Lament of a Broken Heart
By Victoria ChenI thought he was different – someone who could see “below the surface”, someone who had a caringnature, someone who selflessly cares for those around him.But I guess I was wrong. He turned out to be just like all the other guys.I cared for him because he cared for me. I smiled whenever he was happy – because after everythinghe’s done for me, it’s the least that I can do. I had to go through a lot of pain and stress in order to getwhere I was – but once I got there,He turned out to be just another guy.Everything I do for him, I feel like it’s not enough to give him in return for what he’s given me,regardless of how he feels about me or I him. I didn’t care if he hated me to the very depths of his being – I would have still liked him because I saw the pure goodness in him, something that no one could see.Some girls may be searching for a hunk to look good with, or a guy regarded “hot” by the standards of everyone else, in which he fit into both categories, but I? I was searching for a guy who was kind atheart, a good person, a caring person, someone who could love me for who I am, not what I am on thesurface, someone who would care for me, no matter what happened between us. I didn’t care if we didor didn’t look good together.And when I finally found him – the one who fit into all of this,He turned out to be just like all the others.I cry, not because I’m lamenting of what has been lost, but rather, I cry for him, because he doesn’trealize what passed him by was something that comes once in a lifetime. I cry, because he will never realize that you can’t judge a girl by how well she returns his attentions with flirts, kisses, or the way sheholds him close, but rather, by her character. I cry because I believed that I could be all of this for him, but I turned out to be wrong;He was just another guy.By God, I still like him, more than he will ever know. Even though he thinks we’re just back to friends,he doesn’t realize that you can’t just talk these things away. But if he insisted that I don’t see him anymore, or talk to him, I would do so, if it made him happy. If he insisted that I remove myself from thecountry, I would do so, if it made him happy.As long as he was happy, I wouldn’t care whether or not he liked me the way I do for him. I care for himtoo much for that. If he broke my heart into a dozen pieces, I would leave them where they fell, until hedecides to pick them up for me and piece them together again.I’ve never felt this way about a guy – and he doesn’t realize this, because to him, girls are judged byhow well they flirt back, not how their character is. I want to teach him what the meaning of “love” is. Iwant to teach him that love is about when you care for someone more than you care for yourself. Love iswhat I feel for him – it’s what’s kept me going all these years, even if my love for another hasn’t beenreturned.He may just be another guy, but I still care about him.