress New information New procedures Staff Changes

Conflict is Good

Son of Dont Sweep It Under a Rug!

Anger is good

Anger is a natural human emotion Anger is a symptom which can alert you to an important underlying cause Use anger as a signal: Look for its cause

Why Avoid?
Lack of Conflict Resolution Skills Corporate Culture

Does your culture encourage open discussion or frown upon open conflict?

Personal Style Personal History

Personal Style
Conflict Styles Ignore conflict/feelings Soothe feelings Explore conflict and possibilities Appeal to Authority Ignore feelings focus upon facts Hypersensitive/over-responsive to conflict Assert self as final arbitrator

Personal History

What is your personal history with conflict?

How did your parents handle conflict (with each other and with you)? How did you handle conflict as a child? How do you handle conflict with your significant others (spouse/children)? How do you handle conflict at work?

What is your orientation towards conflict?

Dealing Effectively with your Response to Another's Emotions

Reflect upon your Conflict Style Control Stress Reaction

Fight or Flight Response Secret Breath Personal Space Im surprised that you feel this way and Im a little taken aback right now, can we talk about this at 3:30 today?

Escape Pod

To Ventilate or Not to Ventilate that is the question

Good Times to Ventilate

When the target is not present Whey you are not the target When you do not know what is going on or the partys viewpoint When the party is upset and you feel that talking it out will help

To Ventilate or Not to Ventilate

When Not to Ventilate

When there is not enough time When you are upset When the party and target are upset and uninterested in talking
Yelling

Match Name Calling

Ventilation
Allows for parties to voice their concerns and feelings Provides both parties with information regarding the others viewpoint It provides an emotional release which paradoxically calms down the system It creates an atmosphere for problem solving

Ventilation Skills
Acknowledge & support the emotional behavior Set up ground rules

Ill give party 5 minutes to tell me their story and then other 5 minutes to tell me their story. Please dont interrupt. Everybody will have their chance.

Use Listening Skills

Cooling Down Period

Speak softly and calmly (quietly) Acknowledge & support the emotional behavior

You seem upset. I can see that this issue is very important to you. You are quiet and are not responding to my questions. I can tell that this is upsetting you.

More on the Cooling Down Period

Describe the effect of the emotional behavior

When you refuse to respond to my questions, its difficult for me to help you. You are speaking so loudly that I am beginning to feel attacked. Im not able to help you when I feel this way. Slamming things on you desk is disrupting the office.

Even More on the Cooling Down Period

Your Back Up Phrase

This behavior is inappropriate behavior for the office. Give parties something to do - write out story Set definite time & agenda
At

Negotiate a cooling down period

4:30 we will get together to talk about this problem and Ill listen to both of your concerns.

Son of the Cooling Down Period

Offer reassurance and support

You are both very upset right not and you both have a good reason to be. However, now is not the right time to try to solve this problem. Well discuss this at 3:30.

If you are the target, arrange to have a thirdparty at the meeting

Conflict Resolution

The Setting

Privacy & free from interruptions Right length of time focus upon the problem, not the person no attacks (name calling, yelling) dont bring up the past take responsibility for you actions

Ground Rules

Conflict Resolution: Information Gathering

1. Party tells their side of the story and how they feel using I messages 2. Other retells partys side of the story. Then they may question for better understanding. 3. Other tells their side of the story and how they feel using I messages. 4. Party retells others side of the story. Then they may question for better understanding.

Information Gathering: An Example

Party: Accounting is full of a-holes. Our hands are tied -every time we ask them for a P.O. it takes them five days to get it to us. Mediator: Remember our ground rules, no name calling. Can you restate what you said as an I statement? Party: Okay. When accounting takes five days to get us a P.O. I feel angry because the departments are yelling at us for their supplies. I want accounting to be faster with the P.O.s

Mediator: Okay, I can see how upsetting that situation can be and you have the right to be angry. Other, could you restate partys story? Other: Its not our fault, they always forget the suppliers code and FEIN # and we have to look it up. Mediator: Remember our ground rules. You first have to restate party's story. Then well hear yours. Other: Okay. Party said that when we take five days to do a P.O. they get upset because the department are mad at them for supplies. He wants us to be faster. Okay? Mediator: Yes, thank you. Now, can you describe your side with an I statement?

Other: When party submits a P.O. without a supplier s code or FEIN #, we have to look it up. We get upset at that because it slows us down. I want everyone here to remember to put down their supplier code and FIEN #s. Mediator: Thank you for working with the process. Now, party can you retell other s story? Party: Other said that when we submit a P.O. without a supplier s code or FEIN # they have to look it up. They get upset because it slows them down. They wish that we would remember to put down the code and FEIN #.

Conflict Resolution: Options

5. Both parties come to an agreement to the nature of the problem. 6. Both parties brainstorm possible solutions to the problem. 7. Both parties agree to a solution. 8. If no agreement, find a best alternative given no agreement.

Options: An Example

Mediator: Okay, whats the problem here? Party: You mean that those blanks on the P.O.s are important? Other: Yep. We cant submit the P.O.s to accounting without it -- they get sent back. Party: I didnt know that. Most of the time we have the information. Were just too busy to put it down. Other: Somebody has to. We either have to call you, accounting or the vendor to get the info. Party: From now on well enter the information when we have it.

Neat Negotiation Tricks

Separate Demands from Interests Nonspecific Compensation

party compensates other in some other way increasing the available resources trade off important issues for unimportant issues

Expanding the Pie

Logrolling

Workplace Violence

What is workplace violence?

Harassment Intimidation Threats Domestic partners brining domestic disputes into the workplace.

Warning Signs of Workplace Violence

Slot-movement

neat appearance punctual gregarious

messy appearance always late withdrawn

General Warning Signs

Reduced productivity inconsistent work quality strained co-worker relations safety violations depression frequently blaming others

What to Do?

Some researchers feel that there is no typical profile of an employee prone to workplace violence

any worker is likely to become violent

However, research shows that warning signs are present in two-thirds of episodes

Your Companys (re)Action

Be proactive!!! (be proactive!!!) Develop a Human Resource policy regarding employees who are showing warning signs Develop your policy with a human resource professional and an attorney Have counselor on call

Referral to counselor must not be seen as a punishment

(another)Word to the Wise

The U.S. Office of Personnel Management, the federal governments human resources agency, instructs employers to have advance planning for workplace violence issues, stating, The likelihood of a successful resolution is much greater if you have prepared ahead of time.

Thank You!

Happy Conflict Resolution!

Rights of Use for This Material

Some trainers are very protective of their materials theyre afraid that theyre giving away their business. I feel that freely distributing information like this is just good advertising for a trainer or consultant. So please use my material as you see fit; with the provision that you, in print, reference me. Please use the following information in full: William Ashton, Ph.D. The City University of New York, York College Department of Political Science and Psychology www.york.cuny.edu/~washton