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THE BEER MAT CONSPIRASYHave you noticed tablesEmpty in the pub ?Devoid of cardboard Beer matsWhere stacks of them once stood“ The Ashtrays “ & “ The Speed Humps “They both have had their sayBut what about us Beer Mats ?It’s time we had our day No Newspaper announcements Nothing on the newsWe’ve all just disappeared No Ballot of our viewsWho made this mad decision ?To take us all awayWhilst Drinkers in their MillionsRely on old Drip traysDown & outs did use usFor plugging holes in shoesAnd wedged in wobbly table legsAnd blocking up the loo’sLovers rowing at the tableTearing me apart !I’m crying tears of dripped beer Even Beer Mats have a heartDrunken games of ‘ Frisbee ‘Were played with me beforeAnd love poems written on meBut none of this, no moreThe game of ‘ Flip-the-Beer Mat ‘
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