When to Shoot What do you do when someone wants you to kill them and will kill you if you

don't? Most people won't ever be in that situation but as a law enforcement officer it's not unheard of. It's a phenomenon known as suicide by cop. So, how do you handle a situation like that? I was put in that situation once and I had to decide. (All names and locations have been changed) It was the fall of 2007 and I was a veteran Deputy working the midnight shift in one of the worst neighborhoods in Orlando. It was a slow night; I had taken a few burglary reports and one stolen vehicle, but nothing exciting. Then the radio chirped BEEEEEEEEEEEP! I stopped the report I was writing to listen, Attention all units, signal twenty-eight 'A' at 123 South Street. Caller advises his wife is signal zero and is threatening to kill herself. Caller is calling from a payphone at a nearby gas station. He is advising that he has taken the children and his wife is still at the residence with the gun. He also says that she told him if he calls the police she will come out shooting and let them kill her. One-twelve alpha is fifty-one. I replied, indicating that I was on the way and also making me primary unit on the call. Several other Deputies also responded en-route. Commander Burns arrived at the gas station with the caller about the same time that I arrived at the residence. My Sergeant was only a moment behind me along with a few of the other Deputies. Sgt. Spike began coordinating a cordon around the house and he assigned me and two other Deputies to cover the front door. After alerting and evacuating the neighbors we played rock-paper-scissors to decide what position each person would have. I ended up in second place. The lead Deputy and I would have our guns drawn (we carried .45 caliber Glock pistols) and the third Deputy would stay behind us with his Taser out. Commander Burns was on the phone with the suicidal woman trying to talk her into surrendering. If he was successful, we would take her to Lakeside Alternatives for psychiatric evaluation and probable heavy medication. Sgt. Spike was on the radio coordinating Deputies who were getting in place behind the house and others who were evacuating other neighbors. We knew that if she came out shooting (or threatening to shoot) we would have no choice but to kill her. If she

surrendered peacefully we would handcuff her, search her, and take her to the mental health clinic. If the situation called for it, Deputy Miller (the third Deputy in our group) would Taser her and allow us to take her without anyone being killed. She just hung up on me and she's coming out. Commander Burns cut in over the radio. Contact team, stand by. We already had our weapons drawn and now we waited, hearts in throats. We were stacked around the corner by the garage door out of sight from the front windows. She wouldn't know we were there. We heard the front door open and we immediately moved. Show me your hands! Show me your hands! We all ordered in unison as we rounded the corner. I looked over the tritium night-sights of my pistol and saw the surprise in the woman's eyes. The sights were lined up on her forehead but my left eye was open and watching her hands. Instead of surrendering, she turned away from us and moved her hands to her belt-line in front of her. My finger tightened on the trigger. All it would take was a silhouette of the gun and I would add two more pounds of pressure to the trigger and send a 125 grain Speer GoldDot hollow point bullet straight into her head. I could shoot now and no one would question it. She had disobeyed the explicit order that we had given her. 'Wait for it,' I thought. 'Wait for it'. She seemed to move in slow motion as my point of aim went around her head while she turned. I squeezed the trigger a little more as she turned back towards us. She was turning all the way around. I was sure I would see the gun coming up any second and then it would be over. I am an expert pistolman in both the Marine Corps and the Sheriff's Office. I would not miss. Ticktickticktickticktick! I heard the Taser deploy, saw the prongs hit her in the side and heard the electricity cycling. She seized and fell as the electricity overrode the neural impulses her brain was sending her muscles and caused them to all lock up. My finger relaxed and I quickly re-holstered my weapon. The lead Deputy and I moved in while the third held the Taser ready to give her another five second jolt if she tried to move. We quickly secured her in handcuffs and picked her up. A quick search

of her did not turn up the gun. We sat her down and left the third Deputy to remove the Taser prongs. We made a quick sweep of the house with our guns and flashlights and found the .380 caliber handgun on the kitchen table, loaded and cocked. She had left the gun inside. I had almost killed her and she didn't even have the gun! I was furious. How could she be so stupid?! Didn't she realize that I had been a centimeter away from shooting her in the head? Sergeant Spike was already there by the time I walked back outside he pulled me aside and calmed me down. Relax, He said. Here, smoke a cigarette and calm down. It's ok. The adrenaline wore off and my nerves returned to normal. The nicotine relaxed me. I called the dispatcher and asked for a case number, loaded her into my car, drove her to Lakeside, and wrote my report. I never saw or heard from her again.